My Fiance told me yesterday that he wants me to move out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send an email documenting the utility situation for this month:

Dear John,
Per our conversation this morning, I will pay the utility bills this month, and you will reimburse me for your half by August 31.

The utility bills are as follows:

Electricity (paid [date])
Gas (paid [date])
Etc…

Your half is $XX.

Thanks,
Taylor

Even better, stick to the prior method of payment where 1/2 goes on his credit card.

OP, with his bad credit history and recent behavior DO NOT advance money for this loser. You need that money for your CHILDREN and are not likely to see it again. Come on, wise up.

You may want to freeze your and your children's credit too. I did this when my divorce started just in case.

[Anonymous]

So he is stiffing you on the only bill that is SOLELY in your name? And f*ing up YOUR credit by delaying payment. What an ahole, OP. Don't say money doesn't matter and you can lose thousands to keep the peace, your kids deserve BETTER and money IS important.

Get a real estate lawyer consult scheduled, some may do a short free one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would NOT be fronting ANY money for him for utilities or anything else unless you consider it a gift and know you will never see it again. Stop throwing good money after bad, esp when you have children to support.

Stop playing armchair Oprah with this loser. Men act like this when they are having an affair.

I'd chalk this up to being a VERY drawn out lesson you still need to learn from. Maybe stay single or at least do no cohabit until your kids are grown. You wasted a LOT of time on this guy and it is going to cost you financially and cause chaos for your kids who likely will need to change schools, again. Wise up, OP.

So after seeing everyone's feedback here about the utility situation and thinking about how to handle it all day, I went downstairs to his office to speak with him about it. I basically said something along the lines of "Since we haven't made our last utility payment on time we now have two pay for two billing cycles plus late fees. The total amount for Electric, Water and Sewer is $450. I've been asking for your credit card to pay your portion for a couple of weeks and this morning when I asked again you told me to just pay it all and you would give me the money back. Given the fact that my check engine light is on and I'm going to have to make car repairs soon I'm uncomfortable paying the $450 upfront since I may need some of this money to fix my car." I said this is a cold a stoic voice and by the time I got to the part about needing to fix my car he started becoming emotional and teary eyed. He then got up out of his office chair, walked towards me, threw his arms around me, and broke down crying. He said through muffled tears with his face pressed into my shoulder "I don't want to lose you."

WTF!? I just stood there is shock with my arms by my side and then I asked should I send the amount that we just discussed via text or are you able to write it down so that you can send the money so that I can make the payment? His response was "either way is okay with me." He then turned around to walk back to his chair and quickly ran upstairs closed the bedroom door and cried.

I also just got the notification that he sent his portion of the utilities to my bank account so I will pay the utilities today and email him a receipt for payment.

[Anonymous]

Good for you for shaking what he rightly should have paid months ago out of him, OP. Do not get sucked back in! He is nuts and manipulative and not someone your CHILDREN should be living with.

I'd wonder what is going on with him financially that he started not paying 2 months ago. Doesn't have a good credit rating either. Now he does a 180, hmmm. Did his new boo give him the heave ho?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why would you buy a house together if not married

Because we were in what I thought at the time was a long term loving relationship and planning to get married?

When was the wedding date? He might be getting cold feet.

Nov 2023

I'm sorry, OP, this all sucks. That said, you dodged a bullet with this guy. I like the analogy of a snake looking to strike/cheat you at every turn, keep that in the forefront of your mind. Are your kids close to him or his children if you have lived together for 3 years? How are they coping with the status quo?

They are close enough to the point where I know they will be disappointed at the loss of their relationship. The kids did not hear our argument yesterday though and they have been at school all day today so they don't know what's going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, does your ex/kids’ dad have a place in the same school district? Maybe they could qualify via that, if there are cheaper places to move nearby.

But yeah. Don’t move out. And send that email about utilities. And tell him he needs to pay half. Don’t pay the whole thing again unless he gives you the money for it first. Then you pay.

No, his new place is in a different school district.

How nice for him.

[Anonymous]

Is he having a mental break or something? Is he in therapy? Maybe he should bring this up with his therapist?

[Anonymous]

This guy sounds like a total disaster. Do you want to stay with him? I definitely would call off the wedding if so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[/b]Is he having a mental break or something? Is he in therapy?[b] Maybe he should bring this up with his therapist?

He has had a therapist before but he is not currently in therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This guy sounds like a total disaster. Do you want to stay with him? I definitely would call off the wedding if so.

No, I don't.

I mean I assumed since he told me yesterday that he doesn't want to be with me and that I should move out that the wedding is off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This guy sounds like a total disaster. Do you want to stay with him? I definitely would call off the wedding if so.

No, I don't.

I mean I assumed since he told me yesterday that he doesn't want to be with me and that I should move out that the wedding is off.

Agreed, but sounds like he’s had a change of heart? Even so, ditch this guy fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would NOT be fronting ANY money for him for utilities or anything else unless you consider it a gift and know you will never see it again. Stop throwing good money after bad, esp when you have children to support.

Stop playing armchair Oprah with this loser. Men act like this when they are having an affair.

I'd chalk this up to being a VERY drawn out lesson you still need to learn from. Maybe stay single or at least do no cohabit until your kids are grown. You wasted a LOT of time on this guy and it is going to cost you financially and cause chaos for your kids who likely will need to change schools, again. Wise up, OP.

So after seeing everyone's feedback here about the utility situation and thinking about how to handle it all day, I went downstairs to his office to speak with him about it. I basically said something along the lines of "Since we haven't made our last utility payment on time we now have two pay for two billing cycles plus late fees. The total amount for Electric, Water and Sewer is $450. I've been asking for your credit card to pay your portion for a couple of weeks and this morning when I asked again you told me to just pay it all and you would give me the money back. Given the fact that my check engine light is on and I'm going to have to make car repairs soon I'm uncomfortable paying the $450 upfront since I may need some of this money to fix my car." I said this is a cold a stoic voice and by the time I got to the part about needing to fix my car he started becoming emotional and teary eyed. He then got up out of his office chair, walked towards me, threw his arms around me, and broke down crying. He said through muffled tears with his face pressed into my shoulder "I don't want to lose you."

WTF!? I just stood there is shock with my arms by my side and then I asked should I send the amount that we just discussed via text or are you able to write it down so that you can send the money so that I can make the payment? His response was "either way is okay with me." He then turned around to walk back to his chair and quickly ran upstairs closed the bedroom door and cried.

I also just got the notification that he sent his portion of the utilities to my bank account so I will pay the utilities today and email him a receipt for payment.

Sorry typo this should have read: He then turned around to walk back to his chair and I quickly ran upstairs closed the bedroom door and cried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would NOT be fronting ANY money for him for utilities or anything else unless you consider it a gift and know you will never see it again. Stop throwing good money after bad, esp when you have children to support.

Stop playing armchair Oprah with this loser. Men act like this when they are having an affair.

I'd chalk this up to being a VERY drawn out lesson you still need to learn from. Maybe stay single or at least do no cohabit until your kids are grown. You wasted a LOT of time on this guy and it is going to cost you financially and cause chaos for your kids who likely will need to change schools, again. Wise up, OP.

So after seeing everyone's feedback here about the utility situation and thinking about how to handle it all day, I went downstairs to his office to speak with him about it. I basically said something along the lines of "Since we haven't made our last utility payment on time we now have two pay for two billing cycles plus late fees. The total amount for Electric, Water and Sewer is $450. I've been asking for your credit card to pay your portion for a couple of weeks and this morning when I asked again you told me to just pay it all and you would give me the money back. Given the fact that my check engine light is on and I'm going to have to make car repairs soon I'm uncomfortable paying the $450 upfront since I may need some of this money to fix my car." I said this is a cold a stoic voice and by the time I got to the part about needing to fix my car he started becoming emotional and teary eyed. He then got up out of his office chair, walked towards me, threw his arms around me, and broke down crying. He said through muffled tears with his face pressed into my shoulder "I don't want to lose you."

WTF!? I just stood there is shock with my arms by my side and then I asked should I send the amount that we just discussed via text or are you able to write it down so that you can send the money so that I can make the payment? His response was "either way is okay with me." He then turned around to walk back to his chair and quickly ran upstairs closed the bedroom door and cried.

I also just got the notification that he sent his portion of the utilities to my bank account so I will pay the utilities today and email him a receipt for payment.

Don’t fall for the crocodile tears. What a manipulative a$$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This guy sounds like a total disaster. Do you want to stay with him? I definitely would call off the wedding if so.

No, I don't.

I mean I assumed since he told me yesterday that he doesn't want to be with me and that I should move out that the wedding is off.

Agreed, but sounds like he’s had a change of heart? Even so, ditch this guy fast.

That's what it sounded like to me but I didn't stay downstairs in his office long enough to talk about it.

Remember he announced this morning that he had reached out to the realtor who sold us the house to see if he could list it for us. At that time he said the realtor had not yet replied.

He then texted a little later to let me know that the realtor replied and said he would run some comps to see how much he thinks we could get for the house. He then asked if I would be available to do a telcon with him and the realtor this evening. I said yes. This was earlier today so I'm assuming that I'll have to see him/ talk him again soon for when we meet via phone with the realtor. Other than logistics and bills etc related stuff I've been steering clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have been in a relationship for the past 7 years and engaged for the past 9 months.

My Fiance has been acting cold and distant for a few weeks and has started making everything in our relationship about his needs while minimizing my needs. Long story short I have figured out that he has a dismissive avoidant personality type and has been inflicting emotional abuse that is typical of dismissive avoidant personality types upon me.

Recently it has become difficult living together. He seems so agitated by everything including my existence. It's like he wants to continuing living life in its current state and just wants me to go away.

We bought a home together in May 2023 for $560k. Currently I'd estimate our home to be worth about $575k. We split the mortgage with a 60/40 split, with him paying 60 percent and me paying 40. We split the utilities in half 50/50.

Yesterday we got into an argument and he said that this relationship is not working for him and he said 'it would be great if you would just move out.' I asked him why he feels that I should move out and he says 'because that's how I feel and I want you to go.' I explained that I strongly disagree and that his request is not even right from an ethical perspective, especially since we bought the house together and have both been contributing towards it. After him being adamant that I move continued for a few minutes and me pushing back. He finally agreed that the best way to move forward is to sell the house.

After our argument yesterday he gave me the silent treatment all day/night. Then this morning come over to my desk (work from home) and announces that he texted the realtor who helped us buy the house to see if he can help up sell it. I said that works for me. During this conversation I also asked him for his credit card to pay his portion of the utilities. i handle all of the payments and he uses his card to pay for his portion and I pay my portion from my bank account. He said he would prefer if I would just pay the utilities upfront and they he will give me 50 back. I said ok and now we are back to the silent treatment.

I have two children (elementary & middle) from a previous relationship and he has two children (high school & young adult) from a previous relationship. My children just started school and I'm trying to figure out how to keep them in the same school system so I've looked at homes for sale and rent nearby but inventory is low and there aren't many options.

I am not asking for relationship advice because I've come to terms that our relationship is over.

I am currently in a state of shock and scrambling to figure out how to best move forward logistically. I'm dealing with some health issues that just started within the past couple weeks. Also, my check engine light came on a few days ago. So I need to juggle getting my health issues checked out, getting my check engine light diagnosed, figuring out how we are going to sell the house all while keeping my job and trying to find a new place to live.

Has anyone else had their "Dismissive Avoidant" partner announce while in a long term relationship that they are done and want you to move out? I'm just trying to figure out what my next steps should be from here.

Did you not learn about his personality in 6 years before getting engaged and buying a house?

Did home buying and homeownership do that to him?

You can ask for therapy if both of you see a value in saving this relationship.

If not then just sell the house, rent an apartment and go your own way. You've health issues and young children, those are higher on your responsibility list than another boyfriend or husband. Your children's world is getting ripped apart second time, don't make it a regular happening.