Insisting that DC's college be within driving distance...reasonable or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot depends on the child.

First semester, friend drove a seven hour one-way distance on a biweekly -- even weekly -- basis to visit her daughter, who has pre-existing mental health issues. Things improved a lot second semester and mom was able to not go up quite so often.

Well obviously, if you have a kid with that severe of mental health issues or regular health issues that actually requires your being involved on that level, you dont' send your kid even 6 hours away....you find them a good school within 1-2 hour drive.
But that is not most kids. Most kids do just fine being a distance away, especially if they chose the school and really want to attend. Sure adjusting is difficult, but that would be the case wherever you are and in some ways not seeing the family and friends from home very other week is a good thing---it forces you to go out of your comfort zone, make new friends and take advantages of all your university has to offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s fully reasonable. DCUM is not at all representative of most parents.

Agree. I truly wanted to hug my son's college counselor at his high school when we had our parent-student meeting. Out of the blue my son started entertaining schools in California -which for govt/international relations given what's offered in this area is ridiculous on its own. Counselor also has a rising Senior and right out of his mouth was that that is crazy and that the flight cost and inconvenience, etc. It was great for him to hear from a someone else. We told him --hey grad school or professional school you are free to do what you want.

But, nah, no Cali for undergrad.

Actually it's rather sad a HS counselor felt the need to interject their OPINION on this. Most kids are capable of being a 6 hour flight from home and will do just fine.

+1
That counselor was out of line.

Not at all. As parents, we loved that he was going over everything- including finances, location, size, type of campus. It is a private HS so more like a private counselor.

You loved it because you wanted some other adult to support your telling your kids to stay close to home. Had you wanted your kid to love your alma matter 2K miles away or any school that far away, you might think the counselor was out of line.
Sure you point out the realities, and our College counselor required our kid to apply to one true safety (80%+ acceptance rate) within 6 hour drive from home just in case circumstances change, or our kid gets cold feet about going away to school. So we did that, but had no intention of actually attending that school.

FFS, cancel culture—-he already had the parent and student questionnaire. He already knew our alma mater, desires, kid’s wishes regarding size, major, etc.

I can’t believe you are all attacking MY kid’s Hs college counselor.

But, then I remember DCUM hates teachers, administrators and especially school guidance/college counselors.

Well FFS, you stated that the hs Counselor called your kids looking at schools more than 6 hours from home "crazy". And yes, that is out of line for a HS/college counselor to state. If you exaggerated and they didn't say that, then different story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s fully reasonable. DCUM is not at all representative of most parents.

Agree. I truly wanted to hug my son's college counselor at his high school when we had our parent-student meeting. Out of the blue my son started entertaining schools in California -which for govt/international relations given what's offered in this area is ridiculous on its own. Counselor also has a rising Senior and right out of his mouth was that that is crazy and that the flight cost and inconvenience, etc. It was great for him to hear from a someone else. We told him --hey grad school or professional school you are free to do what you want.

But, nah, no Cali for undergrad.

Actually it's rather sad a HS counselor felt the need to interject their OPINION on this. Most kids are capable of being a 6 hour flight from home and will do just fine.

+1
That counselor was out of line.

Not at all. As parents, we loved that he was going over everything- including finances, location, size, type of campus. It is a private HS so more like a private counselor.

You loved it because you wanted some other adult to support your telling your kids to stay close to home. Had you wanted your kid to love your alma matter 2K miles away or any school that far away, you might think the counselor was out of line.
Sure you point out the realities, and our College counselor required our kid to apply to one true safety (80%+ acceptance rate) within 6 hour drive from home just in case circumstances change, or our kid gets cold feet about going away to school. So we did that, but had no intention of actually attending that school.

FFS, cancel culture—-he already had the parent and student questionnaire. He already knew our alma mater, desires, kid’s wishes regarding size, major, etc.

I can’t believe you are all attacking MY kid’s Hs college counselor.

But, then I remember DCUM hates teachers, administrators and especially school guidance/college counselors.

Well FFS, you stated that the hs Counselor called your kids looking at schools more than 6 hours from home "crazy". And yes, that is out of line for a HS/college counselor to state. If you exaggerated and they didn't say that, then different story.

How on earth has this thread has so much attention? It is just the pits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have asked that our DC choose a college within driving distance (6-7 hours). One, we just want to be able to get to her college at the drop of a hat in case of an emergency. We think it would also mean we'd see her, and she'd have the ability to come home, more often. And finally, there is the cost. We just can't afford air fare back and forth for DC on a regular basis, let alone my DH, me and sibling.

Thoughts? DC isn't pushing for the west coast, but certainly the midwest (like Indiana/Wisconsin) or the SEC schools.

I don’t see an issue. I know plenty of kids that have to stay within driving distance of home or they have to be near family or a close family friend. Majority of kids go to college within a 2 hour drive of home. I went to school close to home and never saw my parents other than breaks and when I was really sick at school one semester and my mom was able to help out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Regarding the Tulane comment: You know what while a hurricane is approaching, the people who work at the colleges need to take care of their homes and kids, right? Or do you think they should sit at work?

For everyone: you need to talk to your kid about an emergency plan. Most won’t have a care freshman year, so they need to know what transportation options they have and move quickly. It’s a good life lesson for the future, too.

You know what while disasters happen, some of us are emergency responders or married to emergency responders, so they aren't able to take care of their homes and kids, right? Or do you not understand that some people DO still work during emergencies (and definitely not "sitting?")

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot depends on the child.

First semester, friend drove a seven hour one-way distance on a biweekly -- even weekly -- basis to visit her daughter, who has pre-existing mental health issues. Things improved a lot second semester and mom was able to not go up quite so often.

Well obviously, if you have a kid with that severe of mental health issues or regular health issues that actually requires your being involved on that level, you dont' send your kid even 6 hours away....you find them a good school within 1-2 hour drive.
But that is not most kids. Most kids do just fine being a distance away, especially if they chose the school and really want to attend. Sure adjusting is difficult, but that would be the case wherever you are and in some ways not seeing the family and friends from home very other week is a good thing---it forces you to go out of your comfort zone, make new friends and take advantages of all your university has to offer.

The kids (many) that I know had no prior known mental illness. This is a plague hitting college age kids. So many with severe depression, schizophrenia, bipolar, etc that happen once on campus. 30% of college kids will experience it.

[Anonymous]

^^ this is new. It’s not like 10, 20, 30 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s fully reasonable. DCUM is not at all representative of most parents.

Agree. I truly wanted to hug my son's college counselor at his high school when we had our parent-student meeting. Out of the blue my son started entertaining schools in California -which for govt/international relations given what's offered in this area is ridiculous on its own. Counselor also has a rising Senior and right out of his mouth was that that is crazy and that the flight cost and inconvenience, etc. It was great for him to hear from a someone else. We told him --hey grad school or professional school you are free to do what you want.

But, nah, no Cali for undergrad.

Actually it's rather sad a HS counselor felt the need to interject their OPINION on this. Most kids are capable of being a 6 hour flight from home and will do just fine.

+1
That counselor was out of line.

Not at all. As parents, we loved that he was going over everything- including finances, location, size, type of campus. It is a private HS so more like a private counselor.

You loved it because you wanted some other adult to support your telling your kids to stay close to home. Had you wanted your kid to love your alma matter 2K miles away or any school that far away, you might think the counselor was out of line.
Sure you point out the realities, and our College counselor required our kid to apply to one true safety (80%+ acceptance rate) within 6 hour drive from home just in case circumstances change, or our kid gets cold feet about going away to school. So we did that, but had no intention of actually attending that school.

FFS, cancel culture—-he already had the parent and student questionnaire. He already knew our alma mater, desires, kid’s wishes regarding size, major, etc.

I can’t believe you are all attacking MY kid’s Hs college counselor.

But, then I remember DCUM hates teachers, administrators and especially school guidance/college counselors.

Well FFS, you stated that the hs Counselor called your kids looking at schools more than 6 hours from home "crazy". And yes, that is out of line for a HS/college counselor to state. If you exaggerated and they didn't say that, then different story.

You are absolutely nuts. Want me to give you the counselor’s name and you can have it out with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ this is new. It’s not like 10, 20, 30 years ago.

Actually mental illnesses like schizophrenia, bipolar, etc do typically present in college aged students so that's nothing new. There might be higher instances of depression that 10, 20, 30 years ago though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ this is new. It’s not like 10, 20, 30 years ago.

Actually mental illnesses like schizophrenia, bipolar, etc do typically present in college aged students so that's nothing new. There might be higher instances of depression that 10, 20, 30 years ago though.

17 yr olds, mostly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ this is new. It’s not like 10, 20, 30 years ago.

Maybe it's the effect of everyone pushing their kids so hard in HS to get into an "elite" school, and then the pressure continues at the elite colleges as well. And if they don't get into an elite school, they feel like they have failed and their life is over.
I suspect much of the mental health issues are driven by our culture of keeping kids constantly under pressure and it's sad because it is not necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Regarding the Tulane comment: You know what while a hurricane is approaching, the people who work at the colleges need to take care of their homes and kids, right? Or do you think they should sit at work?

For everyone: you need to talk to your kid about an emergency plan. Most won’t have a care freshman year, so they need to know what transportation options they have and move quickly. It’s a good life lesson for the future, too.

You know what while disasters happen, some of us are emergency responders or married to emergency responders, so they aren't able to take care of their homes and kids, right? Or do you not understand that some people DO still work during emergencies (and definitely not "sitting?")

I don’t understand this comment. Hopefully, parents will make sure their kids have a way out of a hurricane zone if they go to school in one so they aren’t a burden to first responders. How are college employees first responders?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s fully reasonable. DCUM is not at all representative of most parents.

Agree. I truly wanted to hug my son's college counselor at his high school when we had our parent-student meeting. Out of the blue my son started entertaining schools in California -which for govt/international relations given what's offered in this area is ridiculous on its own. Counselor also has a rising Senior and right out of his mouth was that that is crazy and that the flight cost and inconvenience, etc. It was great for him to hear from a someone else. We told him --hey grad school or professional school you are free to do what you want.

But, nah, no Cali for undergrad.

Actually it's rather sad a HS counselor felt the need to interject their OPINION on this. Most kids are capable of being a 6 hour flight from home and will do just fine.

+1
That counselor was out of line.

Not at all. As parents, we loved that he was going over everything- including finances, location, size, type of campus. It is a private HS so more like a private counselor.

You loved it because you wanted some other adult to support your telling your kids to stay close to home. Had you wanted your kid to love your alma matter 2K miles away or any school that far away, you might think the counselor was out of line.
Sure you point out the realities, and our College counselor required our kid to apply to one true safety (80%+ acceptance rate) within 6 hour drive from home just in case circumstances change, or our kid gets cold feet about going away to school. So we did that, but had no intention of actually attending that school.

FFS, cancel culture—-he already had the parent and student questionnaire. He already knew our alma mater, desires, kid’s wishes regarding size, major, etc.

I can’t believe you are all attacking MY kid’s Hs college counselor.

But, then I remember DCUM hates teachers, administrators and especially school guidance/college counselors.

Well FFS, you stated that the hs Counselor called your kids looking at schools more than 6 hours from home "crazy". And yes, that is out of line for a HS/college counselor to state. If you exaggerated and they didn't say that, then different story.

You are absolutely nuts. Want me to give you the counselor’s name and you can have it out with him?

DP
You are the one that specifically said "and right out of his mouth was that that is crazy." How are we (the other DCUM posters) supposed to know that he didn't actually say that? YOU said it was "right out of his mouth."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Regarding the Tulane comment: You know what while a hurricane is approaching, the people who work at the colleges need to take care of their homes and kids, right? Or do you think they should sit at work?

For everyone: you need to talk to your kid about an emergency plan. Most won’t have a care freshman year, so they need to know what transportation options they have and move quickly. It’s a good life lesson for the future, too.

You know what while disasters happen, some of us are emergency responders or married to emergency responders, so they aren't able to take care of their homes and kids, right? Or do you not understand that some people DO still work during emergencies (and definitely not "sitting?")

I don’t understand this comment. Hopefully, parents will make sure their kids have a way out of a hurricane zone if they go to school in one so they aren’t a burden to first responders. How are college employees first responders?

They aren't. But I would think they would have a responsibility to see that there is some type of plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have asked that our DC choose a college within driving distance (6-7 hours). One, we just want to be able to get to her college at the drop of a hat in case of an emergency. We think it would also mean we'd see her, and she'd have the ability to come home, more often. And finally, there is the cost. We just can't afford air fare back and forth for DC on a regular basis, let alone my DH, me and sibling.

Thoughts? DC isn't pushing for the west coast, but certainly the midwest (like Indiana/Wisconsin) or the SEC schools.

I don’t see an issue. I know plenty of kids that have to stay within driving distance of home or they have to be near family or a close family friend. Majority of kids go to college within a 2 hour drive of home. I went to school close to home and never saw my parents other than breaks and when I was really sick at school one semester and my mom was able to help out.

Exactly. My kids know they need to choose a VA state school or a nearby OOS/Private with merit aid similar to VA instate. This is the way it is. They are fine with it and thankful not to have loans.