We have an epidemic of terrible parenting—what is the solution?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I agree. Parents are addicted to screens too and spend a lot of time on their phone instead of parenting. They are totally checked out from their kids. They don’t correct behavior, they don’t supplement education at home, there is no learning going on home bc kids are plopped in front of TV/iPad the minute they return home from school or an activity. There is very little parental engagement going on. Parents are even too lazy to actually cook food for their kids too now. Free school breakfast, free lunch, what next?

+ 1,000 I WAS one of these parents until I became chronically ill and had to give up my job to take care of myself so that I can live. Wow! I had NO idea how much time was spent carting kids from place to place, zoning out on my phone, watching TV, and doing anything but being engaged with my kids. When I was ill, I had to stop and slow down. I began to form relationships with my kids again. They were good kids but now they are great kids! We talk, garden, cook, do crafts, and I even do homework with them (I let them quiz me or play student). WE focus on staying healthy and cook meal together, eat together, and go to bed at decent times, which I could not do working until 5p, running them to practice by 6p until 7:30p, grabbing Chipotle and CFL on the way home. I am so thankful for my illness because it illuminated a lot of shortcomings in me. Now, I cringe when I see parents doing the same thing I do because I know how they got there and it will take something catastrophic to change it. I am not going to lie and say it is easy though. When I was working, it seemed like time flew and I NEVER had enough time to do anything.

I'm sorry about your illness but what do you live on? Do you understand how difficult many of these things are for people who have jobs? Who have to work for various reasons?

Yeah, not having a job gives you a lot more time. Duh.

I went back to work part-time. My husband makes a very handsome salary so that I can stay home. I stated that I know how it is. Duh to you. I said I was a working parent for most of my parenthood. This is an illness that started 2 years ago. I stated that I WAS one of those parents. Calm down. Take a coffee break.

Do you have an ability to self-reflect? damn. "I was a bad parent, and then I started working part time, and that was possible because my husband makes a lot of money, so now I'm not a bad parent because I work part time, but parents with no time are still bad parents."

+1

Hysterically accurate summary, and it’s too bad that the PP doesn’t seem to acquired any actual self-reflection skills. Damn, that was really something.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:wrong forum, since the OP isn't talking about schools at all.

It is about schools, because people are expecting teachers to work miracles.

We get that OP is a teacher btiching about parents. If I came in here and wrote a post about an epidemic of terrible teachers, how well would that go?

I'd also love for the OP to describe the demographics of the parents that they are thinking of.

Where have you been fir the last two years? That has been vomited all over DCUM ad nauseum.

Please. Those threads get deleted. Here’s a whole thread just complaining about unspecified problems with parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wrong forum, since the OP isn't talking about schools at all.

It is about schools, because people are expecting teachers to work miracles.

We get that OP is a teacher btiching about parents. If I came in here and wrote a post about an epidemic of terrible teachers, how well would that go?

I'd also love for the OP to describe the demographics of the parents that they are thinking of.

Where have you been fir the last two years? That has been vomited all over DCUM ad nauseum.

Please. Those threads get deleted. Here’s a whole thread just complaining about unspecified problems with parents.

No they don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wrong forum, since the OP isn't talking about schools at all.

It is about schools, because people are expecting teachers to work miracles.

We get that OP is a teacher btiching about parents. If I came in here and wrote a post about an epidemic of terrible teachers, how well would that go?

I'd also love for the OP to describe the demographics of the parents that they are thinking of.

Where have you been fir the last two years? That has been vomited all over DCUM ad nauseum.

Please. Those threads get deleted. Here’s a whole thread just complaining about unspecified problems with parents.

No they don’t.

Please show me a thread titled "teachers are bad" or "we have an epidemic of terrible teaching", with the OP just saying something vague like "kids are smart. Parents work hard. Teachers aren't teaching. What's the solution?"

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I agree. Parents are addicted to screens too and spend a lot of time on their phone instead of parenting. They are totally checked out from their kids. They don’t correct behavior, they don’t supplement education at home, there is no learning going on home bc kids are plopped in front of TV/iPad the minute they return home from school or an activity. There is very little parental engagement going on. Parents are even too lazy to actually cook food for their kids too now. Free school breakfast, free lunch, what next?

Lost me at the bolded. That is not what I meant.

Are you OP? Because I have to tell you, your post reads like a (probably White) teacher complaining about the behavioral problems of high-poverty (probably Black) kids. The solution that I have seen suggested on this site by people with similar complaints is sterilization of poor women. Is that what you are hoping for?

You’re responding to the wrong poster.

"I agree" poster is agreeing with the OP. I'm speaking to the OP, then. Is OP hoping for...idk....forced abortion according to IQ testing? Removal of children from their parents by force?

Not OP. I don’t know what the solution is. But I can you that throwing tons of tax payer money at it isn’t it. You can’t make up for poor parenting no matter how much money you throw at the failing schools and underperforming kids. Therefore, I would like to keep more of my money

You would like to defund public schools? Ok, Jan. I would like a green pony that poops money.

Defund no, but tons of money is wasted on extra programs with zero benefit

So, you want the "wasted money" reallocated to teachers or other "non-wasteful" (by your opinion) school programs? Or do you want it back into your pockets as you indicated you'd like to do?

If the latter, then that's the literal definition of defunding.

It isn’t defunding. Pay for the teachers, staff, buildings, materials, sports...normal school stuff. Stop inviting and funding additional “special programs” that are targeting to help further benefit and elevate poor kids and underperforming schools. They don’t work bc the root problem, as the topic says, is poor parenting.

Ok, so redirect the funds to go directly to parents to pay for food for kids, instead of funneling it through school. Then parenting classes, more supports for parents because 90% of poor parenting (as you put it) is just the result of parents not having time because they are working.

Solved.

Except that wouldn’t work. Because 90% of poor parenting isn’t bc of money- as pointed out early. Being a good parent is actual hard work. And parents- of all income levels are lazier than ever now. There are plenty of terrible wealthy parents too.

We can’t just put our hands in the air, though.

So if you've identified the problem as "lazy" parents, what is your solution to "lazy" parents? Tell us plainly, please. Or are you just complaining incessantly?

(I don't agree with this; I think parents are often exhausted, or maybe were never shown how to be supportive parents, and therefore just don't have the abilities and resources to do what you'd like.)

The children of lazy parents serve as examples to my boys of how not to act.

again, what's your suggestion?

Parents need to make sure homework is done. Tell their kids to behave in the classroom and pay attention. Ask the teacher for help, there is plenty of supplemental assistance available. If a parent can’t manage to do this, then all the money in the world isn’t going to help,

Nope. I am not willing to let kids get neglected if their parents don’t help.

You don’t have a choice. You can’t make parents do the hard work that being a good parent is. All the paid programs in the world won’t do it. But go ahead and keep thinking up new ways you can spend tax dollars. It won’t fix it.

So your solution is....? Please tell us. You are shooting down suggestions left and right, and then just reasserting that nothing will work. Well, either show us something that will or suggest it, in your mind.

[Anonymous]

Child of the 80s also. What my parents did is ensure we had respect for our teachers. If we got in trouble in school, we were in for much more trouble at home. If our grades started to fall, we were given assistance and guidance, even if it was just checking that homework was done or we asked teacher for assistance, on rare occasions a tutor for a few weeks as we couldn’t afford more. (Neither parent could help us with math past early MS).

My parents recognized they were as much responsibility for my school performance as the school, if not more so. And disrespect or unruly behavior would never have been accepted.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. Parents are addicted to screens too and spend a lot of time on their phone instead of parenting. They are totally checked out from their kids. They don’t correct behavior, they don’t supplement education at home, there is no learning going on home bc kids are plopped in front of TV/iPad the minute they return home from school or an activity. There is very little parental engagement going on. Parents are even too lazy to actually cook food for their kids too now. Free school breakfast, free lunch, what next?

Lost me at the bolded. That is not what I meant.

Are you OP? Because I have to tell you, your post reads like a (probably White) teacher complaining about the behavioral problems of high-poverty (probably Black) kids. The solution that I have seen suggested on this site by people with similar complaints is sterilization of poor women. Is that what you are hoping for?

You’re responding to the wrong poster.

"I agree" poster is agreeing with the OP. I'm speaking to the OP, then. Is OP hoping for...idk....forced abortion according to IQ testing? Removal of children from their parents by force?

Not OP. I don’t know what the solution is. But I can you that throwing tons of tax payer money at it isn’t it. You can’t make up for poor parenting no matter how much money you throw at the failing schools and underperforming kids. Therefore, I would like to keep more of my money

You would like to defund public schools? Ok, Jan. I would like a green pony that poops money.

Defund no, but tons of money is wasted on extra programs with zero benefit

So, you want the "wasted money" reallocated to teachers or other "non-wasteful" (by your opinion) school programs? Or do you want it back into your pockets as you indicated you'd like to do?

If the latter, then that's the literal definition of defunding.

It isn’t defunding. Pay for the teachers, staff, buildings, materials, sports...normal school stuff. Stop inviting and funding additional “special programs” that are targeting to help further benefit and elevate poor kids and underperforming schools. They don’t work bc the root problem, as the topic says, is poor parenting.

Ok, so redirect the funds to go directly to parents to pay for food for kids, instead of funneling it through school. Then parenting classes, more supports for parents because 90% of poor parenting (as you put it) is just the result of parents not having time because they are working.

Solved.

Except that wouldn’t work. Because 90% of poor parenting isn’t bc of money- as pointed out early. Being a good parent is actual hard work. And parents- of all income levels are lazier than ever now. There are plenty of terrible wealthy parents too.

We can’t just put our hands in the air, though.

So if you've identified the problem as "lazy" parents, what is your solution to "lazy" parents? Tell us plainly, please. Or are you just complaining incessantly?

(I don't agree with this; I think parents are often exhausted, or maybe were never shown how to be supportive parents, and therefore just don't have the abilities and resources to do what you'd like.)

The children of lazy parents serve as examples to my boys of how not to act.

again, what's your suggestion?

Parents need to make sure homework is done. Tell their kids to behave in the classroom and pay attention. Ask the teacher for help, there is plenty of supplemental assistance available. If a parent can’t manage to do this, then all the money in the world isn’t going to help,

Nope. I am not willing to let kids get neglected if their parents don’t help.

You don’t have a choice. You can’t make parents do the hard work that being a good parent is. All the paid programs in the world won’t do it. But go ahead and keep thinking up new ways you can spend tax dollars. It won’t fix it.

So your solution is....? Please tell us. You are shooting down suggestions left and right, and then just reasserting that nothing will work. Well, either show us something that will or suggest it, in your mind.

It is the same as solving the obesity epidemic. It isn't possible. People have their own free will and personal choices. You can't make people do better, work harder, make better choices, be more disciplined, put down their phone, etc. if they don't want it for themselves/their kids. People will take whatever the easiest option is 99% of the time- unfortunately being a good parent is really hard work and takes a lot of personal effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. Parents are addicted to screens too and spend a lot of time on their phone instead of parenting. They are totally checked out from their kids. They don’t correct behavior, they don’t supplement education at home, there is no learning going on home bc kids are plopped in front of TV/iPad the minute they return home from school or an activity. There is very little parental engagement going on. Parents are even too lazy to actually cook food for their kids too now. Free school breakfast, free lunch, what next?

Lost me at the bolded. That is not what I meant.

Are you OP? Because I have to tell you, your post reads like a (probably White) teacher complaining about the behavioral problems of high-poverty (probably Black) kids. The solution that I have seen suggested on this site by people with similar complaints is sterilization of poor women. Is that what you are hoping for?

You’re responding to the wrong poster.

"I agree" poster is agreeing with the OP. I'm speaking to the OP, then. Is OP hoping for...idk....forced abortion according to IQ testing? Removal of children from their parents by force?

Not OP. I don’t know what the solution is. But I can you that throwing tons of tax payer money at it isn’t it. You can’t make up for poor parenting no matter how much money you throw at the failing schools and underperforming kids. Therefore, I would like to keep more of my money

You would like to defund public schools? Ok, Jan. I would like a green pony that poops money.

Defund no, but tons of money is wasted on extra programs with zero benefit

So, you want the "wasted money" reallocated to teachers or other "non-wasteful" (by your opinion) school programs? Or do you want it back into your pockets as you indicated you'd like to do?

If the latter, then that's the literal definition of defunding.

It isn’t defunding. Pay for the teachers, staff, buildings, materials, sports...normal school stuff. Stop inviting and funding additional “special programs” that are targeting to help further benefit and elevate poor kids and underperforming schools. They don’t work bc the root problem, as the topic says, is poor parenting.

Ok, so redirect the funds to go directly to parents to pay for food for kids, instead of funneling it through school. Then parenting classes, more supports for parents because 90% of poor parenting (as you put it) is just the result of parents not having time because they are working.

Solved.

Except that wouldn’t work. Because 90% of poor parenting isn’t bc of money- as pointed out early. Being a good parent is actual hard work. And parents- of all income levels are lazier than ever now. There are plenty of terrible wealthy parents too.

We can’t just put our hands in the air, though.

So if you've identified the problem as "lazy" parents, what is your solution to "lazy" parents? Tell us plainly, please. Or are you just complaining incessantly?

(I don't agree with this; I think parents are often exhausted, or maybe were never shown how to be supportive parents, and therefore just don't have the abilities and resources to do what you'd like.)

The children of lazy parents serve as examples to my boys of how not to act.

again, what's your suggestion?

Parents need to make sure homework is done. Tell their kids to behave in the classroom and pay attention. Ask the teacher for help, there is plenty of supplemental assistance available. If a parent can’t manage to do this, then all the money in the world isn’t going to help,

Nope. I am not willing to let kids get neglected if their parents don’t help.

You don’t have a choice. You can’t make parents do the hard work that being a good parent is. All the paid programs in the world won’t do it. But go ahead and keep thinking up new ways you can spend tax dollars. It won’t fix it.

So your solution is....? Please tell us. You are shooting down suggestions left and right, and then just reasserting that nothing will work. Well, either show us something that will or suggest it, in your mind.

It is the same as solving the obesity epidemic. It isn't possible. People have their own free will and personal choices. You can't make people do better, work harder, make better choices, be more disciplined, put down their phone, etc. if they don't want it for themselves/their kids. People will take whatever the easiest option is 99% of the time- unfortunately being a good parent is really hard work and takes a lot of personal effort.

so you know what I don't do? Start threads about complaining about the obesity epidemic.

OP is just nasty and bitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m an 80s child and not sure if I agree. Do you remember 80s/90s parenting? In our household it was non stop sunny dlite, toaster struedels, snackwells, and gummy bears. Summer camps, if they existed at all, were not a thing in my family. My mom was a SAHM but I don’t remember her doing activities with us. We’d go to the library once in awhile. And I played softball once a week in the spring. Mostly I remember being on my own in the afternoons while she talked on the phone or napped.

How can it really be so different now?

Did your mom fail to sign permission slips when they came home? Something tells me the answer to that is no. I don’t think she was as checked out as you think she was.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. Parents are addicted to screens too and spend a lot of time on their phone instead of parenting. They are totally checked out from their kids. They don’t correct behavior, they don’t supplement education at home, there is no learning going on home bc kids are plopped in front of TV/iPad the minute they return home from school or an activity. There is very little parental engagement going on. Parents are even too lazy to actually cook food for their kids too now. Free school breakfast, free lunch, what next?

Lost me at the bolded. That is not what I meant.

Are you OP? Because I have to tell you, your post reads like a (probably White) teacher complaining about the behavioral problems of high-poverty (probably Black) kids. The solution that I have seen suggested on this site by people with similar complaints is sterilization of poor women. Is that what you are hoping for?

You’re responding to the wrong poster.

"I agree" poster is agreeing with the OP. I'm speaking to the OP, then. Is OP hoping for...idk....forced abortion according to IQ testing? Removal of children from their parents by force?

Not OP. I don’t know what the solution is. But I can you that throwing tons of tax payer money at it isn’t it. You can’t make up for poor parenting no matter how much money you throw at the failing schools and underperforming kids. Therefore, I would like to keep more of my money

You would like to defund public schools? Ok, Jan. I would like a green pony that poops money.

Defund no, but tons of money is wasted on extra programs with zero benefit

So, you want the "wasted money" reallocated to teachers or other "non-wasteful" (by your opinion) school programs? Or do you want it back into your pockets as you indicated you'd like to do?

If the latter, then that's the literal definition of defunding.

It isn’t defunding. Pay for the teachers, staff, buildings, materials, sports...normal school stuff. Stop inviting and funding additional “special programs” that are targeting to help further benefit and elevate poor kids and underperforming schools. They don’t work bc the root problem, as the topic says, is poor parenting.

Ok, so redirect the funds to go directly to parents to pay for food for kids, instead of funneling it through school. Then parenting classes, more supports for parents because 90% of poor parenting (as you put it) is just the result of parents not having time because they are working.

Solved.

Except that wouldn’t work. Because 90% of poor parenting isn’t bc of money- as pointed out early. Being a good parent is actual hard work. And parents- of all income levels are lazier than ever now. There are plenty of terrible wealthy parents too.

We can’t just put our hands in the air, though.

So if you've identified the problem as "lazy" parents, what is your solution to "lazy" parents? Tell us plainly, please. Or are you just complaining incessantly?

(I don't agree with this; I think parents are often exhausted, or maybe were never shown how to be supportive parents, and therefore just don't have the abilities and resources to do what you'd like.)

The children of lazy parents serve as examples to my boys of how not to act.

again, what's your suggestion?

Parents need to make sure homework is done. Tell their kids to behave in the classroom and pay attention. Ask the teacher for help, there is plenty of supplemental assistance available. If a parent can’t manage to do this, then all the money in the world isn’t going to help,

Nope. I am not willing to let kids get neglected if their parents don’t help.

You don’t have a choice. You can’t make parents do the hard work that being a good parent is. All the paid programs in the world won’t do it. But go ahead and keep thinking up new ways you can spend tax dollars. It won’t fix it.

So your solution is....? Please tell us. You are shooting down suggestions left and right, and then just reasserting that nothing will work. Well, either show us something that will or suggest it, in your mind.

It is the same as solving the obesity epidemic. It isn't possible. People have their own free will and personal choices. You can't make people do better, work harder, make better choices, be more disciplined, put down their phone, etc. if they don't want it for themselves/their kids. People will take whatever the easiest option is 99% of the time- unfortunately being a good parent is really hard work and takes a lot of personal effort.

so you know what I don't do? Start threads about complaining about the obesity epidemic.

OP is just nasty and bitter.

Im not the OP, just agree that yes parenting has took a nosedive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Child of the 80s also. What my parents did is ensure we had respect for our teachers. If we got in trouble in school, we were in for much more trouble at home. If our grades started to fall, we were given assistance and guidance, even if it was just checking that homework was done or we asked teacher for assistance, on rare occasions a tutor for a few weeks as we couldn’t afford more. (Neither parent could help us with math past early MS).

My parents recognized they were as much responsibility for my school performance as the school, if not more so. And disrespect or unruly behavior would never have been accepted.

+1. My parents didn’t assume that the teacher was wrong or bad (even though looking back, some definitely were).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. Parents are addicted to screens too and spend a lot of time on their phone instead of parenting. They are totally checked out from their kids. They don’t correct behavior, they don’t supplement education at home, there is no learning going on home bc kids are plopped in front of TV/iPad the minute they return home from school or an activity. There is very little parental engagement going on. Parents are even too lazy to actually cook food for their kids too now. Free school breakfast, free lunch, what next?

Lost me at the bolded. That is not what I meant.

Are you OP? Because I have to tell you, your post reads like a (probably White) teacher complaining about the behavioral problems of high-poverty (probably Black) kids. The solution that I have seen suggested on this site by people with similar complaints is sterilization of poor women. Is that what you are hoping for?

Uh, no. This is mostly about ill-parented, overindulged white rich kids.

+1. Loudoun County poster here. That’s why I brought it up. What is the point of an “A” in Calculus if the parents are raising their kids to believe that behavior like that is acceptable???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:no one else seeing all the racist dog whistles in this thread?

Aren't the people assuming that OP is talking about POC the racists though? Bc there are plenty of white kids who misbehave in class.
The thing I've heard from teachers (in schools with both low income and well off parents) is that parents don't seem to hold their kids accountable for their behaviors anymore. And yes, you have parents who don't care at all, but you also have bulldozer parents who hound teachers for giving their kids a B. Both lead to issues, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:no one else seeing all the racist dog whistles in this thread?

Aren't the people assuming that OP is talking about POC the racists though? Bc there are plenty of white kids who misbehave in class.
The thing I've heard from teachers (in schools with both low income and well off parents) is that parents don't seem to hold their kids accountable for their behaviors anymore. And yes, you have parents who don't care at all, but you also have bulldozer parents who hound teachers for giving their kids a B. Both lead to issues, no?

No. Are you one of those “talking about racism is the REAL racism” types? We’re allowed to call a spade a spade, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:no one else seeing all the racist dog whistles in this thread?

Aren't the people assuming that OP is talking about POC the racists though? Bc there are plenty of white kids who misbehave in class.
The thing I've heard from teachers (in schools with both low income and well off parents) is that parents don't seem to hold their kids accountable for their behaviors anymore. And yes, you have parents who don't care at all, but you also have bulldozer parents who hound teachers for giving their kids a B. Both lead to issues, no?

Put the thread in the context of another thread where a TA is imploring people to not send their kids to high-poverty schools, describing intense behavioral issues. Also the context of the thread itself, in which posters are saying that kids shouldn't get school lunch. Additionally, the OP doesn't actually say what the problem is (behavior? test scores?). So at least some people on this thread are basically saying that poor parents are bad parents (and their kids shouldn't receive school lunch, even). Couple all of that with the fact that in the DMV (where this forum is generated), there is a high correlation between income and race. So people talking about poor kids' behavior are talking about Black kids' behavior.

Plus the OP won't actually SAY what they are talking about when repeatedly asked, and won't say the demographics of the parents they are complaining about. Why is that. I think we know why.