Continually get asked if I’m my son’s grandmother
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Anonymous
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This just happened. My son (3y) and I are at a diner eating breakfast. The guests in front of us left and as they were leaving, struck up conversation with my son. He said he had a great-niece and said I had to ensure I do everything for her (misgendering my son). He said it a couple of times so it wasn’t an error. I didn’t correct - it happens often because he has soft features and my son didn’t hear it. If he had, I would have said something for my son’s sake.
Anyway, then he asked my son if I was his grandma and said he has to listen to Grandma and no pouting or complaining. To be clear, my son was eating his food and no tantrums at all, stayed in his seat the whole time eating his food so that was just a general comment. It’s just frustrating and happens enough that it makes me wonder if other people think it but don’t say it. I’m 42, turning 43 this year. I get that I got an older start but it’s demoralizing to be assumed to be my son’s grandmother. I usually don’t correct the person bc that’s more embarrassing and I just want the conversation to end. Am I alone in this? Does it ever end? |
Anonymous
| All I know is I'm 43 and I get asked if I'm the nanny! People say stupid things, try not to ruminate. |
Anonymous
| I would gently correct, with a syrupy “aww, thanks, that’s my son, not my grandson. Have a nice day.” And then they can sputter…but maybe they’ll stop assuming. |
Anonymous
| What are you dressing like, do you take care of yourself like do you have lots of gray, wrinkles etc? Things like salon and Botox can help. Nowadays women in their 40s look like 30s because of new treatments that weren't around 10 years ago |
Anonymous
Me too. I’m a POC and my child has blonde curls so I get asked this a lot ! |
Anonymous
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If you are “embracing the gray” then you have to deal with this. If you don’t want to be viewed as older than you are, then sorry, you do need to dye your hair, pay attention to your clothing, and wear a little bit of makeup.
It’s absolutely fine not to do any of those things, but the trade-off is that you can’t complain and feel wounded when people assume you are older than you are. Because there are women in their late 40s, 50s and 60s who look much younger than you because they are taking these steps. Again, it’s fine not to, but if you’re going to take steps to look good, you’re going to look older than you are. |
Anonymous
| That’s annoying. Hugs! |
Anonymous
No, people can learn not to be rude and comment on your appearance, make assumptions etc. |
Anonymous
| Well, if an overweight woman makes such a comment to you, just ask her when her baby is due. |
Anonymous
Also, how are you dressing? Dressing in frumpy clothes really ages you by 10 - 20 years. |
Anonymous
In the diner regions of the US many women have children in their late teens and early 20's so it is common for women in their 40's to be grandmas. |
Anonymous
| People say and do dumb stuff, you gotta try not to let it stick. There’s nothing you can do. |
Anonymous
| I’m 45 and overweight and frumpy. I have a 6 year old daughter. No one ever asks me this. I can definitely see why it’s upsetting that this is happening to you, OP. |
Anonymous
| I have blue eyes and people used to ask me all. the. time. where my DC got her pretty blue eyes, lol. I thought they were just trying to chat lightly and weren't really looking at me or my kid. |
Anonymous
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My mom was 19 when she had me, and I was 24 when my first was born. So she was a 43 yo grandmother. It happens a lot, though not as much as it used to.
My younger brother was born when I was 15. People would look at us and say to my mother, isn't your daughter awfully young to have a child? As PP said, people say stupid things. I try to go for the kind rebuke, but it doesn't do much to combat the endless supply of stupid. |