DD unintentionally gave 1st grandchild same first name as DH’s AP

[Anonymous]

My sister is named after an old girlfriend of my dads. I still remember this 40 years later. Super weird. Maybe it’s some kind of revenge b/c my dad claimed mom had an affair early in marriage (it would explain a lot).

Honestly I would ask your DD to change it. She may eventually find out about affair (deathbed confession, drunken night for either of you, maybe you eventually divorce) and then her own DD will remind her of her family dysfunction. I know I call my sister by a nickname because of that weird backstory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now, how would people feel if they found out DD got the idea from dad, himself?

Let’s go with coincidence theory. 😳

[Anonymous]

A version of this happened to my cousin — except she didn’t reveal the name beforehand. Rather, she learned after the birth of her daughter that the name she had chosen was the same one as her father’s affair partner (parents were divorced but she was close to her stepmom). She immediately started calling her daughter by her middle name and now, 20 years later, the middle name is the only one that’s ever been used.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should tell your daughter.

I would hate to name my child the same name as my father’s affair partner. Yuck! If she ever finds out she will feel betrayed by YOU as well.

I hate to agree with you but I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister is named after an old girlfriend of my dads. I still remember this 40 years later. Super weird. Maybe it’s some kind of revenge b/c my dad claimed mom had an affair early in marriage (it would explain a lot).

Honestly I would ask your DD to change it. She may eventually find out about affair (deathbed confession, drunken night for either of you, maybe you eventually divorce) and then her own DD will remind her of her family dysfunction. I know I call my sister by a nickname because of that weird backstory.

If your mom was okay with it why is it your place to judge?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this is fake someone trying to make a point that affairs have long term impact.

And on the small chance it's not fake get over it. You took your flea bag husband back you can get over a name. Get on Google and find 100 other associations for the name of you must.

Don't bring your drama to your daughter. I'd never forgive my mom if she started crap about not liking a name or negative associations etc

You chose to lie about the affair to stay married well you can keep on keeping it to you and DH.

NP not OP, but this thread has had quite a few of these nastily worded "get over it" posts. OP comes here being vulnerable and gets a few kind but frank responses, then gets these petty, mean-spirited replies. This site gets uglier by the day lately. Whether one thinks OP should tell DD all, or say nothing, there is no reason-- except several PPs' needs to feel superior by crapping on OP -- for these posts with a crazy mean tone. Just say you think telling DD is a bad idea, without your weird need to insult OP, who already has enough to deal with. Her choice to take back her DH isn't the issue here, either, and you have zero knowledge of why she is doing that.

I mean, her last line (“all of the joy of being a grandmother is now gone” I’m paraphrasing) is eye opening and not in a good way. Posting here is a good way to get a pulse check and people are looking out for DD who has done nothing wrong beyond excitedly tell her mother she’s settled on a name, and does not deserve to have this dumped on her while pregnant.

It's not a "pulse check" to insult OP personally and insult her choice re: her husband. It's digging in and relishing blaming her personally.

Yes, she engaged in hyperbole with the "all the joy is gone" comment. But I'm wagering those who are opining with such personal vitriol are people who have not themselves ever had to live day in and day out with the fresh pain of learning about a spouse's affair. PPS here couldn't just shrug off the obvious hyperbole and just tell her that she would be making a mistake to turn the baby's name into an issue with DD; they had to get personal about OP as an indivdual. That's what sticks in my craw and what makes this thread and this site more toxic, when it wasn't, not long ago. Few want to answer questions with compassion; it's more fun here to see how you can slam OPs -- in many threads, not just this one -- while padding your slams with "Oh, we're just being frank for your own good! It's just a pulse check!"

You are living in a fantasy. DCUM was never a place to have your hand held and told your every thought was valid. That's Tumblr and some now defunct mommy forums
We make choices and choices have consequences. She chose to stay with her cheating husband and cover up the affair that's fine.
However she doesn't get to ruin her daughter's moment over it. That is the epitome of narcissism and selfishness.

Has your husband ever cheated on you? Can you relate? Maybe she should just blow the affair wide open and really ruin her daughter's joy...and probably that of her other adult children when they find out their Dad is a schmuck. Adult children usually take revelations of this nature pretty hard... Go ahead, make that suggestion.

I know this is a hard concept for you to grasp but an affair is not the end of the world.

Op is the one who decided to stay married and keep the affair a secret it's not her burden for the rest of her life she doesn't get to project her insecurities onto her daughter.

Yeah adult children don't like affair disclosures. They also don't like mother's telling them what to name their kids out of some vague dislike. The don't like pregnancy drama.
The kids would have gotten over the affair but that's water under the bridge op has made her bed of secrets.

Grandmothers get cut off for causing pregnancy drama

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your daughter!

I would never name my first born same name as a parent’s AP.

Nope !

Her daughter is pregnant and doesn't need that kind of stress.
Op can get over a name.
Try getting over sending her daughter to the hospital

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this is fake someone trying to make a point that affairs have long term impact.

And on the small chance it's not fake get over it. You took your flea bag husband back you can get over a name. Get on Google and find 100 other associations for the name of you must.

Don't bring your drama to your daughter. I'd never forgive my mom if she started crap about not liking a name or negative associations etc

You chose to lie about the affair to stay married well you can keep on keeping it to you and DH.

NP not OP, but this thread has had quite a few of these nastily worded "get over it" posts. OP comes here being vulnerable and gets a few kind but frank responses, then gets these petty, mean-spirited replies. This site gets uglier by the day lately. Whether one thinks OP should tell DD all, or say nothing, there is no reason-- except several PPs' needs to feel superior by crapping on OP -- for these posts with a crazy mean tone. Just say you think telling DD is a bad idea, without your weird need to insult OP, who already has enough to deal with. Her choice to take back her DH isn't the issue here, either, and you have zero knowledge of why she is doing that.

I mean, her last line (“all of the joy of being a grandmother is now gone” I’m paraphrasing) is eye opening and not in a good way. Posting here is a good way to get a pulse check and people are looking out for DD who has done nothing wrong beyond excitedly tell her mother she’s settled on a name, and does not deserve to have this dumped on her while pregnant.

It's not a "pulse check" to insult OP personally and insult her choice re: her husband. It's digging in and relishing blaming her personally.

Yes, she engaged in hyperbole with the "all the joy is gone" comment. But I'm wagering those who are opining with such personal vitriol are people who have not themselves ever had to live day in and day out with the fresh pain of learning about a spouse's affair. PPS here couldn't just shrug off the obvious hyperbole and just tell her that she would be making a mistake to turn the baby's name into an issue with DD; they had to get personal about OP as an indivdual. That's what sticks in my craw and what makes this thread and this site more toxic, when it wasn't, not long ago. Few want to answer questions with compassion; it's more fun here to see how you can slam OPs -- in many threads, not just this one -- while padding your slams with "Oh, we're just being frank for your own good! It's just a pulse check!"

Guys the term is “sense check.” If you are checking for a pulse, someone is potentially dead.

[Anonymous]

And the betrayed spouse, still the ones paying for the screw up of the other spouse.

They make honest people - have to be dishonest to friends, family, etc. just so the kids won’t find out.

That is what bothered me the most as someone that isn’t a liar and lives authentically- in order to protect my middle school children at the time I had to suck it up and keep it hidden—and not tell friends that could potentially gossip and get back to my kids through theirs—or my family that would never ever forget and would make holidays difficult for my kids.

The betrayed are always having to do damage control. Cheaters suck. They only think of themselves and not the fallout…
And years later, Op, is still having to deal with dipsh@t’s fkkk up. Tough, honestly, the men don’t even remember the name or woman after a short time, but the wife remembers until her death.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this is fake someone trying to make a point that affairs have long term impact.

And on the small chance it's not fake get over it. You took your flea bag husband back you can get over a name. Get on Google and find 100 other associations for the name of you must.

Don't bring your drama to your daughter. I'd never forgive my mom if she started crap about not liking a name or negative associations etc

You chose to lie about the affair to stay married well you can keep on keeping it to you and DH.

NP not OP, but this thread has had quite a few of these nastily worded "get over it" posts. OP comes here being vulnerable and gets a few kind but frank responses, then gets these petty, mean-spirited replies. This site gets uglier by the day lately. Whether one thinks OP should tell DD all, or say nothing, there is no reason-- except several PPs' needs to feel superior by crapping on OP -- for these posts with a crazy mean tone. Just say you think telling DD is a bad idea, without your weird need to insult OP, who already has enough to deal with. Her choice to take back her DH isn't the issue here, either, and you have zero knowledge of why she is doing that.

I mean, her last line (“all of the joy of being a grandmother is now gone” I’m paraphrasing) is eye opening and not in a good way. Posting here is a good way to get a pulse check and people are looking out for DD who has done nothing wrong beyond excitedly tell her mother she’s settled on a name, and does not deserve to have this dumped on her while pregnant.

It's not a "pulse check" to insult OP personally and insult her choice re: her husband. It's digging in and relishing blaming her personally.

Yes, she engaged in hyperbole with the "all the joy is gone" comment. But I'm wagering those who are opining with such personal vitriol are people who have not themselves ever had to live day in and day out with the fresh pain of learning about a spouse's affair. PPS here couldn't just shrug off the obvious hyperbole and just tell her that she would be making a mistake to turn the baby's name into an issue with DD; they had to get personal about OP as an indivdual. That's what sticks in my craw and what makes this thread and this site more toxic, when it wasn't, not long ago. Few want to answer questions with compassion; it's more fun here to see how you can slam OPs -- in many threads, not just this one -- while padding your slams with "Oh, we're just being frank for your own good! It's just a pulse check!"

Guys the term is “sense check.” If you are checking for a pulse, someone is potentially dead.

It's a business term. No one here is practicing medicine as it relates to the topic so you don't need to be pedantic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this is fake someone trying to make a point that affairs have long term impact.

And on the small chance it's not fake get over it. You took your flea bag husband back you can get over a name. Get on Google and find 100 other associations for the name of you must.

Don't bring your drama to your daughter. I'd never forgive my mom if she started crap about not liking a name or negative associations etc

You chose to lie about the affair to stay married well you can keep on keeping it to you and DH.

NP not OP, but this thread has had quite a few of these nastily worded "get over it" posts. OP comes here being vulnerable and gets a few kind but frank responses, then gets these petty, mean-spirited replies. This site gets uglier by the day lately. Whether one thinks OP should tell DD all, or say nothing, there is no reason-- except several PPs' needs to feel superior by crapping on OP -- for these posts with a crazy mean tone. Just say you think telling DD is a bad idea, without your weird need to insult OP, who already has enough to deal with. Her choice to take back her DH isn't the issue here, either, and you have zero knowledge of why she is doing that.

I mean, her last line (“all of the joy of being a grandmother is now gone” I’m paraphrasing) is eye opening and not in a good way. Posting here is a good way to get a pulse check and people are looking out for DD who has done nothing wrong beyond excitedly tell her mother she’s settled on a name, and does not deserve to have this dumped on her while pregnant.

It's not a "pulse check" to insult OP personally and insult her choice re: her husband. It's digging in and relishing blaming her personally.

Yes, she engaged in hyperbole with the "all the joy is gone" comment. But I'm wagering those who are opining with such personal vitriol are people who have not themselves ever had to live day in and day out with the fresh pain of learning about a spouse's affair. PPS here couldn't just shrug off the obvious hyperbole and just tell her that she would be making a mistake to turn the baby's name into an issue with DD; they had to get personal about OP as an indivdual. That's what sticks in my craw and what makes this thread and this site more toxic, when it wasn't, not long ago. Few want to answer questions with compassion; it's more fun here to see how you can slam OPs -- in many threads, not just this one -- while padding your slams with "Oh, we're just being frank for your own good! It's just a pulse check!"

Guys the term is “sense check.” If you are checking for a pulse, someone is potentially dead.

It's a business term. No one here is practicing medicine as it relates to the topic so you don't need to be pedantic.

+1. Also don’t refer to a group as “guys”, it’s 2023.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your daughter!

I would never name my first born same name as a parent’s AP.

Nope !

Her daughter is pregnant and doesn't need that kind of stress.
Op can get over a name.
Try getting over sending her daughter to the hospital

He daughter will find out about the affair and the name, it's only a matter of time. This will have long term repercussions..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your daughter!

I would never name my first born same name as a parent’s AP.

Nope !

Her daughter is pregnant and doesn't need that kind of stress.
Op can get over a name.
Try getting over sending her daughter to the hospital

He daughter will find out about the affair and the name, it's only a matter of time. This will have long term repercussions..

Worse than a potential miscarriage or premature birth and all those complications?.

The time to tell was years ago.
Now keep mouths shut

[Anonymous]

I would want to know and I would NOT want my daughter to share her name with a hussy who slept with my father. Like really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your daughter!

I would never name my first born same name as a parent’s AP.

Nope !

Her daughter is pregnant and doesn't need that kind of stress.
Op can get over a name.
Try getting over sending her daughter to the hospital

The stress of a name? You're really reaching there. They will probably try out and consider many names before they settle on one. It's not settled until the paper work is filled out at the hospital. Mulling over names isn't that serious.