Frustrated with husband and mother in law
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
Not everyone is your parents or in-laws. |
Anonymous
Drama llama. |
Anonymous
Geez. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. So many on here say that grandparents aren't the parents and shouldn't be responsible for full-time care (and rightfully so!) as they've already raised their kids plus not every grandparent is retired or financially able to take on care while not having a job without pay in those hours. From what OP has shared, MIL is on social security and extra funds for this overnight trip would've been helpful. She was definitely trying to be fair here so chill out. |
Anonymous
Yep. |
Anonymous
|
OP, your intentions were good but you and DH were not honest with yourself about your MIL's basic nature. She likely suffers from anxiety and is probably lazy. She clearly did not want to do this, despite the camp you paid for. Consider as well that if one of your kids had gotten sick, it would have been very stressful to such a nervous person.
Your DH fixated on paying your MIL because he wants to give her more money and this was the only way you would agree to do so. I would not ever offer to pay MIL for babysitting or anything else but would give her any amount I felt able to comfortably give her NSA. |
Anonymous
Actually, you are wrong. As someone whose elderly aunt did not speak up and perhaps did not have the capacity to speak up when things started going south for her mentally and physically, and had a severe car accident as a result that hurt a child in the other car, you are wrong. I would absolutely be happy if there were an elderly person in my life who spoke up about health, mental health or mobility problems at any time. Those of you who don’t know this from experience, wow, you just don’t know, and I can’t believe you’re not willing to admit that elderly folks can decline suddenly, and some of them try to hide it—deliberately go out of their way to hide it—because they don’t want to face it. I also say this as someone whose husband’s grandma still lived alone in her mid-90s. We checked on her often. In one case, I called after a bad storm and she said she was fine. I decided to go over there anyway even though my husband was out of town, and she had no power and very little food in the house. She had also lost her car keys. If I hadn’t have physically gone to check on her even after she said she was fine on the phone, that could have been bad. I also say that as a former lifeguard who has seen a lot of grandparents watching kids at the pool but not really able to keep up with them. And while that did not lead to a drowning, it sure did lead to a lot of falls/scrapes, and in one choking incident. Things happen, and if you have an elderly person in your life who is able to be honest with you about their limitations, consider yourself very lucky. |
Anonymous
+1. It’s still very easy to the point of being expected for a kid in any type of school, daycare or camp setting to get COVID. And even if they get it and have a mild case, they still can’t go to camp! And before you suggest that you just don’t test them (you seem like the type, OP), know that camp will likely either test or require proof of testing should any symptoms show up. |
Anonymous
Has it even crossed your selfish mind that in the time between saying yes to this and deciding she couldn’t do it, she might have suffered some form of decline? She could have fallen in the shower and gotten a wake-up call. She could have done something like left a burner on all night and gotten a wake-up call. She could have had chest pains and gotten scared. She could have had a near-accident in the car and realized that she shouldn’t be driving kids around. Has that even crossed your mind? Yes or no. |
Anonymous
Has your selfish ass even checked in on her and asked if she is OK, asked how she is feeling, asked if she had some kind of accident or concern or worry? Yes or no. |
Anonymous
A little harsh but true. The better thing to do would be to have MIL stay, not pay her, and hire an extra babysitter to stay the entire time with her and do most of the work. Give MIL whatever money she needs outside of that but don’t pay her to work. That’s just trashy. This obviously costs more but it’s the right way to do it and not overburden your MIL. If you can’t afford it, take your kids bc you’re not the type who should be going on adults only trips. |
Anonymous
If OP's response to the pretty big majority here who think it seems wrong to leave your own children for that wrong is any indication, she obvioulsy didn't listen to her MIL the whole time she has indicated this may not work. OP doesn't like her MIL or her children. She called someone who doesn't want to go away without their own children a martyr--that implies punishment. The problem is very much OP, not the MIL. |
Anonymous
Yes, grandparents aren’t the parents and have already reared their children. Paying them doesn’t make it all right to treat them as though they have some obligation to rear their grandchildren also. I’m not sure you understand what “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” means. It doesn’t mean it’s okay to treat your parents or your spouse’s parents as household employees as long as you pay them. Wow. |
Anonymous
|
If MIL came on here saying she agreed to watch her grandkids for 12 days, and her DIL had planned camps, food, and weekend care, AND she was getting paid, but decided now 3 days before that she didn’t think she could handle it, but her DIL was being mean and wouldn’t just shorten her trip but still pay her, this board would rip her to pieces.
Damn you people have some bizarre need to rip every OP to shreds. |
Anonymous
Doubt it because we’re only getting OP’s biased account. I’d like to know MIL’s side actually. |
Anonymous
Both of these things can be true. |