Guest wedding costs and gifts
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Anonymous
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We have a family wedding coming up (not immediate family) that we are expected to attend. The costs are as follows:
$800 flights (these are the cheapest flights - it’s a destination-y location $600 hotel (block is $300/night), plus approx $100 for airport Ubers $200+ childcare (no kids allowed) $300+ clothing (couple has requested specific formal attire) So altogether it adds up to $2k, which is almost half of our travel budget for the whole year. Is a gift really expected or would a thoughtful card suffice? I feel like a gift below $100 is almost worse than nothing. |
Anonymous
| Can’t you skip the wedding? |
Anonymous
| Send a very nice gift and card and your regrets that you can’t attend. |
Anonymous
No, not without a ton of grief from various family members. |
Anonymous
Then you graciously go, buy a gift, put on your happy face, and rearrange your budget to make it work. |
Anonymous
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Sounds like the whole situation sucks, but you are not off the hook for a gift. If you are going to spend 2k, spend an extra $200 on a gift. Or, bag the whole thing & deal with the fallout.
If you go & don’t give a gift, those family members who would give you grief about not attending will hear & give you grief about not gifting. If you are spending $2,000 already, spend $2,200 so you don’t get any grief about it. And my sympathies, you are in a tough situation. |
Anonymous
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Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.
Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift. |
Anonymous
Rude and demanding. Fall colors are absurd. |
Anonymous
You’re openly admitting that you told guests what colors to wear??? And you made them travel to Europe? What the actual hell? This has to be a joke. |
Anonymous
| You can’t specify what the guests wear beyond saying black tie or not! That’s crazy! |
Anonymous
This is fake, right? |
Anonymous
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Not immediate family? One spouse attends. If possible, have them share a room with a sibling who is attending. You’ll cut out the cost of childcare and half the cost of the airfare and clothing.
Or better yet, don’t go. I’d happily put up with family grief if it meant I’d still get to go on my own family vacation on my terms. I can’t understand why you’d sacrifice your own family’s time together simply because you want to avoid your mother’s guilt trip for not attending Cousin Larla’s jacked up wedding. Send a gift and go on a lovely vacation with your spouse and kids. Life is too short for this nonsense. |
Anonymous
| If not immediate family, I would skip the wedding. If relatives are upset, tell them you don’t want to leave your children with strangers. If skipping is not possible, you or your DH attend solo. |
Anonymous
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Simple answer I did for last two Kooky weddings like this. Only one of us went. The one whose family it is.
When asked I simply said children was not invited and we have no child care. When pressed I would say my Spouse work have come if kids invited or just kid had a game or kid sick. The folks actually applaud your efforts. When I went by myself bought cheapest ticket with no seat assigment and cheapest hotel. Even better find someone else going by then selves and split the room. But give a full wedding gift |
Anonymous
It is insanely rude to expect anyone to spend this as a guest. Whoever would give you grief is rude. Don’t let a rude person bully you. Say no and send a gift. |