MIL doesn’t understand the cost of life

[Anonymous]

Guess what op? If you whine all the time, people will be puzzled by your choices.

[Anonymous]

Where are all these families that had housekeepers growing up?
My DH's and his family had nothing growing up in the 70's and 80s. I am from Europe and we had no housekeepers at all. It was only after I was married that my parents could afford some house cleaning help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares what she thinks and why do you feel like you have to explain anything to her?? I truly do not care what my ILs think of my life or choices.

+1 How is this even a topic of conversation?

+2 why do you care what she thinks? That is all she knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$5k for a beach week is not a lot.

You missed the point. It's considerably more than MIL had to pay when raising her children with one salary.

We don’t know what a comfortable week at the beach cost in the 80s. My family would go for a long weekend to a motel in OCMD on coastal highway. Now, those motels are at least $300 a night, but they still aren’t comparable to renting an entire house on the beach (not in sea colony west). People didn’t really do that, IME back then. You either went to a motel or your family had a house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you still haven't answered what your job of great consequence is.

I didn’t live off a man

Yet who seems happier in life? Not you, that's for sure.

I wouldn’t be happy being dependent on someone

It’s called teamwork.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are certain topics l don’t talk to my parents about, other topics l don’t talk to friend x about, etc. If you know discussing this with her will just make you feel bad, don’t bring it up. It’s not like whatever she says will actually impact what you do.

I feel like she is judging us for not making choices that she did.

She often brings up her son in law who is a stay at home dad and how great that is for his kids and how she doesn’t think her son ( my husband) should be working so hard to get promotions.

omg she promotes fathers quitting work?? She is literally sick and toxic. I would talk to them less.

Agree. This is odd mil would support that since she chose such a traditional role for herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you talking about. You sound pretty difficult and entitled. You choose to spend a lot, as you can go to the beach for far less.

We rented a house at the beach for a week, $5k is on the low end with inflation these days

That's really pricy. You can get a hotel room much cheaper. You want a high end lifestyle... that's fine but don't act like she's out of touch when most people don't spend that much for a vacation.

I don’t know about that. Headed to Rehoboth this week, and it’s $600/night. There were $700 options and even a $1200 option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you still haven't answered what your job of great consequence is.

I didn’t live off a man

Yet who seems happier in life? Not you, that's for sure.

I wouldn’t be happy being dependent on someone

You aren't happy now and you do depend on your husband because you need his second income to fund your $5K vacation.

Well we are a two-income team

I’m a sahm. I understand the cost of life. Dh earns a high enough income so that we have the lifestyle.

I am not sure why you have to talk about work or money to your in laws.

Everyone has different priorities. Sometimes I see SAHMs whose husbands don’t earn a lot complain about lack of money and wonder why they don’t find a job. I also see dual income families where mom seems to work and is unhappy but needs the income for lifestyle. I would never say anything to these people.

If Dh earned less than $1m, I would probably go back to work. I stopped working when he earned 800k. I was planning to go back to work but we had another kid and his income just continued to increase.

What will you do if your DH divorces you, loses his job, dies or becomes mentally ill? Life is long and the unexpected happens unfortunately. I assume you will try to live off savings, life insurance, etc. Again still a dependent but guess you are okay with that. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you still haven't answered what your job of great consequence is.

I didn’t live off a man

Yet who seems happier in life? Not you, that's for sure.

I wouldn’t be happy being dependent on someone

Agree. Have some self reflect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you talking about. You sound pretty difficult and entitled. You choose to spend a lot, as you can go to the beach for far less.

We rented a house at the beach for a week, $5k is on the low end with inflation these days

That's really pricy. You can get a hotel room much cheaper. You want a high end lifestyle... that's fine but don't act like she's out of touch when most people don't spend that much for a vacation.

I don’t know about that. Headed to Rehoboth this week, and it’s $600/night. There were $700 options and even a $1200 option.

August is the most expensive month for Rehoboth. House 5 blocks from the beach rent for 4k+

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of what great consequence is your work? Your MIL doesn't need to know how much things cost or understand. She doesn't have children and is of a different era. Talk about it with your friends. Find a different sounding board since your MIL is probably tired of hearing you complain like a broken record about how you can't afford your lifestyle.

I guess it would be nice to relate more to her but the topic of how costly our lifestyle is and how it affects our everyday decisions is on the forefront of my mind.

This is probably true, OP, but that doesn't mean it is appropriate to discuss it with most other people besides your DH. Maybe close friends who are in similar situations. But definitely not your MIL. In her case she probably feels stressed for you and her son, wishes it could be different, has no way to solve, and can only say things like: I wish my son didn't focus so much on promotions. That could easily be her way of trying to seem like she isn't pushing you and her son to be stressed. "I'll love you no matter how successful," sort of thing. But you hear it as judgment.

I think it's unfair of kids to dump their stress and problems on parents who have no means to solve the problems, and no matter what they say it is wrong. They are in a no win here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$5k for a beach week is not a lot.

You couldn’t be more DCUM if you tried.

+1 seriously!

[Anonymous]

Yeah my MIL is like this. She “doesn’t understand” what we mean about high costs now. She’s a smart lady but she can’t seem to grasp that costs have gone up so much and incomes are not keeping pace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL raised kids during an era when the cost of housing was low, you could raise a family on one income and kids stayed at the pool from morning to night with little to no supervision. Beach vacations cost a few hundred dollars per week.

She was a SAHM who had little jobs here and there but nothing of consequence.

I feel like we are on completely different wavelengths when I talk about the high cost of living and how we are always fighting for promotions and raises to afford a nice lifestyle for our family. We both work full time to afford our house and we are on two very long waitlists for a pool in our county. We are spending $5k on our beach vacation for a week.

How can I get her to understand how much things cost without her looking at me like I have two heads? For example, when I tell her I am going back to work after my mat leave ends, she almost looks puzzled and disappointed.

It makes me not want to be around her. Thoughts?

So she "looks at you like you have two head," and she "looks puzzled and disappointed". You wrote a whole post based off your MIL's facial expressions? It doesn't sound like she is being critical at all. Meanwhile you dismissed her whole life as being nothing of consequence? Please.

[Anonymous]

She clearly is a stupid, inconsequential, useless woman if she doesn't understand how meaningful your struggle with pool membership waitlist truly is.