Why is there such disdain for stay at home parents?

[Anonymous]

Because they annoying time wasters

[Anonymous]

I could care less about what anyone else thinks. My life, my kids, my choice. I work not because I have to/need to financially, but because it is fulfilling to me. I have my own business and set my own hours, to an extent. I also want my kids to see me as a productive and a finacial contributor to the family. I make a small fraction of what DH makes but I pay for all the kids' extra curriculars. There are always 'mommy wars', you have to ignore and move on from the noise.

[Anonymous]

They’re completely dependent on their husbands. If he dies or abuses her, she’s SOL.

[Anonymous]

If you want to stay home and do - I'm happy for you!

If you want to work and do - I'm happy for you!

I don't understand why women put each other down. It actually doesn't make you better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They’re completely dependent on their husbands. If he dies or abuses her, she’s SOL.

But why would that make somebody distain SAHP?

[Anonymous]

I don't see a ton of distain for SAHMs of little kids, except from some men who somehow feel like those SAHMs are enjoying a perpetual vacation or something. I see a lot of distain for SAHMs of kids who are in school full-time. Like, downright vitriol. They are called useless, entitled, etc.

I have also seen a lot of judgment about SAHMs doing things like gettin cleaners or expecting their husbands to pitch in.

All this is sort of baffling to me.

[Anonymous]

I think the disdain is more for SAHM that complain about how hard it is. I'm not saying I agree with the view. I know it's hard to be a SAHM.

I think there's a tendency for working moms to think they have it harder, juggling a career and motherhood.

That makes them less than sympathetic toward SAHM who complain about their problems.

Some of it also comes from feminists who don't think women should be dependent on men.

[Anonymous]

DCUM has a lot of people who have nothing better to do than complain and hate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They’re completely dependent on their husbands. If he dies or abuses her, she’s SOL.

Men with SAHMs are also completely dependent on their wives. If she dies, who will take care of his children while he works? Who will clean his house? Who will do all the administration of running the family and the household.

And if you're response is "he will hire a nanny and a housecleaner and a personal assistant," you have just proved my point because if you have to hire three people to replace all the stuff your spouse does to make your life functional, then you are 100% dependent on them.

Also, guess what? I'm a working mom but if my DH died or abused me, I'd be in trouble, too. I don't have extended family I can rely on and it would be extremely hard for me to support myself and my kids just on my salary (it would also be extremely hard for my husband). Having a job does not automatically rescue you from ever being vulnerable to loss or abuse, especially not in an economy that assumes all families have two incomes.

I will allow that if your husband is abusive, you should try to find a way to get and maintain a job because it will make it easier for you to leave. Of course, one form of abuse is preventing a spouse from working outside the home specifically to eliminate avenues for leaving you, so if you find out a SAHM is being abused by her husband, maybe consider having sympathy for an abuse survivor instead of shunning her for being a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the disdain is more for SAHM that complain about how hard it is. I'm not saying I agree with the view. I know it's hard to be a SAHM.

I think there's a tendency for working moms to think they have it harder, juggling a career and motherhood.

That makes them less than sympathetic toward SAHM who complain about their problems.

Some of it also comes from feminists who don't think women should be dependent on men.

This and it's the essence of DCUM. Say someone has 2 kids and works full time but God forbid a SAHM of a school age child might vent about something hard for their family. There are only a few categories of people who are "allowed" to complain without posters jumping at their throats.

[Anonymous]

Some people just feel the need to tear others down, in order to feel better about their own life choices. I'm currently a work-full-time mom, but have been a SAHM and a part-time working mom in the past. All carry their own set of challenges and all are tough, in their own right. A PP said it earlier, you just can't win these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They’re completely dependent on their husbands. If he dies or abuses her, she’s SOL.

This is none of your business. Her body, her choice.

[Anonymous]

I was a SAHM when DS was young and made the mistake of posting here once when I was struggling. I was shocked by how many "what will you do when DH leaves you?" type of responses I got. It was so weird.

Happy to say even a decade after I stopped staying at home, DH and I are still going strong. I've never understood women who judge or put down other women. They are the same ones who cry about misogyny. Drives me nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could care less about what anyone else thinks. My life, my kids, my choice. I work not because I have to/need to financially, but because it is fulfilling to me. I have my own business and set my own hours, to an extent. I also want my kids to see me as a productive and a finacial contributor to the family. I make a small fraction of what DH makes but I pay for all the kids' extra curriculars. There are always 'mommy wars', you have to ignore and move on from the noise.

Respectfully, I find the “I work outside the home to be a better model for my children“ to be an absolute copout. Nobody really does tnat. They do it because they want to work or have to work. Period. It has nothing to do with “modeling for the children”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Working mom here and people have disdain for that, for our family using daycare, and on and on. Moms in America can’t win - someone is always criticizing!

This is by design. Keep women insecure and doubting themselves. Misogyny.