Options to get freshman dc out of a really bad roommate situation? Airbnb?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get ear plugs and a good eye mask. I lived through this one semester. DC will learn to handle these situations on her own as she should. Don’t rescue her. I was able to talk to my roommates and work something out that was okay - not ideal but it helped.

Exactly this. Learning to navigate this is part of life. Your adult child needs to talk to the roommates. They may be able to establish suite quiet hours during the week. I'd drop the weekend fight.

Next, you can get soft headphones to play white noise. Use it with ear plugs and it should help block out quite a bit. Eye mask too!

But yes, learning how handle people you are stuck with is part of growing up.

OP here. Guests of the roommates have come into DC’s room in the suite pretty drunk while DC is sleeping.

It’s a little more serious than you describe. DC can’t just lock their roommate out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This makes me so freaking mad.

You are paying tuition, And rent for a room so your student can live on campus and do the thing he’s supposed to do at college which is study.

But instead of being able to do those things, your son is being told to “suck it up “ And the college is refusing to help him find a quiet place where he can study and get sleep. What is the college’s focus and reason for existence? Is it so kids can party? Or is it to get an education?

Clearly it’s so kids can party.

If they won’t allow him to move to a quieter place we can focus on his education, they should at least refund his tuition money because clearly they are not in the business of actually helping students get an education.

Ha. You should have seen the room at Yale my sister had to live in her freshmen year. It was atrocious. My state school giant public had WAY better housing.

What if you kid going to do when they live in a noisy apt in NYC post graduation? Call you and cry? No, they figure out how to make it work for the next 6 weeks and choose a better situation next year.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read this whole chain but my DS had a terrible situation freshman year and housing didn't help.

I recommend finding out if your school has an ombudsman -it's a student liason that helps with difficulties. Two days later my DS was magically moved to a different dorm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read this whole chain but my DS had a terrible situation freshman year and housing didn't help.

I recommend finding out if your school has an ombudsman -it's a student liason that helps with difficulties. Two days later my DS was magically moved to a different dorm.

+1 If DC isn't getting traction with housing, suggest that they reach out to the ombusperson

[Anonymous]

Friend's DS was having a very difficult time with his roommate this year. Randoms wandering in at 2 am, refusal to lock the door at night, going thru his stuff, and on and on. Went thru proper channels from Month 2 of school until semester break at Christmas to get a new room. After his long distance girlfriend called the school as well as his mother (who had no clue things were as bad as they were until kid was home at break and said he wasn't going back) with concerns that his housing situation was affecting his mental health to the point where he was having suicidal ideation, THEN he got a new housing assignment. There was loads and loads of documentation already submitted.

Kid got moved for this semester and is a whole different person- is engaging in two clubs, can do his work, and feeling a lot a lot better (getting therapy as well).

Be the squeaky wheel if the kid has already given it his best shot and is having trouble functioning. This is different than just a "noisy NYC apartment" for Pete's sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me so freaking mad.

You are paying tuition, And rent for a room so your student can live on campus and do the thing he’s supposed to do at college which is study.

But instead of being able to do those things, your son is being told to “suck it up “ And the college is refusing to help him find a quiet place where he can study and get sleep. What is the college’s focus and reason for existence? Is it so kids can party? Or is it to get an education?

Clearly it’s so kids can party.

If they won’t allow him to move to a quieter place we can focus on his education, they should at least refund his tuition money because clearly they are not in the business of actually helping students get an education.

Ha. You should have seen the room at Yale my sister had to live in her freshmen year. It was atrocious. My state school giant public had WAY better housing.

What if you kid going to do when they live in a noisy apt in NYC post graduation? Call you and cry? No, they figure out how to make it work for the next 6 weeks and choose a better situation next year.

Was the NYC apt mandated by the school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me so freaking mad.

You are paying tuition, And rent for a room so your student can live on campus and do the thing he’s supposed to do at college which is study.

But instead of being able to do those things, your son is being told to “suck it up “ And the college is refusing to help him find a quiet place where he can study and get sleep. What is the college’s focus and reason for existence? Is it so kids can party? Or is it to get an education?

Clearly it’s so kids can party.

If they won’t allow him to move to a quieter place we can focus on his education, they should at least refund his tuition money because clearly they are not in the business of actually helping students get an education.

Ha. You should have seen the room at Yale my sister had to live in her freshmen year. It was atrocious. My state school giant public had WAY better housing.

What if you kid going to do when they live in a noisy apt in NYC post graduation? Call you and cry? No, they figure out how to make it work for the next 6 weeks and choose a better situation next year.

NP. Why on earth would you assume that? My kid wants to live in the country. Urban areas are sh*tholes.

[Anonymous]

OP here. My kid made some progress today! Bought soft earplugs and spoke to housing.

It turns out they never had a roommate agreement, due to DC moving in January. So, housing is going to come in unsuspecting and say they never had one on file (which is true) and come in and force the roommate to do one with DC. Housing said they'll mention a reason why they absolutely need one on file.

[Anonymous]

OP glad to hear that but what is "roommate agreement"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP glad to hear that but what is "roommate agreement"

A written agreement, submitted to the RAs, where the roommates decide what acceptable quiet and light out times are, who's going to buy what, what is communal and what isn't, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, my freshman DC has horrible roommates. In a suite with 3-shared bedrooms. So there’s 6 kids in the suite. In the fall, DC was in a double in a different building, but their roommate dropped out and DC was told they had to move to the suite they’re in now. DC is quiet and nerdy and all the other kids in the suite are very social and have friends over until very late at night on both weekdays and weekends for drinking.

They are very loud every night and DC can’t fall asleep. DC can’t just lock their room door (although they shut the light off) and throw a sound machine on because it’s a shared room. DC says they’re all slobs. On weekends they host parties with until 3am; DC has no interest in going out or drinking and just wants to fall asleep. DC reports having bad headaches and struggling to focus most of the time due to lack of sleep. DC likes to go to bed early. The situation gets worse by the week apparently. DC requested a room change but it’s past the period where that’s allowed. DC is asking us to pay for them to go live either in a hotel or Airbnb somehow until May when school ends. They will have a single room in an apt next year.

WWYD?

If the money is there do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, my freshman DC has horrible roommates. In a suite with 3-shared bedrooms. So there’s 6 kids in the suite. In the fall, DC was in a double in a different building, but their roommate dropped out and DC was told they had to move to the suite they’re in now. DC is quiet and nerdy and all the other kids in the suite are very social and have friends over until very late at night on both weekdays and weekends for drinking.

They are very loud every night and DC can’t fall asleep. DC can’t just lock their room door (although they shut the light off) and throw a sound machine on because it’s a shared room. DC says they’re all slobs. On weekends they host parties with until 3am; DC has no interest in going out or drinking and just wants to fall asleep. DC reports having bad headaches and struggling to focus most of the time due to lack of sleep. DC likes to go to bed early. The situation gets worse by the week apparently. DC requested a room change but it’s past the period where that’s allowed. DC is asking us to pay for them to go live either in a hotel or Airbnb somehow until May when school ends. They will have a single room in an apt next year.

WWYD?

Is this common in the college? May I ask what college? Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My kid made some progress today! Bought soft earplugs and spoke to housing.

It turns out they never had a roommate agreement, due to DC moving in January. So, housing is going to come in unsuspecting and say they never had one on file (which is true) and come in and force the roommate to do one with DC. Housing said they'll mention a reason why they absolutely need one on file.

Your kid did well OP! I hope things improve.

[Anonymous]

My kid's school has roommates sign contracts, agreeing upon things that are important to them.

For example, is it okay to have opposite sex guests stay over?

Well, my kid's contract with her (foreign exchange) roommate stated that they both agreed not to have opposite sex guests overnight when the other person is there (they had both signed it). Early into their time together, the other girl brought some guy home in the middle of the night. He was a stranger and they made a ton of noise (obviously drunk). My daughter was angry (since no one was there when she went to bed. (Ladies: how would you like to share a room with some weirdo that your new roommate picked up).Anyway, the next morning, my DC posted the contract ANd slammed the door (waking both of them up) when she left.

Point being: I think contracts are smart, and they provide documentation of what you had agreed to before there are problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid's school has roommates sign contracts, agreeing upon things that are important to them.

For example, is it okay to have opposite sex guests stay over?

Well, my kid's contract with her (foreign exchange) roommate stated that they both agreed not to have opposite sex guests overnight when the other person is there (they had both signed it). Early into their time together, the other girl brought some guy home in the middle of the night. He was a stranger and they made a ton of noise (obviously drunk). My daughter was angry (since no one was there when she went to bed. (Ladies: how would you like to share a room with some weirdo that your new roommate picked up).Anyway, the next morning, my DC posted the contract ANd slammed the door (waking both of them up) when she left.

Point being: I think contracts are smart, and they provide documentation of what you had agreed to before there are problems.

I posted this prior to reading OP's update. Happy that they came up with this idea though...