Guest wedding costs and gifts

[Anonymous]

Define what you mean by destination-y? Are they getting married in a tropical location that neither live in? For destination- I give a very modest gift. Does the invite say no gift (as it should for a destination wedding)?

and PP with the stupid autumn wedding- you said no gifts, but said you noticed who gave and who didn't and it was "awkward"? You are an AH.

[Anonymous]

I had a destination wedding. We were in a beautiful all-expense paid resort for 7 days in another country. We paid for accommodations and all meals for all our guests for the 7 days. We also paid for the flights for some close family and friends. We had many planned events, tours, games, photo shoots, shopping, spa days, prewedding celebrations, post wedding celebrations etc.. We had a total of 108 guests. My father paid for everything. Most of our guests came early/stayed on for a few extra days. I loved it because I got to really spend time with everyone and the pace was very unhurried. It was almost like a family reunion.

[Anonymous]

Wedding gifts are not required. An invite is not a summons.

The value of a gift you choose to give should not be aligned to the cost of your plate at the wedding or the cost of your attendance at the wedding. It is aligned to your budget and your closeness to the bride or groom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wedding gifts are not required. An invite is not a summons.

The value of a gift you choose to give should not be aligned to the cost of your plate at the wedding or the cost of your attendance at the wedding. It is aligned to your budget and your closeness to the bride or groom.

Well yes, but the amount one spends to travel to a wedding might affect the amount one has available to spend on a present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.

Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift.

Wait you found it awkward that older established couples politely listened to your request for no gifts?! What a piece of work you are.

This is what stood out to me too. Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.

Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift.

Of course you had a destination wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.

Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift.

Of course you had a destination wedding.

"It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see."

Shaking my head.

[Anonymous]

The Asian style wedding style is to have the wedding local and everyone gives the bride and groom $150 for singles and $300 for couples.  Parents, brothers, sisters, and relatives give a lot more, like $3000 each.  The bride and groom will be very profitable after the wedding.  I had over 10K in profit after paying off the reception dinner.  Same with my brothers and sisters wedding.

[Anonymous]

When I hear someone had or is having a destination wedding, I think low-budget, barefoot-and-sundress couple of nights at a cheaper place in the Caribbean or Mexico. We send a nice gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Asian style wedding style is to have the wedding local and everyone gives the bride and groom $150 for singles and $300 for couples.  Parents, brothers, sisters, and relatives give a lot more, like $3000 each.  The bride and groom will be very profitable after the wedding.  I had over 10K in profit after paying off the reception dinner.  Same with my brothers and sisters wedding.

Do you print the admission fees on the invoices you send along with the summonses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.

Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift.

Of course you had a destination wedding.

"It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see."

Shaking my head.

I am PP that everyone is making fun of with the autumn wedding and I want to say whoa, you guys are really overreacting! To clarify, we said “no gifts are necessary” and meant it. We understood a gift to Europe was a great expense for most, especially our friends in their 20s. That is not the same as “no gifts allowed.” We honestly expected to have 0 gifts at all, but when quite a few people did give gifts - even those without much money - we were very thankful. However, it’s hard not to compare when folks saving for their own wedding chip in 50 or 100, but old retired family friends with millions don’t give. I’m not bitter or anything, I’m very glad they had fun at the wedding and that’s the most important thing! it’s just something you notice that’s all.

Either way, since it was a destination wedding we completely understood if folks didn’t want to go for whatever reason - too annoying, money, etc. Totally fine! We had a blast regardless and put on a fantastic party for our guests. We did our best to give them a once in a lifetime experience that was worth the troubles (I won’t go into details to out myself, but the guests who did come got to have some very unique experiences).

Anyway, sorry to OP that people decided to pounce on my comment and derail your thread but if you don’t want to go, you can decline and send a gift (like 100-200$) as others suggested and I’m sure the couple will be thankful.

[Anonymous]

*a trip to Europe

[Anonymous]

This is crazy. I would not go but I would just send a nice gift instead of attending. Ignore the guilt trip--in the end, they are probably guilt tripping you into going because they themselves feel like "well if I have to go and pay all this $$ to attend a wedding, OP should too!". Tell family members who are guilt tripping you that the wedding is simply too expensive and you can't fit it into your budget or if you're not comfortable saying that then say you're concerned about Covid or whatever else excuse. After awhile, no one will remember or care who was there or not. It's not worth it to spend your precious vacation budget/time on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow this sounds like my own wedding from last month - took place in Europe, blocked hotel for $150/night, no kids allowed, guests had to wear autumn colors. Honestly we told our guests they were not expected to give a gift since it was a destination wedding, but a lot of people did give anyway and we did notice who did and who didn’t give. It was understandable for younger people in their 20s not to give but for older established folks, it was pretty awkward to see.

Unfortunately since it sounds like it’s not a destination wedding and the couple didn’t let you off the hook, I agree that you may as well suck it up and just do a 150$ gift.

If they are not expected to give a gift, you should not notice who doesn’t give gifts.

Frankly, you seem to have thrown the wedding you want and people went along with it, so you should be happy.

NP- I noticed who didn't give gifts because I wrote thank you notes. Do people not do this anymore? My wedding was in DC but family travelled in to attend, I don't care if they didn't give one, I'm just glad they came. But yeah I knew because I didn't want to miss thanking people.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and I would just send one person- if it's your family, you go, if its the ILs, send DH. You cannot expect a full family to attend a child-free destination wedding. Anyone who does expect that is unreasonable.