My Fiance told me yesterday that he wants me to move out

[Anonymous]

Wow, what a mess.

He’s not even answering the question in Why?
Why do you want me to move out?
“Because I feel you should love out.”

That’s not an answer that’s BS non response.

Either way if this is all true I’d happily GTF away from a psycho like him.

[Anonymous]

Long term he has done you a favor since the best thing that can happen here is you moving on from this relationship. Since he asked you to move out, see if he will buy you out of the house and that way you won’t be at a financial loss. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure she can't avoid to buy him out. She's only paying 40%.

[Anonymous]

Whose name(s) are on the mortgage? Whose names are on the deed with the county?

[Anonymous]

Where do the kids live right now?

[Anonymous]

Get a lawyer stat. And don’t move out until you first consult with a lawyer. Best of luck to you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whose name(s) are on the mortgage? Whose names are on the deed with the county?

Both of our names are on the mortgage. Both of our names are on the deed with the county.

Prior to buying this home in May 2023 we lived together in a rented home for 3 years.

Our lease was just about to end and we decided that we wanted to buy but we had some trouble due to his low credit score and negative credit marks. He had a high income and low credit score and I had a reasonable income and a strong (800) credit score.

At first were were going to just put my name only on the mortgage, since I was able to easily qualify for a mortgage with good rates. Looking back, so glad we didn't do that. But then at the last minute we were presented with the option to buy using an FHA loan due to his lower credit score and we were able to close on this house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where do the kids live right now?

The kid's dad and I share 50/50 custody. So, they are with me half of the time and with him half of the time.

Their dad's lease just ended on 7/30 and his new place isn't available until 8/20 so he has been out of state temporarily staying with family while the kids have been with me since 7/30 so that they could start school and have some stability while their dad was moving out of the old place and into his new place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a lawyer stat. And don’t move out until you first consult with a lawyer. Best of luck to you OP.

+1 - stand firm OP!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My Fiance has been acting cold and distant for a few weeks and has started making everything in our relationship about his needs while minimizing my needs. Long story short I have figured out that he has a dismissive avoidant personality type and has been inflicting emotional abuse that is typical of dismissive avoidant personality types upon me.

...

Has anyone else had their "Dismissive Avoidant" partner announce while in a long term relationship that they are done and want you to move out? I'm just trying to figure out what my next steps should be from here.

You "figured it out"? Are you a psychologist or psychiatrist?

Sigh. At any rate this is your next step: focus on doing whatever you need to do to protect the welfare of your children who are caught in the crossfire of this nonsense.

He’s probably having an affair.

Yep, or isn't having an affair but is done with the relationship and has been too big a coward to talk about it like a decent man would do, so instead he dropped a bombshell. But that's all moot now, as OP is done too. OP, don't go anywhere, you own the house together and he can't just order you and your children to leave it. Get an attorney yesterday.

No it is not that.

He probably figured out he is gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A man is not a plan, especially without a ring. Sell the house and move on.

If he balks at selling they are going to be in a deeper mess. He could make this a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You own the house together. He has no more right to tell YOU to be the one to move than you do to tell HIM to be the one to move.

So make it about the kids, becuase it IS about the kids.

You are the one who has the younger children at ages where changing schools is more of an issue (academically and socially). Not that a move wouldn't mess with his high schooler; it would; but frankly it's going to be easier for one parent plus one HS age kid to find a place quickly than it is for one parent plus two kids at two different schools. Easlier for him and his HS kid to work out getting the kid to school than for you to work out getting two kids to two different schools. And all that is IF you were able to stay in the same school system catchment area. Changing schools should be an absolute no-go for all three kids, yours AND his, frankly, but the logistics will be simpler for one HS student (who maybe is driving and could drive him/herself to school, if outside the bus zone?) than for two elementary/middle students. And many school systems will make exceptions and keep a HS student at his or her current school if there is a family issue forcing a move out of the school boundary - your fiance needs to work NOW to inquire about that. High schools don't like to mess with students' last few years and he can make a case that his kid should stay at the current school.

Do not move, OP. If you leave the house with the kids, he could change all the locks, put your stuff on the street, anything. Don't budge. He likely will try to make life hell until you leave, but I hope not. I would gather all the pertinent information about schools, look up some potential places where HE could move and keep his kid in that kid's same HS, and would find out very fast if you can start buying him out of the house. It's ridiculous for him to tell you to move out.

And get a lawyer immediately. Try to find one with experience in property disputes between couples (unmarried) who co-own homes, because your fiance might decide to make the house a huge issue in any split. You don't need a divorce lawyer as much as you need a lawyer with experience in property disputes where both people are still living in the disputed property.

So I agree with a lot of this, but moving a kid in high school is devastating. Moving kids in elementary school is fine.

Honestly, school hasn't started. I'd find a place I could afford to rent in a neighborhood I'd eventually be able to buy in, and move so they start the year in the new house. I wouldn't put my kids through living in this kind of contentious situation, or through a midyear school change. It doesn't sound realistic for OP to keep the house financially, so I wouldn't fight for it. I'd fight for my share of the equity of course.

[Anonymous]

OP: I would recommend that you hold the ground. Be an as..ole with him, just like he's being an ass with you:

1. Tell him you are not moving out. Your kids are starting school in a new school district
2. You won't agree to sell but only to buy him out at a VERY discounted price (discounted by the legal fees to him, if he takes you to court to seek force sale of the property).
3. Tell him it's NOT your fault that he wants to end it right after buying a house thus you should not bear the financial costs of his decision at all. E.g. no sale, no loosing your equity on transactional costs etc.


I did it on my cheater exH - he didn't want to waste time and money on lawyers and just signed off 60% of everything in the end

[Anonymous]

Your poor kids. Please get them therapy.

[Anonymous]

After you and the children are settled (and you do need a lawyer to resolve this equitably), start therapy.

You have been in a relationship for 9 years with someone you describe as emotionally abusive. Now your kids’ world will be rocked.
I am sorry that so much is being heaped on you right now, but you dodged a bullet in not marrying this guy.