My mother invited family over to come meet my five day old baby without telling me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If today turned into a negative experience, it is only because you two refused to roll with the punches. If you can't cope with someting as innocuous as sudden unwanted company with grace and goods manners, then you two are in for a rough ride. When you have kids, you don't get to control much. Life won't always be on your terms, so you might want to start practicing how to behave appropriately when things don't go your way.



I find it unconscionable that after all I did for you, that you couldn't suck up a visit from our relatives so that I could get a ride to the airport. It was okay with you for me to be inconvenienced for days on end your sake, but when it comes time for you to be inconvenienced for my sake, it's not that you could not - you would not. Instead you felt it necessary to make everyone there uncomfortable making it clear that they were unwelcome. To treat anyone that way is beyond rude, but treating those who are well intentioned, care about you, and have done nothing but support you is beyond comprehension. Unexpected or not. Having a baby is no excuse for embarrassingly poor manners and I would hope you would never treat anyone else the way you treated our family.


Op this is the message she sent me

I can think of a two word response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With baby only 5 days old , shouldnt be exposed to that many people in the first place- their immunity is extremely low.

Right! That's true even before covid, which is spiking in some places now. This is -literally- not the time to bring a bunch of people around a newborn.

You were right, OP, and even the uncle had enough sense to turn around and leave. It's your mom who is the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If today turned into a negative experience, it is only because you two refused to roll with the punches. If you can't cope with someting as innocuous as sudden unwanted company with grace and goods manners, then you two are in for a rough ride. When you have kids, you don't get to control much. Life won't always be on your terms, so you might want to start practicing how to behave appropriately when things don't go your way.



I find it unconscionable that after all I did for you, that you couldn't suck up a visit from our relatives so that I could get a ride to the airport. It was okay with you for me to be inconvenienced for days on end your sake, but when it comes time for you to be inconvenienced for my sake, it's not that you could not - you would not. Instead you felt it necessary to make everyone there uncomfortable making it clear that they were unwelcome. To treat anyone that way is beyond rude, but treating those who are well intentioned, care about you, and have done nothing but support you is beyond comprehension. Unexpected or not. Having a baby is no excuse for embarrassingly poor manners and I would hope you would never treat anyone else the way you treated our family.


Op this is the message she sent me

I don’t think your mom should’ve invited someone over without asking you but I also think you should reflect on your behavior. You could’ve had it out with your mom about how that wasn’t appropriate but losing your cool like that and being disrespectful to guests in your home (sick toddlers or not) was not required. You had other options like keeping the baby upstairs and letting them know that they’re welcome to come back another time to see her but you’re aren’t bringing the baby down for visitors for health reasons at this time. You could’ve excused yourself and said you need a nap, or aren’t feeling well or need to tend to the baby but please carry on with the visit. The drama in front of others out both you and your mom in bad light and made people who didn’t have anything to do with whatever mother-daughter dynamic uncomfortable.

NP. You are a gross person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG! White people are endlessly entertaining.

Why so bigoted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again I want to add that his two kids are always sick so that was part of the reason I did not want them around. Also my mother is saying how she’s been inconvenienced helping me so the last I can do it let her see her family.

She is being manipulative. She is not a child and is waaaay too old to behave that way. If her help immediately after birth came with strings attached (which is ridiculous), she should have said so upfront or stayed the hell home.

[Anonymous]

She ITA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I’m more on the moms side. You’re 5 days postpartum, it’s not the end of the world. You could have just said they can’t touch baby but can see it. Why is your house a disaster after only 5 days? Between you, your Dh and your mom, how is the house not somewhat picked up?

Regardless, it’s never right to be rude to people.

Tell your mom you don’t need her help anymore (esp if she can’t even help clean a house) and she needs to listen to your wishes.

Wow. You are next level ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Who cares what your house looks like? The most important thing right now is your baby, not your house. But really, your baby is highly unlikely to die from a quick visit from relatives- just keep it quick if you are worried, and be honest with them and say you are worried about your baby catching germs while he or she is so new, and then after a quick peek from a 6 foot distance, you can whisk her away to safety. Maybe your Mom shouldn't have invited people over without running it by you first, but your reaction was way out of line, veering into Crazy Town. You can't freak out over every misstep people take around your baby, because there will be a ton of them. I imagine you are super embarrassed about the scene you caused, and looking for justification. Do you want us all to say your Mom is the worst monster in the world for doing this? She's really not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG! White people are endlessly entertaining.

Seriously - this culture is so fascinating. I loved the “because I’m post-partum I can behave whichever way I want.” Such a problematic line of thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m so sorry. You did nothing wrong. Nothing. I’d have your husband reply with:
“Marge, this is Bob. Thank you for all your help. We are very grateful for your support. Moving forward, I’m going to ask Jane to direct all communications from you to me. Her number one focus is recovering and caring for Larlo. I will not have her subjected again to your unnecessary criticisms.”

+1

[Anonymous]

I feel like it’s rude to invite people over to someone’s house even without the new baby in the equation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, I wouldn't have teared up and yelled at people like you did, but you did what you did, and it's over.

I would have lost it in this situation, just like OP. And I’m a very composed person when not 5 days PP. I bet the uncle understood; most parents would. OP’s mom is the crazy one.

[Anonymous]

I was very weapy for the 2 weeks post partum, so I understand getting emotional at unexpected visitors. (Btw I am not white)

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for you. It was rude of your mom to do that. Similar thing happened to me, where in laws visited right after I got out of hospital, even though we already had my family staying with us. I caught hell for it too for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll be honest and say I’m torn. Your mom is a big time AH, no doubt. But she arranged her own ride to the airport. Your uncle is not an Uber driver and I don’t know that it’s reaonable to think he wouldn’t enter into your house. Everyone should have understood that it needed to be a 5 minute visit, but nevertheless he did a favor for your family.

I'm thinking the same thing.

I get where op is coming from. But if the uncle was just popping in to say hi as he picked up the grandma, op should have rallies for 30 minutes.

What was your mom's plan? If she invited the family over for dinner, that's a problem and I'm with op.