in conversation with friends or strangers, my wife frequently mentions she went to Harvard

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who got one of those small business owner certificates from Harvard and he does the same thing. He has toned it down over the last few years but when he first got it, he was so annoying. Just tell her it’s not a good look and people are talking about her behind her back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like she’s really insecure about her career and education. If I was her spouse I would try to help her with that, why hasn’t she been able to accomplish what she wants to, how can you help facilitate that growth? My 2 cents: Worry less about what other people think and more about being a good partner.

This. But I'm not sure if op is capable of being a good partner. The way he speaks about his wife is terrible and I have no doubt he contributes to her insecurity

+1

[Anonymous]

In my experience, the people who are the most tenuously affiliated with Harvard are the loudest about proclaiming their affiliation. The regional clubs that allow any degree holders to interview HS applicants tend to have their committees dominated by fringe degree holders. If she's going to take advantage of the brand name, I'd recommend at least getting more involved in the alumni associations.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t be annoyed but I’d register that she seems insecure about her place in society.

[Anonymous]

She sounds insecure. I'm sure you're right that people see through it. If she's otherwise a good person, they'll be kind and let her be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it is an awful look for your wife, and the way you put her down in your OP is a bad look for you too. Honestly the two of your and your relationship sounds depressing.

By the way, I had no idea that Harvard offered degree programs for mid-career adults that were not selective for admissions. One more example of higher education not being what it was a generation ago.

This! Yes it's tacky for your wife to mention it. But the way you right about her is awful. It's almost as though you hate her and ate ashamed of her .

+1 you d see park about her with complete contempt. Is seems you think she is a moron.

[Anonymous]

*^ you speak about her with contempt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's probably feeling insecure. Try to be gentle with her and help her build up her self-esteem.

I think finding a job—even if it’s not “prestigious”-where she can do well would probably help her. And give her something to talk about when she’s at a party and people are chatting about work.

OP here. I've told her this, but she refuses to work for less than $150K a year and, unfortunately, no employer seems interested in hiring her at a salary above $150K (it pains me to say this, but I wouldn't hire her, either).

I think this has gotta be a troll, but I will play along - OP, why would you not hire her?

OP here. Not a troll. I wouldn't hire my wife at the salary she wants. I think employers look at her resume and correctly recognize that her education, skillset and stale experience (she last worked 8 years ago) aren't worth more than perhaps $100K. Also, I have read some of the reports she authored when she was last employed. The reports are a tangled mess. Incomprehensible. My wife has some really great qualities, but she is probably below-average with respect to intelligence, and her education is weak. Given these weaknesses, I wouldn't hire her.

Ouch and damn. If you could do it over again, would you choose her as your wife?

OP here. My kids make my life complete. So I don't need a do-over, even though my wife is, in some respects, a source of frustration.

So you married a dud? Are you afraid her issues will impact your kids?

OP here. With respect to the "H" word, my kids privately joke about this when Mom isn't around. They are tired of hearing that she went to Harvard, and they roll their eyes each time she does it. My kids understand that education needs to be about genuine learning, rather than about trying to create a superficial veneer that masks a lack of substance. So perhaps my wife is actually serving as a good counter-example for my kids -- they see through her BS and I think they understand that real knowledge takes years of effort to acquire. It can't simply be painted on at the final hour. The fact that employers are unwilling to hire her may help my kids understand that most employers can't easily be tricked. They are looking for people with real skills.

I still haven't decided to talk to my wife about this. I raised the issue a couple years ago and it didn't go well. In response, she told me that I was jealous of her. So I'm not sure how to approach her on this topic. In fact, there are many topics that are difficult to address with her. Over the years, I've pulled back and disengaged because engagement and communication just leads to friction. Ironically, my marriage is the most difficult relationship I've ever been in. I was in several long-term relationships before getting married and, in each case, communication and mutually understanding was better. At this point, however, I'm going to finish running the marathon. My kids' lives matter more than mine, and I think it is best for the kids if this marriage remains intact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's probably feeling insecure. Try to be gentle with her and help her build up her self-esteem.

I think finding a job—even if it’s not “prestigious”-where she can do well would probably help her. And give her something to talk about when she’s at a party and people are chatting about work.

OP here. I've told her this, but she refuses to work for less than $150K a year and, unfortunately, no employer seems interested in hiring her at a salary above $150K (it pains me to say this, but I wouldn't hire her, either).

I think this has gotta be a troll, but I will play along - OP, why would you not hire her?

OP here. Not a troll. I wouldn't hire my wife at the salary she wants. I think employers look at her resume and correctly recognize that her education, skillset and stale experience (she last worked 8 years ago) aren't worth more than perhaps $100K. Also, I have read some of the reports she authored when she was last employed. The reports are a tangled mess. Incomprehensible. My wife has some really great qualities, but she is probably below-average with respect to intelligence, and her education is weak. Given these weaknesses, I wouldn't hire her.

Ouch and damn. If you could do it over again, would you choose her as your wife?

OP here. My kids make my life complete. So I don't need a do-over, even though my wife is, in some respects, a source of frustration.

So you married a dud? Are you afraid her issues will impact your kids?

OP here. With respect to the "H" word, my kids privately joke about this when Mom isn't around. They are tired of hearing that she went to Harvard, and they roll their eyes each time she does it. My kids understand that education needs to be about genuine learning, rather than about trying to create a superficial veneer that masks a lack of substance. So perhaps my wife is actually serving as a good counter-example for my kids -- they see through her BS and I think they understand that real knowledge takes years of effort to acquire. It can't simply be painted on at the final hour. The fact that employers are unwilling to hire her may help my kids understand that most employers can't easily be tricked. They are looking for people with real skills.

I still haven't decided to talk to my wife about this. I raised the issue a couple years ago and it didn't go well. In response, she told me that I was jealous of her. So I'm not sure how to approach her on this topic. In fact, there are many topics that are difficult to address with her. Over the years, I've pulled back and disengaged because engagement and communication just leads to friction. Ironically, my marriage is the most difficult relationship I've ever been in. I was in several long-term relationships before getting married and, in each case, communication and mutually understanding was better. At this point, however, I'm going to finish running the marathon. My kids' lives matter more than mine, and I think it is best for the kids if this marriage remains intact.

Do you otherwise enjoy her company? Or are you basically just in a coparenting relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know if someone went to Harvard? Easy, they'll tell you

This is a really stale joke told by people who don't actually know anyone who went to Harvard. I went to the "real Harvard" -- Harvard College. I rarely volunteer that fact in conversation, but I also don't play coy excessively. If someone asks me directly where I went to college, I tell them. I find this is the pretty standard approach for Harvard alumns, and I certainly do not know any alums who go around bragging that they went there. The braggarts are the ones like OP's DW -- people who did the equivalent of buying an expensive branded sweatshirt and want some of the sheen to rub off on them.

This is the truth - Harvard Law alum (and I never mention it)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's probably feeling insecure. Try to be gentle with her and help her build up her self-esteem.

I think finding a job—even if it’s not “prestigious”-where she can do well would probably help her. And give her something to talk about when she’s at a party and people are chatting about work.

OP here. I've told her this, but she refuses to work for less than $150K a year and, unfortunately, no employer seems interested in hiring her at a salary above $150K (it pains me to say this, but [b]I wouldn't hire her, either).

I think this has gotta be a troll, but I will play along - OP, why would you not hire her?

OP here. Not a troll. I wouldn't hire my wife at the salary she wants. I think employers look at her resume and correctly recognize that her education, skillset and stale experience (she last worked 8 years ago) aren't worth more than perhaps $100K. Also, I have read some of the reports she authored when she was last employed. The reports are a tangled mess. Incomprehensible. My wife has some really great qualities, but she is probably below-average with respect to intelligence, and her education is weak. Given these weaknesses, I wouldn't hire her.

Ouch and damn. If you could do it over again, would you choose her as your wife?

OP here. My kids make my life complete. So I don't need a do-over, even though my wife is, in some respects, a source of frustration.

So you married a dud? Are you afraid her issues will impact your kids?

OP here. With respect to the "H" word, my kids privately joke about this when Mom isn't around. They are tired of hearing that she went to Harvard, and they roll their eyes each time she does it. My kids understand that education needs to be about genuine learning, rather than about trying to create a superficial veneer that masks a lack of substance. So perhaps my wife is actually serving as a good counter-example for my kids -- they see through her BS and I think they understand that real knowledge takes years of effort to acquire. It can't simply be painted on at the final hour. The fact that employers are unwilling to hire her may help my kids understand that most employers can't easily be tricked. They are looking for people with real skills.

I still haven't decided to talk to my wife about this. I raised the issue a couple years ago and it didn't go well. In response, she told me that I was jealous of her. So I'm not sure how to approach her on this topic. In fact, there are many topics that are difficult to address with her. Over the years, I've pulled back and disengaged because engagement and communication just leads to friction. Ironically, my marriage is the most difficult relationship I've ever been in. I was in several long-term relationships before getting married and, in each case, communication and mutually understanding was better. At this point, however, I'm going to finish running the marathon. My kids' lives matter more than mine, and I think it is best for the kids if this marriage remains intact.

[/b]


OK, now I call it. you are a troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's probably feeling insecure. Try to be gentle with her and help her build up her self-esteem.

I think finding a job—even if it’s not “prestigious”-where she can do well would probably help her. And give her something to talk about when she’s at a party and people are chatting about work.

OP here. I've told her this, but she refuses to work for less than $150K a year and, unfortunately, no employer seems interested in hiring her at a salary above $150K (it pains me to say this, but I wouldn't hire her, either).

I think this has gotta be a troll, but I will play along - OP, why would you not hire her?

OP here. Not a troll. I wouldn't hire my wife at the salary she wants. I think employers look at her resume and correctly recognize that her education, skillset and stale experience (she last worked 8 years ago) aren't worth more than perhaps $100K. Also, I have read some of the reports she authored when she was last employed. The reports are a tangled mess. Incomprehensible. My wife has some really great qualities, but she is probably below-average with respect to intelligence, and her education is weak. Given these weaknesses, I wouldn't hire her.

Ouch and damn. If you could do it over again, would you choose her as your wife?

OP here. My kids make my life complete. So I don't need a do-over, even though my wife is, in some respects, a source of frustration.

So you married a dud? Are you afraid her issues will impact your kids?

OP here. With respect to the "H" word, my kids privately joke about this when Mom isn't around. They are tired of hearing that she went to Harvard, and they roll their eyes each time she does it. My kids understand that education needs to be about genuine learning, rather than about trying to create a superficial veneer that masks a lack of substance. So perhaps my wife is actually serving as a good counter-example for my kids -- they see through her BS and I think they understand that real knowledge takes years of effort to acquire. It can't simply be painted on at the final hour. The fact that employers are unwilling to hire her may help my kids understand that most employers can't easily be tricked. They are looking for people with real skills.

I still haven't decided to talk to my wife about this. I raised the issue a couple years ago and it didn't go well. In response, she told me that I was jealous of her. So I'm not sure how to approach her on this topic. In fact, there are many topics that are difficult to address with her. Over the years, I've pulled back and disengaged because engagement and communication just leads to friction. Ironically, my marriage is the most difficult relationship I've ever been in. I was in several long-term relationships before getting married and, in each case, communication and mutually understanding was better. At this point, however, I'm going to finish running the marathon. My kids' lives matter more than mine, and I think it is best for the kids if this marriage remains intact.

So you allow your kids to mock their mother. You are awful.

[Anonymous]

+1 I feel a lot less sorry for you now, OP. Sounds like you have real contempt for your spouse - kids learn from that also. Why not teach your kids some empathy and help them understand why your spouse might be insecure and how you can all help build her up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's probably feeling insecure. Try to be gentle with her and help her build up her self-esteem.

I think finding a job—even if it’s not “prestigious”-where she can do well would probably help her. And give her something to talk about when she’s at a party and people are chatting about work.

OP here. I've told her this, but she refuses to work for less than $150K a year and, unfortunately, no employer seems interested in hiring her at a salary above $150K (it pains me to say this, but I wouldn't hire her, either).

I think this has gotta be a troll, but I will play along - OP, why would you not hire her?

OP here. Not a troll. I wouldn't hire my wife at the salary she wants. I think employers look at her resume and correctly recognize that her education, skillset and stale experience (she last worked 8 years ago) aren't worth more than perhaps $100K. Also, I have read some of the reports she authored when she was last employed. The reports are a tangled mess. Incomprehensible. My wife has some really great qualities, but she is probably below-average with respect to intelligence, and her education is weak. Given these weaknesses, I wouldn't hire her.

Ouch and damn. If you could do it over again, would you choose her as your wife?

OP here. My kids make my life complete. So I don't need a do-over, even though my wife is, in some respects, a source of frustration.

So you married a dud? Are you afraid her issues will impact your kids?

OP here. With respect to the "H" word, my kids privately joke about this when Mom isn't around. They are tired of hearing that she went to Harvard, and they roll their eyes each time she does it. My kids understand that education needs to be about genuine learning, rather than about trying to create a superficial veneer that masks a lack of substance. So perhaps my wife is actually serving as a good counter-example for my kids -- they see through her BS and I think they understand that real knowledge takes years of effort to acquire. It can't simply be painted on at the final hour. The fact that employers are unwilling to hire her may help my kids understand that most employers can't easily be tricked. They are looking for people with real skills.

I still haven't decided to talk to my wife about this. I raised the issue a couple years ago and it didn't go well. In response, she told me that I was jealous of her. So I'm not sure how to approach her on this topic. In fact, there are many topics that are difficult to address with her. Over the years, I've pulled back and disengaged because engagement and communication just leads to friction. Ironically, my marriage is the most difficult relationship I've ever been in. I was in several long-term relationships before getting married and, in each case, communication and mutually understanding was better. At this point, however, I'm going to finish running the marathon. My kids' lives matter more than mine, and I think it is best for the kids if this marriage remains intact.

So you allow your kids to mock their mother. You are awful.

No he's not doing that. She's incredibly insecure and unfulfilled and the kids are picking up on it. As someone who grew up with a Mother who was insecure of her lack of accomplishments and "where she stood", you figure out something is off fairly young. When you are an adult, you can articulate it.
OP, this will only get worse especially in an area like the DMV where everyone is so career and accomplishment focused. Can you buy her a small business or something? Form some kind of LLC where she's the owner or president? Tell her to start a business either by herself or with 1-2 partners. Obviously the best thing would be for her to go get an actual job, but because she is delusional and unrealistic, this probably won't happen. If you think she's insufferable now, just wait until she's in her 60s and has accomplished very little and looking back on her life with regrets but won't really admit it. It comes out in awful ways.

This is also partly the fault of Harvard and the elite institutions for offering these moronic programs in the first place.

[Anonymous]

So pretentious. My brother went to Stanford and he never tells people or name drops. The only way they'd know is if they looked on his LinkedIn. Of course he's not insecure and doesn't need to name drop either. Your wife sounds a little pathetic, insecure, pretentious and sad.