Options to get freshman dc out of a really bad roommate situation? Airbnb?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There zero chance that DC is embellishing or being dramatic, right?

OP, consider that you are getting one side of the story. The reality might not be as bad if DC isn't hounding the housing office for a switch.

OP here. DC said two of the kids in the suite have a citation/probation(?) with housing & campus police for drinking. That has not deterred them.

OP please tell us which state school. My DC is a senior and in the process of deciding between a state and private school. Namely between umd and a private. He is nerdy too so this would be so helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This gets me angry since both drinking and pot use are probably illegal kids that age.

For every bro who says everyone is doing it, some of us have kids who are quiet, serious students. That is what mine is like also OP.

The school should enforce rules. They cost a lot. It is infuriating that kids who are there to study, and try to stay healthy by getting adequate sleep are left to their own devices.

Sounds like this quiet serious student should have picked a quiet serious university, not a state school.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This needs to be up to him. He's not in danger, just inconvenienced. He could take a nap during the day and then stay up later. That may not be his preference, but it's part of group living. And if he really doesn't like it, he can go talk to the RA or housing. Housing may be less resistant if he finds someone willing to switch with him so they don't have to do anything but reassign the room cards.

He could also find a friend who will let him crash on their floor or couch. Truthfully, this is how most college kids would solve it.

OP here—the sleep schedule is an issue too. DC is on a totally different sleep schedule than them; DC gets up and leaves around 7am each day. DC has
overheard the other kids say they’re annoyed by that and the alarm. There days when DC will walk into the room in the middle of the day and the rest of the kids in the suite are sleeping. Messy situation all around. I don’t really consider sharing a room (not just an apartment/suite) with a stranger to be “part of life.”

Really? You don't think that the actual real life situation your kid is in is part of life? I Had roommates on and off till about 26. Your kid sounds like a baby.

You shared a room, not just an apartment, until you were 26?

On and off yes. Whether with friends or lovers. Life is expensive in big cities when earning a low salary right out of school.
Will you buy your child a SFH or something? If your solution is to fix all their problems, just buy them their own home now.

It’s normal to share an apartment, but not to share an actual room. Most adults with roommates each have private rooms with a shared kitchen.

It is normal in high cost of living areas. My sister shared her Brooklyn 2 bedroom apartment with 3 roommates well into her late 20s. At one point there was even a 5th person sleeping on the couch for a few months.

Yeah but you can self select there to some extent. One of the reasons I did not live in nyc as a 20 something is I knew I would not be able to tolerate that kind of living situation. Also, while you can have a crappy roommate situation at any age, freshmen in college are probably especially ridiculous in terms of the hours that they keep and potential for partying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There zero chance that DC is embellishing or being dramatic, right?

OP, consider that you are getting one side of the story. The reality might not be as bad if DC isn't hounding the housing office for a switch.

OP here. DC said two of the kids in the suite have a citation/probation(?) with housing & campus police for drinking. That has not deterred them.

OP please tell us which state school. My DC is a senior and in the process of deciding between a state and private school. Namely between umd and a private. He is nerdy too so this would be so helpful.

OP here. It’s a state school in Pa (where we’ve lived since DC was in middle school). People told us it was a “party school,” but we (regretfully) didn’t listen.

DC is happy and challenged academically and is going to live off-campus next year in an apartment with roommates, but will have their own room. DC is enjoying their extracurriculars and the location of the school is great. I don’t think we could afford a private university. So transferring isn’t on the table right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There zero chance that DC is embellishing or being dramatic, right?

OP, consider that you are getting one side of the story. The reality might not be as bad if DC isn't hounding the housing office for a switch.

OP here. DC said two of the kids in the suite have a citation/probation(?) with housing & campus police for drinking. That has not deterred them.

Deep breaths. People get written up for all kinds of stuff in college. I once got written up because I was in a room that was noisy and there happened to be alcohol in the fridge. We weren't even drinking, but it was an alcohol violation.

Getting written up is not a sign of depravity.

[Anonymous]

Maybe try campus health and get a diagnosis of anxiety or depression or some mental health thing and ask if they can advocate with housing with the student. I didn't love my freshman roommate either and there is something to sucking it up- and Im sure housing doesn't want to move kids around constantly but being stuck on a party bus when you are an introvert has got to be tough (to me, sounds fun!). But if they are truly stuck, for me, they are young and will recover. Get some ear plugs, eye mask and white noise and try not to obsess over it. I have a friend that just moved her kid out of a dorm to an apartment so they are double paying - I think they are crazy tbh

[Anonymous]

OP some hotels may offer discounts for extended stays. I would not rule out this option as air b&b's are not always available

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe try campus health and get a diagnosis of anxiety or depression or some mental health thing and ask if they can advocate with housing with the student. I didn't love my freshman roommate either and there is something to sucking it up- and Im sure housing doesn't want to move kids around constantly but being stuck on a party bus when you are an introvert has got to be tough (to me, sounds fun!). But if they are truly stuck, for me, they are young and will recover. Get some ear plugs, eye mask and white noise and try not to obsess over it. I have a friend that just moved her kid out of a dorm to an apartment so they are double paying - I think they are crazy tbh

OP here. I do agree with you. DC is going to buy a white noise machine and eye mask. If it continues to get a lot worse we’ll look into Airbnb but hopefully it doesn’t.

DC is complaining a lot about it to us though. Most of the time I tell them to suck it up but the complaints are daily at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe try campus health and get a diagnosis of anxiety or depression or some mental health thing and ask if they can advocate with housing with the student. I didn't love my freshman [b]roommate either[/b] and there is something to sucking it up- and Im sure housing doesn't want to move kids around constantly but being stuck on a party bus when you are an introvert has got to be tough (to me, sounds fun!). But if they are truly stuck, for me, they are young and will recover. Get some ear plugs, eye mask and white noise and try not to obsess over it. I have a friend that just moved her kid out of a dorm to an apartment so they are double paying - I think they are crazy tbh

Now multiple that feeling by 5 people and imagine how you’d feel.

[Anonymous]

I think your dc absolutely needs to suck it up about messiness but sleep deprivation is a serious concern. Have dc document hours of sleep they’re getting snd try again. Otherwise I would do an Airbnb or extended stay motel if possible (assuming the sleep hours are indeed concerning and not like 7 hrs/night.)

[Anonymous]

I agree with getting a diagnosis for the headaches and lack of sleep (and any underlying condition) and getting an order that a quiet sleeping space is necessary for DC's physical and mental health. It may or may not reach the level of a recognized disability but it should be enough to request an accomodation.

In addition to escalating with the office of housing, also send a request/complaint to the office of student life/student affairs and the office of ADA/disabilities/accommodations/civil rights and see if this will facilitate a room change. Be sure to note that you intend to seek reimbursement for a nearby AirBnb if a room change cannot be facilitated.

[Anonymous]

Curious, does this happen at top universities (public or private)? I just can’t imagine, say, premeds at Berkeley would be okay with being told to just “suck it up” when their entire career trajectory depends on them getting optimal sleep and grades.

[Anonymous]

I don’t see how it is fair for a university to make a student move mid-year to a different dorm in a different building. OP you should have or tested and fought having your child move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see how it is fair for a university to make a student move mid-year to a different dorm in a different building. OP you should have or tested and fought having your child move.

Some schools do not want freshmen in singles for social isolation reasons, and because a potentially empty room could be used for tours or quarantine.

[Anonymous]

I’m on your kids side, but 7 AM is a little early in college. In addition to a lot of the advice above, I’m wondering if your kids could try to strike a deal with the roommates that they will be quiet Sunday through Thursday nights by midnight or 1 AM in exchange for him being quiet and not setting off his alarm until 8:30 AM. Friday and Saturday, shift the hours to 2 AM and 10 AM. Tell him to ask nicely. As for the mess, he should just try to put up with it and hang out in the library during his waking hours.