Continually get asked if I’m my son’s grandmother

[Anonymous]

I'm 43 with a 4 year old. I've never had that experience, it was really rude of them to say that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, that’s annoying. But you should gently correct them. The embarrassment is then theirs, not yours. Dumb people need to be reminded to think before they speak and not assume.

This!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, that’s annoying. But you should gently correct them. The embarrassment is then theirs, not yours. Dumb people need to be reminded to think before they speak and not assume.

This!!!!

Ahh the good old just don’t talk to anyone about anything crowd has arrived. Nothing embarrassing about getting that wrong just incorrect.

[Anonymous]

I was at Tysons a few years back with my dad who was visiting from out of town and he forgot to bring a belt, so we were getting one at Macys. I was 36 and he was 60 at the time. The salesperson when we were checking out, who was also older! Not a younger college age or early 20s woman! asked/implied that I was his wife and I wanted to THROW UP. Luckily my dad was staring at something on his phone and not paying attention and I was so flustered I just wanted to get out of there. I’m not sure if she thought I was much older or was just assuming he was an older man with a younger woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was at Tysons a few years back with my dad who was visiting from out of town and he forgot to bring a belt, so we were getting one at Macys. I was 36 and he was 60 at the time. The salesperson when we were checking out, who was also older! Not a younger college age or early 20s woman! asked/implied that I was his wife and I wanted to THROW UP. Luckily my dad was staring at something on his phone and not paying attention and I was so flustered I just wanted to get out of there. I’m not sure if she thought I was much older or was just assuming he was an older man with a younger woman.

That’s hilarious - my family would still be laughing about that.

[Anonymous]

I’m 49 with a 8 year old. No one asks if I’m her grandmother. I guess if I started super early and my kid did as well I could be….My mother became a grandmother at 56 (through my sibling) and my grandmother became a grandmother at 55. 42 is not grandmother age. Neither were old mums.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Letting random men's comments bother you at all is the only error you made. Older white men need to know to just stop talking to women. Like, just don't do it. If they do, give a non-verbal half smile, nod, and then look away.

It’s not only white men who make ridiculous comments,

[Anonymous]

I expect this will happen to me at some point (49 with an almost 2 year old). TBH in my family one of my grandmothers was a grandmother at 47 (had first kid at 18) and the other had her 3rd kid at 47.

I wouldn't get upset by people making small talk. People just say weird stuff. Like the women in my synagogue who looked at my child and looked at me and said she doesn't look anything like you. Um ok...

[Anonymous]

You are being way too sensitive. You aren’t a particularly old parent for today and this area, but you amis aren’t a particularly young one.

At 29 I was asked repeatedly if I was my oldest child’s nanny. Both my male and female child were “misgendered” many times in their baby to preschool years. My son grew long hair in late middle school and had it happen then too. Most people aren’t being mean, they just aren’t paying that much attention.

My mother had her first child at 19 and her second at 43. Out and about with her oldest daughter and the baby inevitably resulted in her being called Grandma. (Which she actually became at 38). Another sister, 3 years my senior, had a baby at 19 and was a grandmother at 40. Her oldest grandchild is 1 month younger than my second child. You being Grandma isn’t anymore out of the realm of possibility than you being mom is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was at Tysons a few years back with my dad who was visiting from out of town and he forgot to bring a belt, so we were getting one at Macys. I was 36 and he was 60 at the time. The salesperson when we were checking out, who was also older! Not a younger college age or early 20s woman! asked/implied that I was his wife and I wanted to THROW UP. Luckily my dad was staring at something on his phone and not paying attention and I was so flustered I just wanted to get out of there. I’m not sure if she thought I was much older or was just assuming he was an older man with a younger woman.

That’s hilarious - my family would still be laughing about that.

This happened to me with my dad when I was about 17 (he would have been 50) in Saks Fifth Avenue and I was HORRIFIED. I did look kind of old for my age, but like 21. So still gross.

[Anonymous]

At 16 I was a babysitter for a 9 year old kid one summer and one day took him out for ice cream and someone at the shop referred to him as my son. I had braces and definitely looked very much my age, not older. People are just stupid and/or aren’t really thinking before commenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This just happened. My son (3y) and I are at a diner eating breakfast. The guests in front of us left and as they were leaving, struck up conversation with my son. He said he had a great-niece and said I had to ensure I do everything for her (misgendering my son). He said it a couple of times so it wasn’t an error. I didn’t correct - it happens often because he has soft features and my son didn’t hear it. If he had, I would have said something for my son’s sake.

Anyway, then he asked my son if I was his grandma and said he has to listen to Grandma and no pouting or complaining. To be clear, my son was eating his food and no tantrums at all, stayed in his seat the whole time eating his food so that was just a general comment. It’s just frustrating and happens enough that it makes me wonder if other people think it but don’t say it.

I’m 42, turning 43 this year. I get that I got an older start but it’s demoralizing to be assumed to be my son’s grandmother. I usually don’t correct the person bc that’s more embarrassing and I just want the conversation to end. Am I alone in this? Does it ever end?

In the diner regions of the US many women have children in their late teens and early 20's so it is common for women in their 40's to be grandmas.

i don't have anything to contribute except i love the term "diner region." it's so specific, yet instantly recognizable--gritty, blue collar areas of the northeast have diners.

Actually I do have a contribution. i was once carrying a sack of flour wrapped in a bag, and an elderly gentleman complimented me on my beautiful baby. i think sometimes the older people are not totally there mentally.

Every area of the northeast has diners. The college town where my kid is has multiple diners and a median HHI higher than Bethesda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This just happened. My son (3y) and I are at a diner eating breakfast. The guests in front of us left and as they were leaving, struck up conversation with my son. He said he had a great-niece and said I had to ensure I do everything for her (misgendering my son). He said it a couple of times so it wasn’t an error. I didn’t correct - it happens often because he has soft features and my son didn’t hear it. If he had, I would have said something for my son’s sake.

Anyway, then he asked my son if I was his grandma and said he has to listen to Grandma and no pouting or complaining. To be clear, my son was eating his food and no tantrums at all, stayed in his seat the whole time eating his food so that was just a general comment. It’s just frustrating and happens enough that it makes me wonder if other people think it but don’t say it.

I’m 42, turning 43 this year. I get that I got an older start but it’s demoralizing to be assumed to be my son’s grandmother. I usually don’t correct the person bc that’s more embarrassing and I just want the conversation to end. Am I alone in this? Does it ever end?

In the diner regions of the US many women have children in their late teens and early 20's so it is common for women in their 40's to be grandmas.

i don't have anything to contribute except i love the term "diner region." it's so specific, yet instantly recognizable--gritty, blue collar areas of the northeast have diners.

Actually I do have a contribution. i was once carrying a sack of flour wrapped in a bag, and an elderly gentleman complimented me on my beautiful baby. i think sometimes the older people are not totally there mentally.

Every area of the northeast has diners. The college town where my kid is has multiple diners and a median HHI higher than Bethesda.

Yeah that threw me a bit as someone from the NYC area. Every town has a diner! But no, not lots of late teen early 20s moms in Great Neck, Chatham, or Chappaqua.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I know is I'm 43 and I get asked if I'm the nanny! People say stupid things, try not to ruminate.

Me too. I’m a POC and my child has blonde curls so I get asked this a lot !

I'm white and my son is biracial (Black/white), also asked routinely if I'm the nanny.

[Anonymous]

Maybe dressing better would help how you look. Too many women go out in public dressed as though they just finished cleaning a pig sty.