MIL doesn’t understand the cost of life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like you lack social skills. Normally people find things to talk about that they can BOTH relate to. Normally people don't talk about themselves on and on. Normally people don't talk about money and such so much.

I’m pretty sure the high cost of living is a relevant topic these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People want more things now. Bigger houses, eating out, house cleaners, more than one car, vacations, college for their kids, etc. I don’t know if things were actually cheaper but you are not comparing apples to apples.

People want more now, but wages have not kept pace with the COL. Forty or fifty years ago, a man without a college degree could give his family the 1970’s or 80’s version of OP’s lifestyle on just his own salary. Now a college-educated, dual income family owes on their own college loan debt, is more likely to need childcare, (which is costly, even if it allows you to bring in more income), higher housing costs, higher healthcare costs, and astronomically higher costs to send their own kids to college one day.

[Anonymous]

Stop talking about work. That’s weird. Problem solved. If you’re complaining about work, you’re inviting comments on your choices even though you may just be venting.

[Anonymous]

You don't want to be around her because she looked puzzled and disappointed that you won't be staying home with your baby longer? You seem very closed minded, only seeing things from your own point of view. She may also suffer from that to some degree but that often happens as people age. You might want to work on yourself now so you don't become an annoying MIL one day who can't see other people's side of things.

Also, your MIL probably has fond memories of being home with her kids when they were little. Seems to me that upbringing is what contributed to your husband being the guy he is today, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People want more things now. Bigger houses, eating out, house cleaners, more than one car, vacations, college for their kids, etc. I don’t know if things were actually cheaper but you are not comparing apples to apples.

No, I have compared apples to apples with my mom, it's different. We do occasionally get takeout, which my parents didn't do much until I was a teenager, but they had two cars my entire childhood, which is a much bigger expense. They went on similar vacations (visiting family by car, camping) and saved for some but not all of our college costs, just like we are. The major differences are that they could rely on having a good pension from my dad in addition to their own savings, their health insurance was much cheaper, and their house cost ONE year's salary for 1.5x the space and much much more land than ours at more than 3 years' salary. Even if you keep elective spending the same, it's more expensive now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People want more things now. Bigger houses, eating out, house cleaners, more than one car, vacations, college for their kids, etc. I don’t know if things were actually cheaper but you are not comparing apples to apples.

No, I have compared apples to apples with my mom, it's different. We do occasionally get takeout, which my parents didn't do much until I was a teenager, but they had two cars my entire childhood, which is a much bigger expense. They went on similar vacations (visiting family by car, camping) and saved for some but not all of our college costs, just like we are. The major differences are that they could rely on having a good pension from my dad in addition to their own savings, their health insurance was much cheaper, and their house cost ONE year's salary for 1.5x the space and much much more land than ours at more than 3 years' salary. Even if you keep elective spending the same, it's more expensive now.

+1.
Didn't anyone else see Hugh Jackman and Robert Reich sing a song about this on "The Simpson's?"

[Anonymous]

From your posts throughout this thread, it sounds like you and DH are giving off the vibe that you’re struggling. If you’re always talking about work in the context of getting promoted to make more money and keep up with your lifestyle (which is expensive in the DMV), she might think you are unhappy with your choices. Or she might be uncomfortable with all the money talk. If you’re always talking about work, it kinda sounds like you’re obsessed with money. I think a lot of people in this area are that way.

BTW, it’s very unkind of you to say your MIL didn’t work hard. You likely have no clue what actual goes into raising your kids if you aren’t a FT SAHM like she was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People want more things now. Bigger houses, eating out, house cleaners, more than one car, vacations, college for their kids, etc. I don’t know if things were actually cheaper but you are not comparing apples to apples.

Not really. Housing, education, and healthcare in particular were significantly cheaper decades ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you discuss money with her?

x10000000

OP wants a piece of the pie!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People want more things now. Bigger houses, eating out, house cleaners, more than one car, vacations, college for their kids, etc. I don’t know if things were actually cheaper but you are not comparing apples to apples.

People want more now, but wages have not kept pace with the COL. Forty or fifty years ago, a man without a college degree could give his family the 1970’s or 80’s version of OP’s lifestyle on just his own salary. Now a college-educated, dual income family owes on their own college loan debt, is more likely to need childcare, (which is costly, even if it allows you to bring in more income), higher housing costs, higher healthcare costs, and astronomically higher costs to send their own kids to college one day.

+1

This is a fact supported by data.

[Anonymous]

Of what great consequence is your work? Your MIL doesn't need to know how much things cost or understand. She doesn't have children and is of a different era. Talk about it with your friends. Find a different sounding board since your MIL is probably tired of hearing you complain like a broken record about how you can't afford your lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of what great consequence is your work? Your MIL doesn't need to know how much things cost or understand. She doesn't have children and is of a different era. Talk about it with your friends. Find a different sounding board since your MIL is probably tired of hearing you complain like a broken record about how you can't afford your lifestyle.

I guess it would be nice to relate more to her but the topic of how costly our lifestyle is and how it affects our everyday decisions is on the forefront of my mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of what great consequence is your work? Your MIL doesn't need to know how much things cost or understand. She doesn't have children and is of a different era. Talk about it with your friends. Find a different sounding board since your MIL is probably tired of hearing you complain like a broken record about how you can't afford your lifestyle.

I guess it would be nice to relate more to her but the topic of how costly our lifestyle is and how it affects our everyday decisions is on the forefront of my mind.

That’s a waste of mental real estate. There are much more interesting things to think about and discuss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of what great consequence is your work? Your MIL doesn't need to know how much things cost or understand. She doesn't have children and is of a different era. Talk about it with your friends. Find a different sounding board since your MIL is probably tired of hearing you complain like a broken record about how you can't afford your lifestyle.

I guess it would be nice to relate more to her but the topic of how costly our lifestyle is and how it affects our everyday decisions is on the forefront of my mind.

You don't relate on this issue and you can't force her to understand or relate. Talk about something else.

[Anonymous]

She has different priorities than you.

You want the country club membership and flashy vacations. She wants a low-key family life.

Just be nice, smile and move on.