in conversation with friends or strangers, my wife frequently mentions she went to Harvard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it is an awful look for your wife, and the way you put her down in your OP is a bad look for you too. Honestly the two of your and your relationship sounds depressing.

By the way, I had no idea that Harvard offered degree programs for mid-career adults that were not selective for admissions. One more example of higher education not being what it was a generation ago.

I believe it's called their "extension" school. Every school has classes the public can pay to attend, it's just that one won't earn a degree with the school's name on it. These classes are basically a source of revenue for the school.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:She's probably feeling insecure. Try to be gentle with her and help her build up her self-esteem.

I think finding a job—even if it’s not “prestigious”-where she can do well would probably help her. And give her something to talk about when she’s at a party and people are chatting about work.

OP here. I've told her this, but she refuses to work for less than $150K a year and, unfortunately, no employer seems interested in hiring her at a salary above $150K (it pains me to say this, but I wouldn't hire her, either).

I think this has gotta be a troll, but I will play along - OP, why would you not hire her?

OP here. Not a troll. I wouldn't hire my wife at the salary she wants. I think employers look at her resume and correctly recognize that her education, skillset and stale experience (she last worked 8 years ago) aren't worth more than perhaps $100K. Also, I have read some of the reports she authored when she was last employed. The reports are a tangled mess. Incomprehensible. My wife has some really great qualities, but she is probably below-average with respect to intelligence, and her education is weak. Given these weaknesses, I wouldn't hire her.

Ouch and damn. If you could do it over again, would you choose her as your wife?

OP here. My kids make my life complete. So I don't need a do-over, even though my wife is, in some respects, a source of frustration.

So you married a dud? Are you afraid her issues will impact your kids?

[Anonymous]

It’s probably better than the people who always say they went to “a school in Boston” 😂 I’m like dude, just say it. People don’t really care that much! I am surrounded by Ivy leaguers and got my degrees at awesome state schools without debt. So it doesn’t bother me at all!

[Anonymous]

Have her meet my 9 year old. He will tell her that “everyone knows Harvard is full of nerds”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have her meet my 9 year old. He will tell her that “everyone knows Harvard is full of nerds”.

She’d probably love that because nerds are smart and she thinks she’s smart

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:How do you know if someone went to Harvard? Easy, they'll tell you

Honestly, this is SO common for anyone who went to Harvard - real and otherwise. It’s one reason that many people think Harvard students are obnoxious.

This stereotype is so common that, even I as a parent, avoid telling people that DC got into Harvard Law School. If people ask me what DC’s doing, I just say, “going to law school in Boston”.

I find the false modest of "I went to college in Boston" to be equally obnoxious. If someone went to Harvard, and the subject of school comes up, they should just say it. Working it into every conversation is obnoxious, too.

^^^went to Yale

No, that’s “went to school in New Haven”.

[Anonymous]

While I hope that she finds other things that interest her to talk about, you might want to gently alert her to the likely possibility that she’ll share this with someone who spent more time there at some point. Alums often start to compare common experiences. If she’s okay with that, then it’s great. If she’s not, then her habit might land her in a tight spot conversationally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s probably better than the people who always say they went to “a school in Boston” 😂 I’m like dude, just say it. People don’t really care that much! I am surrounded by Ivy leaguers and got my degrees at awesome state schools without debt. So it doesn’t bother me at all!

In my case, I mumble that I went to school in New Haven — IF I’m asked. I do this, not because it might bother you — whoever you are, but because I am really tired of comments like:

- “So, you must be really smart. Say something smart. (Pause). I could say that. My KID could say that.” You get the idea.
- Other people often make condescending, inaccurate and inappropriate comments about affirmative action and financial aid. It sucks to have to use the energy to get away from them politely. Politely because the other options can be even more stressful and even more draining.

It’s a balance. It can be a conversation starter and a way to connect — and 90% of the time, that’s great. The other 10 percent though, can get very ugly, and I really don’t need more of that in my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it is an awful look for your wife, and the way you put her down in your OP is a bad look for you too. Honestly the two of your and your relationship sounds depressing.

By the way, I had no idea that Harvard offered degree programs for mid-career adults that were not selective for admissions. One more example of higher education not being what it was a generation ago.

I believe it's called their "extension" school. Every school has classes the public can pay to attend, it's just that one won't earn a degree with the school's name on it. These classes are basically a source of revenue for the school.

It may have been the extension school, or not. https://extension.harvard.edu/academics/academics-graduate-degrees/

MA programs rarely offer funding and are notorious cash cows.

[Anonymous]

She sounds like she’s really insecure about her career and education. If I was her spouse I would try to help her with that, why hasn’t she been able to accomplish what she wants to, how can you help facilitate that growth? My 2 cents: Worry less about what other people think and more about being a good partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like she’s really insecure about her career and education. If I was her spouse I would try to help her with that, why hasn’t she been able to accomplish what she wants to, how can you help facilitate that growth? My 2 cents: Worry less about what other people think and more about being a good partner.

+1 Consequently, she feels the need to name drop.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know anyone who went to Harvard who doesn’t tell you that immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know if someone went to Harvard? Easy, they'll tell you

Honestly, this is SO common for anyone who went to Harvard - real and otherwise. It’s one reason that many people think Harvard students are obnoxious.

This stereotype is so common that, even I as a parent, avoid telling people that DC got into Harvard Law School. If people ask me what DC’s doing, I just say, “going to law school in Boston”.

I find the false modest of "I went to college in Boston" to be equally obnoxious. If someone went to Harvard, and the subject of school comes up, they should just say it. Working it into every conversation is obnoxious, too.

+1 see my post above

Harvard is in Cambridge, not Boston.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like she’s really insecure about her career and education. If I was her spouse I would try to help her with that, why hasn’t she been able to accomplish what she wants to, how can you help facilitate that growth? My 2 cents: Worry less about what other people think and more about being a good partner.

This. But I'm not sure if op is capable of being a good partner. The way he speaks about his wife is terrible and I have no doubt he contributes to her insecurity

[Anonymous]

Now I want to know what her MA Is in and what jobs she is targeting! Juicy stuff for the jobs board.