Continually get asked if I’m my son’s grandmother

[Anonymous]

You know what. You could be your kid's grandmother. Don't take offense but do correct them if you feel like it.

[Anonymous]

Youre masquerading as a 69 year old and youre styling your son as a girl. This may be the style now, but no one told the 70 something set. What do you expect?

[Anonymous]

This is exactly why I still color my hair. At least until my younger kid is out of elementary.

[Anonymous]

I’m 45 with a 6 year old. I also have a 11yo and 14yo.

Three years ago, I would have been 42 with a 3 year old. No one has ever mistaken me for the grandmother.

There was a mom of child in my middle child’s class who looked like a grandmother. Her hair was all white but I think it was more her hairstyle and clothing style that made her look very old. Thank god I didn’t ask if she was the grandmother.

My mom had all white hair since her thirties. She is frumpy, always has been. I know when I was a kid a few people mistook her as my grandmother. She has always acted old too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This just happened. My son (3y) and I are at a diner eating breakfast. The guests in front of us left and as they were leaving, struck up conversation with my son. He said he had a great-niece and said I had to ensure I do everything for her (misgendering my son). He said it a couple of times so it wasn’t an error. I didn’t correct - it happens often because he has soft features and my son didn’t hear it. If he had, I would have said something for my son’s sake.

Anyway, then he asked my son if I was his grandma and said he has to listen to Grandma and no pouting or complaining. To be clear, my son was eating his food and no tantrums at all, stayed in his seat the whole time eating his food so that was just a general comment. It’s just frustrating and happens enough that it makes me wonder if other people think it but don’t say it.

I’m 42, turning 43 this year. I get that I got an older start but it’s demoralizing to be assumed to be my son’s grandmother. I usually don’t correct the person bc that’s more embarrassing and I just want the conversation to end. Am I alone in this? Does it ever end?

People say weird shit and I've realized a lot of it is projection. He thought you were grandma because he was thinking of his own relationship with a similarly aged child.

Example- I told a friend I was pregant and she immediately asked if I used IVF. I was 33, my friend was 40. Her mind went to IVF because she was thinking about needing to use IVF if she were to get pregnant.

[Anonymous]

But there are 40 year old grandmas

[Anonymous]

“Thanks for the comments geezer”

[Anonymous]

You COULD easily and reasonably your kids grandmother.

[Anonymous]

Well OP, I'm 43 with a 15 yo. Depending on where you are, being 43 and a grandma isn't a stretch. It sounds like the people who said this to you were older so it maybe didn't even cross their mind that you could be the parent and not the grandparent. It's an honest mistake that I wouldn't take personally. I am also a POC with a blonde, blue eyed child and was often mistaken for the nanny when she was a baby/toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends has a young face but completely gray hair. She gets asked nonstop about her grandchildren.

I think it’s just what happens if you are outside the norm.

One of my friends has the same and does not get mistaken for grandma. Her hair, although white, is styled nicely and she is also very pretty.
To look good requires effort. Flyaway, dry looking gray hair looks like old lady hair. Styled gray hair, especially if highlighted with platinum, can look really good.

Of course it can. Like Diane Keaton, Andie McDowell, etc. That being said, it looks older than even a messy brunette, blonde, red or black or whatever bun. It just does. Nothing wrong with looking one’s age or even older, but to pretend like gray hair doesn’t read “older” is just silly.

Sure, but they are in their 70s/60s- certainly old enough to be a grandmother!

[Anonymous]

OP, I've had it happen-I had dc when I was 43 and had adult kids. It's only happened twice but both times was when I was with little dc, adult dd and ds. So I can kind of understand it.

I'm 51 now and I do color my gray roots! Nothing wrong with that : )

OP, in your situation you described, I'd probably have done what you did-went along with the old guy's flow. I'm sure he meant no harm and probably thought he was being a wise old sage lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 45 and overweight and frumpy. I have a 6 year old daughter. No one ever asks me this. I can definitely see why it’s upsetting that this is happening to you, OP.

Same - like, exactly the same age myself and my child. This has never happened to me, and I always worried it would because I'm an "old mom". I'm really sorry, OP. Please ignore everyone telling you to change your appearance. The only thing that matters is that you have a happy and healthy child who adores you and I'm sure he does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am olive skinned, short, fat, frumpy. One of my sons is a teenager and has movie star looks. The other one is angelic looking blond and green eyed devil. I am constantly being asked if I am the nanny.

My South Asian nanny is often mistaken as the mother of my younger son. In fairness, they do look qute a bit alike. My older DS is looks like me (blonde/blue eyes). People often comment how great it is that she can take her son to work with her. Whatever. We laugh about it all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This just happened. My son (3y) and I are at a diner eating breakfast. The guests in front of us left and as they were leaving, struck up conversation with my son. He said he had a great-niece and said I had to ensure I do everything for her (misgendering my son). He said it a couple of times so it wasn’t an error. I didn’t correct - it happens often because he has soft features and my son didn’t hear it. If he had, I would have said something for my son’s sake.

Anyway, then he asked my son if I was his grandma and said he has to listen to Grandma and no pouting or complaining. To be clear, my son was eating his food and no tantrums at all, stayed in his seat the whole time eating his food so that was just a general comment. It’s just frustrating and happens enough that it makes me wonder if other people think it but don’t say it.

I’m 42, turning 43 this year. I get that I got an older start but it’s demoralizing to be assumed to be my son’s grandmother. I usually don’t correct the person bc that’s more embarrassing and I just want the conversation to end. Am I alone in this? Does it ever end?

How are you dressing 1) your kid to make people think he's a girl? Long hair? 2) Are you frumpy/overweight? That adds age. If it happens a lot, it's you not other people. If you don't like it, figure out the cause and fix it.

[Anonymous]

It’s not about your appearance. That person was taking at you, not with you and made assumptions based on their own life. They prob need to call their grand niece or whatever child yours was mentally standing in for.