Insisting that DC's college be within driving distance...reasonable or not?

[Anonymous]

My kid is the batch of 2022. Majority of kids coming out of COVID lockdown did not want to be more than 4 hours away.

My kid got COVID for the first time once he waz in the dorm. It took him 2 weeks to recover at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot depends on the child.

First semester, friend drove a seven hour one-way distance on a biweekly -- even weekly -- basis to visit her daughter, who has pre-existing mental health issues. Things improved a lot second semester and mom was able to not go up quite so often.

Well obviously, if you have a kid with that severe of mental health issues or regular health issues that actually requires your being involved on that level, you dont' send your kid even 6 hours away....you find them a good school within 1-2 hour drive.
But that is not most kids. Most kids do just fine being a distance away, especially if they chose the school and really want to attend. Sure adjusting is difficult, but that would be the case wherever you are and in some ways not seeing the family and friends from home very other week is a good thing---it forces you to go out of your comfort zone, make new friends and take advantages of all your university has to offer.

The kids (many) that I know had no prior known mental illness. This is a plague hitting college age kids. So many with severe depression, schizophrenia, bipolar, etc that happen once on campus. 30% of college kids will experience it.

30% will experience such major mental illness? Pease provide a credible cite. We know lots of kids who have attended schools more than a 6-7 hour drive from the DMV and only a very few experienced anything like that. The vast majority loved their time away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ this is new. It’s not like 10, 20, 30 years ago.

Maybe it's the effect of everyone pushing their kids so hard in HS to get into an "elite" school, and then the pressure continues at the elite colleges as well. And if they don't get into an elite school, they feel like they have failed and their life is over.
I suspect much of the mental health issues are driven by our culture of keeping kids constantly under pressure and it's sad because it is not necessary.

You don't develop schizophrenia and bipolar disorder before your parents were hard on you.

[Anonymous]

It's reasonable to limit to driving distance, especially if DC isn't majoring ina super specialized field or doesn't have large amounts of financial aid.

Trying to fly is expensive and sometimes difficult now, especially at Thanksgiving and Christmas, and they have to be out of the dorms during school breaks.

And, parents will typically need to go to the college sometime. If your kid gets Covid or there is a weather disaster (happening more and more) it's going to be a pain to fly out to their school. I'll never forget that one of my friends in college had to stay in the mental health ward of the local hospital for two months without her parents; we went and visited, but no one was there to supervise her care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's reasonable to limit to driving distance, especially if DC isn't majoring ina super specialized field or doesn't have large amounts of financial aid.

Trying to fly is expensive and sometimes difficult now, especially at Thanksgiving and Christmas, and they have to be out of the dorms during school breaks.

And, parents will typically need to go to the college sometime. If your kid gets Covid or there is a weather disaster (happening more and more) it's going to be a pain to fly out to their school. I'll never forget that one of my friends in college had to stay in the mental health ward of the local hospital for two months without her parents; we went and visited, but no one was there to supervise her care.

Some parents may need to go to their kid's college unexpectedly, but no, that's not "typical".

[Anonymous]

Our DC is not allowed to move more than 2 hour’s drive drive until he is 30. Brains aren’t fully developed until then.

We had DC sign a form agreeing to this the day she turned 18. We use proudchoppermama.com

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's reasonable to limit to driving distance, especially if DC isn't majoring ina super specialized field or doesn't have large amounts of financial aid.

Trying to fly is expensive and sometimes difficult now, especially at Thanksgiving and Christmas, and they have to be out of the dorms during school breaks.

And, parents will typically need to go to the college sometime. If your kid gets Covid or there is a weather disaster (happening more and more) it's going to be a pain to fly out to their school. I'll never forget that one of my friends in college had to stay in the mental health ward of the local hospital for two months without her parents; we went and visited, but no one was there to supervise her care.

Using the most extreme examples doesn't help. In reality most college kids are fine going further afield. I went to college in New England back in the 1990s and it was very common to have students driving up from DC and further south, and most flew for the holidays and flights were even more expensive back then. Or took the train. Mollycoddling your kid isn't going to help. Colleges also tend to have longer breaks around the holidays so you're not flying the day before Thanksgiving. And many if not most dorms do let kids stay over Thanksgiving unless things have changed. Sometimes your kid may want to go to a friend's for Thanksgiving. Don't control the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's reasonable to limit to driving distance, especially if DC isn't majoring ina super specialized field or doesn't have large amounts of financial aid.

Trying to fly is expensive and sometimes difficult now, especially at Thanksgiving and Christmas, and they have to be out of the dorms during school breaks.

And, parents will typically need to go to the college sometime. If your kid gets Covid or there is a weather disaster (happening more and more) it's going to be a pain to fly out to their school. I'll never forget that one of my friends in college had to stay in the mental health ward of the local hospital for two months without her parents; we went and visited, but no one was there to supervise her care.

Using the most extreme examples doesn't help. In reality most college kids are fine going further afield. I went to college in New England back in the 1990s and it was very common to have students driving up from DC and further south, and most flew for the holidays and flights were even more expensive back then. Or took the train. Mollycoddling your kid isn't going to help. Colleges also tend to have longer breaks around the holidays so you're not flying the day before Thanksgiving. And many if not most dorms do let kids stay over Thanksgiving unless things have changed. Sometimes your kid may want to go to a friend's for Thanksgiving. Don't control the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's reasonable to limit to driving distance, especially if DC isn't majoring ina super specialized field or doesn't have large amounts of financial aid.

Trying to fly is expensive and sometimes difficult now, especially at Thanksgiving and Christmas, and they have to be out of the dorms during school breaks.

And, parents will typically need to go to the college sometime. If your kid gets Covid or there is a weather disaster (happening more and more) it's going to be a pain to fly out to their school. I'll never forget that one of my friends in college had to stay in the mental health ward of the local hospital for two months without her parents; we went and visited, but no one was there to supervise her care.

Using the most extreme examples doesn't help. In reality most college kids are fine going further afield. I went to college in New England back in the 1990s and it was very common to have students driving up from DC and further south, and most flew for the holidays and flights were even more expensive back then. Or took the train. Mollycoddling your kid isn't going to help. Colleges also tend to have longer breaks around the holidays so you're not flying the day before Thanksgiving. And many if not most dorms do let kids stay over Thanksgiving unless things have changed. Sometimes your kid may want to go to a friend's for Thanksgiving. [b]Don't control the future.

[/b]


Another DCUM response. Most people have to control where their kids apply because most people have limited budgets. Very few students have the complete freedom to go anywhere and do anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is the batch of 2022. Majority of kids coming out of COVID lockdown did not want to be more than 4 hours away.

My kid got COVID for the first time once he waz in the dorm. It took him 2 weeks to recover at home.

My kid got covid fall 2020, prevaccination obviously. They managed from 2.5K miles from home. Yes it was challenging, but they did. Yes, I wished I was closer at that point. Yes it was rough FaceTiming my kid wonder if they should go to the hospital or would be ok at their apartment.

Same kid had a few medical issues while at college. As in waking up with a stiff neck and could barely move it----after a quick consult with us, they had a friend drive them to the ER and stay with them and drive them to pick up medications and then back home. Friends monitored them, and there were tons of parents on the schools FB page who would have happily stepped in to assist had I needed to ask. Most importantly, my kid learned to adult and manage real life issues and was proud they did it themselves.

But my next kid still chose to go 3K from home because that was the best school for them. Sure being closer to home would be easier, but they didn't really find what they wanted anywhere near us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ this is new. It’s not like 10, 20, 30 years ago.

Maybe it's the effect of everyone pushing their kids so hard in HS to get into an "elite" school, and then the pressure continues at the elite colleges as well. And if they don't get into an elite school, they feel like they have failed and their life is over.
I suspect much of the mental health issues are driven by our culture of keeping kids constantly under pressure and it's sad because it is not necessary.

You don't develop schizophrenia and bipolar disorder before your parents were hard on you.

And 30% of college kids are not developing schizophrenia and bipolar disorder (diseases that typically manifest themselves in the early 20s). There may be an increase in anxiety and depression and that is very likely a result of the pressure kids are put under by tiger parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's reasonable to limit to driving distance, especially if DC isn't majoring ina super specialized field or doesn't have large amounts of financial aid.

Trying to fly is expensive and sometimes difficult now, especially at Thanksgiving and Christmas, and they have to be out of the dorms during school breaks.

And, parents will typically need to go to the college sometime. If your kid gets Covid or there is a weather disaster (happening more and more) it's going to be a pain to fly out to their school. I'll never forget that one of my friends in college had to stay in the mental health ward of the local hospital for two months without her parents; we went and visited, but no one was there to supervise her care.

The 2 month thing is an extreme example, and I'm fairly certain most parents would go in that case, no matter what the finances. But that is not typically going to happen.

And you do not have to go to your kid if they get Covid. Most manage that just fine, even did in 2020.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's reasonable to limit to driving distance, especially if DC isn't majoring ina super specialized field or doesn't have large amounts of financial aid.

Trying to fly is expensive and sometimes difficult now, especially at Thanksgiving and Christmas, and they have to be out of the dorms during school breaks.

And, parents will typically need to go to the college sometime. If your kid gets Covid or there is a weather disaster (happening more and more) it's going to be a pain to fly out to their school. I'll never forget that one of my friends in college had to stay in the mental health ward of the local hospital for two months without her parents; we went and visited, but no one was there to supervise her care.

Using the most extreme examples doesn't help. In reality most college kids are fine going further afield. I went to college in New England back in the 1990s and it was very common to have students driving up from DC and further south, and most flew for the holidays and flights were even more expensive back then. Or took the train. Mollycoddling your kid isn't going to help. Colleges also tend to have longer breaks around the holidays so you're not flying the day before Thanksgiving. And many if not most dorms do let kids stay over Thanksgiving unless things have changed. Sometimes your kid may want to go to a friend's for Thanksgiving. [b]Don't control the future.

[/b]


Another DCUM response. Most people have to control where their kids apply because most people have limited budgets. Very few students have the complete freedom to go anywhere and do anything.

So you don't say "within a 4 hour drive". You state "our budget is $X thousand per year. That includes travel, book, all expenses/all in. So we need to find the right place for you that stays within our budget". That could be a school 6 hour flight away if the costs are right.
Don't use your own fears and desire to keep your kid under your tight control.