MIL doesn’t understand the cost of life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you discuss money with her?

We often talk about work bc it takes up a big part of our life. It’s just hard to relate to someone who never had to work hard.

All you talk about is work, argue about money, and demean MIL who never had a job of consequence?

Some self awareness, grace, social skills, and a hobby or sport might help. Unless arguing and putting others down is your hobby/skill/job.

I’m frustrated that she lives in an ivory tower and looks at me in a puzzled manner when I discuss cost of living. We absolutely are pushing for that promotion to get us to the next level.

She seems to dreamily long for the good old days when you could be a stay at home parent and not hang by a financial string.

OP- This fixation on the expressions of a woman’s face is concerning. “She looks at me in a puzzled manner.” Seriously? This is what is keeping you up at night and enraged? You sound paranoid. You’ve given no hard evidence of her dismissing your financial state or judging you. It’s all in your head. What you have made clear is your total judgment of her.

“She seem to dreamily long for the good old days…” Maybe that wistful look is her hoping you stop blathering on about how much things cost and instead just be happy. Perhaps some therapy might help you.

You seem like you’re miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are you talking about. You sound pretty difficult and entitled. You choose to spend a lot, as you can go to the beach for far less.

We rented a house at the beach for a week, $5k is on the low end with inflation these days

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you discuss money with her?

We often talk about work bc it takes up a big part of our life. It’s just hard to relate to someone who never had to work hard.

All you talk about is work, argue about money, and demean MIL who never had a job of consequence?

Some self awareness, grace, social skills, and a hobby or sport might help. Unless arguing and putting others down is your hobby/skill/job.

I’m frustrated that she lives in an ivory tower and looks at me in a puzzled manner when I discuss cost of living. We absolutely are pushing for that promotion to get us to the next level.

She seems to dreamily long for the good old days when you could be a stay at home parent and not hang by a financial string.

OP- This fixation on the expressions of a woman’s face is concerning. “She looks at me in a puzzled manner.” Seriously? This is what is keeping you up at night and enraged? You sound paranoid. You’ve given no hard evidence of her dismissing your financial state or judging you. It’s all in your head. What you have made clear is your total judgment of her.

“She seem to dreamily long for the good old days…” Maybe that wistful look is her hoping you stop blathering on about how much things cost and instead just be happy. Perhaps some therapy might help you.

You seem like you’re miserable.

Not miserable, just irritated that she’s so out of touch

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$5k for a beach week is not a lot.

You missed the point. It's considerably more than MIL had to pay when raising her children with one salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you talking about. You sound pretty difficult and entitled. You choose to spend a lot, as you can go to the beach for far less.

We rented a house at the beach for a week, $5k is on the low end with inflation these days

There are other ways to vacation other than expensive beach houses. You act like it's a requirement. Your MIL might be confused because she might not be sure if you're asking for money in a roundabout way to fund the exorbitant lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$5k for a beach week is not a lot.

You missed the point. It's considerably more than MIL had to pay when raising her children with one salary.

What do you want her to do about your financial problems?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you discuss money with her?

We often talk about work bc it takes up a big part of our life. It’s just hard to relate to someone who never had to work hard.

All you talk about is work, argue about money, and demean MIL who never had a job of consequence?

Some self awareness, grace, social skills, and a hobby or sport might help. Unless arguing and putting others down is your hobby/skill/job.

I’m frustrated that she lives in an ivory tower and looks at me in a puzzled manner when I discuss cost of living. We absolutely are pushing for that promotion to get us to the next level.

She seems to dreamily long for the good old days when you could be a stay at home parent and not hang by a financial string.

I call TROLL at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you discuss money with her?

We often talk about work bc it takes up a big part of our life. It’s just hard to relate to someone who never had to work hard.

All you talk about is work, argue about money, and demean MIL who never had a job of consequence?

Some self awareness, grace, social skills, and a hobby or sport might help. Unless arguing and putting others down is your hobby/skill/job.

I’m frustrated that she lives in an ivory tower and looks at me in a puzzled manner when I discuss cost of living. We absolutely are pushing for that promotion to get us to the next level.

She seems to dreamily long for the good old days when you could be a stay at home parent and not hang by a financial string.

I have spent the last 15 years fighting tooth and nail to move up in my career to try to provide for my profoundly disabled child that will require 24/7 care until she dies. This has almost never come up when I’ve been with my in-laws. They don’t have much of a clue about my career, how expensive this kid is, etc. We find plenty of things to talk about. They love us even if they are the type to live in denial. I love them anyway. It is bizarre that this is a huge topic for you with your in laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you discuss money with her?

We often talk about work bc it takes up a big part of our life. It’s just hard to relate to someone who never had to work hard.

All you talk about is work, argue about money, and demean MIL who never had a job of consequence?

Some self awareness, grace, social skills, and a hobby or sport might help. Unless arguing and putting others down is your hobby/skill/job.

I’m frustrated that she lives in an ivory tower and looks at me in a puzzled manner when I discuss cost of living. We absolutely are pushing for that promotion to get us to the next level.

She seems to dreamily long for the good old days when you could be a stay at home parent and not hang by a financial string.

I call TROLL at this point.

Yeah, agree. I responded earlier, but now wondering this as well. Hit the report button.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you discuss money with her?

We often talk about work bc it takes up a big part of our life. It’s just hard to relate to someone who never had to work hard.

All you talk about is work, argue about money, and demean MIL who never had a job of consequence?

Some self awareness, grace, social skills, and a hobby or sport might help. Unless arguing and putting others down is your hobby/skill/job.

I’m frustrated that she lives in an ivory tower and looks at me in a puzzled manner when I discuss cost of living. We absolutely are pushing for that promotion to get us to the next level.

She seems to dreamily long for the good old days when you could be a stay at home parent and not hang by a financial string.

I call TROLL at this point.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you talking about. You sound pretty difficult and entitled. You choose to spend a lot, as you can go to the beach for far less.

We rented a house at the beach for a week, $5k is on the low end with inflation these days

There are other ways to vacation other than expensive beach houses. You act like it's a requirement. Your MIL might be confused because she might not be sure if you're asking for money in a roundabout way to fund the exorbitant lifestyle.

No we are not asking for money but when she says she wishes my DH didn’t work so hard that frustrates me.

Yes, DH is stressed out and under pressure but he is reaping the rewards slowly but surely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are certain topics l don’t talk to my parents about, other topics l don’t talk to friend x about, etc. If you know discussing this with her will just make you feel bad, don’t bring it up. It’s not like whatever she says will actually impact what you do.

I feel like she is judging us for not making choices that she did.

She often brings up her son in law who is a stay at home dad and how great that is for his kids and how she doesn’t think her son ( my husband) should be working so hard to get promotions.

omg she promotes fathers quitting work?? She is literally sick and toxic. I would talk to them less.

She promotes a “simple” lifestyle. That’s what gets me. There is absolutely nothing simple about the way we live.

Walk me through this here, like what is your:

a) Town

b) HHI

c) Home value?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People want more things now. Bigger houses, eating out, house cleaners, more than one car, vacations, college for their kids, etc. I don’t know if things were actually cheaper but you are not comparing apples to apples.

Consumerism is an added an expense - technology, Nike sneakers, video games, fancy vacations — but other than that most people just want what generations used to easily have. Many families used to have housekeepers including both my parents when they were growing up. They were middle clsss/upper middle class living in a regular suburban neighborhood in fairly small homes. They went to college (cheap), took vacations to California, NYC and Florida. Medical care was inexpensive. Now all that crap is cost prohibitive.

So, OP, I hear ya! Just change the subject when she talks to something you both enjoy chatting about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People want more things now. Bigger houses, eating out, house cleaners, more than one car, vacations, college for their kids, etc. I don’t know if things were actually cheaper but you are not comparing apples to apples.

Consumerism is an added an expense - technology, Nike sneakers, video games, fancy vacations — but other than that most people just want what generations used to easily have. Many families used to have housekeepers including both my parents when they were growing up. They were middle clsss/upper middle class living in a regular suburban neighborhood in fairly small homes. They went to college (cheap), took vacations to California, NYC and Florida. Medical care was inexpensive. Now all that crap is cost prohibitive.

So, OP, I hear ya! Just change the subject when she talks to something you both enjoy chatting about.

No one in my family went to college before my dad, my mom didn't go to college, for example. It wasn't common for everyone to go to college in previous generations. We live much more conspicuous lifestyles now than previous generations. By far. People traveled by car to go camping, kids wore hand me downs, expensive summer camps weren't the norm, limited technology. Our lives are much more complicated now and we pay dearly for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you talking about. You sound pretty difficult and entitled. You choose to spend a lot, as you can go to the beach for far less.

We rented a house at the beach for a week, $5k is on the low end with inflation these days

That's really pricy. You can get a hotel room much cheaper. You want a high end lifestyle... that's fine but don't act like she's out of touch when most people don't spend that much for a vacation.