My mother invited family over to come meet my five day old baby without telling me

[Anonymous]

Man here. I don't know if you have a husband, but if you do he should immediately take leave and help you anyway possible.

If I was your husband, my response back to your mother would be something I'd share, but I'm sure Jeff would immediately delete the post because of obscenity content.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If today turned into a negative experience, it is only because you two refused to roll with the punches. If you can't cope with someting as innocuous as sudden unwanted company with grace and goods manners, then you two are in for a rough ride. When you have kids, you don't get to control much. Life won't always be on your terms, so you might want to start practicing how to behave appropriately when things don't go your way.



I find it unconscionable that after all I did for you, that you couldn't suck up a visit from our relatives so that I could get a ride to the airport. It was okay with you for me to be inconvenienced for days on end your sake, but when it comes time for you to be inconvenienced for my sake, it's not that you could not - you would not. Instead you felt it necessary to make everyone there uncomfortable making it clear that they were unwelcome. To treat anyone that way is beyond rude, but treating those who are well intentioned, care about you, and have done nothing but support you is beyond comprehension. Unexpected or not. Having a baby is no excuse for embarrassingly poor manners and I would hope you would never treat anyone else the way you treated our family.


Op this is the message she sent me

OP, I was ready to jump down your throat thinking this was some poster. What she sent you was completely out of line. I wish I knew you IRL so I could bring you snacks and let you take a nap while I did your dishes.

[Anonymous]

Wow, OP I'm so sorry. That is truly horrible of her to send you a message like that.

Focus on your baby and put her out of your mind until you catch up on sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:-Your mom should have asked you before inviting family inside.
-You should have sucked it up and not take it out on the relatives.
-Your mom has been helping so why is the house a mess? Perhaps mom isn’t so helpful?

The house is a mess and I’m a mess. Big milk stains on shirt and exploding boobs, still in pajamas, boxes of pads on the table, breast feeding cups etc. just don’t want people walking into this. It’s embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

Your uncle has two toddlers? Is this your dad's much much younger brother and you are about the same age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your uncle has two toddlers? Is this your dad's much much younger brother and you are about the same age?

…does it matter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your uncle has two toddlers? Is this your dad's much much younger brother and you are about the same age?

Wait, he's your uncle, so not a sibling to either of your parents and he's brining a random older woman? You're barely related to this person why was he invited?

[Anonymous]

You are right. Mom leaves and can only come back when she is ready to accept that what you say goes for you, your family, your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your uncle has two toddlers? Is this your dad's much much younger brother and you are about the same age?

…does it matter?

Yes because it's really weird mom invited some relative not even in the immediate family. Why exactly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are NOT wrong and you handled it beautifully. Maybe write a note to your uncle apologizing for the tears, saying you were caught off guard and look forward to welcoming them another time. They will understand. You don’t have to get into blaming your mother - they already know.

This 1000%!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If today turned into a negative experience, it is only because you two refused to roll with the punches. If you can't cope with someting as innocuous as sudden unwanted company with grace and goods manners, then you two are in for a rough ride. When you have kids, you don't get to control much. Life won't always be on your terms, so you might want to start practicing how to behave appropriately when things don't go your way.



I find it unconscionable that after all I did for you, that you couldn't suck up a visit from our relatives so that I could get a ride to the airport. It was okay with you for me to be inconvenienced for days on end your sake, but when it comes time for you to be inconvenienced for my sake, it's not that you could not - you would not. Instead you felt it necessary to make everyone there uncomfortable making it clear that they were unwelcome. To treat anyone that way is beyond rude, but treating those who are well intentioned, care about you, and have done nothing but support you is beyond comprehension. Unexpected or not. Having a baby is no excuse for embarrassingly poor manners and I would hope you would never treat anyone else the way you treated our family.


Op this is the message she sent me

I don’t think your mom should’ve invited someone over without asking you but I also think you should reflect on your behavior. You could’ve had it out with your mom about how that wasn’t appropriate but losing your cool like that and being disrespectful to guests in your home (sick toddlers or not) was not required. You had other options like keeping the baby upstairs and letting them know that they’re welcome to come back another time to see her but you’re aren’t bringing the baby down for visitors for health reasons at this time. You could’ve excused yourself and said you need a nap, or aren’t feeling well or need to tend to the baby but please carry on with the visit. The drama in front of others out both you and your mom in bad light and made people who didn’t have anything to do with whatever mother-daughter dynamic uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:-Your mom should have asked you before inviting family inside.
-You should have sucked it up and not take it out on the relatives.
-Your mom has been helping so why is the house a mess? Perhaps mom isn’t so helpful?

The house is a mess and I’m a mess. Big milk stains on shirt and exploding boobs, still in pajamas, boxes of pads on the table, breast feeding cups etc. just don’t want people walking into this. It’s embarrassing.

Your mother is wrong. Don’t respond to her vitriol. She’s gone now. Look at your newborn until you distress. Reconnect with mom on your terms at a later time. Hopefully your partner can step up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your uncle has two toddlers? Is this your dad's much much younger brother and you are about the same age?

Wait, he's your uncle, so not a sibling to either of your parents and he's brining a random older woman? You're barely related to this person why was he invited?

In many cultures, there is delineation between close and extended family is not as pronounced as is in American culture. This line of argument doesn’t stand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just had a baby five days ago. My mom has been over helping. Been in a haze with no sleep etc. she then tells me that my uncle and his two toddlers and uncles mom (not my grandma) are coming over to meet the baby and drive her to the airport and they are on their way. My house is a mess and I’m not close with my uncle and am still wearing the hospital diaper. I said no, tell them not to come please, I am not ready for visitors. Well it was too late. They show up completely oblivious that I didn’t invite them. I come out crying saying I can’t believe my mother did this. They apologized and felt embarrassed and left. Now my mother is criticizing me saying that as a parent I need to be able to roll with the punches more and a baby is no excuse for embarrassing manners, life won’t always be on my terms and I have to behave appropriately when they aren’t. Can you tell me if I’m in the wrong here? I’m too exhausted for clarity

I usually love grandparents, but this one did evil to you. I hope you already told her thanks for the help, but please leave now.

[Anonymous]

OH hell no. Two toddlers who are probably in day care around a five day old unnecessarily? You don't need your five day old getting the flu or covid.

Middle ground would have been to take the baby outside and make everyone mask up. Order some kn95s to have on hand in case you get any more surprise visitors and then go outside and make them mask.