Guest wedding costs and gifts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.

Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift.

This is fake, right?

PP here, not fake. We actually asked for fall colors and specified red, orange, black or grey. A couple people wore navy blue and red but it was fine - all the guests looked great, our photographer complimented everyone on how well they matched. We had about 60% turnout compared to the amount of invites we sent which is pretty good for a destination wedding.

You don’t get to dictate what colors your guests wear, pp, only your wedding party. Expecting a gift on top of attending a destination wedding from the 30+ guests is also breathtakingly entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly this is what covid is for. No way would I spend this much money on a wedding. Diestination wedding people are obnoxious. I would pretend I have covid and stay home.

Yes, Covid is the gift that keeps on giving!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.

Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift.

This is fake, right?

PP here, not fake. We actually asked for fall colors and specified red, orange, black or grey. A couple people wore navy blue and red but it was fine - all the guests looked great, our photographer complimented everyone on how well they matched. We had about 60% turnout compared to the amount of invites we sent which is pretty good for a destination wedding.

You told your guests that you weren’t expecting gifts and then looked down on the people who did not give them? People who spent thousands to attend?

+1. There is a special place in Hell for people who do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.

Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift.

Of course you had a destination wedding.

"It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see."

Shaking my head.

I am PP that everyone is making fun of with the autumn wedding and I want to say whoa, you guys are really overreacting! To clarify, we said “no gifts are necessary” and meant it. We understood a gift to Europe was a great expense for most, especially our friends in their 20s. That is not the same as “no gifts allowed.” We honestly expected to have 0 gifts at all, but when quite a few people did give gifts - even those without much money - we were very thankful. However, it’s hard not to compare when folks saving for their own wedding chip in 50 or 100, but old retired family friends with millions don’t give. I’m not bitter or anything, I’m very glad they had fun at the wedding and that’s the most important thing! it’s just something you notice that’s all.

Either way, since it was a destination wedding we completely understood if folks didn’t want to go for whatever reason - too annoying, money, etc. Totally fine! We had a blast regardless and put on a fantastic party for our guests. We did our best to give them a once in a lifetime experience that was worth the troubles (I won’t go into details to out myself, but the guests who did come got to have some very unique experiences).

Anyway, sorry to OP that people decided to pounce on my comment and derail your thread but if you don’t want to go, you can decline and send a gift (like 100-200$) as others suggested and I’m sure the couple will be thankful.

Girl, you detailed the thread with your ridiculous entitled post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a destination wedding. We were in a beautiful all-expense paid resort for 7 days in another country. We paid for accommodations and all meals for all our guests for the 7 days. We also paid for the flights for some close family and friends. We had many planned events, tours, games, photo shoots, shopping, spa days, prewedding celebrations, post wedding celebrations etc.. We had a total of 108 guests. My father paid for everything. Most of our guests came early/stayed on for a few extra days. I loved it because I got to really spend time with everyone and the pace was very unhurried. It was almost like a family reunion.

I love how you say “we paid” when your father paid everything. We all love it when someone else pays.

[Anonymous]

I find most weddings a joke. I got invited to my entitled nieces wedding which was out of town. They forced us into a minimum of two nights in a hotel. Arranging cocktail party night before, some sightseeing day of, then wedding at a fancy garden then a breakfast in morning day after.

All I saw was with three kids and a wife, 12 outfits for my wife and kids. Two nights hotel, travel costs. Now here is the kooky part. The couple is both Catholic. They did not have time for pre Cana or to book church. Some women out of phone book married then. He also got busy never booked honey moon.

My aunt leaves over mid ceremony and said this would be a nice wedding if they were getting married for real.

The reception site was beautifully. Buy service terrible, could not even get drinks out for toast I raised and empty glass not coffee with desert and food so so.

Quit frankly 99.99999999999999999999999 percent of guest would have preferred a a normal wedding.

I got married at a mid morning church ceremony with an afternoon reception that ended at dinner time. Ever single person with kids or older people loved it.

It is your day I just want to show up and leave. I don’t want dinner at 10 pm. I don’t want to book multiple days hotels. I don’t want stupid themes. No black tie or special collars.

As my MIL said shut up and wear beige.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.

Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift.

If they are not expected to give a gift, you should not notice who doesn’t give gifts.

Frankly, you seem to have thrown the wedding you want and people went along with it, so you should be happy.

NP- I noticed who didn't give gifts because I wrote thank you notes. Do people not do this anymore? My wedding was in DC but family travelled in to attend, I don't care if they didn't give one, I'm just glad they came. But yeah I knew because I didn't want to miss thanking people.

+1. I noticed who didn't give gifts or what each person gave as a gift because we sent thank you notes promptly (within 4-6 weeks of our wedding) to every person who gave a gift specifically thanking them for the actual gift they gave). To do this I had to keep a detailed list as we opened our gifts but it was important to me to make sure to thank everyone w/ a personal note mentioning their gift (not just a generic "thank you for your gift").

It has been 10 years since my wedding and while I still remember who was at our wedding, I no longer remember who gave us what gifts or who didn't give a gift as that really wasn't important to me.

Everyone should have received a thank you note for spending any excessive amount of money to watch you get married.

Ok but I would write that differently. If I just sent a generic "thank you for attending my wedding" note and did not thank them specifically for the gift, I'd be bombarded by relatives asking if I had received their gift too.

[Anonymous]

It's funny because I have a very close friend's destination wedding in a few months, and I'm barely batting an eye to drop thousands of dollars on a fancy resort, because I'm looking forward to a vacation with my closest group of friends. But if it were the wedding of a random cousin, I would absolutely be btching about it like the OP so it just seems obvious to me you don't really want to go to this wedding. Which is fine. So maybe you shouldn't.

[Anonymous]

I had a great wedding. Why my wife and I realized it is our special day but no one else gives a rats ass.

We planned our with guests in mind, location, time and food, make it as easy to attend and enjoyable as possible.

The last designation wedding I went to the bride and groom loved it but everyone attending was miserable and exhausted and hated it but we all smiled.

My cousins wedding god bless him he drew a map of guests home addresses. Picked a wedding venue with everything included dead in middle and told folks to skip church unless close. 20 minutes my house. Even better my MIL lived three miles from Hall. Dropped kids off at 6pm at MIL went to wedding up the block had a great time. Picked up kids at 11pm in PJs and drove 20 minutes home. That’s a wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.

Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift.

Of course you had a destination wedding.

"It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see."

Shaking my head.

I am PP that everyone is making fun of with the autumn wedding and I want to say whoa, you guys are really overreacting! To clarify, we said “no gifts are necessary” and meant it. We understood a gift to Europe was a great expense for most, especially our friends in their 20s. That is not the same as “no gifts allowed.” We honestly expected to have 0 gifts at all, but when quite a few people did give gifts - even those without much money - we were very thankful. However, it’s hard not to compare when folks saving for their own wedding chip in 50 or 100, but old retired family friends with millions don’t give. I’m not bitter or anything, I’m very glad they had fun at the wedding and that’s the most important thing! it’s just something you notice that’s all.

Either way, since it was a destination wedding we completely understood if folks didn’t want to go for whatever reason - too annoying, money, etc. Totally fine! We had a blast regardless and put on a fantastic party for our guests. We did our best to give them a once in a lifetime experience that was worth the troubles (I won’t go into details to out myself, but the guests who did come got to have some very unique experiences).

Anyway, sorry to OP that people decided to pounce on my comment and derail your thread but if you don’t want to go, you can decline and send a gift (like 100-200$) as others suggested and I’m sure the couple will be thankful.

Girl, you detailed the thread with your ridiculous entitled post.

She’s a pig

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.

Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift.

This is fake, right?

PP here, not fake. We actually asked for fall colors and specified red, orange, black or grey. A couple people wore navy blue and red but it was fine - all the guests looked great, our photographer complimented everyone on how well they matched. We had about 60% turnout compared to the amount of invites we sent which is pretty good for a destination wedding.

We’re so embarrassed for you.

I would have worn an orange tux to the wedding. Fall colors, right?

[Anonymous]

My cousin’s kid had a wedding like this and I didn’t give a gift: I really couldn’t afford it and didn’t want to go but my mother and aunt were very upset that I wasn’t going to go. The redeeming value: I wasn’t invited to any of the weddings of my cousin’s other two kids. So there is a bright side…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousin’s kid had a wedding like this and I didn’t give a gift: I really couldn’t afford it and didn’t want to go but my mother and aunt were very upset that I wasn’t going to go. The redeeming value: I wasn’t invited to any of the weddings of my cousin’s other two kids. So there is a bright side…

Oh - and guests weren’t just told what colors to wear, there was a theme. Yes, a damned theme destination wedding in the middle of nowhere with expensive travel and hotel costs. It was a nice wedding and the pictures looked great although I don’t think they’re on display since the marriage only lasted three years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.

Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift.

You’re openly admitting that you told guests what colors to wear??? And you made them travel to Europe? What the actual hell? This has to be a joke.

Right? And you told people not to give a gift, but then kept track and judged who didn't. You sound awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.

Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift.

Of course you had a destination wedding.

"It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see."

Shaking my head.

I am PP that everyone is making fun of with the autumn wedding and I want to say whoa, you guys are really overreacting! To clarify, we said “no gifts are necessary” and meant it. We understood a gift to Europe was a great expense for most, especially our friends in their 20s. That is not the same as “no gifts allowed.” We honestly expected to have 0 gifts at all, but when quite a few people did give gifts - even those without much money - we were very thankful. However, it’s hard not to compare when folks saving for their own wedding chip in 50 or 100, but old retired family friends with millions don’t give. I’m not bitter or anything, I’m very glad they had fun at the wedding and that’s the most important thing! it’s just something you notice that’s all.

Either way, since it was a destination wedding we completely understood if folks didn’t want to go for whatever reason - too annoying, money, etc. Totally fine! We had a blast regardless and put on a fantastic party for our guests. We did our best to give them a once in a lifetime experience that was worth the troubles (I won’t go into details to out myself, but the guests who did come got to have some very unique experiences).

Anyway, sorry to OP that people decided to pounce on my comment and derail your thread but if you don’t want to go, you can decline and send a gift (like 100-200$) as others suggested and I’m sure the couple will be thankful.

Girl, you detailed the thread with your ridiculous entitled post.

Yeah, it's hilarious that you think the follow-up post makes you look any better.