How to talk to 14yo about waiting to have sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What opportunities does she have to be alone with this bf? That is what I would focus on. Remove the opportunities where she has to make a decision. Connect with the parent of the boyfriend and have a conversation about what’s okay and what’s not okay: No time in a bedroom with closed door, no time at home without another adult present, etc. Of course, kids will figure out how to be alone if they’re dead set on making it happen. That doesn’t mean the adults aren’t obligated to make it as difficult as possible.

Exactly!

My 14 year old son has a girlfriend and they don’t have opportunities for things to happen. I suppose he could sneak her in when he’s home alone, but, we’d kill him and so would her parents. Plus it’s hard to arrange sneaking around when you aren’t old enough to drive.

I've had friends say this to me. It takes 5 minutes to have sex in corner. 5 minutes. Think like a teenager...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why 14 year olds shouldn’t have boyfriends or girlfriends. Just say no, Mom. No dating until 16 or even 18.

It’s cute that you think that would actually prevent them from dating. At least this way she is keeping the communication channels open.

You actually can. You state the rules. You don’t allow your daughter to go to with a date to a dance. That simple.

No you can’t.

How does your child get to school?
Do you allow them to go for walks/runs/bike rides?
Are they allowed to go into stores alone?
Do they do extracurriculars?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“You aren’t allowed to date unit the age of…..” (insert your family’s rule).

If child is 14 and asks to go on a date with someone of the opposite sex, the answer is “no.” That means no dances at school or opportunities outside of school to “date.” When you are 16 we can revisit it.

So your child isn’t allowed to attend homecoming? Semi-formal? Football games? Other athletic events?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why 14 year olds shouldn’t have boyfriends or girlfriends. Just say no, Mom. No dating until 16 or even 18.

It’s cute that you think that would actually prevent them from dating. At least this way she is keeping the communication channels open.

You actually can. You state the rules. You don’t allow your daughter to go to with a date to a dance. That simple.

Keep your kid in bubble wrap forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why 14 year olds shouldn’t have boyfriends or girlfriends. Just say no, Mom. No dating until 16 or even 18.

It’s cute that you think that would actually prevent them from dating. At least this way she is keeping the communication channels open.

You actually can. You state the rules. You don’t allow your daughter to go to with a date to a dance. That simple.

No you can’t.

How does your child get to school?
Do you allow them to go for walks/runs/bike rides?
Are they allowed to go into stores alone?
Do they do extracurriculars?

What does this have to do with rules about dating? My child either takes the bus or I drive them. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“You aren’t allowed to date unit the age of…..” (insert your family’s rule).

If child is 14 and asks to go on a date with someone of the opposite sex, the answer is “no.” That means no dances at school or opportunities outside of school to “date.” When you are 16 we can revisit it.

So your child isn’t allowed to attend homecoming? Semi-formal? Football games? Other athletic events?

With a date of the opposite sex? No. Not until 16.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why 14 year olds shouldn’t have boyfriends or girlfriends. Just say no, Mom. No dating until 16 or even 18.

It’s cute that you think that would actually prevent them from dating. At least this way she is keeping the communication channels open.

You actually can. You state the rules. You don’t allow your daughter to go to with a date to a dance. That simple.

Keep your kid in bubble wrap forever.

DP. We are talking about 14 year old kids here. NOT “forever.” Not 16 year olds. But 14! What is wrong with you? Sheesh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I plan to tell my DD that young sex is mostly what poor girls do, or girls without fathers, and she is too classy for that and needs to conduct herself in a way that she will not be embarrassed for herself later on or look like trash to potential husbands. It's very low class. That's what I will include in my speech.

Wow, that is a supremely sh*tty thing to say. So much for moms supporting moms. You're classist and awful.

Signed, not-rich widowed mother of fabulous kids.

And for OP: you're doing great with keeping lines of communication open with your daughter - she trusts you and that's wonderful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why 14 year olds shouldn’t have boyfriends or girlfriends. Just say no, Mom. No dating until 16 or even 18.

It’s cute that you think that would actually prevent them from dating. At least this way she is keeping the communication channels open.

You actually can. You state the rules. You don’t allow your daughter to go to with a date to a dance. That simple.

No you can’t.

How does your child get to school?
Do you allow them to go for walks/runs/bike rides?
Are they allowed to go into stores alone?
Do they do extracurriculars?

What does this have to do with rules about dating? My child either takes the bus or I drive them. Lol.

They date on the bus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why 14 year olds shouldn’t have boyfriends or girlfriends. Just say no, Mom. No dating until 16 or even 18.

It’s cute that you think that would actually prevent them from dating. At least this way she is keeping the communication channels open.

You actually can. You state the rules. You don’t allow your daughter to go to with a date to a dance. That simple.

No you can’t.

How does your child get to school?
Do you allow them to go for walks/runs/bike rides?
Are they allowed to go into stores alone?
Do they do extracurriculars?

What does this have to do with rules about dating? My child either takes the bus or I drive them. Lol.

They date on the bus.

Lol. Yeah no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why 14 year olds shouldn’t have boyfriends or girlfriends. Just say no, Mom. No dating until 16 or even 18.

It’s cute that you think that would actually prevent them from dating. At least this way she is keeping the communication channels open.

You actually can. You state the rules. You don’t allow your daughter to go to with a date to a dance. That simple.

No you can’t.

How does your child get to school?
Do you allow them to go for walks/runs/bike rides?
Are they allowed to go into stores alone?
Do they do extracurriculars?

What does this have to do with rules about dating? My child either takes the bus or I drive them. Lol.

They date on the bus.

Lol. Yeah no.

Think like a 14 year old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What opportunities does she have to be alone with this bf? That is what I would focus on. Remove the opportunities where she has to make a decision. Connect with the parent of the boyfriend and have a conversation about what’s okay and what’s not okay: No time in a bedroom with closed door, no time at home without another adult present, etc. Of course, kids will figure out how to be alone if they’re dead set on making it happen. That doesn’t mean the adults aren’t obligated to make it as difficult as possible.

Exactly!

My 14 year old son has a girlfriend and they don’t have opportunities for things to happen. I suppose he could sneak her in when he’s home alone, but, we’d kill him and so would her parents. Plus it’s hard to arrange sneaking around when you aren’t old enough to drive.

I've had friends say this to me. It takes 5 minutes to have sex in corner. 5 minutes. Think like a teenager...

They aren’t dogs. Most 14 yr old girls aren’t wanting to have sex in the bushes in under 5 min with a guy they never see outside of class. If they feel like the boy isn’t their “boyfriend” they are unlikely to engage in quick random sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I plan to tell my DD that young sex is mostly what poor girls do, or girls without fathers, and she is too classy for that and needs to conduct herself in a way that she will not be embarrassed for herself later on or look like trash to potential husbands. It's very low class. That's what I will include in my speech.

And then she'll go to school and see that her well off classmates with loving fathers are having sex with their boyfriends or participating in random hook ups. Then she and her friends will have a laugh when she shares what you told her.

The only 14 year I met having sex went to one of the worst high schools in MoCo. Oh please lady, gimme a break.

Well that’s clearly some statistically significant data there?!?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why 14 year olds shouldn’t have boyfriends or girlfriends. Just say no, Mom. No dating until 16 or even 18.

It’s cute that you think that would actually prevent them from dating. At least this way she is keeping the communication channels open.

You actually can. You state the rules. You don’t allow your daughter to go to with a date to a dance. That simple.

No you can’t.

How does your child get to school?
Do you allow them to go for walks/runs/bike rides?
Are they allowed to go into stores alone?
Do they do extracurriculars?

What does this have to do with rules about dating? My child either takes the bus or I drive them. Lol.

You are an idiot. Plenty of kids either walk to school or take public transport. Those would all provide opportunity to a teenager who was so inclined.

So that’s what PP’s question has to do with dating. That your kid does something different (and you really think they couldn’t use time during or around the bus?) doesn’t mean everyone is in the same position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“You aren’t allowed to date unit the age of…..” (insert your family’s rule).

If child is 14 and asks to go on a date with someone of the opposite sex, the answer is “no.” That means no dances at school or opportunities outside of school to “date.” When you are 16 we can revisit it.

So your child isn’t allowed to attend homecoming? Semi-formal? Football games? Other athletic events?

With a date of the opposite sex? No. Not until 16.

For my kid, that would mean no homecoming (even group dates?) until junior year. Why???

I have a freshly 15 9th grader who had a lovely time at two homecomings this fall when he was 14. I really don’t have any reason to deny him that HS experience.

He was “dating” a girl throughout the fall, we had rules in place, we talked about all the things, and things fizzled out as they often do with 14yos.