Guest wedding costs and gifts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I noticed who gave gifts as we had an excel spreadsheet of who invited to wedding and had a column for gift amounts.

We wrote thank you notes later. They ranged from one weird uncle gave $25 for low, next lowest a mad spinster at $75.a few $1,000 close family and one $5,000.

Let me put it this way the $5,000 one is getting generous gifts from me to her and her children and grandkids for life.

Mr. 25 not so much

What purpose does the column for gift amounts serve? Is it to keep track so that you can "pay them back" in the future?

Mercenary.

NP but we had this too and it was so that we could make sure all the checks were deposited. (Also my mom asked about a few people before she had to go to their kids' weddings and wanted to make sure she was equally generous)

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a good time to get Covid, OP. "Oh no, our flights and hotel were booked, but we have to cancel because Jack tested positive!"

*Also, separately, you don't have to stay at the block hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Asian style wedding style is to have the wedding local and everyone gives the bride and groom $150 for singles and $300 for couples.  Parents, brothers, sisters, and relatives give a lot more, like $3000 each.  The bride and groom will be very profitable after the wedding.  I had over 10K in profit after paying off the reception dinner.  Same with my brothers and sisters wedding.

Do you print the admission fees on the invoices you send along with the summonses?

Don’t let your racism hit you in the back on the way out.

As Pp above mentioned, Asian families are generally expected to give big gifts to relatives but you return the favor when they or their grandkids are getting married. It helps reinforce family bonds and support.

And PP's comment about the guests covering the costs of the celebration is racist because ... why?

Guests are also giving money to the bride and groom along with family members. That's their way of paying back what the bride and groom's parents gave guests' children when they got married. That's just standard practice and has been going on for years.

But where was the claimed racism? Also, why are you reducing an entire continent to a monoculture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Asian style wedding style is to have the wedding local and everyone gives the bride and groom $150 for singles and $300 for couples.  Parents, brothers, sisters, and relatives give a lot more, like $3000 each.  The bride and groom will be very profitable after the wedding.  I had over 10K in profit after paying off the reception dinner.  Same with my brothers and sisters wedding.

Do you print the admission fees on the invoices you send along with the summonses?

Don’t let your racism hit you in the back on the way out.

As Pp above mentioned, Asian families are generally expected to give big gifts to relatives but you return the favor when they or their grandkids are getting married. It helps reinforce family bonds and support.

And PP's comment about the guests covering the costs of the celebration is racist because ... why?

Guests are also giving money to the bride and groom along with family members. That's their way of paying back what the bride and groom's parents gave guests' children when they got married. That's just standard practice and has been going on for years.

But where was the claimed racism? Also, why are you reducing an entire continent to a monoculture.

PP was talking about “Asian style weddings” - ie, wedding gifting that is done a certain way in Asian culture - and another PP took a sarcastic jab about it. Being culturally insensitive about that is racism. Just because another culture does wedding gifts differently than you doesn’t make it right to make rude remarks about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Asian style wedding style is to have the wedding local and everyone gives the bride and groom $150 for singles and $300 for couples.  Parents, brothers, sisters, and relatives give a lot more, like $3000 each.  The bride and groom will be very profitable after the wedding.  I had over 10K in profit after paying off the reception dinner.  Same with my brothers and sisters wedding.

Do you print the admission fees on the invoices you send along with the summonses?

Don’t let your racism hit you in the back on the way out.

As Pp above mentioned, Asian families are generally expected to give big gifts to relatives but you return the favor when they or their grandkids are getting married. It helps reinforce family bonds and support.

And PP's comment about the guests covering the costs of the celebration is racist because ... why?

Guests are also giving money to the bride and groom along with family members. That's their way of paying back what the bride and groom's parents gave guests' children when they got married. That's just standard practice and has been going on for years.

But where was the claimed racism? Also, why are you reducing an entire continent to a monoculture.

PP was talking about “Asian style weddings” - ie, wedding gifting that is done a certain way in Asian culture - and another PP took a sarcastic jab about it. Being culturally insensitive about that is racism. Just because another culture does wedding gifts differently than you doesn’t make it right to make rude remarks about it.

But Asian culture isn't a thing. Asia is a content with many cultures.

[Anonymous]

Op I wouldn't go. To the people who give you grief: " Are you offering to pay?"

My MIL commented once that someone "should" go to a destination wedding "because they have the money." I told her how they spend their money is up to them.

[Anonymous]

We don't have many family weddings, so I would absolutely make a big effort to attend. BUT: if they are not inviting children, I would leave the non-related spouse at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.

Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift.

So you told guests not to bring gifts and then judged them if they did as you asked? Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I noticed who gave gifts as we had an excel spreadsheet of who invited to wedding and had a column for gift amounts.

We wrote thank you notes later. They ranged from one weird uncle gave $25 for low, next lowest a mad spinster at $75.a few $1,000 close family and one $5,000.

Let me put it this way the $5,000 one is getting generous gifts from me to her and her children and grandkids for life.

Mr. 25 not so much

What purpose does the column for gift amounts serve? Is it to keep track so that you can "pay them back" in the future?

Mercenary.

Yes. I always give above average. But if someone gave me a generous gift at my wedding at their kids wedding I try to give a bit more.

[Anonymous]

Don't go if it's not right for your immediate family, which comes first. Send heartfelt regrets (with no "explanation") and send a lovely gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.

Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift.

People like you are the worst! Think the world revolves around you and your wedding.

Expecting people to come to destination weddings is only reasonable if either the bride or groom comes from elsewhere (say, the woman is British and her family still lives there, or the couple lives in NYC but the groom is from Milwaukee.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I noticed who gave gifts as we had an excel spreadsheet of who invited to wedding and had a column for gift amounts.

We wrote thank you notes later. They ranged from one weird uncle gave $25 for low, next lowest a mad spinster at $75.a few $1,000 close family and one $5,000.

Let me put it this way the $5,000 one is getting generous gifts from me to her and her children and grandkids for life.

Mr. 25 not so much

What purpose does the column for gift amounts serve? Is it to keep track so that you can "pay them back" in the future?

Mercenary.

NP but we had this too and it was so that we could make sure all the checks were deposited. (Also my mom asked about a few people before she had to go to their kids' weddings and wanted to make sure she was equally generous)

We also kept track of how much people gave us at our (non Destination) wedding. Yes, it’s to figure out how to reciprocate, especially for our parents friends. In addition, there’s a certain amount we’re usually comfortable with, but if someone was very generous (or the opposite) we would keep it in mind when reciprocating. Wedding gifts are essentially theater and temporary loans.

[Anonymous]

We had a column on our invite list for gifts so we could write thank you notes. We give based on how we know the person and what we can afford. We roll will a more easygoing crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.

Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift.

This is fake, right?

PP here, not fake. We actually asked for fall colors and specified red, orange, black or grey. A couple people wore navy blue and red but it was fine - all the guests looked great, our photographer complimented everyone on how well they matched. We had about 60% turnout compared to the amount of invites we sent which is pretty good for a destination wedding.

You told your guests that you weren’t expecting gifts and then looked down on the people who did not give them? People who spent thousands to attend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.

Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift.

This is fake, right?

PP here, not fake. We actually asked for fall colors and specified red, orange, black or grey. A couple people wore navy blue and red but it was fine - all the guests looked great, our photographer complimented everyone on how well they matched. We had about 60% turnout compared to the amount of invites we sent which is pretty good for a destination wedding.

We’re so embarrassed for you.