Guest wedding costs and gifts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop calculating the expenses spend it this time enjoy it and skip vacation next year to save money.

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just got a wedding invite and when I open the envelope, actual paint color palettes fell out (like from the hardware store) for suggestions of colors to wear...

HAHAHAHAHA.

[Anonymous]

As a rule I don’t attend anything that requires my family to travel and us to get childcare. So I would not go. But if I did, no I would not give a gift. It’s actually much more common not to give gifts when you travel to a wedding than this forum would have you believe. Whether it’s right, sure up for debate, but it’s definitely very very mainstream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a family wedding coming up (not immediate family) that we are expected to attend. The costs are as follows:
$800 flights (these are the cheapest flights - it’s a destination-y location
$600 hotel (block is $300/night), plus approx $100 for airport Ubers
$200+ childcare (no kids allowed)
$300+ clothing (couple has requested specific formal attire)

So altogether it adds up to $2k, which is almost half of our travel budget for the whole year. Is a gift really expected or would a thoughtful card suffice? I feel like a gift below $100 is almost worse than nothing.

Ignore the clothing request and wear what you own. This is not a show playing on Broadway, a HS auditoreum, or the Kennedy Center Opera House. The DH can wear a dark suit- tux is silly. It might not be a destination wedding for the couple and some guests but all weddings are destination weddings for some guests. Hence it's rude to expect attendance on Fri events, book a venue for times that prohibit Saturday AM/early PM travel, expect attendance on Sunday brunches when flights are cheaper in the AM.

If your parents expect you all to attend ask them to pay for it. If they can't or won't pay, go alone on a Sat [no time off] and tell them to get a 2 queen room and you get 1 of the beds. Give $75 or a 50-100 registry item. You are overthinking this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Asian style wedding style is to have the wedding local and everyone gives the bride and groom $150 for singles and $300 for couples.  Parents, brothers, sisters, and relatives give a lot more, like $3000 each.  The bride and groom will be very profitable after the wedding.  I had over 10K in profit after paying off the reception dinner.  Same with my brothers and sisters wedding.

Same standards for a lot of European American (mix of immigrant, first and second generation) communities where I am from in NYC. Its a very "pay for your plate" mentality but we don't view it like an invoice as others have suggested. Its....just what you do. Just went to a wedding last week with my DH - $300 cash in the envelope. When I got married, my closer cousins gave more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.

Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift.

SURELY someone on DCUM was invited to this wedding. I need to know if this is real.

[Anonymous]

People are being told what colors to wear at weddings?

Tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.

Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift.

So you know most of your guests ended up hating you. Good way to start your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are being told what colors to wear at weddings?

Tacky.

Also rude and entitled.

1. Spend a bunch of money to be there.
2. Make sure your gift covers the cost of your meal.
3. Wear certain colors.


No.

[Anonymous]

I’m jealous if tpyour flights are only $800. Our flights to a family wedding in a second tier US city are $1600 for 3 of us. Might keep us from going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.

Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift.

WTF?

[Anonymous]

Definitely feel empowered to politely decline going. We had to do this at the height of age when friends and family were getting married. The costs and leave time were tremendous and there was no other option.

Also just the one person whose family it is can go to the wedding. This cuts costs considerably from 3-5 airfares down to 1, sharing hotel with a cousin for instance.

We went to several weddings this year post Covid, and even within driving distance, the gift costs alone are substantial. Our culture is money gifts too so no economizing.

We got married 15 years ago and I don't recall anyone sending a gift who did not attend the wedding. Recently my ILs mentioned that it's customary to send a money gift even if not attending but this is not the custom in my family and I had never heard of this.

[Anonymous]

I would honestly decline this. I would accept the drama and grief from family and just tell them straight that you’re not spending your entire yearly budget on a trip you don’t want to go on where your family is not even welcome. If they really wanted you there then they would have paid and they would have invited your whole family.

Send a card and a $100 gift and your regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.

Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift.

This is fake, right?

PP here, not fake. We actually asked for fall colors and specified red, orange, black or grey. A couple people wore navy blue and red but it was fine - all the guests looked great, our photographer complimented everyone on how well they matched. We had about 60% turnout compared to the amount of invites we sent which is pretty good for a destination wedding.

Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send only one parent.

This.