We have an epidemic of terrible parenting—what is the solution?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I agree. Parents are addicted to screens too and spend a lot of time on their phone instead of parenting. They are totally checked out from their kids. They don’t correct behavior, they don’t supplement education at home, there is no learning going on home bc kids are plopped in front of TV/iPad the minute they return home from school or an activity. There is very little parental engagement going on. Parents are even too lazy to actually cook food for their kids too now. Free school breakfast, free lunch, what next?

Lost me at the bolded. That is not what I meant.

Are you OP? Because I have to tell you, your post reads like a (probably White) teacher complaining about the behavioral problems of high-poverty (probably Black) kids. The solution that I have seen suggested on this site by people with similar complaints is sterilization of poor women. Is that what you are hoping for?

You’re responding to the wrong poster.

Correct, so that means that we’re not going to let their kids suffer.

"I agree" poster is agreeing with the OP. I'm speaking to the OP, then. Is OP hoping for...idk....forced abortion according to IQ testing? Removal of children from their parents by force?

Not OP. I don’t know what the solution is. But I can you that throwing tons of tax payer money at it isn’t it. You can’t make up for poor parenting no matter how much money you throw at the failing schools and underperforming kids. Therefore, I would like to keep more of my money

You would like to defund public schools? Ok, Jan. I would like a green pony that poops money.

Defund no, but tons of money is wasted on extra programs with zero benefit

So, you want the "wasted money" reallocated to teachers or other "non-wasteful" (by your opinion) school programs? Or do you want it back into your pockets as you indicated you'd like to do?

If the latter, then that's the literal definition of defunding.

It isn’t defunding. Pay for the teachers, staff, buildings, materials, sports...normal school stuff. Stop inviting and funding additional “special programs” that are targeting to help further benefit and elevate poor kids and underperforming schools. They don’t work bc the root problem, as the topic says, is poor parenting.

Ok, so redirect the funds to go directly to parents to pay for food for kids, instead of funneling it through school. Then parenting classes, more supports for parents because 90% of poor parenting (as you put it) is just the result of parents not having time because they are working.

Solved.

Except that wouldn’t work. Because 90% of poor parenting isn’t bc of money- as pointed out early. Being a good parent is actual hard work. And parents- of all income levels are lazier than ever now. There are plenty of terrible wealthy parents too.

We can’t just put our hands in the air, though.

So if you've identified the problem as "lazy" parents, what is your solution to "lazy" parents? Tell us plainly, please. Or are you just complaining incessantly?

(I don't agree with this; I think parents are often exhausted, or maybe were never shown how to be supportive parents, and therefore just don't have the abilities and resources to do what you'd like.)

The children of lazy parents serve as examples to my boys of how not to act.

again, what's your suggestion?

Nothing. You can’t make someone be a good parent. You can’t make them put down their phone and engage. You can’t ban them from letting their kid watch an iPad all day or play computer games. You can’t make them buy nutritious foods and cook them.

Okay, but we’re not going to let kids not have food in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. Parents are addicted to screens too and spend a lot of time on their phone instead of parenting. They are totally checked out from their kids. They don’t correct behavior, they don’t supplement education at home, there is no learning going on home bc kids are plopped in front of TV/iPad the minute they return home from school or an activity. There is very little parental engagement going on. Parents are even too lazy to actually cook food for their kids too now. Free school breakfast, free lunch, what next?

Lost me at the bolded. That is not what I meant.

Are you OP? Because I have to tell you, your post reads like a (probably White) teacher complaining about the behavioral problems of high-poverty (probably Black) kids. The solution that I have seen suggested on this site by people with similar complaints is sterilization of poor women. Is that what you are hoping for?

You’re responding to the wrong poster.

"I agree" poster is agreeing with the OP. I'm speaking to the OP, then. Is OP hoping for...idk....forced abortion according to IQ testing? Removal of children from their parents by force?

Not OP. I don’t know what the solution is. But I can you that throwing tons of tax payer money at it isn’t it. You can’t make up for poor parenting no matter how much money you throw at the failing schools and underperforming kids. Therefore, I would like to keep more of my money

You would like to defund public schools? Ok, Jan. I would like a green pony that poops money.

Defund no, but tons of money is wasted on extra programs with zero benefit

So, you want the "wasted money" reallocated to teachers or other "non-wasteful" (by your opinion) school programs? Or do you want it back into your pockets as you indicated you'd like to do?

If the latter, then that's the literal definition of defunding.

It isn’t defunding. Pay for the teachers, staff, buildings, materials, sports...normal school stuff. Stop inviting and funding additional “special programs” that are targeting to help further benefit and elevate poor kids and underperforming schools. They don’t work bc the root problem, as the topic says, is poor parenting.

Ok, so redirect the funds to go directly to parents to pay for food for kids, instead of funneling it through school. Then parenting classes, more supports for parents because 90% of poor parenting (as you put it) is just the result of parents not having time because they are working.

Solved.

We already do this. https://www.usa.gov/food-help
School lunches are merely doing double duty.

And you are kidding right? Lots of parents don't work all of time, in fact many don't work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. Parents are addicted to screens too and spend a lot of time on their phone instead of parenting. They are totally checked out from their kids. They don’t correct behavior, they don’t supplement education at home, there is no learning going on home bc kids are plopped in front of TV/iPad the minute they return home from school or an activity. There is very little parental engagement going on. Parents are even too lazy to actually cook food for their kids too now. Free school breakfast, free lunch, what next?

Lost me at the bolded. That is not what I meant.

Are you OP? Because I have to tell you, your post reads like a (probably White) teacher complaining about the behavioral problems of high-poverty (probably Black) kids. The solution that I have seen suggested on this site by people with similar complaints is sterilization of poor women. Is that what you are hoping for?

You’re responding to the wrong poster.

"I agree" poster is agreeing with the OP. I'm speaking to the OP, then. Is OP hoping for...idk....forced abortion according to IQ testing? Removal of children from their parents by force?

Not OP. I don’t know what the solution is. But I can you that throwing tons of tax payer money at it isn’t it. You can’t make up for poor parenting no matter how much money you throw at the failing schools and underperforming kids. Therefore, I would like to keep more of my money

You would like to defund public schools? Ok, Jan. I would like a green pony that poops money.

Defund no, but tons of money is wasted on extra programs with zero benefit

So, you want the "wasted money" reallocated to teachers or other "non-wasteful" (by your opinion) school programs? Or do you want it back into your pockets as you indicated you'd like to do?

If the latter, then that's the literal definition of defunding.

It isn’t defunding. Pay for the teachers, staff, buildings, materials, sports...normal school stuff. Stop inviting and funding additional “special programs” that are targeting to help further benefit and elevate poor kids and underperforming schools. They don’t work bc the root problem, as the topic says, is poor parenting.

Ok, so redirect the funds to go directly to parents to pay for food for kids, instead of funneling it through school. Then parenting classes, more supports for parents because 90% of poor parenting (as you put it) is just the result of parents not having time because they are working.

Solved.

We already do this. https://www.usa.gov/food-help
School lunches are merely doing double duty.

And you are kidding right? Lots of parents don't work all of time, in fact many don't work.[/

Yes, they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. Parents are addicted to screens too and spend a lot of time on their phone instead of parenting. They are totally checked out from their kids. They don’t correct behavior, they don’t supplement education at home, there is no learning going on home bc kids are plopped in front of TV/iPad the minute they return home from school or an activity. There is very little parental engagement going on. Parents are even too lazy to actually cook food for their kids too now. Free school breakfast, free lunch, what next?

Lost me at the bolded. That is not what I meant.

Are you OP? Because I have to tell you, your post reads like a (probably White) teacher complaining about the behavioral problems of high-poverty (probably Black) kids. The solution that I have seen suggested on this site by people with similar complaints is sterilization of poor women. Is that what you are hoping for?

You’re responding to the wrong poster.

"I agree" poster is agreeing with the OP. I'm speaking to the OP, then. Is OP hoping for...idk....forced abortion according to IQ testing? Removal of children from their parents by force?

Not OP. I don’t know what the solution is. But I can you that throwing tons of tax payer money at it isn’t it. You can’t make up for poor parenting no matter how much money you throw at the failing schools and underperforming kids. Therefore, I would like to keep more of my money

You would like to defund public schools? Ok, Jan. I would like a green pony that poops money.

Defund no, but tons of money is wasted on extra programs with zero benefit

So, you want the "wasted money" reallocated to teachers or other "non-wasteful" (by your opinion) school programs? Or do you want it back into your pockets as you indicated you'd like to do?

If the latter, then that's the literal definition of defunding.

It isn’t defunding. Pay for the teachers, staff, buildings, materials, sports...normal school stuff. Stop inviting and funding additional “special programs” that are targeting to help further benefit and elevate poor kids and underperforming schools. They don’t work bc the root problem, as the topic says, is poor parenting.

Ok, so redirect the funds to go directly to parents to pay for food for kids, instead of funneling it through school. Then parenting classes, more supports for parents because 90% of poor parenting (as you put it) is just the result of parents not having time because they are working.

Solved.

We already do this. https://www.usa.gov/food-help
School lunches are merely doing double duty.

And you are kidding right? Lots of parents don't work all of time, in fact many don't work.

Sorry, again, what's your suggestion? Just complaining, right?

So you are suggesting that "bad" kids are kids of unemployed parents? Sounds like employment programs would be helpful, then, to solve the problem of parents that currently aren't working.

Please tell us, since you haven't:

1. what are the demographics of the parents you are thinking about?
2. what problem are you trying to solve?
3. what solution do you propose to solve whatever problem you are trying to solve?

[Anonymous]

I’m an 80s child and not sure if I agree. Do you remember 80s/90s parenting? In our household it was non stop sunny dlite, toaster struedels, snackwells, and gummy bears. Summer camps, if they existed at all, were not a thing in my family. My mom was a SAHM but I don’t remember her doing activities with us. We’d go to the library once in awhile. And I played softball once a week in the spring. Mostly I remember being on my own in the afternoons while she talked on the phone or napped.

How can it really be so different now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree. Parents are addicted to screens too and spend a lot of time on their phone instead of parenting. They are totally checked out from their kids. They don’t correct behavior, they don’t supplement education at home, there is no learning going on home bc kids are plopped in front of TV/iPad the minute they return home from school or an activity. There is very little parental engagement going on. Parents are even too lazy to actually cook food for their kids too now. Free school breakfast, free lunch, what next?

+ 1,000 I WAS one of these parents until I became chronically ill and had to give up my job to take care of myself so that I can live. Wow! I had NO idea how much time was spent carting kids from place to place, zoning out on my phone, watching TV, and doing anything but being engaged with my kids. When I was ill, I had to stop and slow down. I began to form relationships with my kids again. They were good kids but now they are great kids! We talk, garden, cook, do crafts, and I even do homework with them (I let them quiz me or play student). WE focus on staying healthy and cook meal together, eat together, and go to bed at decent times, which I could not do working until 5p, running them to practice by 6p until 7:30p, grabbing Chipotle and CFL on the way home. I am so thankful for my illness because it illuminated a lot of shortcomings in me. Now, I cringe when I see parents doing the same thing I do because I know how they got there and it will take something catastrophic to change it. I am not going to lie and say it is easy though. When I was working, it seemed like time flew and I NEVER had enough time to do anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. Parents are addicted to screens too and spend a lot of time on their phone instead of parenting. They are totally checked out from their kids. They don’t correct behavior, they don’t supplement education at home, there is no learning going on home bc kids are plopped in front of TV/iPad the minute they return home from school or an activity. There is very little parental engagement going on. Parents are even too lazy to actually cook food for their kids too now. Free school breakfast, free lunch, what next?

+ 1,000 I WAS one of these parents until I became chronically ill and had to give up my job to take care of myself so that I can live. Wow! I had NO idea how much time was spent carting kids from place to place, zoning out on my phone, watching TV, and doing anything but being engaged with my kids. When I was ill, I had to stop and slow down. I began to form relationships with my kids again. They were good kids but now they are great kids! We talk, garden, cook, do crafts, and I even do homework with them (I let them quiz me or play student). WE focus on staying healthy and cook meal together, eat together, and go to bed at decent times, which I could not do working until 5p, running them to practice by 6p until 7:30p, grabbing Chipotle and CFL on the way home. I am so thankful for my illness because it illuminated a lot of shortcomings in me. Now, I cringe when I see parents doing the same thing I do because I know how they got there and it will take something catastrophic to change it. I am not going to lie and say it is easy though. When I was working, it seemed like time flew and I NEVER had enough time to do anything.

I'm sorry about your illness but what do you live on? Do you understand how difficult many of these things are for people who have jobs? Who have to work for various reasons?

Yeah, not having a job gives you a lot more time. Duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m an 80s child and not sure if I agree. Do you remember 80s/90s parenting? In our household it was non stop sunny dlite, toaster struedels, snackwells, and gummy bears. Summer camps, if they existed at all, were not a thing in my family. My mom was a SAHM but I don’t remember her doing activities with us. We’d go to the library once in awhile. And I played softball once a week in the spring. Mostly I remember being on my own in the afternoons while she talked on the phone or napped.

How can it really be so different now?

WE share the same childhood. Except replace all the food with very healthy stuff. My parents were tennis playing neat freaks who forced us to drink vegetable juice made in the 80's juicer the size of a space ship. Nope. She loved me to death but did not play with me. I had toys or I went outside all day. She talked on the phone non-stop and I knew not to bother her. You came in and washed up when the street lamps came on. She did check homework and there were Saturday morning list of chores that were to be done before Saturday morning cartoons. Then, it was out the door for me unless we had an outing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. Parents are addicted to screens too and spend a lot of time on their phone instead of parenting. They are totally checked out from their kids. They don’t correct behavior, they don’t supplement education at home, there is no learning going on home bc kids are plopped in front of TV/iPad the minute they return home from school or an activity. There is very little parental engagement going on. Parents are even too lazy to actually cook food for their kids too now. Free school breakfast, free lunch, what next?

+ 1,000 I WAS one of these parents until I became chronically ill and had to give up my job to take care of myself so that I can live. Wow! I had NO idea how much time was spent carting kids from place to place, zoning out on my phone, watching TV, and doing anything but being engaged with my kids. When I was ill, I had to stop and slow down. I began to form relationships with my kids again. They were good kids but now they are great kids! We talk, garden, cook, do crafts, and I even do homework with them (I let them quiz me or play student). WE focus on staying healthy and cook meal together, eat together, and go to bed at decent times, which I could not do working until 5p, running them to practice by 6p until 7:30p, grabbing Chipotle and CFL on the way home. I am so thankful for my illness because it illuminated a lot of shortcomings in me. Now, I cringe when I see parents doing the same thing I do because I know how they got there and it will take something catastrophic to change it. I am not going to lie and say it is easy though. When I was working, it seemed like time flew and I NEVER had enough time to do anything.

I'm sorry about your illness but what do you live on? Do you understand how difficult many of these things are for people who have jobs? Who have to work for various reasons?

Yeah, not having a job gives you a lot more time. Duh.

I went back to work part-time. My husband makes a very handsome salary so that I can stay home. I stated that I know how it is. Duh to you. I said I was a working parent for most of my parenthood. This is an illness that started 2 years ago. I stated that I WAS one of those parents. Calm down. Take a coffee break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. Parents are addicted to screens too and spend a lot of time on their phone instead of parenting. They are totally checked out from their kids. They don’t correct behavior, they don’t supplement education at home, there is no learning going on home bc kids are plopped in front of TV/iPad the minute they return home from school or an activity. There is very little parental engagement going on. Parents are even too lazy to actually cook food for their kids too now. Free school breakfast, free lunch, what next?

+ 1,000 I WAS one of these parents until I became chronically ill and had to give up my job to take care of myself so that I can live. Wow! I had NO idea how much time was spent carting kids from place to place, zoning out on my phone, watching TV, and doing anything but being engaged with my kids. When I was ill, I had to stop and slow down. I began to form relationships with my kids again. They were good kids but now they are great kids! We talk, garden, cook, do crafts, and I even do homework with them (I let them quiz me or play student). WE focus on staying healthy and cook meal together, eat together, and go to bed at decent times, which I could not do working until 5p, running them to practice by 6p until 7:30p, grabbing Chipotle and CFL on the way home. I am so thankful for my illness because it illuminated a lot of shortcomings in me. Now, I cringe when I see parents doing the same thing I do because I know how they got there and it will take something catastrophic to change it. I am not going to lie and say it is easy though. When I was working, it seemed like time flew and I NEVER had enough time to do anything.

I'm sorry about your illness but what do you live on? Do you understand how difficult many of these things are for people who have jobs? Who have to work for various reasons?

Yeah, not having a job gives you a lot more time. Duh.

I went back to work part-time. My husband makes a very handsome salary so that I can stay home. I stated that I know how it is. Duh to you. I said I was a working parent for most of my parenthood. This is an illness that started 2 years ago. I stated that I WAS one of those parents. Calm down. Take a coffee break.

Do you have an ability to self-reflect? damn. "I was a bad parent, and then I started working part time, and that was possible because my husband makes a lot of money, so now I'm not a bad parent because I work part time, but parents with no time are still bad parents."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. Parents are addicted to screens too and spend a lot of time on their phone instead of parenting. They are totally checked out from their kids. They don’t correct behavior, they don’t supplement education at home, there is no learning going on home bc kids are plopped in front of TV/iPad the minute they return home from school or an activity. There is very little parental engagement going on. Parents are even too lazy to actually cook food for their kids too now. Free school breakfast, free lunch, what next?

Lost me at the bolded. That is not what I meant.

Are you OP? Because I have to tell you, your post reads like a (probably White) teacher complaining about the behavioral problems of high-poverty (probably Black) kids. The solution that I have seen suggested on this site by people with similar complaints is sterilization of poor women. Is that what you are hoping for?

You’re responding to the wrong poster.

"I agree" poster is agreeing with the OP. I'm speaking to the OP, then. Is OP hoping for...idk....forced abortion according to IQ testing? Removal of children from their parents by force?

Not OP. I don’t know what the solution is. But I can you that throwing tons of tax payer money at it isn’t it. You can’t make up for poor parenting no matter how much money you throw at the failing schools and underperforming kids. Therefore, I would like to keep more of my money

You would like to defund public schools? Ok, Jan. I would like a green pony that poops money.

Defund no, but tons of money is wasted on extra programs with zero benefit

So, you want the "wasted money" reallocated to teachers or other "non-wasteful" (by your opinion) school programs? Or do you want it back into your pockets as you indicated you'd like to do?

If the latter, then that's the literal definition of defunding.

It isn’t defunding. Pay for the teachers, staff, buildings, materials, sports...normal school stuff. Stop inviting and funding additional “special programs” that are targeting to help further benefit and elevate poor kids and underperforming schools. They don’t work bc the root problem, as the topic says, is poor parenting.

Ok, so redirect the funds to go directly to parents to pay for food for kids, instead of funneling it through school. Then parenting classes, more supports for parents because 90% of poor parenting (as you put it) is just the result of parents not having time because they are working.

Solved.

We already do this. https://www.usa.gov/food-help
School lunches are merely doing double duty.

And you are kidding right? Lots of parents don't work all of time, in fact many don't work.

Sorry, again, what's your suggestion? Just complaining, right?

So you are suggesting that "bad" kids are kids of unemployed parents? Sounds like employment programs would be helpful, then, to solve the problem of parents that currently aren't working.

Please tell us, since you haven't:

1. what are the demographics of the parents you are thinking about?
2. what problem are you trying to solve?
3. what solution do you propose to solve whatever problem you are trying to solve?

NP. What’s wrong with complaining? Not everyone has the answer. But sometimes problems can be identified. Maybe the hive mind has the answer.

The issue seems to be that parents are not sending well-behaved, conscientious learners to school. How to fix will depend on probably a host of intersecting cultural, economic, and personal issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send all of us parents to reeducation camps? Have fun managing our kids!

Honey, that’s the problem. Nobody else is going to “manage your kids” for you. That’s YOUR job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd argue it's not parents. I think the major difference now is the disruptive students. In previous generations the disruptive students would be expelled, disciplined or would have dropped out. Currently they just make teaching very difficult for the entire classroom and it goes on for years. My daughter's classroom has been evacuated multiple times for the same student but it's fine, everything is fine, nothing to see here.

Sigh. The students are disruptive because their lazy parents abdicate their responsibility and don’t bother to parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. Parents are addicted to screens too and spend a lot of time on their phone instead of parenting. They are totally checked out from their kids. They don’t correct behavior, they don’t supplement education at home, there is no learning going on home bc kids are plopped in front of TV/iPad the minute they return home from school or an activity. There is very little parental engagement going on. Parents are even too lazy to actually cook food for their kids too now. Free school breakfast, free lunch, what next?

+ 1,000 I WAS one of these parents until I became chronically ill and had to give up my job to take care of myself so that I can live. Wow! I had NO idea how much time was spent carting kids from place to place, zoning out on my phone, watching TV, and doing anything but being engaged with my kids. When I was ill, I had to stop and slow down. I began to form relationships with my kids again. They were good kids but now they are great kids! We talk, garden, cook, do crafts, and I even do homework with them (I let them quiz me or play student). WE focus on staying healthy and cook meal together, eat together, and go to bed at decent times, which I could not do working until 5p, running them to practice by 6p until 7:30p, grabbing Chipotle and CFL on the way home. I am so thankful for my illness because it illuminated a lot of shortcomings in me. Now, I cringe when I see parents doing the same thing I do because I know how they got there and it will take something catastrophic to change it. I am not going to lie and say it is easy though. When I was working, it seemed like time flew and I NEVER had enough time to do anything.

I'm sorry about your illness but what do you live on? Do you understand how difficult many of these things are for people who have jobs? Who have to work for various reasons?

Yeah, not having a job gives you a lot more time. Duh.

I went back to work part-time. My husband makes a very handsome salary so that I can stay home. I stated that I know how it is. Duh to you. I said I was a working parent for most of my parenthood. This is an illness that started 2 years ago. I stated that I WAS one of those parents. Calm down. Take a coffee break.

Do you have an ability to self-reflect? damn. "I was a bad parent, and then I started working part time, and that was possible because my husband makes a lot of money, so now I'm not a bad parent because I work part time, but parents with no time are still bad parents."

Yes, that's also what I got from the post too.

Building on the posts about childhood in the 80s, my recollection is that most activities were after school and/or in walking distance from school or home. There was no driving to soccer practice; baseball practice was after school in a field near school in the afternoon. School was within walking distance from home. We had plenty of activities, but our parents weren't involved shuttling us around to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wrong forum, since the OP isn't talking about schools at all.

It is about schools, because people are expecting teachers to work miracles.

We get that OP is a teacher btiching about parents. If I came in here and wrote a post about an epidemic of terrible teachers, how well would that go?

I'd also love for the OP to describe the demographics of the parents that they are thinking of.

Where have you been fir the last two years? That has been vomited all over DCUM ad nauseum.