My mother invited family over to come meet my five day old baby without telling me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I’m more on the moms side. You’re 5 days postpartum, it’s not the end of the world. You could have just said they can’t touch baby but can see it. Why is your house a disaster after only 5 days? Between you, your Dh and your mom, how is the house not somewhat picked up?

Regardless, it’s never right to be rude to people.

Tell your mom you don’t need her help anymore (esp if she can’t even help clean a house) and she needs to listen to your wishes.

You are as awful as the MIL. The only thing op should be worrying about picking up at 5 days postpartum is her baby. Why on earth would you be lumping her in with MIL and DH and asking her why her house is not clean?

You’re a terrible person

+1

[Anonymous]

When did the practice of confinement stop, when newborn babies were kept home and away from all but immediate family until they’d built up some immunity?

I think it’s crazy every time I see people carting newborn babies into public places with dozens and dozens of people it seems crazy. And I certainly wouldn’t want my five day old around two germ vector toddlers nor would I want to catch some crap from them myself.

Sorry OP I think it’s been too long since your mother pushed a watermelon out and felt the utter exhaustion of the post partum period so she’s forgotten how much she would have hated the same situation she just subjected you to. Or maybe she is just absent empathy and you’ve endured this all along and if that’s true I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When did the practice of confinement stop, when newborn babies were kept home and away from all but immediate family until they’d built up some immunity?

I think it’s crazy every time I see people carting newborn babies into public places with dozens and dozens of people it seems crazy. And I certainly wouldn’t want my five day old around two germ vector toddlers nor would I want to catch some crap from them myself.

Sorry OP I think it’s been too long since your mother pushed a watermelon out and felt the utter exhaustion of the post partum period so she’s forgotten how much she would have hated the same situation she just subjected you to. Or maybe she is just absent empathy and you’ve endured this all along and if that’s true I’m sorry.

+1

I think in some cases, if older women had a bad birth experience (or two, or three, or more) - then they want other new moms to feel their pain. The whole "you aren't so special" treatment. This sometimes pertains to births, weddings, stuff like that. Stand your ground, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I’m more on the moms side. You’re 5 days postpartum, it’s not the end of the world. You could have just said they can’t touch baby but can see it. Why is your house a disaster after only 5 days? Between you, your Dh and your mom, how is the house not somewhat picked up?

Regardless, it’s never right to be rude to people.

Tell your mom you don’t need her help anymore (esp if she can’t even help clean a house) and she needs to listen to your wishes.

Uh, you know not everyone recovers from giving birth exactly the same way, right? Every birth can have its own complications.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I’m more on the moms side. You’re 5 days postpartum, it’s not the end of the world. You could have just said they can’t touch baby but can see it. Why is your house a disaster after only 5 days? Between you, your Dh and your mom, how is the house not somewhat picked up?

Regardless, it’s never right to be rude to people.

Tell your mom you don’t need her help anymore (esp if she can’t even help clean a house) and she needs to listen to your wishes.

From standard Postpartum discharge instuctions:

"8. WHEN TO RESUME NORMAL ACTIVITIES
You need frequent rest periods and you should try to take naps whenever you can. For the first 10 days we recommend that you concentrate on your own physical needs and the feeding of your infant. The housework will wait!! Let your relatives and friends worry about getting your family’s meals. If your family and friends really want to help, they will provide the help requested by you for such things as meals, laundry, vacuuming and shopping. You should not be expected to entertain anyone while you are recovering from your delivery. One more rule of thumb: don’t lift anything that weighs more than your baby!
 NO heavy lifting for 4 weeks.
 Cesarean Mothers: NO lifting for 6 weeks. Pelvic rest for 6 weeks. No driving
for 2 weeks.
 Mothers may go back to work in 4-6 weeks after their follow-up appointment
with their obstetrician."

[Anonymous]

With baby only 5 days old , shouldnt be exposed to that many people in the first place- their immunity is extremely low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again I want to add that his two kids are always sick so that was part of the reason I did not want them around. Also my mother is saying how she’s been inconvenienced helping me so the last I can do it let her see her family.

Your mom gave you a gift with strings and didn't make the strings clear. If she offers to help again I would make sure you understand her expectations so you can decline. She should have asked you. It was poor boundaries and it will happen again in some way without clear communication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hire a night nurse and tell your mom thanks but it’s time for her to go.

Do this OP.
I speak from bitter experience.
She will take it personally

Eh

[Anonymous]

Your mom is a witch. And that email she sent was beyond the pale. I am so angry on your behalf. Cut her off.

[Anonymous]

Look, I wouldn't have teared up and yelled at people like you did, but you did what you did, and it's over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If today turned into a negative experience, it is only because you two refused to roll with the punches. If you can't cope with someting as innocuous as sudden unwanted company with grace and goods manners, then you two are in for a rough ride. When you have kids, you don't get to control much. Life won't always be on your terms, so you might want to start practicing how to behave appropriately when things don't go your way.



I find it unconscionable that after all I did for you, that you couldn't suck up a visit from our relatives so that I could get a ride to the airport. It was okay with you for me to be inconvenienced for days on end your sake, but when it comes time for you to be inconvenienced for my sake, it's not that you could not - you would not. Instead you felt it necessary to make everyone there uncomfortable making it clear that they were unwelcome. To treat anyone that way is beyond rude, but treating those who are well intentioned, care about you, and have done nothing but support you is beyond comprehension. Unexpected or not. Having a baby is no excuse for embarrassingly poor manners and I would hope you would never treat anyone else the way you treated our family.


Op this is the message she sent me

I don’t think your mom should’ve invited someone over without asking you but I also think you should reflect on your behavior. You could’ve had it out with your mom about how that wasn’t appropriate but losing your cool like that and being disrespectful to guests in your home (sick toddlers or not) was not required. You had other options like keeping the baby upstairs and letting them know that they’re welcome to come back another time to see her but you’re aren’t bringing the baby down for visitors for health reasons at this time. You could’ve excused yourself and said you need a nap, or aren’t feeling well or need to tend to the baby but please carry on with the visit. The drama in front of others out both you and your mom in bad light and made people who didn’t have anything to do with whatever mother-daughter dynamic uncomfortable.

+1
This. Both you and your mom seem to be thoughtless people and drama queens. You could have withdrawn and told them that you are too tired or need to be with the baby and excused yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, I wouldn't have teared up and yelled at people like you did, but you did what you did, and it's over.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If today turned into a negative experience, it is only because you two refused to roll with the punches. If you can't cope with someting as innocuous as sudden unwanted company with grace and goods manners, then you two are in for a rough ride. When you have kids, you don't get to control much. Life won't always be on your terms, so you might want to start practicing how to behave appropriately when things don't go your way.



I find it unconscionable that after all I did for you, that you couldn't suck up a visit from our relatives so that I could get a ride to the airport. It was okay with you for me to be inconvenienced for days on end your sake, but when it comes time for you to be inconvenienced for my sake, it's not that you could not - you would not. Instead you felt it necessary to make everyone there uncomfortable making it clear that they were unwelcome. To treat anyone that way is beyond rude, but treating those who are well intentioned, care about you, and have done nothing but support you is beyond comprehension. Unexpected or not. Having a baby is no excuse for embarrassingly poor manners and I would hope you would never treat anyone else the way you treated our family.


Op this is the message she sent me

I don’t think your mom should’ve invited someone over without asking you but I also think you should reflect on your behavior. You could’ve had it out with your mom about how that wasn’t appropriate but losing your cool like that and being disrespectful to guests in your home (sick toddlers or not) was not required. You had other options like keeping the baby upstairs and letting them know that they’re welcome to come back another time to see her but you’re aren’t bringing the baby down for visitors for health reasons at this time. You could’ve excused yourself and said you need a nap, or aren’t feeling well or need to tend to the baby but please carry on with the visit. The drama in front of others put both you and your mom in bad light and made people who didn’t have anything to do with whatever mother-daughter dynamic uncomfortable.

I agree with everythign this poster wrote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When did the practice of confinement stop, when newborn babies were kept home and away from all but immediate family until they’d built up some immunity?

I think it’s crazy every time I see people carting newborn babies into public places with dozens and dozens of people it seems crazy. And I certainly wouldn’t want my five day old around two germ vector toddlers nor would I want to catch some crap from them myself.

Sorry OP I think it’s been too long since your mother pushed a watermelon out and felt the utter exhaustion of the post partum period so she’s forgotten how much she would have hated the same situation she just subjected you to. Or maybe she is just absent empathy and you’ve endured this all along and if that’s true I’m sorry.

Seriously! In my culture (Indian), mom and infant are at home for 40 days and no visitors are allowed. My mom came to help me for 40 days and we budgeted for and hired help also. My baby and I were 100% catered to, and my DH and my mom also had all the support/outsourcing help so that they could help me and the baby without being exhausted themselves.

[Anonymous]

OMG! White people are endlessly entertaining.