DD unintentionally gave 1st grandchild same first name as DH’s AP

[Anonymous]

This will be a blessing, you will see - you will love the name now. Just hang in there.

[Anonymous]

I can tell my dad dislikes DD10's name, and he's never said why. He calls her nicknames that are correct for her name but only an old person would use them. It's fine.

[Anonymous]

You will get over it, promise.

A friend of mine named her ds the same name as my stillborn baby about 4 months after he was stillborn. It was crushing. But time heals.

Besides, your granddaughter will now own it, not the AP.

[Anonymous]

Is there part of you bothered that your DH (providing you're still married) will be thinking of his AP from the name too?

[Anonymous]

You should tell your daughter.

I would hate to name my child the same name as my father’s affair partner. Yuck! If she ever finds out she will feel betrayed by YOU as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does DH have to say about this!?

That’s what I want to know.

[Anonymous]

She’s a big girl and you are both adults. I would tell her what happened, these type of secrets often are outed at some point any way.

It’s her choice to keep the name or ditch it. You’ll love your grandbaby either way, you’ll have a special nickname for her that she’ll love.

I would not want to name my kid something that would be triggering to my mom. She may feel the same way. You should give her the opportunity to decide but be accepting of her decision.

[Anonymous]

I think you should tell her the name has very negative connotations for you and bring up very bad feelings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should tell your daughter.

I would hate to name my child the same name as my father’s affair partner. Yuck! If she ever finds out she will feel betrayed by YOU as well.

Agree! Why are you being a doormat OP? Your husband is a true coward. Tell him if he does not tell your daughter, you will.

[Anonymous]

This is another example of why you should never share names in advance— if OP was meeting her granddaughter with that name I am sure the joy would wash away the pain.

I would not tell, just wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids: DD (25), DS (22) and DS (18).

Three years ago I discovered DH was cheating on me. He was committed to saving our relationship after the affair came out and I made the decision not to tell the children. They have no idea DH had an affair nor do they know the AP’s name.

DD is expecting what will be our first grandchild and I have been feeling hopeful and happy for the first time in a long time. But today she told us the first name she’d chosen and it’s the same as the AP. I understand this is a coincidence, it’s a somewhat common name. But I’m devastated.

Hearing that name regularly brings up all the anger and rage of DH’s affair. I can’t ask my daughter to change the name? I can’t drop the bomb of WHY I hate this name either. I just have to live with it and fester.

All the joy I had about being a grandmother is gone.

Are you serious with this?. If you are you need some serious therapy.
You're seriously letting this woman ruin your joy over a grandchild. You've given her way too much power.
No you don't get to pout to your daughter about the name , tell white lies, or give your granddaughter a nickname.
You can either tell her the truth and get the hell over it. Or get the hell over it.

[Anonymous]

Girl, I'd say something- that this is the name of a person who inflicted pain upon you and it's the one name you cannot hear without the pain coming up. (This IS the only name, right? You get one veto).

You sucked it up and were a martyr the first time. Being a martyr again- and for the rest of your life is not worth it.

To those who suggest calling the child by some random nickname/made up name other than the legal name- this might work for some but is not done in our families so that would be off the table.

[Anonymous]

Therapist. You need to move past the name. Don't put this on your daughter. You'll ruin your relationship with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is another example of why you should never share names in advance— if OP was meeting her granddaughter with that name I am sure the joy would wash away the pain.

I would not tell, just wait.

Uh, no, DD is not in the wrong for sharing the name with OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is tough, OP, but I honestly think once you meet your grandchild, that hatred will melt away.

same. the association will be with your granddaughter after a while.