in conversation with friends or strangers, my wife frequently mentions she went to Harvard

[Anonymous]

How annoyed would you be by this habit? Is this something that you try to gently discourage your spouse from doing?

To be clear, my wife went to a mid-career Harvard masters program that has virtually no admissions standards -- if you are willing to pay $50K, you are in, as far as I can tell, regardless of your prior achievements (or lack thereof). Some people in this particular program didn't even go to college, according to an article that the WSJ published a few years ago about Ivy League masters programs. So this isn't exactly a challenging program. The program did her absolutely no good in the job market. She is currently unemployed, and has been for many years.

Each time she mentions that she is a Harvard alum, I cringe, not only because I think it is in poor taste, but because I think the people she is talking to see right through this act. She isn't a skilled speaker, nor is she well-read. So intellectually, her contribution to a conversation is minimal. My wife has many good qualities, but this particular part of her behavior strikes me as gauche.

[Anonymous]

Ok, troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, troll.

Not sure why you think I am a troll. What I have described is indeed my situation. The latest chapter of this issue occurred at a recent holiday party. I would like my wife's behavior to change, but I have a feeling that talking to her about this issue would not go over well.

[Anonymous]

Yes it’s going to be transparent and even if it weren’t transparent still unacceptable. I even feel this way about ppl who wear Harvard sweaters - but I am v triggered by obvious bragging

Just tell her it’s lame and annoying and then have the fight then make up and move on. Or tell her a story about a made up person who does the same thing and everyone talks behind their back and hope she sees the parallels

[Anonymous]

My ex-wife did something similar. All it means is your wife is a narcissist, and probably also insufferable.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who also does this (non-competitive MA alumna). Just ignore it.

[Anonymous]

I bc only know a few people who went to real Harvard and they won’t even say it. They say Boston. You wife sounds annoying AF and super pretentious.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, sounds pretty cringe. I also don't think bringing it up would go over well. Maybe if you pose it in a way that suggests she's being elitist, rather than pathetic cringe, she'd see it and tone it down?

[Anonymous]

She mentions it because she is unemployed. She wants people to know (think) staying home is a choice, and that she is educated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bc only know a few people who went to real Harvard and they won’t even say it. They say Boston. You wife sounds annoying AF and super pretentious.

+1 and I like the phrase Real Harvard, ha

[Anonymous]

Point out to your wife that the Unabomber went to Harvard.

[Anonymous]

You married her. I can’t believe this is the first cringe worthy phrase that’s fallen from her lips.

I’d honestly correct her in private.

[Anonymous]

I think you have to tell your wife that this is not a great look.

[Anonymous]

So how does it come up in conversation? How does she weave it in?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would tell her that she has to significantly reduce the Harvard mentions. It would be in the context of building self-awareness, which everyone needs. She has to keep track of who she mentions it to, and not to mention it to one person more than once. If she's socially inept, it will be a great exercise for her.

BTW, my good friend went to 2 Ivies, one for undergrad, and one for graduate school, and she does mention it occasionally. But she's very socially aware, and it always comes out in the appropriate situation. So mentioning it isn't social suicide. It's the way and frequency that can be problematic.