My mother invited family over to come meet my five day old baby without telling me

[Anonymous]

I just had a baby five days ago. My mom has been over helping. Been in a haze with no sleep etc. she then tells me that my uncle and his two toddlers and uncles mom (not my grandma) are coming over to meet the baby and drive her to the airport and they are on their way. My house is a mess and I’m not close with my uncle and am still wearing the hospital diaper. I said no, tell them not to come please, I am not ready for visitors. Well it was too late. They show up completely oblivious that I didn’t invite them. I come out crying saying I can’t believe my mother did this. They apologized and felt embarrassed and left. Now my mother is criticizing me saying that as a parent I need to be able to roll with the punches more and a baby is no excuse for embarrassing manners, life won’t always be on my terms and I have to behave appropriately when they aren’t. Can you tell me if I’m in the wrong here? I’m too exhausted for clarity

[Anonymous]

Tell your mother to leave.
Now.
Unbelievably insensitive!

[Anonymous]

Op again I want to add that his two kids are always sick so that was part of the reason I did not want them around. Also my mother is saying how she’s been inconvenienced helping me so the last I can do it let her see her family.

[Anonymous]

You are NOT wrong and you handled it beautifully. Maybe write a note to your uncle apologizing for the tears, saying you were caught off guard and look forward to welcoming them another time. They will understand. You don’t have to get into blaming your mother - they already know.

[Anonymous]

Oh wow - sorry OP. She sounds controlling and manipulative. This is something my mIL would pull. You did the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again I want to add that his two kids are always sick so that was part of the reason I did not want them around. Also my mother is saying how she’s been inconvenienced helping me so the last I can do it let her see her family.

She left with them, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again I want to add that his two kids are always sick so that was part of the reason I did not want them around. Also my mother is saying how she’s been inconvenienced helping me so the last I can do it let her see her family.

Sincerely thank her, send her on her way, and think long and hard about accepting help for you in the future now that you know there’s an unknown price tag attached.

[Anonymous]

Your mother is an AH and you did the right thing. Don’t pick up her phone calls for awhile, I can’t believe she’s trying to guilt trip you.

[Anonymous]

Hire a night nurse and tell your mom thanks but it’s time for her to go.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry, OP. Thank you for making a scene. My non-confrontational self would have felt extreme resentment but would have tried to hide it for the visit.

Your mother is awful. Freeze her out until you recover.

[Anonymous]

If today turned into a negative experience, it is only because you two refused to roll with the punches. If you can't cope with someting as innocuous as sudden unwanted company with grace and goods manners, then you two are in for a rough ride. When you have kids, you don't get to control much. Life won't always be on your terms, so you might want to start practicing how to behave appropriately when things don't go your way.



I find it unconscionable that after all I did for you, that you couldn't suck up a visit from our relatives so that I could get a ride to the airport. It was okay with you for me to be inconvenienced for days on end your sake, but when it comes time for you to be inconvenienced for my sake, it's not that you could not - you would not. Instead you felt it necessary to make everyone there uncomfortable making it clear that they were unwelcome. To treat anyone that way is beyond rude, but treating those who are well intentioned, care about you, and have done nothing but support you is beyond comprehension. Unexpected or not. Having a baby is no excuse for embarrassingly poor manners and I would hope you would never treat anyone else the way you treated our family.


Op this is the message she sent me

[Anonymous]

Welcome to the world of raising children with narcissistic boomer parents! It sucks. She was way out of line and you were correct to show them out. Set firm boundaries.

[Anonymous]

-Your mom should have asked you before inviting family inside.
-You should have sucked it up and not take it out on the relatives.
-Your mom has been helping so why is the house a mess? Perhaps mom isn’t so helpful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:-Your mom should have asked you before inviting family inside.
-You should have sucked it up and not take it out on the relatives.
-Your mom has been helping so why is the house a mess? Perhaps mom isn’t so helpful?

OP is five days postpartum. Don’t you dare tell her she should’ve sucked it up and let people (little germs kids) into her house.

[Anonymous]

Oh WOW op, I am so very sorry.

Your mom should never have invited them in the first place and if the house is a mess WTH has your mom been doing to help?

I might have chalked it up to “clueless excited grandma” (it happens) if she had quickly cleaned up the house and apologized profusely….

But she double down and scolded you?! Horrendous. I’d put her in a long time out- ignore that ridiculous note entirely, and next time she contacts you say “I am very upset with you, and don’t want to talk anytime soon. I will check in with you at a later date when I am ready to do so” and then ignore all communications from here. DO NOT engage at all. Focus on yourself and baby.