My Fiance told me yesterday that he wants me to move out

[Anonymous]

He is doing the push-pull dance to keep you off balance. It’s a manipulation technique. He’ll dangle staying together and make you jump through hoops. As you focus your energy on trying to save the relationship, he’ll be using his energy to get the best deal for himself.

You do not ever jump through hoops. He broke the relationship, he has to be the one to spend 100% of his energy to fix it.
“I don’t trust that you really want us to stay together now. I’m going to keep living my life with the assumption that we will be splitting up. Part of that will involve figuring out how to untangle our finances. While this is going on, you will have the opportunity to prove to me that you want us to stay together. Once we’ve figured out the finances, if we decide to stay together, I will need a legal document outlining how things will be handled if in the future you want to end things again”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You own the house together. He has no more right to tell YOU to be the one to move than you do to tell HIM to be the one to move.

Anonymous wrote:

This^. If you two have joint ownership, one owner can't throw other out.

[Anonymous]

His latest behavior is more of the emotional abuse you described.

DON’T fall for it!

[Anonymous]

OP, I hope you realize this is no way to live. Not only does this man have bad credit, he is manipulative and seems unstable.

Move on and also do some introspection about the red flags you ignored or discounted while living together for 3 years and in the preceding dating years. Focus on making a stable home for your kids. Maybe stay single for a long time. This is really disruptive to them, now they have had 2 homes blow up.

In some ways you sound together, but it also sounds like your picker could use some adjusting. Maybe consider coda.org, there are online meetings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After you and the children are settled (and you do need a lawyer to resolve this equitably), start therapy.

You have been in a relationship for 9 years with someone you describe as emotionally abusive. Now your kids’ world will be rocked.
I am sorry that so much is being heaped on you right now, but you dodged a bullet in not marrying this guy.

This. Based on your timeline, this person has been on your ES child’s life for as long as he/she can remember. And because this person is NOT their parent, odds are your kids will never see him again. Therapy can help everyone.

She doesn't have time to get her car fixed or see a doctor, how is she going to make time for therapy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have any kind of written co-ownership agreement?

There is no written co- ownership agreement in place.

WHAT?

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter, they are both on the deed and mortgage, it is a property issue.

[Anonymous]

He wants you to move out so he can sell the house and screw you out of the proceeds. Single men don’t want single family houses, and probably married men don’t either.

If you’re on the deed to the house, you don’t have to move out and I’d remember that. He can tell you to do anything, it doesn’t mean you should.

I am also puzzled as to why he’d pay you directly, my guess is his portion of the mortgage and utilities hasn’t actually been going to the bank and utility companies. It’s strange he has a high income and bad credit, where exactly is the money going? Do you know? In any event, if he won’t pay the big companies what he owes, he sure as heck won’t pay you.. and you lack the resources and inclination to really go after him, not with your job, kids, car trouble and health problems.

If it helps any, it sounds like he knows he can’t afford the house and is breaking up with you to get all he can from the sale, including what is rightfully yours and hoping you won’t do anything.. again, where exactly is his money going?

You mention your kids’ father and that story is odd too, he knew his lease was ending yet he didn’t secure a place and he has to go “out of state” why exactly? If I were your fiancé, I’d be worried I’d be paying for your kids, doing all the dad stuff but their father who hasn’t seen them, doesn’t have stable housing, probably doesn’t have stable income (because he’s weird he’d go crash someplace out of state for a month.. normal healthy people don’t do that) and then shows up in your kids’ lives causing disruption. You’ve already bailed him out by taking your kids for additional time, and if I were the fiancé, I’d be wondering what kind of dysfunctional train I had hitched my engine to.

Whatever is going on, op, you don’t have to mmove and he can’t make you move. If he gets violent, you can have him excluded from the house. Remember that.
Check to see if the house is already in foreclosure, again the money thing is just odd and the timing is odd. The house might be in such a financial state that nobody but the bank can sell it.

Also, be mindful of your kids’ father and don’t be his rescue service. Care for your kids but don’t make it easy for him, he can’t just make poor decisions and have you pick up the pieces.. and if you do feel that life really screwed him and the poor guy doesn’t have a choice, well, now might be your chance to get back together with him. You already have a house and if you have a soft spot for him.. and it sounds like you might since his behavior is just as weird as your fiance’s, just take the next step and start a romantic relationship with him. Then you can keep that drama amongst yourselves without getting any more romantic partners, friends and the like involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This guy sounds like a total disaster. Do you want to stay with him? I definitely would call off the wedding if so.

This whole thread is unbelievable because it is fake.

[Anonymous]

Nobody has answered the REAL question here. OP has discovered he is a dismissive avoidant. Whatever shall she do?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This guy sounds like a total disaster. Do you want to stay with him? I definitely would call off the wedding if so.

This whole thread is unbelievable because it is fake.

Sadly this is how lots of people live. I can't fathom moving in with a man I wasn't married to if I had small kids, but it happens every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: He wants you to move out so he can sell the house and screw you out of the proceeds. Single men don’t want single family houses, and probably married men don’t either.

If you’re on the deed to the house, you don’t have to move out and I’d remember that. He can tell you to do anything, it doesn’t mean you should.

I am also puzzled as to why he’d pay you directly, my guess is his portion of the mortgage and utilities hasn’t actually been going to the bank and utility companies. It’s strange he has a high income and bad credit, where exactly is the money going? Do you know? In any event, if he won’t pay the big companies what he owes, he sure as heck won’t pay you.. and you lack the resources and inclination to really go after him, not with your job, kids, car trouble and health problems.

If it helps any, it sounds like he knows he can’t afford the house and is breaking up with you to get all he can from the sale, including what is rightfully yours and hoping you won’t do anything.. again, where exactly is his money going?

You mention your kids’ father and that story is odd too, he knew his lease was ending yet he didn’t secure a place and he has to go “out of state” why exactly? If I were your fiancé, I’d be worried I’d be paying for your kids, doing all the dad stuff but their father who hasn’t seen them, doesn’t have stable housing, probably doesn’t have stable income (because he’s weird he’d go crash someplace out of state for a month.. normal healthy people don’t do that) and then shows up in your kids’ lives causing disruption. You’ve already bailed him out by taking your kids for additional time, and if I were the fiancé, I’d be wondering what kind of dysfunctional train I had hitched my engine to.

Whatever is going on, op, you don’t have to mmove and he can’t make you move. If he gets violent, you can have him excluded from the house. Remember that.
Check to see if the house is already in foreclosure, again the money thing is just odd and the timing is odd. The house might be in such a financial state that nobody but the bank can sell it.

Also, be mindful of your kids’ father and don’t be his rescue service. Care for your kids but don’t make it easy for him, he can’t just make poor decisions and have you pick up the pieces.. and if you do feel that life really screwed him and the poor guy doesn’t have a choice, well, now might be your chance to get back together with him. You already have a house and if you have a soft spot for him.. and it sounds like you might since his behavior is just as weird as your fiance’s, just take the next step and start a romantic relationship with him. Then you can keep that drama amongst yourselves without getting any more romantic partners, friends and the like involved.

This is a read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry op. This really sucks. Let it be a lesson to others not to buy a house together until you are married and a guy who doesn’t propose until after 6 years is avoidant.
You are going to lose money on the sale of the house. That will eat up all to your equity plus some down payment. Be prepared for that. He sounds like a jerk.

Let it be a lesson to all women to buy your own house without a man!

[Anonymous]

This sounds fake but you should be paying more when it’s you and your kids and you should be paying more. Sell the house and get your own place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry op. This really sucks. Let it be a lesson to others not to buy a house together until you are married and a guy who doesn’t propose until after 6 years is avoidant.
You are going to lose money on the sale of the house. That will eat up all to your equity plus some down payment. Be prepared for that. He sounds like a jerk.

Let it be a lesson to all women to buy your own house without a man!

How about not buying a house when you can't afford it, married or not?