Why is there such disdain for stay at home parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a working mom, live in the DMV, have a graduate degree. I had a successful 15 year career before having kids.

Most careers are not important. Kids are always important. I do envy some SAHMs because if you have the right resources and support, I think focusing 100% on family and kids could be incredibly fulfilling.

I don't understand the attitude that what SAHPs do is easy or unimportant. My work has the aura of importance because it involves large sums of money and people with impressive degrees and pedigrees. But I know that in the grand scheme of things, raising children is much more important.

+100. All you people saying how important your career is, please don’t kid yourself into thinking that what you are doing is irreplaceable. Raising kids is single handedly the most important contribution you will make in your life. I stayed home for 11 years and recently started working full time from home because I wanted to have a more meaningful life. Now I realize the most meaningful thing I will ever do is to raise my kids into healthy, well adjusted individuals who can contribute positively to society.

Nice jab at childfree women, PPs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a working mom, live in the DMV, have a graduate degree. I had a successful 15 year career before having kids.

Most careers are not important. Kids are always important. I do envy some SAHMs because if you have the right resources and support, I think focusing 100% on family and kids could be incredibly fulfilling.

I don't understand the attitude that what SAHPs do is easy or unimportant. My work has the aura of importance because it involves large sums of money and people with impressive degrees and pedigrees. But I know that in the grand scheme of things, raising children is much more important.

+100. All you people saying how important your career is, please don’t kid yourself into thinking that what you are doing is irreplaceable. Raising kids is single handedly the most important contribution you will make in your life. I stayed home for 11 years and recently started working full time from home because I wanted to have a more meaningful life. Now I realize the most meaningful thing I will ever do is to raise my kids into healthy, well adjusted individuals who can contribute positively to society.

Which you can do while working.

[Anonymous]

I think this is an online only thing. I’m a SAHM to elementary kids and a middle schooler and have never felt distant from anyone I know in person. I have lots of working mom friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is an online only thing. I’m a SAHM to elementary kids and a middle schooler and have never felt distant from anyone I know in person. I have lots of working mom friends

It might be an anonymous forum online only thing because most people don't want to get into this type of an argument, discussion or conflict with people they know in real life. That doesn't mean that there wouldn't be conflict if everyone just said what they really feel. I'm not advocating that though. The value of DCUM is often the opportunity to know what others think when they are anonymous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is an online only thing. I’m a SAHM to elementary kids and a middle schooler and have never felt distant from anyone I know in person. I have lots of working mom friends

Not only an online thing. I certainly felt distain from some former co-workers when I decided to stay home. Some were supportive but others wrote me off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is an online only thing. I’m a SAHM to elementary kids and a middle schooler and have never felt distant from anyone I know in person. I have lots of working mom friends

It might be an anonymous forum online only thing because most people don't want to get into this type of an argument, discussion or conflict with people they know in real life. That doesn't mean that there wouldn't be conflict if everyone just said what they really feel. I'm not advocating that though. The value of DCUM is often the opportunity to know what others think when they are anonymous.

But I like to think it skews mean and judgmental. (NP)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WOHM here. I sort of wish I was jealous. But honestly I just don't understand people who aren't motivated to pursue career goals.

Now THAT is truly bizarre. The majority of working people - both men and women - aren’t “pursuing career goals.” They’re working because they HAVE to, not because they want to. And if your primary motivation in life is your “career” then I feel sorry for you.

PP didn't say "primary," you are just projecting.

I think a lot of DCUM readership are people who have and can make choices. We are both fed lawyers, we like the work life balance and we both enjoy our careers. If I really wanted to SAH, DH could move to a higher paying job (former biglaw). There are a lot of couples like that. It's not every person who has that privilege but this is our social circle - many are motivated in their careers.

Original poster here. Agreed I did not say primary. Also agreed that many people who work are doing it out of necessity. I'm talking about people who are smart, go to grad school, have lots of potential to excel in their fields, and then choose to stay home for years and just give it up. It seems like such a massive waste and so mentally unstimulating. Is this a crappy, ungenerous opinion? Probably. I still think it, if I'm honest.

[Anonymous]

I don’t disdain SAHP but I do feel like they should recognize they have it pretty cushy. Most working moms do everything a SAHM does plus work. So I inwardly roll my eyes when my SAHM friends complain about being so busy or so tired. It’s not distain but it’s not a flattering thought/feeling!

[Anonymous]

I find SAHMs more boring, but I don't think it's because they are SAHMs. I think those women are just more likely to want to SAHM. And there are plenty of working moms just as boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a working mom, live in the DMV, have a graduate degree. I had a successful 15 year career before having kids.

Most careers are not important. Kids are always important. I do envy some SAHMs because if you have the right resources and support, I think focusing 100% on family and kids could be incredibly fulfilling.

I don't understand the attitude that what SAHPs do is easy or unimportant. My work has the aura of importance because it involves large sums of money and people with impressive degrees and pedigrees. But I know that in the grand scheme of things, raising children is much more important.

+100. All you people saying how important your career is, please don’t kid yourself into thinking that what you are doing is irreplaceable. Raising kids is single handedly the most important contribution you will make in your life. I stayed home for 11 years and recently started working full time from home because I wanted to have a more meaningful life. Now I realize the most meaningful thing I will ever do is to raise my kids into healthy, well adjusted individuals who can contribute positively to society.

Nice jab at childfree women, PPs.

?? I don't think it is a jab. It is better to be childfree than to be an absent, abusive and neglectful parent.

[Anonymous]

Not disdain, maybe judgement? Once the kids are in school, what do you do with all your time? And agree w PP - having young children be your primary social interaction day in and out sounds very boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not disdain, maybe judgement? Once the kids are in school, what do you do with all your time? And agree w PP - having young children be your primary social interaction day in and out sounds very boring.

It's not about the parent - they are primarily doing it for the children's benefit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find SAHMs more boring, but I don't think it's because they are SAHMs. I think those women are just more likely to want to SAHM. And there are plenty of working moms just as boring.

Lol and I find people who are consumed with their jobs to be boring AF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t disdain SAHP but I do feel like they should recognize they have it pretty cushy. Most working moms do everything a SAHM does plus work. So I inwardly roll my eyes when my SAHM friends complain about being so busy or so tired. It’s not distain but it’s not a flattering thought/feeling!

Yes, you probably work like a dog and do double duty. Your life is very hard.

No, you do not spend as much time with your kid as a sahm does. You come home and clean the house, cook food etc and your kid does not get time with you. sahm's kid is coming home to a clean house, cooked food, and a mom who had time for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a working mom, live in the DMV, have a graduate degree. I had a successful 15 year career before having kids.

Most careers are not important. Kids are always important. I do envy some SAHMs because if you have the right resources and support, I think focusing 100% on family and kids could be incredibly fulfilling.

I don't understand the attitude that what SAHPs do is easy or unimportant. My work has the aura of importance because it involves large sums of money and people with impressive degrees and pedigrees. But I know that in the grand scheme of things, raising children is much more important.

+100. All you people saying how important your career is, please don’t kid yourself into thinking that what you are doing is irreplaceable. Raising kids is single handedly the most important contribution you will make in your life. I stayed home for 11 years and recently started working full time from home because I wanted to have a more meaningful life. Now I realize the most meaningful thing I will ever do is to raise my kids into healthy, well adjusted individuals who can contribute positively to society.

Which you can do while working.

Not everyone can do it well while working full time. (And I am a working parent who stayed home for a few years).