Reply to My Fiance told me yesterday that he wants me to move out

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We have been in a relationship for the past 7 years and engaged for the past 9 months.

My Fiance has been acting cold and distant for a few weeks and has started making everything in our relationship about his needs while minimizing my needs. Long story short I have figured out that he has a dismissive avoidant personality type and has been inflicting emotional abuse that is typical of dismissive avoidant personality types upon me.

Recently it has become difficult living together. He seems so agitated by everything including my existence. It's like he wants to continuing living life in its current state and just wants me to go away.

We bought a home together in May 2023 for $560k. Currently I'd estimate our home to be worth about $575k. We split the mortgage with a 60/40 split, with him paying 60 percent and me paying 40. We split the utilities in half 50/50.

Yesterday we got into an argument and he said that this relationship is not working for him and he said 'it would be great if you would just move out.' I asked him why he feels that I should move out and he says 'because that's how I feel and I want you to go.' I explained that I strongly disagree and that his request is not even right from an ethical perspective, especially since we bought the house together and have both been contributing towards it. After him being adamant that I move continued for a few minutes and me pushing back. He finally agreed that the best way to move forward is to sell the house.

After our argument yesterday he gave me the silent treatment all day/night. Then this morning come over to my desk (work from home) and announces that he texted the realtor who helped us buy the house to see if he can help up sell it. I said that works for me. During this conversation I also asked him for his credit card to pay his portion of the utilities. i handle all of the payments and he uses his card to pay for his portion and I pay my portion from my bank account. He said he would prefer if I would just pay the utilities upfront and they he will give me 50 back. I said ok and now we are back to the silent treatment.

I have two children (elementary & middle) from a previous relationship and he has two children (high school & young adult) from a previous relationship. My children just started school and I'm trying to figure out how to keep them in the same school system so I've looked at homes for sale and rent nearby but inventory is low and there aren't many options.

I am not asking for relationship advice because I've come to terms that our relationship is over.

I am currently in a state of shock and scrambling to figure out how to best move forward logistically. I'm dealing with some health issues that just started within the past couple weeks. Also, my check engine light came on a few days ago. So I need to juggle getting my health issues checked out, getting my check engine light diagnosed, figuring out how we are going to sell the house all while keeping my job and trying to find a new place to live.

Has anyone else had their "Dismissive Avoidant" partner announce while in a long term relationship that they are done and want you to move out? I'm just trying to figure out what my next steps should be from here.[/quote]

Did you not learn about his personality in 6 years before getting engaged and buying a house?

Did home buying and homeownership do that to him?

You can ask for therapy if both of you see a value in saving this relationship.

If not then just sell the house, rent an apartment and go your own way. You've health issues and young children, those are higher on your responsibility list than another boyfriend or husband. Your children's world is getting ripped apart second time, don't make it a regular happening.[/quote]

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