Insisting that DC's college be within driving distance...reasonable or not?

[Anonymous]

Cost of flying home a few times per year is a drop in the bucket compared to cost of attendance at public universities out of state. Wisconsin 59k, Indiana 57k. If you can afford this, you would find a way to swing the 1.5k or so per year for flying home and back 3x.

I think your limitation is unreasonable. If money is that tight, choose a cheaper school.

You, DH, and sibling do not need to fly to the college. At most, one of you can fly there for the first move-in, freshman year, to assist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So- here goes. The number of kids with mental illness first appearing in college has absolutely skyrocketed since Covid.

Anecdotally this is what I know:
2 co-workers (kids placed on psychaitric hold)
2 neighbors (kids fell into deep depression; parents had to fly out and bring them home)
1 woman at gym (son had first schizophrenia attack)
2 friends of neighbor's kids (depression and had to take semesters off)
1 good friend's son picked up by police wandering with first mental break--ended up in jail in another state because police didn't recognize symptoms

Studies/surveys now show kids in this demo group --30-35% are suffering from mental illness. And boys with depression can show absolutely zero signs to close family members and friends.

We aren't allowing our kids to go West to school. Not just for this reason, but also because with the airlines and the trouble and expense of flights and for the fact for both of them their intended majors are much better served in this area.

For the majority of these, I would not respond by jumping in my car to drive 7 hours.

[Anonymous]

I think it is totally reasonable to set a budget. If my kid wanted to be a flight away they would need to figure out the likely travel cost and add that to the college cost and fit the budget with that factored in. Otherwise I agree that emergencies etc would not be a reason to limit distance.

IMO, logistically someplace that's a 3 hr direct flight from DC is actually easier to get to than someplace a 10 hr drive away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have asked that our DC choose a college within driving distance (6-7 hours). One, we just want to be able to get to her college at the drop of a hat in case of an emergency. We think it would also mean we'd see her, and she'd have the ability to come home, more often. And finally, there is the cost. We just can't afford air fare back and forth for DC on a regular basis, let alone my DH, me and sibling.

Thoughts? DC isn't pushing for the west coast, but certainly the midwest (like Indiana/Wisconsin) or the SEC schools.

I think it's fine for you to express your preference and the reasons/benefits of staying within that radius. But personally I wouldn't insist on it if DC truly and strongly wants to venture out farther. Also, you don't need to visit DC more than once during the school year and she doesn't need to fly back except during breaks, so airfare shouldn't be an insurmountable barrier. And how do you know it's unaffordable until you know the cost of attendance of each school applied to after need and/or merit aid?

NO. The nerve of you to tell OP what she considers affordable or not. Not everyone has unlimited disposable funds to assume that whatever the cost, the family could afford more than one air flight home. OP you’re the parents. I told DC to apply to universities within a certain radius. Ty eye are are plethora of choices.

This doesn't make sense at all. There are extremely expensive private unis within the DC area: Georgetown and GW are 85K a year. For that price, OP could visit multiple times a year at Podunk College who will give her kid financial or merit aid and cost maybe 50K. If you or OP are THAT worried about transport, then perhaps in-state should be the main consideration, with hope that some other schools will make offers that bring down their costs to similar prices.

I feel you're confusing anxiety about your child being far away, and actual finances. I'm very sympathetic to those fears! But those are two separate issues.

[Anonymous]

Flying home at breaks is an expensive PITA, as is moving in/out (especially out). So yes I think it's okay to express a strong preference for staying within a one-day drive.

I would not insist, though, and I do not think your "in an emergency" reaonsing is the right reason. This kid will be an adult and you cannot make them stay near you. Explain that you may not be able to afford their airfare home at breaks, and let that direct the conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is totally reasonable to set a budget. If my kid wanted to be a flight away they would need to figure out the likely travel cost and add that to the college cost and fit the budget with that factored in. Otherwise I agree that emergencies etc would not be a reason to limit distance.

IMO, logistically someplace that's a 3 hr direct flight from DC is actually easier to get to than someplace a 10 hr drive away.

This right here. A short direct flight would be much better in an emergency than a daylong drive, particularly for things like a mental health emergency mentioned in this thread.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t set any arbitrary distance rules, but now that we’re 2 years in I’m super grateful that kid is a reasonable drive away (4 hours one way.) We never just pop in unexpectedly, it’s still a long drive. But the stress I hear all the parents on the college FB group dealing with regarding flights/storage etc is significant and I’m glad we just don’t have to deal with that. Also when there have been medical emergencies or issues my ability to just get in car and go gave me peace of mind.

[Anonymous]

Ugh op.

Your kid is growing up. Let go. They don't need to come home more than a few times a year unless they want to. Making them base their college choice on you being able to visit often and her being able to come home often is not healthy.

And money is no excuse necessarily - those midwest colleges might offer merit aid that would make a closer college more expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So- here goes. The number of kids with mental illness first appearing in college has absolutely skyrocketed since Covid.

Anecdotally this is what I know:
2 co-workers (kids placed on psychaitric hold)
2 neighbors (kids fell into deep depression; parents had to fly out and bring them home)
1 woman at gym (son had first schizophrenia attack)
2 friends of neighbor's kids (depression and had to take semesters off)
1 good friend's son picked up by police wandering with first mental break--ended up in jail in another state because police didn't recognize symptoms

Studies/surveys now show kids in this demo group --30-35% are suffering from mental illness. And boys with depression can show absolutely zero signs to close family members and friends.

We aren't allowing our kids to go West to school. Not just for this reason, but also because with the airlines and the trouble and expense of flights and for the fact for both of them their intended majors are much better served in this area.

For the majority of these, I would not respond by jumping in my car to drive 7 hours.

The one sitting in a jail cell in a mental break DEFINITELY needed his parents to show up. And it was traumatic for everyone. If they hadn't stepped in it would have been ugly. They were able to drive him to and select an in-patient facility near their home. There is no way he would have gotten out of prison, had the proper legal representation and been able to be transported in his manic, schizophrenic state without his parents taking him. They were luckily 75 minute drive away.

[Anonymous]

University health clinics are notoriously shitty.

My friend's daughter suffered a really bad flu-like illness with hallucinations and frantically trying to get information and was complete wreck as she could not get a flight out there. She also ended up paying $$$$$$$ because of the bad decisions by the people around her daughter at the tiem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So- here goes. The number of kids with mental illness first appearing in college has absolutely skyrocketed since Covid.

Anecdotally this is what I know:
2 co-workers (kids placed on psychaitric hold)
2 neighbors (kids fell into deep depression; parents had to fly out and bring them home)
1 woman at gym (son had first schizophrenia attack)
2 friends of neighbor's kids (depression and had to take semesters off)
1 good friend's son picked up by police wandering with first mental break--ended up in jail in another state because police didn't recognize symptoms

Studies/surveys now show kids in this demo group --30-35% are suffering from mental illness. And boys with depression can show absolutely zero signs to close family members and friends.

We aren't allowing our kids to go West to school. Not just for this reason, but also because with the airlines and the trouble and expense of flights and for the fact for both of them their intended majors are much better served in this area.

For the majority of these, I would not respond by jumping in my car to drive 7 hours.

The one sitting in a jail cell in a mental break DEFINITELY needed his parents to show up. And it was traumatic for everyone. If they hadn't stepped in it would have been ugly. They were able to drive him to and select an in-patient facility near their home. There is no way he would have gotten out of prison, had the proper legal representation and been able to be transported in his manic, schizophrenic state without his parents taking him. They were luckily 75 minute drive away.

I agree! But I would have flown, not driven for that level of emergency. Like you say, it was lucky that his parents could be there in 75 minutes.

On the other end, needing to take a semester off for depression is neither a "jump in the car and drive now" emergency OR a last-minute flight emergency.

[Anonymous]

OP, it’s fully reasonable. DCUM is not at all representative of most parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So- here goes. The number of kids with mental illness first appearing in college has absolutely skyrocketed since Covid.

Anecdotally this is what I know:
2 co-workers (kids placed on psychaitric hold)
2 neighbors (kids fell into deep depression; parents had to fly out and bring them home)
1 woman at gym (son had first schizophrenia attack)
2 friends of neighbor's kids (depression and had to take semesters off)
1 good friend's son picked up by police wandering with first mental break--ended up in jail in another state because police didn't recognize symptoms

Studies/surveys now show kids in this demo group --30-35% are suffering from mental illness. And boys with depression can show absolutely zero signs to close family members and friends.

We aren't allowing our kids to go West to school. Not just for this reason, but also because with the airlines and the trouble and expense of flights and for the fact for both of them their intended majors are much better served in this area.

For the majority of these, I would not respond by jumping in my car to drive 7 hours.

The one sitting in a jail cell in a mental break DEFINITELY needed his parents to show up. And it was traumatic for everyone. If they hadn't stepped in it would have been ugly. They were able to drive him to and select an in-patient facility near their home. There is no way he would have gotten out of prison, had the proper legal representation and been able to be transported in his manic, schizophrenic state without his parents taking him. They were luckily 75 minute drive away.

I agree! But I would have flown, not driven for that level of emergency. Like you say, it was lucky that his parents could be there in 75 minutes.

On the other end, needing to take a semester off for depression is neither a "jump in the car and drive now" emergency OR a last-minute flight emergency.

You really think you can just book a flight that easily--depending on the location of the school, flight availability and number of flights per day and/if you need a connection? My friend has to book a flight and then a train or rent a car for another hour drive. It is a big hassle if they are trying to do this with little notice. In an emergency, it would be next to impossible.

Now is we are talking direct flights to Boston that happen from DC literally every hour and they are right there that's one thing. But a lot of these schools in the midwest or different portions of Cali, etc. are not that direct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So- here goes. The number of kids with mental illness first appearing in college has absolutely skyrocketed since Covid.

Anecdotally this is what I know:
2 co-workers (kids placed on psychaitric hold)
2 neighbors (kids fell into deep depression; parents had to fly out and bring them home)
1 woman at gym (son had first schizophrenia attack)
2 friends of neighbor's kids (depression and had to take semesters off)
1 good friend's son picked up by police wandering with first mental break--ended up in jail in another state because police didn't recognize symptoms

Studies/surveys now show kids in this demo group --30-35% are suffering from mental illness. And boys with depression can show absolutely zero signs to close family members and friends.

We aren't allowing our kids to go West to school. Not just for this reason, but also because with the airlines and the trouble and expense of flights and for the fact for both of them their intended majors are much better served in this area.

For the majority of these, I would not respond by jumping in my car to drive 7 hours.

The one sitting in a jail cell in a mental break DEFINITELY needed his parents to show up. And it was traumatic for everyone. If they hadn't stepped in it would have been ugly. They were able to drive him to and select an in-patient facility near their home. There is no way he would have gotten out of prison, had the proper legal representation and been able to be transported in his manic, schizophrenic state without his parents taking him. They were luckily 75 minute drive away.

I agree! But I would have flown, not driven for that level of emergency. Like you say, it was lucky that his parents could be there in 75 minutes.

On the other end, needing to take a semester off for depression is neither a "jump in the car and drive now" emergency OR a last-minute flight emergency.

You really think you can just book a flight that easily--depending on the location of the school, flight availability and number of flights per day and/if you need a connection? My friend has to book a flight and then a train or rent a car for another hour drive. It is a big hassle if they are trying to do this with little notice. In an emergency, it would be next to impossible.

Now is we are talking direct flights to Boston that happen from DC literally every hour and they are right there that's one thing. But a lot of these schools in the midwest or different portions of Cali, etc. are not that direct.

I agree with you, and I also said a DIRECT flight is a better proposition than a 7-8 hour drive in an emergency situation. It's just that a very long drive isn't really that great of an emergency plan, especially if you get the news late at night, and now we are talking an all-night drive and an exhausted parent trying to deal with the medical or criminal justice system? It's just not much of a plan at all, if that's what we are trying to plan around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s fully reasonable. DCUM is not at all representative of most parents.

Agree. I truly wanted to hug my son's college counselor at his high school when we had our parent-student meeting. Out of the blue my son started entertaining schools in California -which for govt/international relations given what's offered in this area is ridiculous on its own. Counselor also has a rising Senior and right out of his mouth was that that is crazy and that the flight cost and inconvenience, etc. It was great for him to hear from a someone else. We told him --hey grad school or professional school you are free to do what you want.

But, nah, no Cali for undergrad.