Guest wedding costs and gifts

[Anonymous]

I just got a wedding invite and when I open the envelope, actual paint color palettes fell out (like from the hardware store) for suggestions of colors to wear...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.

Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift.

If they are not expected to give a gift, you should not notice who doesn’t give gifts.

Frankly, you seem to have thrown the wedding you want and people went along with it, so you should be happy.

NP- I noticed who didn't give gifts because I wrote thank you notes. Do people not do this anymore? My wedding was in DC but family travelled in to attend, I don't care if they didn't give one, I'm just glad they came. But yeah I knew because I didn't want to miss thanking people.

+1. I noticed who didn't give gifts or what each person gave as a gift because we sent thank you notes promptly (within 4-6 weeks of our wedding) to every person who gave a gift specifically thanking them for the actual gift they gave). To do this I had to keep a detailed list as we opened our gifts but it was important to me to make sure to thank everyone w/ a personal note mentioning their gift (not just a generic "thank you for your gift").

It has been 10 years since my wedding and while I still remember who was at our wedding, I no longer remember who gave us what gifts or who didn't give a gift as that really wasn't important to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I hear someone had or is having a destination wedding, I think low-budget, barefoot-and-sundress couple of nights at a cheaper place in the Caribbean or Mexico. We send a nice gift.

That would be correct. That is a typical American wedding. If it is not a destination wedding, it is in a community hall or a barn.

I like destination weddings by Indians. They go to posh places and they also pay for every thing.

[Anonymous]

I noticed who gave gifts as we had an excel spreadsheet of who invited to wedding and had a column for gift amounts.

We wrote thank you notes later. They ranged from one weird uncle gave $25 for low, next lowest a mad spinster at $75.a few $1,000 close family and one $5,000.

Let me put it this way the $5,000 one is getting generous gifts from me to her and her children and grandkids for life.

Mr. 25 not so much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Asian style wedding style is to have the wedding local and everyone gives the bride and groom $150 for singles and $300 for couples.  Parents, brothers, sisters, and relatives give a lot more, like $3000 each.  The bride and groom will be very profitable after the wedding.  I had over 10K in profit after paying off the reception dinner.  Same with my brothers and sisters wedding.

Do you print the admission fees on the invoices you send along with the summonses?

Don’t let your racism hit you in the back on the way out.

As Pp above mentioned, Asian families are generally expected to give big gifts to relatives but you return the favor when they or their grandkids are getting married. It helps reinforce family bonds and support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I noticed who gave gifts as we had an excel spreadsheet of who invited to wedding and had a column for gift amounts.

We wrote thank you notes later. They ranged from one weird uncle gave $25 for low, next lowest a mad spinster at $75.a few $1,000 close family and one $5,000.

Let me put it this way the $5,000 one is getting generous gifts from me to her and her children and grandkids for life.

Mr. 25 not so much

What purpose does the column for gift amounts serve? Is it to keep track so that you can "pay them back" in the future?

Mercenary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Asian style wedding style is to have the wedding local and everyone gives the bride and groom $150 for singles and $300 for couples.  Parents, brothers, sisters, and relatives give a lot more, like $3000 each.  The bride and groom will be very profitable after the wedding.  I had over 10K in profit after paying off the reception dinner.  Same with my brothers and sisters wedding.

Do you print the admission fees on the invoices you send along with the summonses?

Don’t let your racism hit you in the back on the way out.

As Pp above mentioned, Asian families are generally expected to give big gifts to relatives but you return the favor when they or their grandkids are getting married. It helps reinforce family bonds and support.

And PP's comment about the guests covering the costs of the celebration is racist because ... why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Asian style wedding style is to have the wedding local and everyone gives the bride and groom $150 for singles and $300 for couples.  Parents, brothers, sisters, and relatives give a lot more, like $3000 each.  The bride and groom will be very profitable after the wedding.  I had over 10K in profit after paying off the reception dinner.  Same with my brothers and sisters wedding.

Do you print the admission fees on the invoices you send along with the summonses?

Don’t let your racism hit you in the back on the way out.

As Pp above mentioned, Asian families are generally expected to give big gifts to relatives but you return the favor when they or their grandkids are getting married. It helps reinforce family bonds and support.

And PP's comment about the guests covering the costs of the celebration is racist because ... why?

Guests are also giving money to the bride and groom along with family members. That's their way of paying back what the bride and groom's parents gave guests' children when they got married. That's just standard practice and has been going on for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.

Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift.

If they are not expected to give a gift, you should not notice who doesn’t give gifts.

Frankly, you seem to have thrown the wedding you want and people went along with it, so you should be happy.

NP- I noticed who didn't give gifts because I wrote thank you notes. Do people not do this anymore? My wedding was in DC but family travelled in to attend, I don't care if they didn't give one, I'm just glad they came. But yeah I knew because I didn't want to miss thanking people.

+1. I noticed who didn't give gifts or what each person gave as a gift because we sent thank you notes promptly (within 4-6 weeks of our wedding) to every person who gave a gift specifically thanking them for the actual gift they gave). To do this I had to keep a detailed list as we opened our gifts but it was important to me to make sure to thank everyone w/ a personal note mentioning their gift (not just a generic "thank you for your gift").

It has been 10 years since my wedding and while I still remember who was at our wedding, I no longer remember who gave us what gifts or who didn't give a gift as that really wasn't important to me.

Everyone should have received a thank you note for spending any excessive amount of money to watch you get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.

Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift.

Gee, you didn't expect much for the priviledge of attending your wedding, did you?

Op, I decline all destination-y weddings. Yes we've gotten grief. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Wedding hotel blocks are a rip off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I noticed who gave gifts as we had an excel spreadsheet of who invited to wedding and had a column for gift amounts.

We wrote thank you notes later. They ranged from one weird uncle gave $25 for low, next lowest a mad spinster at $75.a few $1,000 close family and one $5,000.

Let me put it this way the $5,000 one is getting generous gifts from me to her and her children and grandkids for life.

Mr. 25 not so much

What purpose does the column for gift amounts serve? Is it to keep track so that you can "pay them back" in the future?

Mercenary.

Different poster, but I did the same thing. I already had an Excel list from my invites and seating chart. I didn’t have “amount” specifically but I did write down each gift so we could write the thank you notes. Our honeymoon was in New Zealand. We had pre-printed and stamped the envelopes for all guests and wrote a personal message in all of our thank you notes on the plane from the East coast to Los Angeles. We mailed them on our layover, less than 48 hours after the wedding. We thanked everyone, even if they didn’t give a gift, to thank them for coming to the wedding. When we got home, we used the list to make sure we deposited all of the checks.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s standard to have an excel like that, to track thank yous and what they are for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can’t you skip the wedding?

No, not without a ton of grief from various family members.

So? Are they paying your way? Why do you care what they think? My husband and I decline many weddings for this reason - why should your getting married cost me a shit ton of vacation time and money? Unless I just really love you - I ain’t going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.

Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift.

t-r-o-l-l