Insisting that DC's college be within driving distance...reasonable or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s fully reasonable. DCUM is not at all representative of most parents.

DCUM is much more uptight and controlling than most parents.

[Anonymous]

Anyone entertaining the amusing notion that transport fees register at all in the total cost of attendance is not apprised of what colleges cost nowadays... because if that were truly the case, they would be low-income and planning solely on financial aid in-state!

UMD and UVA are 30K a year.
Some private universities are more than 90K a year.
"Full rides" are usually for tuition only, not room and board, and they're very rare these days. Colleges prefer to spread of their aid to more students, so everyone gets a little something. Emphasis on LITTLE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have asked that our DC choose a college within driving distance (6-7 hours). One, we just want to be able to get to her college at the drop of a hat in case of an emergency. We think it would also mean we'd see her, and she'd have the ability to come home, more often. And finally, there is the cost. We just can't afford air fare back and forth for DC on a regular basis, let alone my DH, me and sibling.

Thoughts? DC isn't pushing for the west coast, but certainly the midwest (like Indiana/Wisconsin) or the SEC schools.

I think it's more than reasonable if you can't afford to travel or if there is a reason you may need to get to her, like does she have a medical condition that may flare up and she would need you. But keep in mind that some of the midwestern schools may offer more merit aid so in the overall scheme of affordability, they actually may be more affordable than pricier east coast schools that you can drive to. Or can DD get a job to offset travel costs if she's really set on going to the midwest?

[Anonymous]

The response to OP clearly show how out of touch some of you are. OP said cost was an issue, obviously she’s not picking schools where the cost of attendance would justify an airline ticket. OP You know what you can afford and you know your child. I’d set the budget for the school and let your child know you cannot afford anything that would require a flight. There are plenty of reasonable schools that would fit the bill, especially if your child would be on financial aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cost of flying home a few times per year is a drop in the bucket compared to cost of attendance at public universities out of state. Wisconsin 59k, Indiana 57k. If you can afford this, you would find a way to swing the 1.5k or so per year for flying home and back 3x.

I think your limitation is unreasonable. If money is that tight, choose a cheaper school.

You, DH, and sibling do not need to fly to the college. At most, one of you can fly there for the first move-in, freshman year, to assist.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have asked that our DC choose a college within driving distance (6-7 hours). One, we just want to be able to get to her college at the drop of a hat in case of an emergency. We think it would also mean we'd see her, and she'd have the ability to come home, more often. And finally, there is the cost. We just can't afford air fare back and forth for DC on a regular basis, let alone my DH, me and sibling.

Thoughts? DC isn't pushing for the west coast, but certainly the midwest (like Indiana/Wisconsin) or the SEC schools.

What schools? How much is the budget and anticipated merit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have asked that our DC choose a college within driving distance (6-7 hours). One, we just want to be able to get to her college at the drop of a hat in case of an emergency. We think it would also mean we'd see her, and she'd have the ability to come home, more often. And finally, there is the cost. We just can't afford air fare back and forth for DC on a regular basis, let alone my DH, me and sibling.

Thoughts? DC isn't pushing for the west coast, but certainly the midwest (like Indiana/Wisconsin) or the SEC schools.

Imo if that's the reason, that's the reason. My kid is going to CA from DC. It's going to be very expensive for us to go to family weekend, etc.

But if the true root of the issue is that you're nervous and trying to limit for some sense of control/assuage your anxiety, that's not fair to your kid.

One goes to "family weekend" zero to one time over the course of a kids' 4 year college experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The response to OP clearly show how out of touch some of you are. OP said cost was an issue, obviously she’s not picking schools where the cost of attendance would justify an airline ticket. OP You know what you can afford and you know your child. I’d set the budget for the school and let your child know you cannot afford anything that would require a flight. There are plenty of reasonable schools that would fit the bill, especially if your child would be on financial aid.

Except driving (plus kid taking a car and insuring it and parking it in the college down) isn't necessarily cheaper than flights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:So- here goes. The number of kids with mental illness first appearing in college has absolutely skyrocketed since Covid.

Anecdotally this is what I know:
2 co-workers (kids placed on psychaitric hold)
2 neighbors (kids fell into deep depression; parents had to fly out and bring them home)
1 woman at gym (son had first schizophrenia attack)
2 friends of neighbor's kids (depression and had to take semesters off)
1 good friend's son picked up by police wandering with first mental break--ended up in jail in another state because police didn't recognize symptoms

Studies/surveys now show kids in this demo group --30-35% are suffering from mental illness. And boys with depression can show absolutely zero signs to close family members and friends.

We aren't allowing our kids to go West to school. Not just for this reason, but also because with the airlines and the trouble and expense of flights and for the fact for both of them their intended majors are much better served in this area.

For the majority of these, I would not respond by jumping in my car to drive 7 hours.

The one sitting in a jail cell in a mental break DEFINITELY needed his parents to show up. And it was traumatic for everyone. If they hadn't stepped in it would have been ugly. They were able to drive him to and select an in-patient facility near their home. There is no way he would have gotten out of prison, had the proper legal representation and been able to be transported in his manic, schizophrenic state without his parents taking him. They were luckily 75 minute drive away.

I agree! But I would have flown, not driven for that level of emergency. Like you say, it was lucky that his parents could be there in 75 minutes.

On the other end, needing to take a semester off for depression is neither a "jump in the car and drive now" emergency OR a last-minute flight emergency.

You really think you can just book a flight that easily--depending on the location of the school, flight availability and number of flights per day and/if you need a connection? My friend has to book a flight and then a train or rent a car for another hour drive. It is a big hassle if they are trying to do this with little notice. In an emergency, it would be next to impossible.

Now is we are talking direct flights to Boston that happen from DC literally every hour and they are right there that's one thing. But a lot of these schools in the midwest or different portions of Cali, etc. are not that direct.

I agree with you, and I also said a DIRECT flight is a better proposition than a 7-8 hour drive in an emergency situation. It's just that a very long drive isn't really that great of an emergency plan, especially if you get the news late at night, and now we are talking an all-night drive and an exhausted parent trying to deal with the medical or criminal justice system? It's just not much of a plan at all, if that's what we are trying to plan around.

Yes but with a school within driving distance, you have both options, either a flight or a drive. Or sometimes a train too. If it's not within driving distance, you are completely at the mercy of the airlines. I don't want to be in that situation if my child needs me urgently, but to each their own.

[Anonymous]

At first, I thought yes, it's reasonable if you can't afford for her to be far away from home. But, I don't consider 6-7 hours within driving distance. I would consider 1-2 hours reasonable if the concern is money and emergencies. 6-7 hours is so far that you really couldn't get there quickly for an emergency. And, it is so far that I agree you have to do the math to see if you would actually save anything by not flying. I also agree that it would depend on any free aid she might get that would balance out the costs. I would probably have explained that she can look wherever she wants but whether she can actually attend will depend on the math after accounting for all factors so be open to all options because we might have to say no if we can't afford it.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand how OP thinks her kid is going to drive home, unless kid has a car at college. Which is a heck of a lotmore expensive than a few flights.

And as for the person above who says posters are out of touch, you dont necessarily KNOW how much college is going to costs until you apply and see the financial and merit aid package.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The response to OP clearly show how out of touch some of you are. OP said cost was an issue, obviously she’s not picking schools where the cost of attendance would justify an airline ticket. OP You know what you can afford and you know your child. I’d set the budget for the school and let your child know you cannot afford anything that would require a flight. There are plenty of reasonable schools that would fit the bill, especially if your child would be on financial aid.

Read the other responses before making a fool of yourself.

[Anonymous]

I think you are being unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

I went to school an 11 hour drive away. My dad drove with me to drop me off as a freshman and pick me up as a senior when I graduated. I flew back the other times but it was only twice a year - winter break and beginning/end of school year. They never visited me there. I don't think distance should be the only deciding factor. Like some of the other PPs, I think you may be letting your anxiety about this transition color your views. Also, if your child currently doesn't show any signs of mental illness, I don't think it's reasonable to base your decision on needing to get quickly to your child in the event of a mental breakdown like one PP suggested.

[Anonymous]

My DC kid with chronic health concerns went to undergrad in Chicago. Emergencies did happen. I flew in a few times for emergent hospitalizations and drove for a couple of scheduled medical procedures. My thoughts:

- Yes, the travel was expensive.
- Landing in the very cold Midwest is not a sure thing in winter. Lots of diverted flights when I was trying to reach kid quickly.
- I'm not an experienced snow/ice driver so was reluctant to make the drive in some parts of winter.
- I can handle driving for up to 12 hours a day. It sucks but I can manage.
- If your kid is less inclined toward frequent emergencies than mine, you probably don't need to worry so very much about travel and will have options when the trip is needed.