in conversation with friends or strangers, my wife frequently mentions she went to Harvard

[Anonymous]

Yale alumni/ae never have this problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read the headline, and was prepared to tell you that this is obnoxious and must be stopped, figuring she was just a standard Boston blowhard with a superiority complex. But then I read your post, and now I think you should let your wife have this one. Yeah, it's cringe-worthy, but it sounds like she is feeling deeply insecure and that this is important to her. So, maybe just try to find ways to make her feel smart, valued, and validated, so she does not lean so hard on this one credential.

OP here. You give good advice. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I understand your frustration. My DH sometimes brags about things or says things that are so cringe worthy.

Your DW is likely clueless about how this comes across. To even get her to stop making Harvard references you’ll probably have to be extremely direct. You can’t just hint around that she should stop. You may have to threaten her. I ended up having to tell my DH that if he says X, I will leave the party or restaurant. He knows I’m serious and this is what finally got him to stop talking about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read the headline, and was prepared to tell you that this is obnoxious and must be stopped, figuring she was just a standard Boston blowhard with a superiority complex. But then I read your post, and now I think you should let your wife have this one. Yeah, it's cringe-worthy, but it sounds like she is feeling deeply insecure and that this is important to her. So, maybe just try to find ways to make her feel smart, valued, and validated, so she does not lean so hard on this one credential.

OP here. You give good advice. Thanks.

You’ll likely have better luck spending your time and energy on helping her find a job.

[Anonymous]

KSG, right?

[Anonymous]

DH does this except with his profession/employer. I cringe every time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:KSG, right?

OP here. Yes, my wife's degree is an MPA via the Harvard Kennedy School.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:KSG, right?

OP here. Yes, my wife's degree is an MPA via the Harvard Kennedy School.

Oh no, that is rather embarrassing. I know so many people in government (smart people but also solid idiots) who’ve done that program. The smart ones never mention it in conversation (it’s just a bullet on the resume). The simpletons talk about “Harvard.” I always want to follow up with “…Kennedy School.”

It’s similar to the people who ask to be called Dr. So-and-So, but got their doctorate at some online for-profit diploma mill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read the headline, and was prepared to tell you that this is obnoxious and must be stopped, figuring she was just a standard Boston blowhard with a superiority complex. But then I read your post, and now I think you should let your wife have this one. Yeah, it's cringe-worthy, but it sounds like she is feeling deeply insecure and that this is important to her. So, maybe just try to find ways to make her feel smart, valued, and validated, so she does not lean so hard on this one credential.

OP here. You give good advice. Thanks.

You’ll likely have better luck spending your time and energy on helping her find a job.

OP here. Many times I've steered my wife towards job openings for which she could potentially be qualified. But she is aiming for high-paying jobs and isn't getting any bites. The lack of interest from employers isn't a surprise to me for a couple of reasons. First, her professional writing is quite weak -- almost incomprehensible. Second, she does poorly in conversations about complex issues. I don't think it is an exaggeration to say that she has almost no marketable skills. So what exactly can I do to help her given that she expects a salary that is much higher than what employers are willing to pay her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read the headline, and was prepared to tell you that this is obnoxious and must be stopped, figuring she was just a standard Boston blowhard with a superiority complex. But then I read your post, and now I think you should let your wife have this one. Yeah, it's cringe-worthy, but it sounds like she is feeling deeply insecure and that this is important to her. So, maybe just try to find ways to make her feel smart, valued, and validated, so she does not lean so hard on this one credential.

OP here. You give good advice. Thanks.

You’ll likely have better luck spending your time and energy on helping her find a job.

OP here. Many times I've steered my wife towards job openings for which she could potentially be qualified. But she is aiming for high-paying jobs and isn't getting any bites. The lack of interest from employers isn't a surprise to me for a couple of reasons. First, her professional writing is quite weak -- almost incomprehensible. Second, she does poorly in conversations about complex issues. I don't think it is an exaggeration to say that she has almost no marketable skills. So what exactly can I do to help her given that she expects a salary that is much higher than what employers are willing to pay her?

The decade long gap isn’t helping her either

[Anonymous]

I agree is in poor taste to mention her degrees in conversation (whether Harvard or any other). It is also a bad idea. The people you want to impress, won’t be impressed and you would simply reveal you are an outsider (insiders don’t need this, in their circle it is normal to have dgrees, tittles, etc). But, that aside, why to judge her more harshly than people who carry their LV or Hermes bags, get teslas, or try to signal status in other ways? Most of the time it is evident they don’t “belong” or come across as “trying to hard” and yet they “own” what they have, and if it makes them happy (rather than self-aware) to show what they own, then good for them! These thing do mean much to some, either because they care about appearance or because it gives them a sense of accomplishment. Let them be proud of themselves!

[Anonymous]

LOL the way you know someone went to Harvard is because they tell you!! It’s not like she went to HBS so even more embarrassing for her that she brings it up