We have an epidemic of terrible parenting—what is the solution?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an 80s child and not sure if I agree. Do you remember 80s/90s parenting? In our household it was non stop sunny dlite, toaster struedels, snackwells, and gummy bears. Summer camps, if they existed at all, were not a thing in my family. My mom was a SAHM but I don’t remember her doing activities with us. We’d go to the library once in awhile. And I played softball once a week in the spring. Mostly I remember being on my own in the afternoons while she talked on the phone or napped.

How can it really be so different now?

Did your mom fail to sign permission slips when they came home? Something tells me the answer to that is no. I don’t think she was as checked out as you think she was.

That's the thing, there were just not that many "sign this or your child wouldn't be able to...". My oldest and my youngest are 14 years apart. Even in that time span there was a significant increase in demands out on parents' executive functioning. There are more forms for camps, there are more de facto homework assignments for parents, things that have to be printed from or submitted online for elementary school, etc, etc. I am also an 80s child, and we could manage pretty well as long as our parents were not comatose at least some of the time.

These basic things challenge your executive functioning. You should see someone about that. It's not normal.

You are wrong. I totally agree with the PP. The demands on parents from school are far greater than they were even 10 years ago, and feel never ending. On top of that, there's a school calendar that has probably almost of month of days off, or early dismissals, which is more leave than most people have. I'm not sure if it is better now, but when my kids were in middle school, it would take me hours to look at their assignments and comments, as every teacher did it a different way and put these things in different places. Back in the day, there were textbooks that provided the basis for school work.

There was just a thread about how parent-teacher conference days are flex time for teachers. How they use that time is an employment decision, but no one considers the impact on working families. You've got multiple kids who have time off from school due to the parent-teacher conference days. Some of the teachers are only offering evenings, others only offer conferences during the day, while others offer before school. So you've got to map all of this out, aligning it with work and childcare schedules, which exacerbates the mental load.

Even little things, like dressing for spirit weeks when kids are little are work for parents. We didn't have all of these things back in the day.

I have worked part-time for years to give myself more time to be involved with my kids' education. I can attest that even with part-time work and an involved spouse with decent flexibility, the demands on parents are difficult to manage. And that's my view, coming from a place of privilege. If you don't have any of those advantages, I understand why parents become overwhelmed and check out. I've also felt at times that the pressure to be a "good parent," meaning attentive to my kids' education and providing support at school, actually made me a worse parent because the stress took away from being present for them.

+1

Whatever the issue is, from obesity to public health to mental health challenges in youth, I’m always struck by the number of presumably ordinary people deeply invested in gaslighting those who struggle by blaming them for living in a broken society.

You are blaming others...or vaguely society...for your problems. Be accountable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an 80s child and not sure if I agree. Do you remember 80s/90s parenting? In our household it was non stop sunny dlite, toaster struedels, snackwells, and gummy bears. Summer camps, if they existed at all, were not a thing in my family. My mom was a SAHM but I don’t remember her doing activities with us. We’d go to the library once in awhile. And I played softball once a week in the spring. Mostly I remember being on my own in the afternoons while she talked on the phone or napped.

How can it really be so different now?

Did your mom fail to sign permission slips when they came home? Something tells me the answer to that is no. I don’t think she was as checked out as you think she was.

That's the thing, there were just not that many "sign this or your child wouldn't be able to...". My oldest and my youngest are 14 years apart. Even in that time span there was a significant increase in demands out on parents' executive functioning. There are more forms for camps, there are more de facto homework assignments for parents, things that have to be printed from or submitted online for elementary school, etc, etc. I am also an 80s child, and we could manage pretty well as long as our parents were not comatose at least some of the time.

These basic things challenge your executive functioning. You should see someone about that. It's not normal.

You are wrong. I totally agree with the PP. The demands on parents from school are far greater than they were even 10 years ago, and feel never ending. On top of that, there's a school calendar that has probably almost of month of days off, or early dismissals, which is more leave than most people have. I'm not sure if it is better now, but when my kids were in middle school, it would take me hours to look at their assignments and comments, as every teacher did it a different way and put these things in different places. Back in the day, there were textbooks that provided the basis for school work.

There was just a thread about how parent-teacher conference days are flex time for teachers. How they use that time is an employment decision, but no one considers the impact on working families. You've got multiple kids who have time off from school due to the parent-teacher conference days. Some of the teachers are only offering evenings, others only offer conferences during the day, while others offer before school. So you've got to map all of this out, aligning it with work and childcare schedules, which exacerbates the mental load.

Even little things, like dressing for spirit weeks when kids are little are work for parents. We didn't have all of these things back in the day.

I have worked part-time for years to give myself more time to be involved with my kids' education. I can attest that even with part-time work and an involved spouse with decent flexibility, the demands on parents are difficult to manage. And that's my view, coming from a place of privilege. If you don't have any of those advantages, I understand why parents become overwhelmed and check out. I've also felt at times that the pressure to be a "good parent," meaning attentive to my kids' education and providing support at school, actually made me a worse parent because the stress took away from being present for them.

+1

Whatever the issue is, from obesity to public health to mental health challenges in youth, I’m always struck by the number of presumably ordinary people deeply invested in gaslighting those who struggle by blaming them for living in a broken society.

You are blaming others...or vaguely society...for your problems. Be accountable.

I've never known a perfect person, but I guess there is you.

If we are talking about an "epidemic" of anything, it's not about individual choices. We should be brainstorming on all of these issues: how to help teachers, how we can empower parents to be more involved in their kids' education, and yes, how can we help people adopt healthier lifestyles? All of these things are intertwined, really, and most of us are making good choices in some places and phoning it in in others. The goal should be making good choices easier, not telling people how terrible they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an 80s child and not sure if I agree. Do you remember 80s/90s parenting? In our household it was non stop sunny dlite, toaster struedels, snackwells, and gummy bears. Summer camps, if they existed at all, were not a thing in my family. My mom was a SAHM but I don’t remember her doing activities with us. We’d go to the library once in awhile. And I played softball once a week in the spring. Mostly I remember being on my own in the afternoons while she talked on the phone or napped.

How can it really be so different now?

Did your mom fail to sign permission slips when they came home? Something tells me the answer to that is no. I don’t think she was as checked out as you think she was.

That's the thing, there were just not that many "sign this or your child wouldn't be able to...". My oldest and my youngest are 14 years apart. Even in that time span there was a significant increase in demands out on parents' executive functioning. There are more forms for camps, there are more de facto homework assignments for parents, things that have to be printed from or submitted online for elementary school, etc, etc. I am also an 80s child, and we could manage pretty well as long as our parents were not comatose at least some of the time.

These basic things challenge your executive functioning. You should see someone about that. It's not normal.

You are wrong. I totally agree with the PP. The demands on parents from school are far greater than they were even 10 years ago, and feel never ending. On top of that, there's a school calendar that has probably almost of month of days off, or early dismissals, which is more leave than most people have. I'm not sure if it is better now, but when my kids were in middle school, it would take me hours to look at their assignments and comments, as every teacher did it a different way and put these things in different places. Back in the day, there were textbooks that provided the basis for school work.

There was just a thread about how parent-teacher conference days are flex time for teachers. How they use that time is an employment decision, but no one considers the impact on working families. You've got multiple kids who have time off from school due to the parent-teacher conference days. Some of the teachers are only offering evenings, others only offer conferences during the day, while others offer before school. So you've got to map all of this out, aligning it with work and childcare schedules, which exacerbates the mental load.

Even little things, like dressing for spirit weeks when kids are little are work for parents. We didn't have all of these things back in the day.

I have worked part-time for years to give myself more time to be involved with my kids' education. I can attest that even with part-time work and an involved spouse with decent flexibility, the demands on parents are difficult to manage. And that's my view, coming from a place of privilege. If you don't have any of those advantages, I understand why parents become overwhelmed and check out. I've also felt at times that the pressure to be a "good parent," meaning attentive to my kids' education and providing support at school, actually made me a worse parent because the stress took away from being present for them.

+1

Whatever the issue is, from obesity to public health to mental health challenges in youth, I’m always struck by the number of presumably ordinary people deeply invested in gaslighting those who struggle by blaming them for living in a broken society.

You are blaming others...or vaguely society...for your problems. Be accountable.

I've never known a perfect person, but I guess there is you.

If we are talking about an "epidemic" of anything, it's not about individual choices. We should be brainstorming on all of these issues: how to help teachers, how we can empower parents to be more involved in their kids' education, and yes, how can we help people adopt healthier lifestyles? All of these things are intertwined, really, and most of us are making good choices in some places and phoning it in in others. The goal should be making good choices easier, not telling people how terrible they are.

You aren't understanding that what is being asked of you isn't extreme. It is life. If you can't keep up its on you to figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:no one else seeing all the racist dog whistles in this thread?

Aren't the people assuming that OP is talking about POC the racists though? Bc there are plenty of white kids who misbehave in class.
The thing I've heard from teachers (in schools with both low income and well off parents) is that parents don't seem to hold their kids accountable for their behaviors anymore. And yes, you have parents who don't care at all, but you also have bulldozer parents who hound teachers for giving their kids a B. Both lead to issues, no?

Put the thread in the context of another thread where a TA is imploring people to not send their kids to high-poverty schools, describing intense behavioral issues. Also the context of the thread itself, in which posters are saying that kids shouldn't get school lunch. Additionally, the OP doesn't actually say what the problem is (behavior? test scores?). So at least some people on this thread are basically saying that poor parents are bad parents (and their kids shouldn't receive school lunch, even). Couple all of that with the fact that in the DMV (where this forum is generated), there is a high correlation between income and race. So people talking about poor kids' behavior are talking about Black kids' behavior.

Plus the OP won't actually SAY what they are talking about when repeatedly asked, and won't say the demographics of the parents they are complaining about. Why is that. I think we know why.

+1000000

Why do racial demographics matter to you? Op probably hasn’t brought them up bc they are irrelevant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:. I have 2 in school now and FIVE communication apps. It's ridiculous.

Is it too much to ask school districts to pick an app and stick with it across schools? It would be so much simpler from the parent end than schools and teachers choosing their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an 80s child and not sure if I agree. Do you remember 80s/90s parenting? In our household it was non stop sunny dlite, toaster struedels, snackwells, and gummy bears. Summer camps, if they existed at all, were not a thing in my family. My mom was a SAHM but I don’t remember her doing activities with us. We’d go to the library once in awhile. And I played softball once a week in the spring. Mostly I remember being on my own in the afternoons while she talked on the phone or napped.

How can it really be so different now?

Did your mom fail to sign permission slips when they came home? Something tells me the answer to that is no. I don’t think she was as checked out as you think she was.

That's the thing, there were just not that many "sign this or your child wouldn't be able to...". My oldest and my youngest are 14 years apart. Even in that time span there was a significant increase in demands out on parents' executive functioning. There are more forms for camps, there are more de facto homework assignments for parents, things that have to be printed from or submitted online for elementary school, etc, etc. I am also an 80s child, and we could manage pretty well as long as our parents were not comatose at least some of the time.

These basic things challenge your executive functioning. You should see someone about that. It's not normal.

You are wrong. I totally agree with the PP. The demands on parents from school are far greater than they were even 10 years ago, and feel never ending. On top of that, there's a school calendar that has probably almost of month of days off, or early dismissals, which is more leave than most people have. I'm not sure if it is better now, but when my kids were in middle school, it would take me hours to look at their assignments and comments, as every teacher did it a different way and put these things in different places. Back in the day, there were textbooks that provided the basis for school work.

There was just a thread about how parent-teacher conference days are flex time for teachers. How they use that time is an employment decision, but no one considers the impact on working families. You've got multiple kids who have time off from school due to the parent-teacher conference days. Some of the teachers are only offering evenings, others only offer conferences during the day, while others offer before school. So you've got to map all of this out, aligning it with work and childcare schedules, which exacerbates the mental load.

Even little things, like dressing for spirit weeks when kids are little are work for parents. We didn't have all of these things back in the day.

I have worked part-time for years to give myself more time to be involved with my kids' education. I can attest that even with part-time work and an involved spouse with decent flexibility, the demands on parents are difficult to manage. And that's my view, coming from a place of privilege. If you don't have any of those advantages, I understand why parents become overwhelmed and check out. I've also felt at times that the pressure to be a "good parent," meaning attentive to my kids' education and providing support at school, actually made me a worse parent because the stress took away from being present for them.

+1

Whatever the issue is, from obesity to public health to mental health challenges in youth, I’m always struck by the number of presumably ordinary people deeply invested in gaslighting those who struggle by blaming them for living in a broken society.

You are blaming others...or vaguely society...for your problems. Be accountable.

I've never known a perfect person, but I guess there is you.

If we are talking about an "epidemic" of anything, it's not about individual choices. We should be brainstorming on all of these issues: how to help teachers, how we can empower parents to be more involved in their kids' education, and yes, how can we help people adopt healthier lifestyles? All of these things are intertwined, really, and most of us are making good choices in some places and phoning it in in others. The goal should be making good choices easier, not telling people how terrible they are.

You aren't understanding that what is being asked of you isn't extreme. It is life. If you can't keep up its on you to figure it out.

This is DCUM generally high performing folks. If these folks are saying there are issues how is the average person/family barely making ends meet supposed to stay on top of everything.

There should 1 max 2 places for info not 5+

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:. I have 2 in school now and FIVE communication apps. It's ridiculous.

Is it too much to ask school districts to pick an app and stick with it across schools? It would be so much simpler from the parent end than schools and teachers choosing their own.

Maybe should be pta president or run for school board to make it happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an 80s child and not sure if I agree. Do you remember 80s/90s parenting? In our household it was non stop sunny dlite, toaster struedels, snackwells, and gummy bears. Summer camps, if they existed at all, were not a thing in my family. My mom was a SAHM but I don’t remember her doing activities with us. We’d go to the library once in awhile. And I played softball once a week in the spring. Mostly I remember being on my own in the afternoons while she talked on the phone or napped.

How can it really be so different now?

Did your mom fail to sign permission slips when they came home? Something tells me the answer to that is no. I don’t think she was as checked out as you think she was.

That's the thing, there were just not that many "sign this or your child wouldn't be able to...". My oldest and my youngest are 14 years apart. Even in that time span there was a significant increase in demands out on parents' executive functioning. There are more forms for camps, there are more de facto homework assignments for parents, things that have to be printed from or submitted online for elementary school, etc, etc. I am also an 80s child, and we could manage pretty well as long as our parents were not comatose at least some of the time.

These basic things challenge your executive functioning. You should see someone about that. It's not normal.

You are wrong. I totally agree with the PP. The demands on parents from school are far greater than they were even 10 years ago, and feel never ending. On top of that, there's a school calendar that has probably almost of month of days off, or early dismissals, which is more leave than most people have. I'm not sure if it is better now, but when my kids were in middle school, it would take me hours to look at their assignments and comments, as every teacher did it a different way and put these things in different places. Back in the day, there were textbooks that provided the basis for school work.

There was just a thread about how parent-teacher conference days are flex time for teachers. How they use that time is an employment decision, but no one considers the impact on working families. You've got multiple kids who have time off from school due to the parent-teacher conference days. Some of the teachers are only offering evenings, others only offer conferences during the day, while others offer before school. So you've got to map all of this out, aligning it with work and childcare schedules, which exacerbates the mental load.

Even little things, like dressing for spirit weeks when kids are little are work for parents. We didn't have all of these things back in the day.

I have worked part-time for years to give myself more time to be involved with my kids' education. I can attest that even with part-time work and an involved spouse with decent flexibility, the demands on parents are difficult to manage. And that's my view, coming from a place of privilege. If you don't have any of those advantages, I understand why parents become overwhelmed and check out. I've also felt at times that the pressure to be a "good parent," meaning attentive to my kids' education and providing support at school, actually made me a worse parent because the stress took away from being present for them.

+1

Whatever the issue is, from obesity to public health to mental health challenges in youth, I’m always struck by the number of presumably ordinary people deeply invested in gaslighting those who struggle by blaming them for living in a broken society.

You are blaming others...or vaguely society...for your problems. Be accountable.

I've never known a perfect person, but I guess there is you.

If we are talking about an "epidemic" of anything, it's not about individual choices. We should be brainstorming on all of these issues: how to help teachers, how we can empower parents to be more involved in their kids' education, and yes, how can we help people adopt healthier lifestyles? All of these things are intertwined, really, and most of us are making good choices in some places and phoning it in in others. The goal should be making good choices easier, not telling people how terrible they are.

You aren't understanding that what is being asked of you isn't extreme. It is life. If you can't keep up its on you to figure it out.

This is DCUM generally high performing folks. If these folks are saying there are issues how is the average person/family barely making ends meet supposed to stay on top of everything.

There should 1 max 2 places for info not 5+

Get into the position to make it happen. Don't just tell others how they should do their job. Get the position and do it better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an 80s child and not sure if I agree. Do you remember 80s/90s parenting? In our household it was non stop sunny dlite, toaster struedels, snackwells, and gummy bears. Summer camps, if they existed at all, were not a thing in my family. My mom was a SAHM but I don’t remember her doing activities with us. We’d go to the library once in awhile. And I played softball once a week in the spring. Mostly I remember being on my own in the afternoons while she talked on the phone or napped.

How can it really be so different now?

Did your mom fail to sign permission slips when they came home? Something tells me the answer to that is no. I don’t think she was as checked out as you think she was.

That's the thing, there were just not that many "sign this or your child wouldn't be able to...". My oldest and my youngest are 14 years apart. Even in that time span there was a significant increase in demands out on parents' executive functioning. There are more forms for camps, there are more de facto homework assignments for parents, things that have to be printed from or submitted online for elementary school, etc, etc. I am also an 80s child, and we could manage pretty well as long as our parents were not comatose at least some of the time.

These basic things challenge your executive functioning. You should see someone about that. It's not normal.

You are wrong. I totally agree with the PP. The demands on parents from school are far greater than they were even 10 years ago, and feel never ending. On top of that, there's a school calendar that has probably almost of month of days off, or early dismissals, which is more leave than most people have. I'm not sure if it is better now, but when my kids were in middle school, it would take me hours to look at their assignments and comments, as every teacher did it a different way and put these things in different places. Back in the day, there were textbooks that provided the basis for school work.

There was just a thread about how parent-teacher conference days are flex time for teachers. How they use that time is an employment decision, but no one considers the impact on working families. You've got multiple kids who have time off from school due to the parent-teacher conference days. Some of the teachers are only offering evenings, others only offer conferences during the day, while others offer before school. So you've got to map all of this out, aligning it with work and childcare schedules, which exacerbates the mental load.

Even little things, like dressing for spirit weeks when kids are little are work for parents. We didn't have all of these things back in the day.

I have worked part-time for years to give myself more time to be involved with my kids' education. I can attest that even with part-time work and an involved spouse with decent flexibility, the demands on parents are difficult to manage. And that's my view, coming from a place of privilege. If you don't have any of those advantages, I understand why parents become overwhelmed and check out. I've also felt at times that the pressure to be a "good parent," meaning attentive to my kids' education and providing support at school, actually made me a worse parent because the stress took away from being present for them.

+1

Whatever the issue is, from obesity to public health to mental health challenges in youth, I’m always struck by the number of presumably ordinary people deeply invested in gaslighting those who struggle by blaming them for living in a broken society.

You are blaming others...or vaguely society...for your problems. Be accountable.

I've never known a perfect person, but I guess there is you.

If we are talking about an "epidemic" of anything, it's not about individual choices. We should be brainstorming on all of these issues: how to help teachers, how we can empower parents to be more involved in their kids' education, and yes, how can we help people adopt healthier lifestyles? All of these things are intertwined, really, and most of us are making good choices in some places and phoning it in in others. The goal should be making good choices easier, not telling people how terrible they are.

You aren't understanding that what is being asked of you isn't extreme. It is life. If you can't keep up its on you to figure it out.

This is DCUM generally high performing folks. If these folks are saying there are issues how is the average person/family barely making ends meet supposed to stay on top of everything.

There should 1 max 2 places for info not 5+

Apply to he a principal and run things how you like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:no one else seeing all the racist dog whistles in this thread?

Aren't the people assuming that OP is talking about POC the racists though? Bc there are plenty of white kids who misbehave in class.
The thing I've heard from teachers (in schools with both low income and well off parents) is that parents don't seem to hold their kids accountable for their behaviors anymore. And yes, you have parents who don't care at all, but you also have bulldozer parents who hound teachers for giving their kids a B. Both lead to issues, no?

Put the thread in the context of another thread where a TA is imploring people to not send their kids to high-poverty schools, describing intense behavioral issues. Also the context of the thread itself, in which posters are saying that kids shouldn't get school lunch. Additionally, the OP doesn't actually say what the problem is (behavior? test scores?). So at least some people on this thread are basically saying that poor parents are bad parents (and their kids shouldn't receive school lunch, even). Couple all of that with the fact that in the DMV (where this forum is generated), there is a high correlation between income and race. So people talking about poor kids' behavior are talking about Black kids' behavior.

Plus the OP won't actually SAY what they are talking about when repeatedly asked, and won't say the demographics of the parents they are complaining about. Why is that. I think we know why.

+1000000

Why do racial demographics matter to you? Op probably hasn’t brought them up bc they are irrelevant

OP didn't really describe anything at all. So what is "it" in fact that OP is talking about? OP won't say. OP is just randomly and vaguely whining about "terrible parents." How are they terrible? Why is this in a school forum? How is it related to school? OP also hasn't provided any support for this "epidemic" that they believe is happening. Are parents better or worse? We don't know.

OP wrote a lazy, bitter post. OP won't come back and provide any specificity. OP is a whiner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an 80s child and not sure if I agree. Do you remember 80s/90s parenting? In our household it was non stop sunny dlite, toaster struedels, snackwells, and gummy bears. Summer camps, if they existed at all, were not a thing in my family. My mom was a SAHM but I don’t remember her doing activities with us. We’d go to the library once in awhile. And I played softball once a week in the spring. Mostly I remember being on my own in the afternoons while she talked on the phone or napped.

How can it really be so different now?

Did your mom fail to sign permission slips when they came home? Something tells me the answer to that is no. I don’t think she was as checked out as you think she was.

That's the thing, there were just not that many "sign this or your child wouldn't be able to...". My oldest and my youngest are 14 years apart. Even in that time span there was a significant increase in demands out on parents' executive functioning. There are more forms for camps, there are more de facto homework assignments for parents, things that have to be printed from or submitted online for elementary school, etc, etc. I am also an 80s child, and we could manage pretty well as long as our parents were not comatose at least some of the time.

These basic things challenge your executive functioning. You should see someone about that. It's not normal.

You are wrong. I totally agree with the PP. The demands on parents from school are far greater than they were even 10 years ago, and feel never ending. On top of that, there's a school calendar that has probably almost of month of days off, or early dismissals, which is more leave than most people have. I'm not sure if it is better now, but when my kids were in middle school, it would take me hours to look at their assignments and comments, as every teacher did it a different way and put these things in different places. Back in the day, there were textbooks that provided the basis for school work.

There was just a thread about how parent-teacher conference days are flex time for teachers. How they use that time is an employment decision, but no one considers the impact on working families. You've got multiple kids who have time off from school due to the parent-teacher conference days. Some of the teachers are only offering evenings, others only offer conferences during the day, while others offer before school. So you've got to map all of this out, aligning it with work and childcare schedules, which exacerbates the mental load.

Even little things, like dressing for spirit weeks when kids are little are work for parents. We didn't have all of these things back in the day.

I have worked part-time for years to give myself more time to be involved with my kids' education. I can attest that even with part-time work and an involved spouse with decent flexibility, the demands on parents are difficult to manage. And that's my view, coming from a place of privilege. If you don't have any of those advantages, I understand why parents become overwhelmed and check out. I've also felt at times that the pressure to be a "good parent," meaning attentive to my kids' education and providing support at school, actually made me a worse parent because the stress took away from being present for them.

Yet parents keep having more kids than they can handle and then complaining about it. Something has to give when you have kids. It's either money to pay for childcare and outsourcing or time. You can't keep on keeping on when you have kids. Cut back at work if it is that strenuous or hire help. I can't do either yet I made the decision to have the kids I have. It really is not that hard. And I'm a single parent and a teacher. I'm pretty tired but I still get it done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an 80s child and not sure if I agree. Do you remember 80s/90s parenting? In our household it was non stop sunny dlite, toaster struedels, snackwells, and gummy bears. Summer camps, if they existed at all, were not a thing in my family. My mom was a SAHM but I don’t remember her doing activities with us. We’d go to the library once in awhile. And I played softball once a week in the spring. Mostly I remember being on my own in the afternoons while she talked on the phone or napped.

How can it really be so different now?

Did your mom fail to sign permission slips when they came home? Something tells me the answer to that is no. I don’t think she was as checked out as you think she was.

That's the thing, there were just not that many "sign this or your child wouldn't be able to...". My oldest and my youngest are 14 years apart. Even in that time span there was a significant increase in demands out on parents' executive functioning. There are more forms for camps, there are more de facto homework assignments for parents, things that have to be printed from or submitted online for elementary school, etc, etc. I am also an 80s child, and we could manage pretty well as long as our parents were not comatose at least some of the time.

These basic things challenge your executive functioning. You should see someone about that. It's not normal.

You are wrong. I totally agree with the PP. The demands on parents from school are far greater than they were even 10 years ago, and feel never ending. On top of that, there's a school calendar that has probably almost of month of days off, or early dismissals, which is more leave than most people have. I'm not sure if it is better now, but when my kids were in middle school, it would take me hours to look at their assignments and comments, as every teacher did it a different way and put these things in different places. Back in the day, there were textbooks that provided the basis for school work.

There was just a thread about how parent-teacher conference days are flex time for teachers. How they use that time is an employment decision, but no one considers the impact on working families. You've got multiple kids who have time off from school due to the parent-teacher conference days. Some of the teachers are only offering evenings, others only offer conferences during the day, while others offer before school. So you've got to map all of this out, aligning it with work and childcare schedules, which exacerbates the mental load.

Even little things, like dressing for spirit weeks when kids are little are work for parents. We didn't have all of these things back in the day.

I have worked part-time for years to give myself more time to be involved with my kids' education. I can attest that even with part-time work and an involved spouse with decent flexibility, the demands on parents are difficult to manage. And that's my view, coming from a place of privilege. If you don't have any of those advantages, I understand why parents become overwhelmed and check out. I've also felt at times that the pressure to be a "good parent," meaning attentive to my kids' education and providing support at school, actually made me a worse parent because the stress took away from being present for them.

Yet parents keep having more kids than they can handle and then complaining about it. Something has to give when you have kids. It's either money to pay for childcare and outsourcing or time. You can't keep on keeping on when you have kids. Cut back at work if it is that strenuous or hire help. I can't do either yet I made the decision to have the kids I have. It really is not that hard. And I'm a single parent and a teacher. I'm pretty tired but I still get it done.

wheeeeew that’s a lot of dog whistlin’

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an 80s child and not sure if I agree. Do you remember 80s/90s parenting? In our household it was non stop sunny dlite, toaster struedels, snackwells, and gummy bears. Summer camps, if they existed at all, were not a thing in my family. My mom was a SAHM but I don’t remember her doing activities with us. We’d go to the library once in awhile. And I played softball once a week in the spring. Mostly I remember being on my own in the afternoons while she talked on the phone or napped.

How can it really be so different now?

Did your mom fail to sign permission slips when they came home? Something tells me the answer to that is no. I don’t think she was as checked out as you think she was.

I am an 80s child and I signed my own permission slips, I am sure that my teachers knew the sloppy sig., wasn't my mom's; if they cared they didn't let on.

And yes I grew up to be a very productive and successful adult. I like to say I get paid to solve and prevent problems. I learned early on the value and power of not asking permission, taking matters into my own hands, being a go-getter, and taking charge, because some things aren't worth bothering the busy boss.

When the time came and I needed to think about applying to colleges. I asked for tax forms and filled out my own FAFSA applications, which I may or may have not signed as a convenience to my busy parents. College applications with zero parental involvement, other than signing the checks for app fees. I am not a criminal after all and check forgery is never a good look.

I also remember my teachers not needing to communicate with my mom at all, we had a back-to-school night, report cards, once-a-year parent-teacher conferences, spaghetti dinners, and other school afterschool events, but other than that... nada communication. Sometimes I think too much is asked of parents today to the detriment of children.

[Anonymous]

I forgot to mention since there was no email when problems arose in the early grades, misplaced library books, too much chatter etc., we had a note pinned to our jackets, aw the dreaded pinned note, conspicuously displayed for all the other students to see.

In the very early grades, if you really had a bad day, the teacher wouldn't bother folding the note. Aw, the power of public shame and humiliation.

The fear of and shame in having a note pinned to your jacket was enough to deter all but the most unruly child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I forgot to mention since there was no email when problems arose in the early grades, misplaced library books, too much chatter etc., we had a note pinned to our jackets, aw the dreaded pinned note, conspicuously displayed for all the other students to see.

In the very early grades, if you really had a bad day, the teacher wouldn't bother folding the note. Aw, the power of public shame and humiliation.

The fear of and shame in having a note pinned to your jacket was enough to deter all but the most unruly child.

Kids don't even know what shame is now. Kids aren't allowed to tease each other because someone will complain about bullying.