My mother invited family over to come meet my five day old baby without telling me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:-Your mom should have asked you before inviting family inside.
-You should have sucked it up and not take it out on the relatives.
-Your mom has been helping so why is the house a mess? Perhaps mom isn’t so helpful?

OP is five days postpartum. Don’t you dare tell her she should’ve sucked it up and let people (little germs kids) into her house.

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mother was awful for doing that but you were rude. Where I am from we don’t kick out guests and make them feel unwelcome (I am a millennial btw).

They weren't her guests. How do you not realize this? Where I'm from a guest in my home doesn't invite other people to my home without consulting with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG! White people are endlessly entertaining.

Seriously - this culture is so fascinating. I loved the “because I’m post-partum I can behave whichever way I want.” Such a problematic line of thinking.

What a misogynistic view. Women who are post partum are going through a lot. I despise people like you who participate in the competitive "who can act like having a baby is nothing" game. Go ahead and brag about how you had 20 relatives over the day you were released from the hospital and cooked a full meal for everyone that night.

Anyone who thinks women have to be this way is abusive.

[Anonymous]

Again, while I understand WHY she acted the way she did, it doesn’t make it OK. Just a simple apology and acknowledgement from both mother and daughter would improve this situation a million times and get both to a better place.

Let’s not make this about some imagined global conspiracy on new moms.

-Signed, a mom who was ALSO emotional and did some not so wise things, not just 5 days after birth but many times in life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If today turned into a negative experience, it is only because you two refused to roll with the punches. If you can't cope with someting as innocuous as sudden unwanted company with grace and goods manners, then you two are in for a rough ride. When you have kids, you don't get to control much. Life won't always be on your terms, so you might want to start practicing how to behave appropriately when things don't go your way.



I find it unconscionable that after all I did for you, that you couldn't suck up a visit from our relatives so that I could get a ride to the airport. It was okay with you for me to be inconvenienced for days on end your sake, but when it comes time for you to be inconvenienced for my sake, it's not that you could not - you would not. Instead you felt it necessary to make everyone there uncomfortable making it clear that they were unwelcome. To treat anyone that way is beyond rude, but treating those who are well intentioned, care about you, and have done nothing but support you is beyond comprehension. Unexpected or not. Having a baby is no excuse for embarrassingly poor manners and I would hope you would never treat anyone else the way you treated our family.


Op this is the message she sent me

Omg, if I got that message, I may never speak to her again. What on earth!

[Anonymous]

It's nuts that anyone is criticizing OP. Are the PPs for real? The person who is 5 days post-partum owes nothing to anyone. Her sole concern should be recovering and taking care of her newborn. Anything that messes with that is a hard no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was very weapy for the 2 weeks post partum, so I understand getting emotional at unexpected visitors. (Btw I am not white)

+1! I cried for no reason for weeks. Some of these posters don’t seem to remember what it was like 5 days after having a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Again, while I understand WHY she acted the way she did, it doesn’t make it OK. Just a simple apology and acknowledgement from both mother and daughter would improve this situation a million times and get both to a better place.

Let’s not make this about some imagined global conspiracy on new moms.

-Signed, a mom who was ALSO emotional and did some not so wise things, not just 5 days after birth but many times in life

OP has absolutely nothing to apologize for, end of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's nuts that anyone is criticizing OP. Are the PPs for real? The person who is 5 days post-partum owes nothing to anyone. Her sole concern should be recovering and taking care of her newborn. Anything that messes with that is a hard no.

+1. OP is well within her right to refuse random, unannounced visitors. These women, including her own mother, who think she was wrong have some screwed up priorities.

What grandma calls helping her daughter and brand new grandchild an “inconvenience”? That’s just beyond the pale. I would tell her she doesn’t have to worry about being inconvenienced ever again.

[Anonymous]

OP doesn’t have to have handled it perfectly in order for the MIL to be wrong.

OP can and probably should apologize to the uncle for losing her cool. The “right” thing would have been to calmly explain that you were unprepared for visitors, not ready to receive them, look forward to welcoming them later and will be upstairs with the baby while they visit with the MIL downstairs.

Could you pull that off five days post partum? I couldn’t! I couldn’t even sit down gracefully. OP’s “infraction” is very minor compared to the MIL’s and while she’s responsible for her behavior, MIL put her in a very tough spot. She should apologize, but if they uncle is reasonably he will be very understanding.

[Anonymous]

OP next time don’t invite your mom, since you said she’s always been a narcissist. I knew my mom wouldn’t help me so I told her she could visit after 2 weeks. I wanted to avoid drama and did.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry op. I would call uncle and explain why you cried. I would thank your mom for her "help" and then push her away until you are ready to talk with her again. She can be as mad as she wants, but she was wrong. Sounds like she wants you to be flexible and roll with the punches, but on HER terms. Screw her. Guess she doesn't need to see her grand baby for a little while. That's her natural consequence.

[Anonymous]

So how did grandma get to the airport?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG! White people are endlessly entertaining.

Why so bigoted?

That poster comes on a lot of threads and throws a bomb in like that to mess with everyone. Just ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll be honest and say I’m torn. Your mom is a big time AH, no doubt. But she arranged her own ride to the airport. Your uncle is not an Uber driver and I don’t know that it’s reaonable to think he wouldn’t enter into your house. Everyone should have understood that it needed to be a 5 minute visit, but nevertheless he did a favor for your family.

I'm thinking the same thing.

I get where op is coming from. But if the uncle was just popping in to say hi as he picked up the grandma, op should have rallies for 30 minutes.

What was your mom's plan? If she invited the family over for dinner, that's a problem and I'm with op.

I disagree. She has a 5 day old. She is not sleeping. Her hormones are out of control. Someone came over with young germy toddlers. The only thing I would have done differently was lock myself and my newborn in my room instead of confronting uncle. I would have made mom go tell uncle we weren’t up for a visit.