Insisting that DC's college be within driving distance...reasonable or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not reasonable. Your child is going to go to college as an adult. This is a crazy limitation. If there is truly a life changing emergency you can shell out for a flight for that unlikely opportunity. It’s not about you anymore, it’s about your child becoming independent.

So do you think not having enough money is also crazy? If you don't have the money, you tell your kids just like you tell them you don't have the money to buy them a car or a horse or whatever else they ask for.

If the reason is money then let the kid pay their own flights home or limit them. I went to school cross country and only came home once a year, for winter break. If I wanted to come home more often it was on me. I stayed locally and got an internship by school in the summers and spring break.

+1. However, I suspect that incentivizing limits on trips home is the opposite of what OP is hoping to achieve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have asked that our DC choose a college within driving distance (6-7 hours). One, we just want to be able to get to her college at the drop of a hat in case of an emergency. We think it would also mean we'd see her, and she'd have the ability to come home, more often. And finally, there is the cost. We just can't afford air fare back and forth for DC on a regular basis, let alone my DH, me and sibling.

Thoughts? DC isn't pushing for the west coast, but certainly the midwest (like Indiana/Wisconsin) or the SEC schools.

What are the schools and their potential costs? Just tack on the travel cost to the total cost and tell DC the total must come in under budget.

[Anonymous]

Many colleges don’t allow students to stay in dorms over breaks unless they are international students. So the OP can’t count on her kid saving money by staying at school over breaks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s fully reasonable. DCUM is not at all representative of most parents.

This. I am trading posters talking about how expensive GWU and GU are and stating that three airfares should not be that big of a difference. And others stating that state schools such as Wisconsin, Michigan and Indiana could cost as much as 59k; therefore, finding money for airfare is NBD.

Did OP ever state that college tuition was NBD? Maybe it is or isn’t, but y’all have no idea how OP is finding her kid’s tuition, room, board and books. Not everyone has a HHI of DCUM’s typical 300k plus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perfectly reasonable, OP.

My parents set a similar radius both for financial reasons and because they didn’t want to deal more complicated logistics. Leaves your kid with plenty of options.

I agree. There are PLENTY of good options within a 6 hour driving radius of the DMV.

If you are helping to pay, it is reasonable to limit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The response to OP clearly show how out of touch some of you are. OP said cost was an issue, obviously she’s not picking schools where the cost of attendance would justify an airline ticket. OP You know what you can afford and you know your child. I’d set the budget for the school and let your child know you cannot afford anything that would require a flight. There are plenty of reasonable schools that would fit the bill, especially if your child would be on financial aid.

Except driving (plus kid taking a car and insuring it and parking it in the college down) isn't necessarily cheaper than flights.

Depends on school location. Air flight into major airport plus a rental car to get to and from the university can be costly. I don’t imagine OP’s child would have a car on campus his first year and maybe even his second year. And it is frightening that anyone would assume that all university students come from homes that have the funds to purchase an 18 year old a car and all the financial responsibilities that go along with such ownership.

[Anonymous]

What if DC finds a school that is 2k (or whatever a reasonable travel cost difference would be) less expensive than the 7-hour driving-distance schools? OP's question does not make sense without specific schools for context. Cost? Budget? Stats (for merit odds)?

There are lots of ways to skin the cat, i.e., both have total cost come in under OP's budget and DC to have the geographic experience they are hoping for. Plenty of far-away colleges could be less-expensive than the 7-hour-drive colleges but it just depends on so many specifics that OP hasn't come back to explain.

[Anonymous]

If the travel cost puts a particular school over OP's budget, then it's certainly reasonable for OP to say so. What is not reasonable is to assume that total cost of schools within 6-7 hours is automatically less expensive than total cost of schools outside that boundary. Too many other factors.

If OP really wants to know whether their distance rule would be reasonable. they'll come back and provide more information about budget and costs of the schools under consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have asked that our DC choose a college within driving distance (6-7 hours). One, we just want to be able to get to her college at the drop of a hat in case of an emergency. We think it would also mean we'd see her, and she'd have the ability to come home, more often. And finally, there is the cost. We just can't afford air fare back and forth for DC on a regular basis, let alone my DH, me and sibling.

Thoughts? DC isn't pushing for the west coast, but certainly the midwest (like Indiana/Wisconsin) or the SEC schools.

Totally REASONABLE. In fact, MANY parents say: pick a school that is in-state!

You are willing to work with a 6-7 hrs drive... that seems more than generous to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be willing to bet that after driving 7 hours each way a few times (gas + one night in a hotel) OP would find that a plane ticket to Madison is a better value for the time and money. And if OP can afford 59kyr, it's hard to wonder why a minor difference in cost would be a significant factor here.

I can afford $35k but not $40k per year. A few extra thousand will be a determining factor. It is for most people.

Is this OP? What specific schools are on the table that are only 35k/yr (are you merit hunting)? U Wisconsin and Indiana U seem unlikely to be affordable. Consider that asking for suggestions that might help resolve the conflict on cost by factoring that in. Preferred size, geographic location, and your kid's stats would be helpful to know for posters offering recommendations.

Note that, as someone may have mentioned above, a direct flight may be easier and cheaper than trying to get to a location with a smaller airport - it varies. (Playing around with expedia to get an idea of typical prices might be worthwhile.)

No, it isn't OP. I was pointing out to the PP who doesn't seem to comprehend that most people have financial limits so a few extra thousand dollars might be a very good reason not to pursue something that far. A couple of flights per year can add up especially during holiday times.

You factor this in, duh. Lots of people have explained this already. What are you not getting? It's stupid to limit your search. Just know that the final choice will come down to financials.

[Anonymous]

No reason to spend time or money or let your kid get excited about a school when travel costs mean they couldn’t attend. There is nothing wrong with limiting your child. Most of the world does it except for DCUM where it’s considered child abuse. Saying something costs too much is reality.

[Anonymous]

We never went to parents weekend.
Work is always busy at that time and it was easier to save the $$. Not a big deal, my kid didn’t mind. We are obviously going for graduation, 4 years go by fast. I say let the kid go where they want but make sure they understand the logistical hurdles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No reason to spend time or money or let your kid get excited about a school when travel costs mean they couldn’t attend. There is nothing wrong with limiting your child. Most of the world does it except for DCUM where it’s considered child abuse. Saying something costs too much is reality.

College costs are too variable to know for certain that a school requiring a flight will cost, in total, more than a school within a 7-hour drive. Way too many other factors. Certainly add travel cost to the total cost and then compare to budget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s fully reasonable. DCUM is not at all representative of most parents.

This. I am trading posters talking about how expensive GWU and GU are and stating that three airfares should not be that big of a difference. And others stating that state schools such as Wisconsin, Michigan and Indiana could cost as much as 59k; therefore, finding money for airfare is NBD.

Did OP ever state that college tuition was NBD? Maybe it is or isn’t, but y’all have no idea how OP is finding her kid’s tuition, room, board and books. Not everyone has a HHI of DCUM’s typical 300k plus.

Reading comprehension is sorely lacking, then. We're talking about how you cannot know in advance what aid package schools may be willing to offer. Therefore, it might be that a school far away ends up being financially viable, even with travel, than one closer to home.

So don't be stupid and limit yourself right from the start.

And try to read other people's explanations correctly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No reason to spend time or money or let your kid get excited about a school when travel costs mean they couldn’t attend. There is nothing wrong with limiting your child. Most of the world does it except for DCUM where it’s considered child abuse. Saying something costs too much is reality.

+1