MIL doesn’t understand the cost of life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's no reason in the world to tell your MIL the pricetag for your beach vacation. "We're taking the kids to the beach for a week" should suffice.

You're goading her into the reaction you know she will have when you tell her it's five grand. You WANT her to be shocked, and when she is, you act triggered. Why do you do things like this, OP? Start there.

No we didn’t tell her the cost of the beach house.
I was explaining to the forum the difference in cost today versus 30 years ago

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:What are you talking about. You sound pretty difficult and entitled. You choose to spend a lot, as you can go to the beach for far less.

We rented a house at the beach for a week, $5k is on the low end with inflation these days

That's really pricy. You can get a hotel room much cheaper. You want a high end lifestyle... that's fine but don't act like she's out of touch when most people don't spend that much for a vacation.

I don’t know about that. Headed to Rehoboth this week, and it’s $600/night. There were $700 options and even a $1200 option.

August is the most expensive month for Rehoboth. House 5 blocks from the beach rent for 4k+

5 blocks is very far to walk with all of the crap and kids. If you can’t see the ocean, it’s not the beach to me. I don’t want to look at pine trees. A nice ocean block house in Rehoboth costs upwards of $3m and rents for $12-$15k a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no reason in the world to tell your MIL the pricetag for your beach vacation. "We're taking the kids to the beach for a week" should suffice.

You're goading her into the reaction you know she will have when you tell her it's five grand. You WANT her to be shocked, and when she is, you act triggered. Why do you do things like this, OP? Start there.

No we didn’t tell her the cost of the beach house.
I was explaining to the forum the difference in cost today versus 30 years ago

So now the forum doesn't understand? Why can't anyone understand you and your struggles OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you discuss money with her?

We often talk about work bc it takes up a big part of our life. It’s just hard to relate to someone who never had to work hard.

So, your daycare workers, Nannie’s, and teachers aren’t working hard when they work with your children? Nasty.

[Anonymous]

I’m bothered by the people who are saying “job of consequence”.

SAH years ago was not what people think of now, when even for a SAHP, there is more equity in the home. It was the Job (capital J) of that woman to run the household, clean and serve all meals, raise the children, and make sure she was presentable to her husband, and basically “serve” him.

It’s not so long ago that women were expected to not hold a job after getting married, couldn’t get a credit card for themselves, etc. So yes, while some women DID hold jobs of consequence, you have to understand that at the time, it really wasn’t the norm.

And OP, you don’t have a difficult life making ends meet, either if you’re having beach vacations. At the time, your MIL may have had to cut from the household budget by scrimping on groceries or whatever in order to get those vacations even though she wasn’t out earning the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you OP. My mother is the same. Me and DH work fulltime and have an income of 200k, my mother thinks, we are rich. My mother was SAHM, never worked, nevertheless has a good pension and can travel everywhere she wants, while we will never be able to afford travelling after retirement, and we will probably work untli the age of 70. But I dont's speak with my mother about money.

If you make $200K and can’t save adequately for the future, that is a YOU problem. Learn some financial managment skills. My partner and I both work in the DC area for non-profits. Our income is less than yours, and despite two kids, we still find ways to save. I’ve found in DC there are a lot of whiners about income, no matter how high it is…and a lot of excuses for a lavish lifestyle and no savings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no reason in the world to tell your MIL the pricetag for your beach vacation. "We're taking the kids to the beach for a week" should suffice.

You're goading her into the reaction you know she will have when you tell her it's five grand. You WANT her to be shocked, and when she is, you act triggered. Why do you do things like this, OP? Start there.

No we didn’t tell her the cost of the beach house.
I was explaining to the forum the difference in cost today versus 30 years ago

Yeah I think we all know houses, college and vacations cost more now than they did 30 years ago. Do better, OP.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:What are you talking about. You sound pretty difficult and entitled. You choose to spend a lot, as you can go to the beach for far less.

We rented a house at the beach for a week, $5k is on the low end with inflation these days

That's really pricy. You can get a hotel room much cheaper. You want a high end lifestyle... that's fine but don't act like she's out of touch when most people don't spend that much for a vacation.

I don’t know about that. Headed to Rehoboth this week, and it’s $600/night. There were $700 options and even a $1200 option.

August is the most expensive month for Rehoboth. House 5 blocks from the beach rent for 4k+

5 blocks is very far to walk with all of the crap and kids. If you can’t see the ocean, it’s not the beach to me. I don’t want to look at pine trees. A nice ocean block house in Rehoboth costs upwards of $3m and rents for $12-$15k a week.

Do you people really not see that these expensive beach vacations in August are choices?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you talking about. You sound pretty difficult and entitled. You choose to spend a lot, as you can go to the beach for far less.

We rented a house at the beach for a week, $5k is on the low end with inflation these days

That's really pricy. You can get a hotel room much cheaper. You want a high end lifestyle... that's fine but don't act like she's out of touch when most people don't spend that much for a vacation.

I don’t know about that. Headed to Rehoboth this week, and it’s $600/night. There were $700 options and even a $1200 option.

August is the most expensive month for Rehoboth. House 5 blocks from the beach rent for 4k+

5 blocks is very far to walk with all of the crap and kids. If you can’t see the ocean, it’s not the beach to me. I don’t want to look at pine trees. A nice ocean block house in Rehoboth costs upwards of $3m and rents for $12-$15k a week.

Do you people really not see that these expensive beach vacations in August are choices?

They don't. Plus they are so oblivious to the reality of life of most Americans that they somehow think they are victims! in not affording a 10K vacation!

[Anonymous]

You made the choice to buy an expensive house, OP. Beach trips are cheap if you know how to budget, and if you had a less expensive house, you could buy a pool for your back yard. Life is only expensive if you make expensive choices. It's cheaper for those of us who are smart.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP you still haven't answered what your job of great consequence is.

I didn’t live off a man

Yet who seems happier in life? Not you, that's for sure.

I wouldn’t be happy being dependent on someone

You aren't happy now and you do depend on your husband because you need his second income to fund your $5K vacation.

Well we are a two-income team

I’m a sahm. I understand the cost of life. Dh earns a high enough income so that we have the lifestyle.

I am not sure why you have to talk about work or money to your in laws.

Everyone has different priorities. Sometimes I see SAHMs whose husbands don’t earn a lot complain about lack of money and wonder why they don’t find a job. I also see dual income families where mom seems to work and is unhappy but needs the income for lifestyle. I would never say anything to these people.

If Dh earned less than $1m, I would probably go back to work. I stopped working when he earned 800k. I was planning to go back to work but we had another kid and his income just continued to increase.

What will you do if your DH divorces you, loses his job, dies or becomes mentally ill? Life is long and the unexpected happens unfortunately. I assume you will try to live off savings, life insurance, etc. Again still a dependent but guess you are okay with that. Good luck.

I’m sure PP, with a household income of 7 figures, has never thought about these issues nor done any estate planning. Thank goodness you, an anonymous internet poster, are here to point her in the right direction.

Planning is imperative, but living with a black cloud over your head sounds joyless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you discuss money with her?

We often talk about work bc it takes up a big part of our life. It’s just hard to relate to someone who never had to work hard.

OP, have you never, in your life, related to someone who was different from you? Had a different background, or different lifestyle, or different values than you? Because this sounds like a You issue rather than a MIL issue.

[Anonymous]

My mom was a teacher and my MIL didn’t work. They are baffled and amazed that I book all of our camps, vacation days, and weekends away from May - October by the end of February.
If they want to do a vacation with us or have the kids for a week in the summer, they need to submit their preferred dates by Jan 1 or they have to work with our schedule. Neither of them ever booked camps - especially ones that are full within an hour of registration opening .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was a teacher and my MIL didn’t work. They are baffled and amazed that I book all of our camps, vacation days, and weekends away from May - October by the end of February.
If they want to do a vacation with us or have the kids for a week in the summer, they need to submit their preferred dates by Jan 1 or they have to work with our schedule. Neither of them ever booked camps - especially ones that are full within an hour of registration opening .

So, to this person and to the OP, please just keep in mind that yes the costs of housing and child care have increased disproportionately, but it’s also true that you have made particular choices. There are SAHMs today who live in this area on incomes lower than yours, I guarantee it. And there were working moms in the ‘80s too. It’s not as simple as saying “times have changed.” You do in fact have a different set of priorities than your MIL, and that’s okay, but don’t blame the modern world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you talking about. You sound pretty difficult and entitled. You choose to spend a lot, as you can go to the beach for far less.

We rented a house at the beach for a week, $5k is on the low end with inflation these days

That's really pricy. You can get a hotel room much cheaper. You want a high end lifestyle... that's fine but don't act like she's out of touch when most people don't spend that much for a vacation.

I don’t know about that. Headed to Rehoboth this week, and it’s $600/night. There were $700 options and even a $1200 option.

August is the most expensive month for Rehoboth. House 5 blocks from the beach rent for 4k+

5 blocks is very far to walk with all of the crap and kids. If you can’t see the ocean, it’s not the beach to me. I don’t want to look at pine trees. A nice ocean block house in Rehoboth costs upwards of $3m and rents for $12-$15k a week.

Exactly my point. Rehoboth is expensive in the summer. The 4k quote above was for a 2100 sq ft 3 BR suite townhome. The larger beach block homes that sleep > 10 can be 20k+ a week.