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Schools and Education General Discussion
We have an epidemic of terrible parenting—what is the solution?
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Anonymous
I'm an 80s child and remember this too, as well as some of the other things your mentioned. On the flip side, I would say parents were expected to pull a lot more weight when it came to actual parenting. For example: - We'd get tons of homework and it was expected to be done. We had mandatory Science Fair projects, weekly book reports, and a lot of math practice. You'd get a "0" if you didn't do it. Some kids didn't do it, but the parents weren't chasing after the teachers making excuses for why it wasn't completed. Your kid got a 0 or they didn't, but it wasn't negotiable. - There were families who had relatively little but it was not the school's responsibility like it is today. I'm in favor of social safety nets and I'm glad we have them now. In the 80s, parents were responsible for making sure their kids were immunized before school started and had winter coats and there was zero expectation that schools would arrange eye doctor visits if a student failed the vision screening or provide a daily snack for kids who didn't have one. Special ed services were the same. IDEA was still very new. The concept of providing dedicated staff to help with toileting and feeding or breathing treatments or any of that would have been a non-starter. My friend had an older brother who had Down Syndrome and needed a lot of assistance. The school told her family they couldn't provide services and that was that. I think he did get some kind of community-based assistance eventually but the school didn't arrange it. - We had Early Release Days weekly in elementary school, K-6. Everyone was a latch key kid after about 4th grade. Some were latch key kids much younger than that. The schools gave no cares what kids were up to once the bell rang. There were tons of families who left kids home alone entire afternoons on Early Release and all day on conference days because parents had to work. - Parents were expected to pick their kids up immediately if the school called. If you threw up, you went home and were not allowed back the next day under any circumstances. Same with lice, and you couldn't return until it was entirely gone. If parents didn't take care of it, they didn't take care of it, but the school wasn't going to let you come back, either. Now we don't have to send a vomiting kid home if the parent declines unless they also have a fever. - Same with behavior issues. One kid in my class was so off the wall that her mother had to come sit in our classroom, every single day, all school day, for six weeks and supervise her. This was non-negotiable. There were also kids who spent numerous consecutive days in OSS. The teachers would provide reams of worksheets and they'd be expected to do it. Imagine a school trying either of these things now. |
Anonymous
+1. There is so much crap that that requires parent effort for schools that has zero to do with education— especially in UMC schools in the younger grades Come home, healthy snack, some outside time, family dinner, practice your instrument, read, bath, bed. It’s a lot to do with later ES release. But, you can get a routine and get it done. But then we have spirit week, and Monday is finding shirts of a certain color, and Tuesday is helping your kid dress like a book character and Wednesday is send in $3 (exact change only) and a white shirt for a pizza party and tie die and The next day sending in 6 rocks your kid painted at home in the school colors for the new rock garden, etc. Or it’s teacher appreciation week, please drop off baked good (nut free! Please make some gluten free) Monday and a handwritten note from your kid Tuesday and 1 red rose to make a bouquet the next day. And sign up for baked goods (no nuts!) for every party, and send in donations for the school auction, and volunteer at family field day (remember to order the matching shirts beforehand) etc etc etc. And it’s important to your kid that they have their rocks to add to the garden and got to family field day and aren’t the kid without a rose, so we do it. But, does it advance my kid’s education? No. It makes the overly invested room mom or the PTA happy. Order the t-shirt for band or strings and find an appropriate black skirt and black shoes. (At a point where you kid can only play two notes on the cello, both of them badly. Does what they wear to the 2 concerts really matter?). Field trip forms and money for the bus. A stack of forms to start school and then Back to school night, reviewing and signing syllabuses. Another stack of forms every week in the Tuesday folder that your ADHD kid routinely loses. And on and on. My mother was a teacher and is blown away by the amount of extraneous stuff that comes with school. And PP now wants to get rid of school lunch, which I ate every day for years. So, yeah! Now mom also has to pack healthy nutritious lunches every night— and run them to the school when the kid forgets. The kid discards the healthy stuff, eats the Annie’s organic gummies and ends up with less nutrition than a school lunch. My mother didn’t have to deal with this crap. And she certainly didn’t have to do it while working FT because even instate VA college can be 40k/year. And while it’s lovely PP can chose to be PT, that just isn’t financial reality for many families. And she didn’t have to deal with childcare in a school system that seems incapable of ever having 5 full days of school a week. The nicest thing about older kids is that I am no longer helping to paint rocks blue, or running to the store for mens white t-shirts and actually have more time to spend with my kids chatting and hearing about their day, despite homework loads and ECs increasing. So maybe consider this: before bashing moms struggling to do it all or chiding them for poor executive functioning (although many women do have ADHD) 1. Take a look at what the teacher, the specials, the. Room moms and the PTA are asking parents to do in order for their kid not to feel completely left out of the school community and eliminate some of the things that don’t have any educational value. An occasional classroom celebration is great. An individual, time consuming task for every day of spirit week and teacher appreciation week is not. I appreciate teachers. But I think I can express that by having my kid write a note and venmoing money for a class gift certificate. 2. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD put assignment on Schoology. Consistently. And PUT GRADES OR MISSING WORK IN GRADEBOOK within week for small assignments and two for major ones. I check both weekly for HS kids. I ask about the status of projects an what book they chose for English and generally make sure they know I have an eye on things. And for missing assignments, they get one week to turn it in before I take their phone (which only happens once IME). But I can’t make sure school work is being done if Gradebook closes and there are zero grades in some classes. 3. We get it. Teachers are exhausted and burnt out from all the extra demands on the pandemic. You know who else is exhausted and burnt out? Parents. Many of us put in an enormous effort to keep kids who were really struggling on track for a full year of distance learning, while trying to do our own jobs on full remote and make decisions about our kids needs to socialize and their mental health vs the physical dangers to the whole family in the face of constantly shifting recommendations and very imperfect information. I understand why teachers are burnt out. I have yet to see a teacher express understand about parent burnout. And unlike teachers, parents can’t quit and do something different. If anything, our kids need more from us right now. We are looking at long term efforts to help out kids recover academically and/or from a mental health perspective. Besides that, spot on OP. Moms are always, always, always a convenient piñata. And OP is enjoying her cheap swings of the stick. |
Anonymous
You say this as if telling the parent of a Downs kid that you just weren’t going to bother to teach them is a good thing. That latch key 10 year olds is a good idea. That poor kids without coats in the winter are SOL or that rm of worksheets is anything except an educational worst practice. You also seem to lack a fundamental understanding about the ever growing wealth gap or the disappearance of the middle class. |
Anonymous
No, and I'm sorry if you read it that way. Those things are not good and they were not good at the time. They WERE the parents' responsibilities, solely, several decades ago. My point was that parents used to be responsible for many of the things that are now shared responsibilities, including by schools and other social service organizations. I don't necessarily agree with the people who claim today's parents are expected to do a lot more. I would say there are many more resources available today and that is a good thing. |
Anonymous
First, I disagree that we have a broken society. But if we do, it is because the expectation for individual behavior has fallen to basically nothing. There have always been poor people in every country, and they can rise to minimum standards of behavior. If they can't, they should face consequences. |
Anonymous
Who hurt you, PP? |
Anonymous
Half the parents on here are like, "We don't live near any family members. Both myself and my spouse work 60 hour weeks. Our jobs are not flexible. We have four kids. How do other people make this work? Do we have to hire help???? Why can't I send my child to school sick? What are working parents supposed to do? Care for our own children?!" Like was none of this a consideration three kids ago? |
Anonymous
| Christ people really need to give the parent-bashing a rest. Or go back to whatever MAGA hellscape you revel in. |