in conversation with friends or strangers, my wife frequently mentions she went to Harvard

[Anonymous]

Is this a new thing or she’s been doing it for years? How does she work it into the convo?

You need to gently tell her in a non stressful moment that people consider it bragging, and even worse she didn’t got to Real Harvard so it’s bragging about something fake prestigious, so she sounds even worse.

I’d suggest observing how she works it into the convo and suggest she practices talking about an alternative so it’s not automatic any more.

If she’s ashamed about not having a career, that’s a tough one, requires more than small talk coaching.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's just as likely that people will look down on her for being so insecure - always mentioning it. I have no problem w/SAHM w/expensive elite degrees who, through outward appearances, don't seem to be using them but the impression she makes is a big negative. She's sounding very insecure.

[Anonymous]

How annoyed would you be by this habit? Is this something that you try to gently discourage your spouse from doing?

To be clear, my wife went to a mid-career Harvard masters program that has virtually no admissions standards -- if you are willing to pay $50K, you are in, as far as I can tell, regardless of your prior achievements (or lack thereof). Some people in this particular program didn't even go to college, according to an article that the WSJ published a few years ago about Ivy League masters programs. So this isn't exactly a challenging program. The program did her absolutely no good in the job market. She is currently unemployed, and has been for many years.

Each time she mentions that she is a Harvard alum, I cringe, not only because I think it is in poor taste, but because I think the people she is talking to see right through this act. She isn't a skilled speaker, nor is she well-read. So intellectually, her contribution to a conversation is minimal. My wife has many good qualities, but this particular part of her behavior strikes me as gauche.

Hahaha. If you didn't specify that this is your wife, I would have thought you were talking about a guy we know (not well) and see a lot during the summer because of swim team. He also did one of those programs that was like 12 weeks but tells EVERYONE that he went to Harvard and wears the t-shirt just about every day. People talk about him and laugh but he put himself in that position because he is so in everyone's face about Harvard. If he said nothing no one would care where he went to school. I personally think he is just extremely insecure.

Do your wife a favor and tell her it is not a good look.

[Anonymous]

Haha. Yeah, a few people at work do the same thing. It’s so obnoxious. Ironically, I do work with several people that actually went to an Ivy League school and you’d never know it. The only reason I know is bc I interviewed them. It’s never come up outside of an interview.

[Anonymous]

How do you know if someone went to Harvard? Easy, they'll tell you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

How annoyed would you be by this habit? Is this something that you try to gently discourage your spouse from doing?

To be clear, my wife went to a mid-career Harvard masters program that has virtually no admissions standards -- if you are willing to pay $50K, you are in, as far as I can tell, regardless of your prior achievements (or lack thereof). Some people in this particular program didn't even go to college, according to an article that the WSJ published a few years ago about Ivy League masters programs. So this isn't exactly a challenging program. The program did her absolutely no good in the job market. She is currently unemployed, and has been for many years.

Each time she mentions that she is a Harvard alum, I cringe, not only because I think it is in poor taste, but because I think the people she is talking to see right through this act. She isn't a skilled speaker, nor is she well-read. So intellectually, her contribution to a conversation is minimal. My wife has many good qualities, but this particular part of her behavior strikes me as gauche.

Hahaha. If you didn't specify that this is your wife, I would have thought you were talking about a guy we know (not well) and see a lot during the summer because of swim team. He also did one of those programs that was like 12 weeks but tells EVERYONE that he went to Harvard and wears the t-shirt just about every day. People talk about him and laugh but he put himself in that position because he is so in everyone's face about Harvard. If he said nothing no one would care where he went to school. I personally think he is just extremely insecure.

Do your wife a favor and tell her it is not a good look.

Lol I know someone who does this with a one week yale program.

[Anonymous]

My ex-boss was the same way. Mentioned Harvard within 5 minutes of meeting anyone. Never brought up her no name undergrad institution where she spent 4 years. Always bragged about going to Harvard where she got a lame one year education degree. I can’t imagine it is a difficult program to get into if you are willing to pay full price. Besides she was not smart and generally disliked in the office. I would tell your wife to cut it out.

[Anonymous]

OP, if your spouse is so willing to commit what essentially amounts to fraud in terms of her academic background, despite the fact that she knows that you know she's doing it, I would be a lot more worried about other lies and half truths she's been telling YOU throughout your relationship. She sounds like a narcissist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know if someone went to Harvard? Easy, they'll tell you

Honestly, this is SO common for anyone who went to Harvard - real and otherwise. It’s one reason that many people think Harvard students are obnoxious.

This stereotype is so common that, even I as a parent, avoid telling people that DC got into Harvard Law School. If people ask me what DC’s doing, I just say, “going to law school in Boston”.

[Anonymous]

Np, I feel sympathetic to people like this and automatically know they have self-esteem/inferiority issues. And you are right, other people do pick up on it and cringe.

Op, if you look at it from this perspective, try to have compassion. Since she's your spouse, IMO you have the right to bring her blind spots to her attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex-boss was the same way. Mentioned Harvard within 5 minutes of meeting anyone. Never brought up her no name undergrad institution where she spent 4 years. Always bragged about going to Harvard where she got a lame one year education degree. I can’t imagine it is a difficult program to get into if you are willing to pay full price. Besides she was not smart and generally disliked in the office. I would tell your wife to cut it out.

Lol the biggest Harvard troll I know never even took a class on campus, did some remote program while living in dc.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. This was pre pandemic too, so it was not a program that was ever in person

[Anonymous]

Yes, it is an awful look for your wife, and the way you put her down in your OP is a bad look for you too. Honestly the two of your and your relationship sounds depressing.

By the way, I had no idea that Harvard offered degree programs for mid-career adults that were not selective for admissions. One more example of higher education not being what it was a generation ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it is an awful look for your wife, and the way you put her down in your OP is a bad look for you too. Honestly the two of your and your relationship sounds depressing.

By the way, I had no idea that Harvard offered degree programs for mid-career adults that were not selective for admissions. One more example of higher education not being what it was a generation ago.

This! Yes it's tacky for your wife to mention it. But the way you right about her is awful. It's almost as though you hate her and ate ashamed of her .

[Anonymous]

Who cares? On the list of things that are relationship damning, this is very low. Just order yourself a drink, bite your tongue, and relax.