Insisting that DC's college be within driving distance...reasonable or not?

[Anonymous]

I'd be willing to bet that after driving 7 hours each way a few times (gas + one night in a hotel) OP would find that a plane ticket to Madison is a better value for the time and money. And if OP can afford 59kyr, it's hard to wonder why a minor difference in cost would be a significant factor here.

[Anonymous]

The degree and education is most important for us and internships. For my kid the DMV offers the best for his major. I have friends that went to schools locally and their parents never saw them. Being on campus was a different world and navigating a city vs a suburban/rural campus had a lot more life lessons. So the idea that distance is the difference in independence is crazy when half of those kids have zero street smarts and don’t even know how to ride the subway.

[Anonymous]

Ours picked a place 6 hours by car and 1.5 hours by plane away. If we drive we need at least 1 and preferably 2 hotel nights to recover and have some fun. So at least $500 plus expenses per trip. Twice a year $1,000. Three times a year $1,500. Four times a year $2,000. Times 4 years $4-8,000, unbudgeted.

Flying can cut the hotel in half, but that is offset by the airfare x2 parents and/or 2 parents plus 1 DC.

Sure, we could conceivably drive up, do lunch and then drive home, but for us that is physically unwise.

Would’ve been a lot better if DC liked a place 2 hours away. But they liked this one. So we’re going to give it our best. Likelihood is fewer visits and DC the only one traveling (by air) for breaks and holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be willing to bet that after driving 7 hours each way a few times (gas + one night in a hotel) OP would find that a plane ticket to Madison is a better value for the time and money. And if OP can afford 59kyr, it's hard to wonder why a minor difference in cost would be a significant factor here.

I can afford $35k but not $40k per year. A few extra thousand will be a determining factor. It is for most people.

[Anonymous]

Well for us, money wasn't an issue - feel I should be honest about that since you brought up cost. We have one kid who is a total mama's boy and one who waved over her shoulder as she skipped off, yet both chose schools across the country from home. My kids have had broken bones, mono, a stalker, a toxic roommate, etc. We haven't had to fly out for any of those things and yet have still been supportive and aware.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have asked that our DC choose a college within driving distance (6-7 hours). One, we just want to be able to get to her college at the drop of a hat in case of an emergency. We think it would also mean we'd see her, and she'd have the ability to come home, more often. And finally, there is the cost. We just can't afford air fare back and forth for DC on a regular basis, let alone my DH, me and sibling.

Thoughts? DC isn't pushing for the west coast, but certainly the midwest (like Indiana/Wisconsin) or the SEC schools.

OP, if airfare is a significant financial hurdle for your family, it seems like you need to also be limiting your DC to schools where she is going to receive substantial financial assistance. The fact that you haven't mentioned that makes me think this is really about your psychological need to be within a 6-7 hours driving distance. I get it, but I think that's unfair, and I also think it's crappy you aren't being honest with yourself and your child about the real reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be willing to bet that after driving 7 hours each way a few times (gas + one night in a hotel) OP would find that a plane ticket to Madison is a better value for the time and money. And if OP can afford 59kyr, it's hard to wonder why a minor difference in cost would be a significant factor here.

I can afford $35k but not $40k per year. A few extra thousand will be a determining factor. It is for most people.

Is this OP? What specific schools are on the table that are only 35k/yr (are you merit hunting)? U Wisconsin and Indiana U seem unlikely to be affordable. Consider that asking for suggestions that might help resolve the conflict on cost by factoring that in. Preferred size, geographic location, and your kid's stats would be helpful to know for posters offering recommendations.

Note that, as someone may have mentioned above, a direct flight may be easier and cheaper than trying to get to a location with a smaller airport - it varies. (Playing around with expedia to get an idea of typical prices might be worthwhile.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have asked that our DC choose a college within driving distance (6-7 hours). One, we just want to be able to get to her college at the drop of a hat in case of an emergency. We think it would also mean we'd see her, and she'd have the ability to come home, more often. And finally, there is the cost. We just can't afford air fare back and forth for DC on a regular basis, let alone my DH, me and sibling.

Thoughts? DC isn't pushing for the west coast, but certainly the midwest (like Indiana/Wisconsin) or the SEC schools.

Is it time or money?

Boston is an 8-10 hour drive (outside of your driving distance maximum), yet about an hour flight.

Depending on the flight I suppose driving would be cheaper, but not always.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ours picked a place 6 hours by car and 1.5 hours by plane away. If we drive we need at least 1 and preferably 2 hotel nights to recover and have some fun. So at least $500 plus expenses per trip. Twice a year $1,000. Three times a year $1,500. Four times a year $2,000. Times 4 years $4-8,000, unbudgeted.

Flying can cut the hotel in half, but that is offset by the airfare x2 parents and/or 2 parents plus 1 DC.

Sure, we could conceivably drive up, do lunch and then drive home, but for us that is physically unwise.

Would’ve been a lot better if DC liked a place 2 hours away. But they liked this one. So we’re going to give it our best. Likelihood is fewer visits and DC the only one traveling (by air) for breaks and holidays.

DP. Correct. Most families are not flying both spouses and sibling to the college location unless they can easily afford it. Where finances are thin, family flying can be avoided in its entirety.

If family flying to the college is very important to the student, then the student may consider that a potentially limiting factor in favor of choosing a closer school, and it is good for the parent to point this out at this stage. OP, it would be reasonable for you to say, "if you choose school X, we will not be visiting you and you will be limited to coming home for winter break and summer."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be willing to bet that after driving 7 hours each way a few times (gas + one night in a hotel) OP would find that a plane ticket to Madison is a better value for the time and money. And if OP can afford 59kyr, it's hard to wonder why a minor difference in cost would be a significant factor here.

I can afford $35k but not $40k per year. A few extra thousand will be a determining factor. It is for most people.

Is this OP? What specific schools are on the table that are only 35k/yr (are you merit hunting)? U Wisconsin and Indiana U seem unlikely to be affordable. Consider that asking for suggestions that might help resolve the conflict on cost by factoring that in. Preferred size, geographic location, and your kid's stats would be helpful to know for posters offering recommendations.

Note that, as someone may have mentioned above, a direct flight may be easier and cheaper than trying to get to a location with a smaller airport - it varies. (Playing around with expedia to get an idea of typical prices might be worthwhile.)

No, it isn't OP. I was pointing out to the PP who doesn't seem to comprehend that most people have financial limits so a few extra thousand dollars might be a very good reason not to pursue something that far. A couple of flights per year can add up especially during holiday times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not reasonable. Your child is going to go to college as an adult. This is a crazy limitation. If there is truly a life changing emergency you can shell out for a flight for that unlikely opportunity. It’s not about you anymore, it’s about your child becoming independent.

So do you think not having enough money is also crazy? If you don't have the money, you tell your kids just like you tell them you don't have the money to buy them a car or a horse or whatever else they ask for.

If the reason is money then let the kid pay their own flights home or limit them. I went to school cross country and only came home once a year, for winter break. If I wanted to come home more often it was on me. I stayed locally and got an internship by school in the summers and spring break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not really

why? They are paying for it. Even if they are 18, you know that they will want the parents to pay for transportation to and from.

If the college aged child can pay for their own transportation, and won't expect mom/dad to come help when they are physically sick, or for move in/out, then sure. Do what they want.

My college bound DC is going to be within an hour. It just worked out that way. We didn't put a limit on it, but my goodness.. the logistics is sooo much easier, and cheaper.

I'm seeing OOS parents on the college FB group lamenting about the cost and logistics to come for orientation, move in day, family day.. .. they are all separate days scattered throughout the months. They haven't even started college, and you are already paying for multiple plane trips for 2+.

I told DH that I want the younger DC to be within 3 hours of a car ride because everything is soo much easier and cheaper.

[Anonymous]

OP, it would be more straightforward to talk about actual schools and actual numbers. Tell DC that the travel cost needs to be factored into the total cost for a particular school, e.g. a budget of $1500 per year for three round trips, etc.

Does your DC know your 35k/year budget? If DC is accepted to a school that will only cost 30k/year but will involve plane tickets for 2k/year, would you agree to that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The response to OP clearly show how out of touch some of you are. OP said cost was an issue, obviously she’s not picking schools where the cost of attendance would justify an airline ticket. OP You know what you can afford and you know your child. I’d set the budget for the school and let your child know you cannot afford anything that would require a flight. There are plenty of reasonable schools that would fit the bill, especially if your child would be on financial aid.

Except driving (plus kid taking a car and insuring it and parking it in the college down) isn't necessarily cheaper than flights.

? presumably OP would have a car regardless, so the insuring part doesn't matter.

Driving is less of a hassle than flying these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be willing to bet that after driving 7 hours each way a few times (gas + one night in a hotel) OP would find that a plane ticket to Madison is a better value for the time and money. And if OP can afford 59kyr, it's hard to wonder why a minor difference in cost would be a significant factor here.

I can afford $35k but not $40k per year. A few extra thousand will be a determining factor. It is for most people.

Is this OP? What specific schools are on the table that are only 35k/yr (are you merit hunting)? U Wisconsin and Indiana U seem unlikely to be affordable. Consider that asking for suggestions that might help resolve the conflict on cost by factoring that in. Preferred size, geographic location, and your kid's stats would be helpful to know for posters offering recommendations.

Note that, as someone may have mentioned above, a direct flight may be easier and cheaper than trying to get to a location with a smaller airport - it varies. (Playing around with expedia to get an idea of typical prices might be worthwhile.)

No, it isn't OP. I was pointing out to the PP who doesn't seem to comprehend that most people have financial limits so a few extra thousand dollars might be a very good reason not to pursue something that far. A couple of flights per year can add up especially during holiday times.

If OP wants to limit the cost that much, then OP should be talking about schools that are within a day's drive round trip. 6-7 hours is too far. 2-3 hours would be more reasonable.

Travel cost is a fairly small item in the total cost of attendance for those paying sticker. A cost discussion about travel alone is missing the forest for the trees. Merit scholarships and need-based aid should be the focus of OP's question, with travel cost being one small consideration in that much larger picture.