Insisting that DC's college be within driving distance...reasonable or not?

[Anonymous]

DH and I have asked that our DC choose a college within driving distance (6-7 hours). One, we just want to be able to get to her college at the drop of a hat in case of an emergency. We think it would also mean we'd see her, and she'd have the ability to come home, more often. And finally, there is the cost. We just can't afford air fare back and forth for DC on a regular basis, let alone my DH, me and sibling.

Thoughts? DC isn't pushing for the west coast, but certainly the midwest (like Indiana/Wisconsin) or the SEC schools.

[Anonymous]

Not reasonable unless she feels she needs to be close to you guys for her mental health

If she can’t get into northeast schools at the level of wisco or Indy , then she should go

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have asked that our DC choose a college within driving distance (6-7 hours). One, we just want to be able to get to her college at the drop of a hat in case of an emergency. We think it would also mean we'd see her, and she'd have the ability to come home, more often. And finally, there is the cost. We just can't afford air fare back and forth for DC on a regular basis, let alone my DH, me and sibling.

Thoughts? DC isn't pushing for the west coast, but certainly the midwest (like Indiana/Wisconsin) or the SEC schools.

I think it's fine for you to express your preference and the reasons/benefits of staying within that radius. But personally I wouldn't insist on it if DC truly and strongly wants to venture out farther. Also, you don't need to visit DC more than once during the school year and she doesn't need to fly back except during breaks, so airfare shouldn't be an insurmountable barrier. And how do you know it's unaffordable until you know the cost of attendance of each school applied to after need and/or merit aid?

[Anonymous]

You’re the parents so you get to set the rules, unless she is now self-financing.

[Anonymous]

No, I don't think this is a logical limitation to have. For one thing, emergencies where ALSO the most helpful thing for parents to do is drive for 6 hours to your kid are probably just never going to happen.

For another thing, 12-14 roundtrip hours of driving in terms of gas and wear & tear on a car probably isn't much cheaper than flying. Not because flights are so affordable, but because driving is so expensive. I just compared driving to and from Atlanta vs flying on a discount airline and the flight would be cheaper anyway--in gas cost alone. (Given that college kids fly home rather than the whole family flying to a city to spend Christmas in the college town, that's surely the relevant calculation.)

[Anonymous]

Not really

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have asked that our DC choose a college within driving distance (6-7 hours). One, we just want to be able to get to her college at the drop of a hat in case of an emergency. We think it would also mean we'd see her, and she'd have the ability to come home, more often. And finally, there is the cost. We just can't afford air fare back and forth for DC on a regular basis, let alone my DH, me and sibling.

Thoughts? DC isn't pushing for the west coast, but certainly the midwest (like Indiana/Wisconsin) or the SEC schools.

I think it's fine for you to express your preference and the reasons/benefits of staying within that radius. But personally I wouldn't insist on it if DC truly and strongly wants to venture out farther. Also, you don't need to visit DC more than once during the school year and she doesn't need to fly back except during breaks, so airfare shouldn't be an insurmountable barrier. And how do you know it's unaffordable until you know the cost of attendance of each school applied to after need and/or merit aid?

NO. The nerve of you to tell OP what she considers affordable or not. Not everyone has unlimited disposable funds to assume that whatever the cost, the family could afford more than one air flight home. OP you’re the parents. I told DC to apply to universities within a certain radius. Ty eye are are plethora of choices.

[Anonymous]

1. I don't call 6-7 hours of driving an "easy" distance. I'd rather be able to hop on a one-hour flight to Montreal to get DD at McGill than drive into the middle of nowhere for that long. In an "emergency", anything that's not within a couple of hours drive or flight door-to-door will be stressful anyway.

2. Cost is an issue for you - that means you will need to curate a list of in-state schools that will top out at about 30-40K cost of attendance per year, and when you add more expensive ones, hope for aid. Thus it might turn out that a distant school will actually be cost-effective, and that you can afford transportation to and fro. Or it might not. You won't know until you get the aid offer. Therefore, your kid won't know if they don't apply!

3. So you all need nerves of steel, to allow your kid to apply to a certain list without getting too attached to any school, so that you can make a financially-informed decision at the end.

[Anonymous]

No, OP. I don't think that's reasonable. The idea that you need to be able to reach your kid by car in case of an emergency sounds a bit helicopterish. What type of emergency do you reasonably think could happen?

[Anonymous]

I would at least let her apply if she is really adamant about it.

I know you want to be closer to your kid and that makes sense but this could be a situation where an attempt to stay close leads to greater distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have asked that our DC choose a college within driving distance (6-7 hours). One, we just want to be able to get to her college at the drop of a hat in case of an emergency. We think it would also mean we'd see her, and she'd have the ability to come home, more often. And finally, there is the cost. We just can't afford air fare back and forth for DC on a regular basis, let alone my DH, me and sibling.

Thoughts? DC isn't pushing for the west coast, but certainly the midwest (like Indiana/Wisconsin) or the SEC schools.

I think it's fine for you to express your preference and the reasons/benefits of staying within that radius. But personally I wouldn't insist on it if DC truly and strongly wants to venture out farther. Also, you don't need to visit DC more than once during the school year and she doesn't need to fly back except during breaks, so airfare shouldn't be an insurmountable barrier. And how do you know it's unaffordable until you know the cost of attendance of each school applied to after need and/or merit aid?

NO. The nerve of you to tell OP what she considers affordable or not. Not everyone has unlimited disposable funds to assume that whatever the cost, the family could afford more than one air flight home. OP you’re the parents. I told DC to apply to universities within a certain radius. Ty eye are are plethora of choices.

What you and OP are missing: college is so expensive these days, transport to and fro isn't what's going to make the difference. You need to choose your college better than that if transport costs are a factor. As in: only in-state, or colleges further away that offer discounts that bring their costs down to in-state.

[Anonymous]

So- here goes. The number of kids with mental illness first appearing in college has absolutely skyrocketed since Covid.

Anecdotally this is what I know:
2 co-workers (kids placed on psychaitric hold)
2 neighbors (kids fell into deep depression; parents had to fly out and bring them home)
1 woman at gym (son had first schizophrenia attack)
2 friends of neighbor's kids (depression and had to take semesters off)
1 good friend's son picked up by police wandering with first mental break--ended up in jail in another state because police didn't recognize symptoms

Studies/surveys now show kids in this demo group --30-35% are suffering from mental illness. And boys with depression can show absolutely zero signs to close family members and friends.

We aren't allowing our kids to go West to school. Not just for this reason, but also because with the airlines and the trouble and expense of flights and for the fact for both of them their intended majors are much better served in this area.

[Anonymous]

Why not wait to weight choices when they’re actually there? 6-7 drive is not within a reasonable‘emergency’ distance, as PP said above except for moves in/out & graduation whole family unlikely to ever make trip. Best match for kid and cost to achieve attendance is a much more useful calculation.

My kid technically went to a college that was a 6 hr drive. After picking her up for Thanksgiving the cost of her airfare became very cheap logistically and mentally!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have asked that our DC choose a college within driving distance (6-7 hours). One, we just want to be able to get to her college at the drop of a hat in case of an emergency. We think it would also mean we'd see her, and she'd have the ability to come home, more often. And finally, there is the cost. We just can't afford air fare back and forth for DC on a regular basis, let alone my DH, me and sibling.

Thoughts? DC isn't pushing for the west coast, but certainly the midwest (like Indiana/Wisconsin) or the SEC schools.

Imo if that's the reason, that's the reason. My kid is going to CA from DC. It's going to be very expensive for us to go to family weekend, etc.

But if the true root of the issue is that you're nervous and trying to limit for some sense of control/assuage your anxiety, that's not fair to your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have asked that our DC choose a college within driving distance (6-7 hours). One, we just want to be able to get to her college at the drop of a hat in case of an emergency. We think it would also mean we'd see her, and she'd have the ability to come home, more often. And finally, there is the cost. We just can't afford air fare back and forth for DC on a regular basis, let alone my DH, me and sibling.

Thoughts? DC isn't pushing for the west coast, but certainly the midwest (like Indiana/Wisconsin) or the SEC schools.

I think it's fine for you to express your preference and the reasons/benefits of staying within that radius. But personally I wouldn't insist on it if DC truly and strongly wants to venture out farther. Also, you don't need to visit DC more than once during the school year and she doesn't need to fly back except during breaks, so airfare shouldn't be an insurmountable barrier. And how do you know it's unaffordable until you know the cost of attendance of each school applied to after need and/or merit aid?

NO. The nerve of you to tell OP what she considers affordable or not. Not everyone has unlimited disposable funds to assume that whatever the cost, the family could afford more than one air flight home. OP you’re the parents. I told DC to apply to universities within a certain radius. Ty eye are are plethora of choices.

Weird thing to say. It comes down to the specific math, of course, but the difference in rent between my midwestern college down and, say, Philadelphia, would easily pay for regular flights home.