in conversation with friends or strangers, my wife frequently mentions she went to Harvard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bc only know a few people who went to real Harvard and they won’t even say it. They say Boston. You wife sounds annoying AF and super pretentious.

When I hear my neighbors commenting that "they were up in Boston for college" it seems way more conceited than saying "went to harvard"-obviously only if asked. Anyone who went to BU,BC or Tufts will say the name of the college not "Boston".

Regarding OP--seems he found the lid for his pot--they seem to be a match made in heaven.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know if someone went to Harvard? Easy, they'll tell you

Honestly, this is SO common for anyone who went to Harvard - real and otherwise. It’s one reason that many people think Harvard students are obnoxious.

This stereotype is so common that, even I as a parent, avoid telling people that DC got into Harvard Law School. If people ask me what DC’s doing, I just say, “going to law school in Boston”.

I find the false modest of "I went to college in Boston" to be equally obnoxious. If someone went to Harvard, and the subject of school comes up, they should just say it. Working it into every conversation is obnoxious, too.

+1 see my post above

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's probably feeling insecure. Try to be gentle with her and help her build up her self-esteem.

I think finding a job—even if it’s not “prestigious”-where she can do well would probably help her. And give her something to talk about when she’s at a party and people are chatting about work.

OP here. I've told her this, but she refuses to work for less than $150K a year and, unfortunately, no employer seems interested in hiring her at a salary above $150K (it pains me to say this, but I wouldn't hire her, either).

I think this has gotta be a troll, but I will play along - OP, why would you not hire her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a family member on my wife's side who has a PhD. If you ever meet her, you will know she has it because she will tell you. And you get to hear it again when she tells everyone and anyone else she meets. She also wants to be referred to as, Dr. Meanwhile, she is a total failure in life with nearly no common sense and can barely manage an e-mail account. I refuse to call her, doctor. She is the biggest bore I've ever met.

Omg I read this as “she wants to be referred to as Dr. Meanwhile” and I thought gee that’s odd…

I'm fine with old Europeans using Dr. for PhD because it's their ancient culture, but when Americans do it, it's super pretentious. I say that as someone with a non-medical doctorate but who would never deign to introduce myself as Dr.

[Anonymous]

Maybe tell her that by informing people that she went to Harvard, people will expect that she did more with her life. Letting them think she went to a "lesser" school or not mentioning her degrees at all tempers their expectations of what she has/hasn't done with her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How annoyed would you be by this habit? Is this something that you try to gently discourage your spouse from doing?

To be clear, my wife went to a mid-career Harvard masters program that has virtually no admissions standards -- if you are willing to pay $50K, you are in, as far as I can tell, regardless of your prior achievements (or lack thereof). Some people in this particular program didn't even go to college, according to an article that the WSJ published a few years ago about Ivy League masters programs. So this isn't exactly a challenging program. The program did her absolutely no good in the job market. She is currently unemployed, and has been for many years.

Each time she mentions that she is a Harvard alum, I cringe, not only because I think it is in poor taste, but because I think the people she is talking to see right through this act. She isn't a skilled speaker, nor is she well-read. So intellectually, her contribution to a conversation is minimal. My wife has many good qualities, but this particular part of her behavior strikes me as gauche.

Its poor taste but these things only bothers people who are insecure themselves. Is this envy or annoyance? I've people who did online extension schools at elite schools and some only did certifications not even degree and it doesn't bother me if they say so. Its still a fact and people listening know the difference. To be honest, lot of people get into these schools for undergrad because of family connections, donation race and other quotas and only manage to get their degree because school makes it possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How annoyed would you be by this habit? Is this something that you try to gently discourage your spouse from doing?

To be clear, my wife went to a mid-career Harvard masters program that has virtually no admissions standards -- if you are willing to pay $50K, you are in, as far as I can tell, regardless of your prior achievements (or lack thereof). Some people in this particular program didn't even go to college, according to an article that the WSJ published a few years ago about Ivy League masters programs. So this isn't exactly a challenging program. The program did her absolutely no good in the job market. She is currently unemployed, and has been for many years.

Each time she mentions that she is a Harvard alum, I cringe, not only because I think it is in poor taste, but because I think the people she is talking to see right through this act. She isn't a skilled speaker, nor is she well-read. So intellectually, her contribution to a conversation is minimal. My wife has many good qualities, but this particular part of her behavior strikes me as gauche.

She’s def a narcissist and has low self esteem. She’s trying hard to fit in a group, soon she’d crashed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How annoyed would you be by this habit? Is this something that you try to gently discourage your spouse from doing?

To be clear, my wife went to a mid-career Harvard masters program that has virtually no admissions standards -- if you are willing to pay $50K, you are in, as far as I can tell, regardless of your prior achievements (or lack thereof). Some people in this particular program didn't even go to college, according to an article that the WSJ published a few years ago about Ivy League masters programs. So this isn't exactly a challenging program. The program did her absolutely no good in the job market. She is currently unemployed, and has been for many years.

Each time she mentions that she is a Harvard alum, I cringe, not only because I think it is in poor taste, but because I think the people she is talking to see right through this act. She isn't a skilled speaker, nor is she well-read. So intellectually, her contribution to a conversation is minimal. My wife has many good qualities, but this particular part of her behavior strikes me as gauche.

Well, real issue is your inability to tell it to her and using this forum as an outlet. Life partners should be able to make each other better, if you feel it reflects bad on her then let her know. Its possible she can't read the room as sharply as you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a family member on my wife's side who has a PhD. If you ever meet her, you will know she has it because she will tell you. And you get to hear it again when she tells everyone and anyone else she meets. She also wants to be referred to as, Dr. Meanwhile, she is a total failure in life with nearly no common sense and can barely manage an e-mail account. I refuse to call her, doctor. She is the biggest bore I've ever met.

Omg I read this as “she wants to be referred to as Dr. Meanwhile” and I thought gee that’s odd…

I think Mr. Meanwhile was a Faulkner character.

[Anonymous]

Is this a recent "accomplishment"? If so, she may stop on her own. Is this a SAHM feeling insecure around others? If so, cut her a break. I had a friend who went to Harvard Law, quit to stay home with kids, and managed to fit that fact into many social interactions - she stopped eventually on her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's probably feeling insecure. Try to be gentle with her and help her build up her self-esteem.

I think finding a job—even if it’s not “prestigious”-where she can do well would probably help her. And give her something to talk about when she’s at a party and people are chatting about work.

OP here. I've told her this, but she refuses to work for less than $150K a year and, unfortunately, no employer seems interested in hiring her at a salary above $150K (it pains me to say this, but I wouldn't hire her, either).

I think this has gotta be a troll, but I will play along - OP, why would you not hire her?

OP here. Not a troll. I wouldn't hire my wife at the salary she wants. I think employers look at her resume and correctly recognize that her education, skillset and stale experience (she last worked 8 years ago) aren't worth more than perhaps $100K. Also, I have read some of the reports she authored when she was last employed. The reports are a tangled mess. Incomprehensible. My wife has some really great qualities, but she is probably below-average with respect to intelligence, and her education is weak. Given these weaknesses, I wouldn't hire her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's probably feeling insecure. Try to be gentle with her and help her build up her self-esteem.

I think finding a job—even if it’s not “prestigious”-where she can do well would probably help her. And give her something to talk about when she’s at a party and people are chatting about work.

OP here. I've told her this, but she refuses to work for less than $150K a year and, unfortunately, no employer seems interested in hiring her at a salary above $150K (it pains me to say this, but I wouldn't hire her, either).

I think this has gotta be a troll, but I will play along - OP, why would you not hire her?

OP here. Not a troll. I wouldn't hire my wife at the salary she wants. I think employers look at her resume and correctly recognize that her education, skillset and stale experience (she last worked 8 years ago) aren't worth more than perhaps $100K. Also, I have read some of the reports she authored when she was last employed. The reports are a tangled mess. Incomprehensible. My wife has some really great qualities, but she is probably below-average with respect to intelligence, and her education is weak. Given these weaknesses, I wouldn't hire her.

Ouch and damn. If you could do it over again, would you choose her as your wife?

[Anonymous]

I would definitely mention to her when you two are alone that by telling others she went to Harvard - she is coming off as perhaps a bit snooty.

Tell her that other people may think of her like this & that you know she is not like that at all.

(See what I did there??!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's probably feeling insecure. Try to be gentle with her and help her build up her self-esteem.

I think finding a job—even if it’s not “prestigious”-where she can do well would probably help her. And give her something to talk about when she’s at a party and people are chatting about work.

OP here. I've told her this, but she refuses to work for less than $150K a year and, unfortunately, no employer seems interested in hiring her at a salary above $150K (it pains me to say this, but I wouldn't hire her, either).

I think this has gotta be a troll, but I will play along - OP, why would you not hire her?

OP here. Not a troll. I wouldn't hire my wife at the salary she wants. I think employers look at her resume and correctly recognize that her education, skillset and stale experience (she last worked 8 years ago) aren't worth more than perhaps $100K. Also, I have read some of the reports she authored when she was last employed. The reports are a tangled mess. Incomprehensible. My wife has some really great qualities, but she is probably below-average with respect to intelligence, and her education is weak. Given these weaknesses, I wouldn't hire her.

Ouch and damn. If you could do it over again, would you choose her as your wife?

OP here. My kids make my life complete. So I don't need a do-over, even though my wife is, in some respects, a source of frustration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bc only know a few people who went to real Harvard and they won’t even say it. They say Boston. You wife sounds annoying AF and super pretentious.

THIS.
You need to do her a favor and talk to her about it.
Seriously, very few people who went there undergrand would mention the name unless pressed to do so and when they do, it is mumbled in a self-effacing way.
And those that went to the grad programs would just refer to the schools by initials - GSD (graduate school of design), HBS (business school), Kennedy School, etc...