Continually get asked if I’m my son’s grandmother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This just happened. My son (3y) and I are at a diner eating breakfast. The guests in front of us left and as they were leaving, struck up conversation with my son. He said he had a great-niece and said I had to ensure I do everything for her (misgendering my son). He said it a couple of times so it wasn’t an error. I didn’t correct - it happens often because he has soft features and my son didn’t hear it. If he had, I would have said something for my son’s sake.

Anyway, then he asked my son if I was his grandma and said he has to listen to Grandma and no pouting or complaining. To be clear, my son was eating his food and no tantrums at all, stayed in his seat the whole time eating his food so that was just a general comment. It’s just frustrating and happens enough that it makes me wonder if other people think it but don’t say it.

I’m 42, turning 43 this year. I get that I got an older start but it’s demoralizing to be assumed to be my son’s grandmother. I usually don’t correct the person bc that’s more embarrassing and I just want the conversation to end. Am I alone in this? Does it ever end?

Apparently, you look old enough to be his grandma. Just imagine when he's radiating from college and you're 60+.

So what? This is such a stupid argumnet. My parents had us young (before 30) and now in their 60s they would be perfectly capable to handle a college graduate.

[Anonymous]

Has anyone here watched 16 and pregnant back in the day? Leah's mom, Dawn, was 32 at the time. That BLOWS MY MIND. She easily looked 55.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Thanks for the comments geezer”

I mean, right back atcha, Grandma!

[Anonymous]

Letting random men's comments bother you at all is the only error you made. Older white men need to know to just stop talking to women. Like, just don't do it. If they do, give a non-verbal half smile, nod, and then look away.

[Anonymous]

TL;DR - In many places in America, it’s more common for a 43 yr old to have a 3yr old grand child than her own child. Strangers like to run their mouth for no reason.

I’m not sure where you live, but in Arlington / Falls church City, I went to a lot of 40th BD parties for other moms at our preschool. I’m from rural Ohio and my HS friends were all posting prom pics of their kids when I was potty training. If someone in Ohio thought I was my child’s grandmother it would not be because I look older than 45, it would be because 45yr olds there commonly have 3-7 yr old grandchildren.

My first child and I don’t look that different- we’re both pretty generic white people. He has blue eyes and blonde hair that is now light brown. My husband and I both have green/brown eyes and dark brown hair - but we’re blonde as children. When my oldest was a baby, I would be stopped all the time by strangers and they would ask things like “where does he get those blue eyes?” It didn’t occur to me until my 2nd child that people were trying to figure out my relationship to my child - mom, grandmother, nanny, etc. My 2nd child looks so much like me that strangers would remark on that - “oh he’s definitely yours!”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone here watched 16 and pregnant back in the day? Leah's mom, Dawn, was 32 at the time. That BLOWS MY MIND. She easily looked 55.

A lot of people on that show had really rough lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was 19 when she had me, and I was 24 when my first was born. So she was a 43 yo grandmother. It happens a lot, though not as much as it used to.

My younger brother was born when I was 15. People would look at us and say to my mother, isn't your daughter awfully young to have a child?

As PP said, people say stupid things. I try to go for the kind rebuke, but it doesn't do much to combat the endless supply of stupid.

That is such a cappy thing to say, even if it were true that you had been the mother. Is the idea to punish you and make you feel bad for having a kid that young? What are you supposed to do? Irony is thta thesee are the same people who would likely deny you an abortion.

[Anonymous]

OP was probably looking frazzled. Get a makeover and get rid of anything that ages your look.

[Anonymous]

I'm 44 and have a 2 year old and am waiting for someone to refer to me as the grandma! Hasn't happened yet but I'm expecting someday it will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This just happened. My son (3y) and I are at a diner eating breakfast. The guests in front of us left and as they were leaving, struck up conversation with my son. He said he had a great-niece and said I had to ensure I do everything for her (misgendering my son). He said it a couple of times so it wasn’t an error. I didn’t correct - it happens often because he has soft features and my son didn’t hear it. If he had, I would have said something for my son’s sake.

Anyway, then he asked my son if I was his grandma and said he has to listen to Grandma and no pouting or complaining. To be clear, my son was eating his food and no tantrums at all, stayed in his seat the whole time eating his food so that was just a general comment. It’s just frustrating and happens enough that it makes me wonder if other people think it but don’t say it.

I’m 42, turning 43 this year. I get that I got an older start but it’s demoralizing to be assumed to be my son’s grandmother. I usually don’t correct the person bc that’s more embarrassing and I just want the conversation to end. Am I alone in this? Does it ever end?

In the diner regions of the US many women have children in their late teens and early 20's so it is common for women in their 40's to be grandmas.

i don't have anything to contribute except i love the term "diner region." it's so specific, yet instantly recognizable--gritty, blue collar areas of the northeast have diners.

Actually I do have a contribution. i was once carrying a sack of flour wrapped in a bag, and an elderly gentleman complimented me on my beautiful baby. i think sometimes the older people are not totally there mentally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:TL;DR - In many places in America, it’s more common for a 43 yr old to have a 3yr old grand child than her own child. Strangers like to run their mouth for no reason.

I’m not sure where you live, but in Arlington / Falls church City, I went to a lot of 40th BD parties for other moms at our preschool. I’m from rural Ohio and my HS friends were all posting prom pics of their kids when I was potty training. If someone in Ohio thought I was my child’s grandmother it would not be because I look older than 45, it would be because 45yr olds there commonly have 3-7 yr old grandchildren.

My first child and I don’t look that different- we’re both pretty generic white people. He has blue eyes and blonde hair that is now light brown. My husband and I both have green/brown eyes and dark brown hair - but we’re blonde as children. When my oldest was a baby, I would be stopped all the time by strangers and they would ask things like “where does he get those blue eyes?” It didn’t occur to me until my 2nd child that people were trying to figure out my relationship to my child - mom, grandmother, nanny, etc. My 2nd child looks so much like me that strangers would remark on that - “oh he’s definitely yours!”.

I'm from Ohio, and I don't know very many people my age (46) that are grandparents, but agree that most of my high school friends have children that are in high school and college now, so it's not a stretch. That said, it sounds like it was an older gentleman that thought OP was grandma and for his generation, a 45 year old would much more likely be the grandparent of a 3 year old than the parent. It's a generational thing probably more than a regional thing in this particular case.

[Anonymous]

I went to my 25th highschool reunion last year. At my table was a new mom and a grandparent announcing the birth of her daughter's third child. Everyone was 43.

NBD in any way. And no one has to be offended by what complete strangers say (absent any obvious racial overtones) unless they wish to be offended by what complete strangers say.

[Anonymous]

My kids are in private school and I was often mistaken for the nanny because I was 29 and 31 when I had them and never had an adult wardrobe (I think). It bothered me a little.

In the DC privates there are so many old parents that I doubt anyone would assume anyone under 80 is a grandparent.
Several women have kids in their 50s and some dads are even older.

[Anonymous]

You shouldn’t be offended. You are old enough to be a grandmother and you had your son at an older age. Of course there will be people that think your the grandma.

[Anonymous]

You’re 43. And if you look at least 43 plus gray hair, it is valid question.

It isn’t like you are 32 and people are asking if you’re Grandma. That would be offensive.