If one parent has a big job, how is household divide?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I have as much sympathy for those with 7 figure HHI as I do for Will Smith and his wife's Alopecia. She can buy a wig. You can hire all the help you need.

I’m not sure I understand what you are saying. Are you saying you have no sympathy for jada who has lost all her hair?

Yeah I don’t get this either. We can’t have sympathy or empathy for wealthy people now? What about upper middle class people, can we feel sympathy for them?

I feel no sympathy/empathy for those with high income complaining about anything. They have plenty of money to throw at all their problems and have no right to complain. Get off your Gucci a$$ and see that hungry children have food for every meal.

Money is not everything.

Yeah, it is if you have none. Without money to pay your rent, you become homeless and hungry. Luckily, neither I nor my family has ever gone without but my church has a good pantry. OP should get up at 5 am and make breakfast for hungry people once a week--not just Lady Bountiful serving Thanksgiving and Christmas. No one with that kind of money should ever complain about anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have as much sympathy for those with 7 figure HHI as I do for Will Smith and his wife's Alopecia. She can buy a wig. You can hire all the help you need.

I’m not sure I understand what you are saying. Are you saying you have no sympathy for jada who has lost all her hair?

Yeah I don’t get this either. We can’t have sympathy or empathy for wealthy people now? What about upper middle class people, can we feel sympathy for them?

I feel no sympathy/empathy for those with high income complaining about anything. They have plenty of money to throw at all their problems and have no right to complain. Get off your Gucci a$$ and see that hungry children have food for every meal.

Money is not everything.

Yeah, it is if you have none. Without money to pay your rent, you become homeless and hungry. Luckily, neither I nor my family has ever gone without but my church has a good pantry. OP should get up at 5 am and make breakfast for hungry people once a week--not just Lady Bountiful serving Thanksgiving and Christmas. No one with that kind of money should ever complain about anything.

Who is going to watch her kids if she gets up at 5am to make breakfast once a week? You?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have as much sympathy for those with 7 figure HHI as I do for Will Smith and his wife's Alopecia. She can buy a wig. You can hire all the help you need.

Many of you are acting like a 7-figure income is license to throw your money around. It doesn’t actually go that far in the DMV, if you have a nice house and pay for private school. You can have a FT nanny *or* housekeeper but not both unless you don’t want savings.

[Anonymous]

“Just hire a nanny.” I wonder how many people who throw out this advice have actually hired a nanny? It’s not that simple. Everyone I know who uses a nanny has gone through multiple people. So many of them are downright negligent. Most people who stay at home with their kids don’t want to be replaced by a random stranger with a bunch of fake care.com reviews.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Just hire a nanny.” I wonder how many people who throw out this advice have actually hired a nanny? It’s not that simple. Everyone I know who uses a nanny has gone through multiple people. So many of them are downright negligent. Most people who stay at home with their kids don’t want to be replaced by a random stranger with a bunch of fake care.com reviews.

Lol. No. They haven’t.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Ugh I don’t like the idea that if a parent makes 1M he doesn’t have to take care of kids but if he makes 200K he does.

When you’re taking care of kids, especially as they get older, you get to know them. You really get to know their preferences for clothing, food, books, and toys, you get to know what they are like with other kids their age when you take them to play dates and birthday parties, you get to know what they’re learning in school and which of their teachers are awesome and which are bummers, etc.

And you get some empathy and understanding for your spouse when you have to make your kid brush their teeth, listen to them whine about not having screens, or whatever. And empathy is so valuable in relationships! Not everything is about optimizing efficiency.

Anyways, that’s just my personal opinion.

OP if you actually want to go back to work I’d recommend marriage counseling honestly to talk about division of labor. Because even the process of managing outsourcing is work itself.

But if you don’t want to go back to work, don’t, and don’t feel bad about hiring help. You don’t have to subject yourself to a life without rest or fun or challenge just because your husband earns a lot. In fact you shouldn’t.

+1,000

+2,000. I posted earlier that my DH makes just over $1m and is still heavily involved in the household and with the kids. He understands many facets of their personalities and behavior better than I do, because he spends a lot of time with them. Also, I don’t “kiss his feet” WTF

Same poster. Maybe it’s because we used to earn the same amount a few years ago? His career has taken off while I have kinda mommy tracked myself. Despite that, we’ve maintained a similar division of labor as in our early days as parents. He does maybe 10% less than before, but our nanny picks up that slack

What are you complaining about if you have a full time nanny?

I’m not complaining. I just don’t think a DH should be excused from family life bc of his seven-figure job.

There is a difference between family life and household chores. Of course he should spend time with his kids when he is home. But if he makes enough to outsource help (which he does), he works long hours, and she stays home, there is no reason for him to be doing any household chores at all. His time at home should be devoted to the kids. OP can either outsource household chores or do them herself- or a combination.

This!
The guy makes so much money, I don’t think he need to be bothered cleaning the house or cooking meals. OP just doesn’t know what it is to be poor on top of her complaints. Maybe she should try working full time on top of having her kids, no money for children or housekeeping. Then she can come here and tell us how it is.

I think most of her complaints were about scheduling and other kid-related things and less about toilets.

My husband has an extremely busy job and he has days when its' his job to do things even if it makes it harder for him at work. That's a huge burden off me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have as much sympathy for those with 7 figure HHI as I do for Will Smith and his wife's Alopecia. She can buy a wig. You can hire all the help you need.

Many of you are acting like a 7-figure income is license to throw your money around. It doesn’t actually go that far in the DMV, if you have a nice house and pay for private school. You can have a FT nanny *or* housekeeper but not both unless you don’t want savings.

This. I was going to say this, but didn’t because I knew I’d get flamed. After taxes of 40%, it’s really not the luxurious lifestyle many of you think it is.

OP - I could have written this post - I am you down to the 3 kids. DH does no housework, but is engaged with the kids when he’s around and puts one of them to bed nightly (rotating basis). I would be happier going back to work and using all of my income to pay a nanny, but I don’t because all of my leave would be used for kid related stuff - illness, conferences, blah blah blah, and DH isn’t on board with that because he can do whatever he wants (perk of big job) and we wouldn’t be able to travel. We have a once a week housecleaner, but I drive everyone everywhere and cook all meals. I do grocery pickup and we have an occasional sitter, but mostly it’s all me and it’s mundane and boring. No real advice but I do commiserate with you!!

[Anonymous]

Don't worry about what others do if it doesn't work for your household. I have heard many people talk about their spouse working "long hours" but they really don't. Everyone has different schedules and some things that are possible for some are not for others. They're being self important, ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have as much sympathy for those with 7 figure HHI as I do for Will Smith and his wife's Alopecia. She can buy a wig. You can hire all the help you need.

Many of you are acting like a 7-figure income is license to throw your money around. It doesn’t actually go that far in the DMV, if you have a nice house and pay for private school. You can have a FT nanny *or* housekeeper but not both unless you don’t want savings.

This. I was going to say this, but didn’t because I knew I’d get flamed. After taxes of 40%, it’s really not the luxurious lifestyle many of you think it is.

OP - I could have written this post - I am you down to the 3 kids. DH does no housework, but is engaged with the kids when he’s around and puts one of them to bed nightly (rotating basis). I would be happier going back to work and using all of my income to pay a nanny, but I don’t because all of my leave would be used for kid related stuff - illness, conferences, blah blah blah, and DH isn’t on board with that because he can do whatever he wants (perk of big job) and we wouldn’t be able to travel. We have a once a week housecleaner, but I drive everyone everywhere and cook all meals. I do grocery pickup and we have an occasional sitter, but mostly it’s all me and it’s mundane and boring. No real advice but I do commiserate with you!!

Op here. Thank you for understanding. Some people are acting as if we live some sort of extravagant lifestyle. My kids do expensive extracurriculars and we travel often and well but it is not some richy rich maid life.

I recently had an informational meeting and was interested in taking a class for professional growth. I cant find time to take the class. I can barely find time to have a meal with a friend because my kids’ schedules are so busy. We are traveling back to back because my kids have different spring breaks. I know these are first world problems but they are my problems.

[Anonymous]

if I was in your shoes hope you have a just stay home or maybe do a little consulting at some point if you have time. But I would not feel pressured into having a career unless you’re really wanting to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have as much sympathy for those with 7 figure HHI as I do for Will Smith and his wife's Alopecia. She can buy a wig. You can hire all the help you need.

Many of you are acting like a 7-figure income is license to throw your money around. It doesn’t actually go that far in the DMV, if you have a nice house and pay for private school. You can have a FT nanny *or* housekeeper but not both unless you don’t want savings.

Hmmm… we have 3 kids in private school (120k a year) a part time nanny (30k a year) and a nearly full time housekeeper (45K a year). That’s 195K a year. On a 1M+ income, that still leaves us a ton of money to live very well. Taxes (for better or worse) are not quite 40% once everything is deducted, but even if it were, it’s still PLENTY. I appreciate that all of those perks are not always as fancy as they seem but saying you can’t have both is nuts. You might CHOOSE more savings than more help, but many do not! Unless your “7 figure income” is barely 7 figures and you are on the older side and retiring soon…

[Anonymous]

OP, I was you for 13 years, and once I got down to having one in college, one in high school and one in middle school, I was able to go back to work (part-time). You just need to think in the future - this is not the right time and your family needs you 100%.

My DH was yours, with the difference that he did the lions share of cleaning and picking up and kid stuff on the weekends when he was home. But for M-F, it was all me all the time.

It WILL change!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have as much sympathy for those with 7 figure HHI as I do for Will Smith and his wife's Alopecia. She can buy a wig. You can hire all the help you need.

Many of you are acting like a 7-figure income is license to throw your money around. It doesn’t actually go that far in the DMV, if you have a nice house and pay for private school. You can have a FT nanny *or* housekeeper but not both unless you don’t want savings.

Hmmm… we have 3 kids in private school (120k a year) a part time nanny (30k a year) and a nearly full time housekeeper (45K a year). That’s 195K a year. On a 1M+ income, that still leaves us a ton of money to live very well. Taxes (for better or worse) are not quite 40% once everything is deducted, but even if it were, it’s still PLENTY. I appreciate that all of those perks are not always as fancy as they seem but saying you can’t have both is nuts. You might CHOOSE more savings than more help, but many do not! Unless your “7 figure income” is barely 7 figures and you are on the older side and retiring soon…

I think it’s great you have the employees to help your life run smoothly and I’m not in any way being snarky, but could you explain a bit about how your housekeeper fills all those hours? I assume if she acts as a cleaner that would take a solid full day out of the week. What is she doing those four other 8-hour days? Even food prep and laundry and straightening up wouldn’t that long. Or do you just recognize you are paying way more hours than you actually need her to work?

[Anonymous]

Frankly I think your friend was rude to you. Do what works for you and your family, and recognize that what works now might not work in a few years. Be flexible, and ignore the unwanted opinions of others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have as much sympathy for those with 7 figure HHI as I do for Will Smith and his wife's Alopecia. She can buy a wig. You can hire all the help you need.

Many of you are acting like a 7-figure income is license to throw your money around. It doesn’t actually go that far in the DMV, if you have a nice house and pay for private school. You can have a FT nanny *or* housekeeper but not both unless you don’t want savings.

Hmmm… we have 3 kids in private school (120k a year) a part time nanny (30k a year) and a nearly full time housekeeper (45K a year). That’s 195K a year. On a 1M+ income, that still leaves us a ton of money to live very well. Taxes (for better or worse) are not quite 40% once everything is deducted, but even if it were, it’s still PLENTY. I appreciate that all of those perks are not always as fancy as they seem but saying you can’t have both is nuts. You might CHOOSE more savings than more help, but many do not! Unless your “7 figure income” is barely 7 figures and you are on the older side and retiring soon…

I think it’s great you have the employees to help your life run smoothly and I’m not in any way being snarky, but could you explain a bit about how your housekeeper fills all those hours? I assume if she acts as a cleaner that would take a solid full day out of the week. What is she doing those four other 8-hour days? Even food prep and laundry and straightening up wouldn’t that long. Or do you just recognize you are paying way more hours than you actually need her to work?

We initially didn’t want somebody for as many hours but found it was easier to hire someone for 30+ hours a week - they need the stability. Our housekeeper enjoys ironing, and she’s good at it. So now she irons all our sheets (four sets) every week (so crisp!) and washes and presses all of DHs work clothes that we used to take to the cleaners. She irons a lot of my clothes as well, and I’ve noticed how much nicer and put together I look when my clothes are perfectly ironed!