My mother invited family over to come meet my five day old baby without telling me

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. There’s something about a new baby that makes some family members go nuts and totally steam roll over the mother. I honestly don’t get it, but I had a similar experience with a grandparent inviting relatives over to my house without asking amongst other things (like even showing up at the hospital while I was in labor and expecting to be let in the room even though I had explicitly said it would only be me and DH). It’s like they get an idea in their head of how things are going to go and think the person who birthed the baby needs to just step aside so they can do as they please.

I’m sure your uncle feels terrible, but it was your mom’s fault for setting this all up.

I still remember the postpartum underwear and leaking milk and being unshowered/exhausted. All I wanted was to hibernate and recover. I vow to have zero expectations of my DD if she chooses to have children someday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, I wouldn't have teared up and yelled at people like you did, but you did what you did, and it's over.

Shut up. I’m an extremely even keeled and polite person, and I would have absolutely done this at 5 days postpartum. Prolonged sleep deprivation, hormones, body having just gone through an incredible feat of endurance and strength with no time to recover… women shouldn’t be expected to be doing anything other than resting and taking care of their baby, and they should have lots of help. Our culture pretends postpartum isn’t a thing and I’m sick of it.

Agreed 100%. Also sick of it. It's devalued because it relates to women and in most cultures we are still less than.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for the poor uncle et al who came all the way to see you and the baby. They didn’t know they were unwanted and didn’t deserve such treatment. The mom should have run it by you first, but sometimes there are unexpected visitors.

What a load of crap. "Sometimes there are unexpected visitors"? What the hell? Who the f are you to minimize what a mother who has just given birth is going through? C Sections are major surgery. Vaginal birth can be traumatic. Take your ignorant views somewhere else. The mother and baby are what matters.

Poor uncle my fat a##. She didn't kill him and if he's not a baby, he'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for the poor uncle et al who came all the way to see you and the baby. They didn’t know they were unwanted and didn’t deserve such treatment. The mom should have run it by you first, but sometimes there are unexpected visitors.

Ignore this nonsense, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again I want to add that his two kids are always sick so that was part of the reason I did not want them around. Also my mother is saying how she’s been inconvenienced helping me so the last I can do it let her see her family.

Absolutely she is in the wrong and you have to make clear you are in charge now.

Your recovery and baby's health come first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If today turned into a negative experience, it is only because you two refused to roll with the punches. If you can't cope with someting as innocuous as sudden unwanted company with grace and goods manners, then you two are in for a rough ride. When you have kids, you don't get to control much. Life won't always be on your terms, so you might want to start practicing how to behave appropriately when things don't go your way.



I find it unconscionable that after all I did for you, that you couldn't suck up a visit from our relatives so that I could get a ride to the airport. It was okay with you for me to be inconvenienced for days on end your sake, but when it comes time for you to be inconvenienced for my sake, it's not that you could not - you would not. Instead you felt it necessary to make everyone there uncomfortable making it clear that they were unwelcome. To treat anyone that way is beyond rude, but treating those who are well intentioned, care about you, and have done nothing but support you is beyond comprehension. Unexpected or not. Having a baby is no excuse for embarrassingly poor manners and I would hope you would never treat anyone else the way you treated our family.


Op this is the message she sent me

I am livid for you OP. She is all too impressed with herself for how much she helped for 5 days?!? My mom stayed and helped for 3 months!

Newborn exposed to germy toddlers can end up in the NICU needing a spinal tap for even a mild fever. Don't let anyone bully you. You are the mom, these are YOUR choices to make. You are a good mom already!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your uncle has two toddlers? Is this your dad's much much younger brother and you are about the same age?

Wait, he's your uncle, so not a sibling to either of your parents and he's brining a random older woman? You're barely related to this person why was he invited?

In many cultures, there is delineation between close and extended family is not as pronounced as is in American culture. This line of argument doesn’t stand.

Oh please. In those cultures the grandmother helps for more than a measly 5 days and does not view herself as a martyr. It is normal and expected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your uncle has two toddlers? Is this your dad's much much younger brother and you are about the same age?

Wait, he's your uncle, so not a sibling to either of your parents and he's brining a random older woman? You're barely related to this person why was he invited?

In many cultures, there is delineation between close and extended family is not as pronounced as is in American culture. This line of argument doesn’t stand.

Oh please. In those cultures the grandmother helps for more than a measly 5 days and does not view herself as a martyr. It is normal and expected.

In those cultures, it’s actually the grandmother-level who controls. Can you guys not romanticize something you don’t fully understand?

[Anonymous]

Team OP ALL. THE. WAY.

It wasn't until I had kids that I was able to draw boundaries that were looooong overdue.

OP, hunker down and spend time w/ the people who make you feel good. Period. However many or few that is.

Push your mother to the sidelines, where she can stay until you are ready to decide exactly what you will allow.

Let your husband draw the boundaries if he's willing - it can be a burden lifted off you.

Congratulations on your baby!!!

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you overreacted. You’re 5 days PP and she invited people into your safe space. I also don’t think you should apologize. You did nothing wrong and you should avoid apologizing to make other people feel less uncomfortable about their own mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Your mom stomped all over your reasonable boundaries and acted like the victim. Chances are, she's always been like this and you're just finding out. I'd distant myself for a while just to heal.